


SUB

by shokoshik



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Army, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Character, Post-Apocalypse, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 53
Words: 154,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23841571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shokoshik/pseuds/shokoshik
Summary: SUB is the story of two young women, Brunie and Eve, the one a nurse and the other a young, promising officer. They live in a world torn by a years-long war. The poor found themselves living underground while the wealthy took over the world above. After nineteen years of combat we find a society down below that's fighting for a long awaited return to the Upperground.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone! It has been a very long minute.

So I've written this story, god knows how many years ago, god knows how many edits ago, and since I have absolutely no idea what to do with it, I decided to post it here and on [Patreon](https://www.patreon.com/chendrachman).

As times are tough on everyone, and as you don't know me and have no reason to give me your money, and also as I would just love for as many people as possible to read this (and frankly, for you, the public, to be my non-official beta!) all posts would be completely free. I will not change this policy, not for this story anyway. So if you like it, don't be afraid that you'll start reading and won't be able to finish. 

That said, if anyone feels like patron-ing, who am I to object, especially as the whole world is falling apart. Woohoo! (Frankly #2 - it'd also be nice to keep being able to make art!)

Now, back to this beta thing. Even though every time I post something I try to make it as best as it can be at that specific moment in time, I still consider this a draft, so it is possible that what you're reading isn't the very final version, but I won't re-post chapters, so there won't be any confusion. And since that is the case, if a concept, or a sentence, or a part of the narrative aren't clear to you, please feel to reach out and let me know. I'd love that!

I'll also try to post a few chapters grouped together so you can actually have a solid amount to read.

Thank you, I hope you enjoy, and do tell your friends :D


	2. Prologue

People who know me well know I don’t like to lose. Most of my life revolves around not losing. Wiser people than myself might say that it’s because I’ve already lost so much, so that I constantly have to feel in control. Or maybe it’s because if I lose, I die. Literally. But I’m really glad I lost on this one because… well, because I was wrong. There, I said it. 

Most things in life are inconvenient. Many things are selfish. But that doesn’t always make them wrong.

Sometimes, unexpected things happen to us, given to us. We might not want them. We might fight against having them even as they rudely throw themselves at us. In the end, we will have them nonetheless, because they are annoyingly inevitable. 

This is that kind of story. A story about the annoyingly inevitable things that stir you awake.

It’s also the story of two extremely stubborn people, and how one finally outstubborned the other.


	3. Chapter 1

It was a Tuesday night. Maybe it was cold outside, maybe it was warm. Eve sure as hell didn’t know. Not when there was only one kind of weather, the Under Weather. It was always set to room temperature, courtesy of the internal air systems. The maintenance crew adjusted it according to the season outside. If they hadn’t, the different highs and lows in the “real world” would have caused the Under Weather to get scorching hot, or absolutely freezing. Either way, not great for the many tenants of the Local, nor their sometimes delicate systems.

Eve occupied the shift supervisor station, starring at the never-changing temperature on the thermostat on the wall, bored out of her mind. The dripping of the pipes in the hallway nearly drove her mad, a constant reminder that the place was borderline falling apart. She cursed the other nurse who was sound asleep in the on—call room. 

Four a.m., graveyard shift, third night in a row. It was her punishment for getting caught. She never broke the rules, so of course, the one time she did, she got caught.

_Karma is a little bitch_ , she thought. _Maybe it’s just the world’s way of telling me that I’m not suited for a life of crime._

She couldn’t bring herself to regret the events that led to her current predicament. There was nothing else they could do for that kid, so they sent him home to die in peace, to clear a bed at the infirmary. One never knew when some medical chaos may erupt, not when the troops were out on the field, and they were out on the field often.

They discharged the boy with what few pain killers they could spare. 

Enter Eve. 

Just because that kid wasn’t suffering right in front of her, didn’t mean he wasn’t suffering elsewhere. She couldn’t help herself. She’s been in situations like this before, but he was her youngest patient to date. She snapped.The medicine storage room called out to her when her colleagues were out for lunch.

It took her supervisor two weeks to discover that a whole bunch of pain killers were missing, and another day to track the trail back to Eve. 

She had to punish Eve, though deep down she really couldn’t fault her for trying to help a dying kid in pain. Still, Eve got off easy, and she knew that. 

_Get through tonight and you’ll be done_. 

Most people think it’s called the graveyard shift because nothing ever happens. But really, it’s called that way because you get the urge to blow your brains out…because nothing ever happens. Seeing people suffer all the time was heartbreaking, but you get used to being heartbroken (unless you snap), and somehow it was still easier than this static nothingness. 

At first Eve thought it might be exciting - night time, the possibility of the troops coming back early from their latest endeavors. She thought she might even get a glimpse of the young, acclaimed Captain. Said Captain also happened to be extremely beautiful, based on what Eve always saw on TV and on the occasional pass-by at a random corridor. Eve was honest enough with herself to know that she wanted to meet the young Captain, and that she might get a little star-struck when such meeting finally occurred. It wasn’t like her at all. She was a practical person who didn’t live in a fantasy world. How could she when she saw people die on the regular? But celebrity-crushing she was. At least it was a consistent, years-long crush.

Sadly, all hopes of excitement dissolved rather quickly when Cami, her friend from the afternoon shift, informed her that only the morning shift gets any of the “real” excitement. The soldiers usually came back between six a.m. and ten a.m. The graveyard shift ended at seven a.m..

Since Eve’s usual assignment was the afternoon shift, which lasted between three p.m. and eleven p.m., she was likely to miss all the excitement, and never meet anyone interesting, such as a certain Captain who was operating on an opposite schedule to hers. 

_Maybe it’s time to ask for an assignment change._

She loved helping kids and families, but the sole existence of the Underground compound, of all of their compounds, depended on the…well, the underground, The Resistance. Being at their service was the best assignment medical personnel could aspire for. The morning shift also got paid more due to the stressful (i.e. grotesque) nature of their job. So being moved to the morning shift meant a promotion with a raise, something Eve couldn’t ask for straight out of her stint as a criminal non-mastermind. 

She sighed, annoyed that she didn’t even bring her sketch book, or forced Jordan to come and entertain her for just a bit. Though in all likelihood, he would’ve refused. 

At least she still had her one true friend, the thermostat, which was still on 70 °F, of course. Except then it was on 72 °F, then 75 °F, and then 80 °F.

“Huh, that’s weird.” 

What she didn’t know was that the temperature always shifted when someone on the outside came back in. Just for a few seconds, the Under Weather and the real world’s weather were one and the same. 

“70 °F again. What was that all about?”

Then, all at once, it happened - the commotion, and Eve got way more than she bargained for.


	4. Chapter 2

At first she thought it was a bunch of drunken teens passing by, but this theory was quickly debunked when a large group of soldiers entered the infirmary, cheering loudly. 

One of them winked at her and Eve thought that maybe, just maybe, she was out of her element. She had never seen such a large group of people in the infirmary, and she started to panic.

They guy who winked at her stepped toward her. “Well hi there, pretty thing. I’ve never seen you here before.”

“I work the afternoon shifts,” she explained. 

“Isn’t that a shame?” he grinned.

“Um…should I get the doctor on-call or something?” she asked, unsure, and quite surprised the other nurse didn’t wake up from all the ruckus. 

He chuckled, sensing her discomfort. “What, for this little gathering? No need. We have two dislocated shoulders and a few scratches to deal with. It was an easy night.”

“Couldn’t your doctor handle it?” she asked. There was always a trained field doctor out with the troops, who was also trained for combat. 

“Well, he would, but he is the one who dislocated his shoulder, so…”

The guy was cute, fit. They all were. Probably quite the catch if you were into that sort of thing. Alas, Eve wasn’t into that sort of thing. She was, however, very much into the female version of that sort of thing. Tough, brave, brown hair, brown eyes. Not that she was thinking about anyone in particular. 

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for her, someone who fit that exact description walked in, supporting another soldier.

The room erupted with another round of cheers. 

“Bru–nie! Bru–nie!” They shouted as the young Captain stepped further into the room, smiling.

“Now, now, boys, you don’t want my ego to get any bigger.”

She escorted the other soldier to a bed. “There you go, Doc.” 

“Thanks, Cap.” 

Eve shook off her stupor and rushed to the newly occupied bed. Brunie was still standing there. “Just a dislocated shoulder, from what I can tell,” she provided. 

Eve gave her a quick once over. 

“What about you?” she asked after noticing some nasty wounds on Brunie’s left arm, right shoulder, lower legs, and more or less everywhere. Not to mention a cut on the cheek.

“Later.” 

Brunie turned back to the cheering soldiers. She took a second to let their victory sink in. They earned this little break. They worked hard, and they earned this, dammit. She was truly happy about it. She was happy about any night with no fatalities, and she didn’t mind letting it show, but she still had to choose her words carefully. 

“Guys, tonight went well, very well. I’m extremely proud of all of you.”

“Oh, come on B.” It was the soldier who spoke to Eve earlier, “don’t get all emotional on us.”

“Shut up, Jericho,” she ordered. 

_This is what she looks like after a good night?_ Eve wondered as she re-set the shoulder of the doctor on the bed. He let out a little whimper.

“I’ll bring you pain killers, promise,” she smiled apologetically. 

“That was a fine re-set,” he noted, even as pain was still visible on his face.

“Thank you, Sir.” 

She walked toward the medicine storage room, her arch-nemesis. Once in, she kept peeking through the open door. Brunie was still talking to the soldiers, their admiration evident, as was their love. Eve wasn’t listening to what Brunie was saying, instead, she was observing her, trying to wrap her head around the real-life version of the person from TV.

Brunie was young, a twenty-four year old glorified Captain, and as everyone in the entire Underground knew, or were led to believe, she had a rare strategic mind. She was a nationwide star. She symbolized their future, the what-could-be. All the while the rest of them had no actual idea what was the current state of things. That information was strictly need-to-know. 

Eve picked up the painkillers and reentered the main room. 

“I need enough to be able to fight through the pain,” the wounded doctor said.

“Well, if that’s what you need, Doctor.”

She has been warned before. Many injured soldiers were so eager to go back into battle that they would self-up their dosage. The doctor was no exception. However, Eve was currently serving a sentence for her last act of kindness, and though she felt for the guy, she thought it best to stick to the rules in the foreseeable future. Especially considering that she was also torn about the issue from a medical perspective. 

He grimaced once he understood he won’t get his way.

“You should know better, Sir,” she scolded, but not too harshly. 

“Fine. I’ll tell your supervisor you did good,” he said and hopped of the bed.

“Thank you, Sir.” She didn’t expect him to keep his word. 

“Okay, guys, let’s wrap this up,” Bruni urged. “I want you to get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow’s an In—Day. Meeting at Command at noon. Sorry, Malik, it’ll be a bit of a short night for us,” she addressed her second in command who was standing to her left. “I don’t foresee round-up before fourteen hundred hours, at the earliest. Go get some rest, but make sure I can reach you. Dismissed!”

The men wished her goodnight and left. Malik stayed behind.

“You okay?” he asked, motioning to her injuries. 

“This? This is nothing,” she scoffed. “Go to bed.”

She offered her fist for a bump. Malik obliged. He spotted Eve, and once he decided Brunie was in good hands, he left the room, letting exhaustion win over worry for a change. 

Brunie hissed. Bumping fists while her own shoulder was dislocated was probably not the brightest course of action. 

It was just the two of them now. Eve glanced toward the on-call room. Somehow, her colleague was still asleep. Maybe she was used to sleep through anything, being a “graveyard shift regular” and all. Go figure. 

“So I’m guessing now is later?” Eve inquired. It seemed as if Brunie finally realized someone other than her soldiers was in the room. 

Eve found herself irritated by the young Captain, which in turn made her annoyed at herself. What business did she have caring for someone she didn’t even know? Why the misguided sense of protectiveness? Yet there she was, getting upset with Brunie for not being careful enough out there, for getting hurt.

“Hi! I’m Brunie!” the woman offered her hand for a shake. Not that she was overly official with her crew, but Eve noticed a slight shift. She chose not to take the offered hand, and glare at Brunie instead.

“Yes, I know who you are. Did you do something reckless?”

Brunie couldn’t help but smile at the question. “Frankly? Almost always.”

“Interesting. My sources are telling me otherwise. You’re not careless on the field.” 

She examined Brunie’s face with care and precision. Her fingers were on Brunie’s uncut cheek, turning Brunie’s face gently, avoiding her eyes. She then traced the neck, pulling down Brunie’s uniform shirt and undershirt ever so slightly, to search for cuts around her collarbone. She finally noticed the dislocated shoulder.

“You supported someone’s weight when your own shoulder is dislocated,” Eve stated flatly. 

“Oops?” Brunie had no regrets. It was her duty and privilege to put her people first.

“I take back what I said about you not being reckless,” Eve shook her head and turned around to grab some bandages.

“See? I told you,” Bruni defended. 

_I’ll start with the face_ , Eve thought, _gotta salvage the face._

It was a deep. Stitches were needed. Eve couldn’t help but assume it was a bullet graze, and the implications of that understanding made her shudder. A little more to the left and Brunie would’ve been in a body bag right now, if not thrown in a ditch somewhere up there. 

She sat Brunie on a stool, and as she started stitching, Brunie hissed and added a little “ow” every so often for good measure.

“What’s the matter?” Eve asked, “The big bad Captain can’t handle a few little stitches?”

“I never need to get stitched,” Brunie explained. “I’m just that good.”

Eve kept working without saying a word. She cared about the woman in front of her more than she liked to admit. She knew it was all fantasy-based, plus, she had work to do, and she intended on doing it well. 

“Are you actually allowed to stitch?” Bruni asked. “No judgement if you’re not.” She needed to fill the void, hoping her question would come across as more curious than rude. She didn’t mind silence when she was by herself, but this felt loaded somehow. And, her question was valid. Most nurses weren’t allowed to stitch.

“I’ve been certified,” Eve explained, still focused on the task at hand.

“How come?” 

“I’m just that good,” Eve replied and turned around to put down her kit on a near by tray. 

Brunie snorted. She deserved this. 

Eve turned back, resuming her examination now that the stitching was done, gently checking Brunie’s arms. There was another nasty cut on Brunie’s left arm, but it wasn’t very deep. Eve applied iodine, and wrapped it with gauze. She worked quickly, yet methodically. 

Brunie noticed how gentle Eve was being. It was in contrast to Eve’s tone thus far. Brunie found it intriguing as she finally examined the person in front of her. Eve had blonde hair and green eyes. Brunie looked away. She realized Eve was pretty, and she didn’t want to go down that path. She hadn’t for a very long time. What was the point when she didn’t know if she was going to live past the next day, the next battle? She knew that being seriously involved with someone would be selfish on her part. She was painfully familiar with that concept. But she was still human, and her life was chaotic. Every so often she needed that physical release, which turned her into a bit of a bed hopper. Eve, however, worked at the infirmary. They were bound to meet again under what Brunie considered as professional circumstances, and there was no mixing of the bed hopping and the professional circumstances. It was one of Brunie’s ground rules.

_How about a friend, though?_

She hardly had any of those, aside from her soldiers, but they were also her subordinates, and as much as she cared for them, their service was the biggest thing they had in common. Being a commander could be an extremely lonely job. This encounter with the young nurse, while quite short, presented someone straight-forward and caring, someone meticulous, and at least somewhat playful. So even though it was very soon, Brunie sensed that this nurse was someone potentially trustworthy. Her wish to have a person to rely, other than Malik or his family, was becoming overwhelming under the attentive hands of said nurse. 

_A good first step would be to stop calling her “the nurse.”_

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name.” 

For the first time that night, Eve looked up and found Brunie’s eyes.

“I…didn’t give it to you,” she realized, wondering if her attempt at being aloof made her more rude than necessary.

“Well, can I have it now?” Brunie tried with caution. 

Eve didn’t answer. Instead, she re-set Brunie’s shoulder.

“Ow.”

“Evelyn,” Eve finally answered softly. “Eve.”

Eve took a cloth and started cleaning another wound on Brunie’s arm. It was a burn, she realized. _A_ _Laser gun._ She tried to push that thought away. _Just how many firearms did this woman manage to escape tonight?_ She knew her line of work would always bring her face to face with people who put themselves in danger. She accepted it, she chose it, but she didn’t have to like it. 

“Are you okay?” Brunie asked. 

“Fine,” Eve replied flatly, her movements on Brunie’s arm becoming more aggressive. 

“Why do I get the feeling that you’re mad at me, even though we’ve never met before?”

The accurate observation got Eve extremely worked up. She was already feeling silly and unreasonable, the fact that Brunie noticed made things worse. She dropped the cloth and spoke, her voice rising. “So you’re saying that just because I’ve never met you, I can’t be mad at you?”

“That’s precisely what I, and the rest of the world, is saying. Yes,” Brunie confirmed casually. She thought she was being funny, diffusing the situation, but it was the wrong thing to say. 

Eve’s anger rose all over again. But now she was also hurt, and emberassed. She didn’t like that at all.

“Whatever. You can finish the rest yourself!” she pushed the cloth into Brunie’s hands and left the room. 

“What the hell was that?” Brunie was shocked. She really did not at all get the unexpected behavior. Now not only did she unintentionally offend a stranger, she also had to tend to her own wounds. 

“So much for making a new friend,” she huffed, causing a new wave of pain to shoot through her recently set shoulder. “Ow.”


	5. Chapter 3

**From the diary of an Under**

Numbers aren’t the issue, I’m told. They say we have a huge advantage when it comes to the Unders vs. Uppers ratio, which isn’t a surprise. When the bottom line of this war, when it all started, was the rich and fortunate against the not so rich and not so fortunate, you can guess which demographic was the larger one. Ours is a tale as old as time. 

Then again, numbers don’t hurt when they come in the form of money. Which I guess is why we’re still down here. The rich always had superior technology, and endless supplies, and when they didn’t, The Leadership took the people they needed, and made them rich, too. Still, I imagine someone has to carry the unpleasant load of being on the front lines, right? They say that when soldiers started realizing they have more in common with us than with their leaders, things started to shift, but not fast enough. Maybe it’s because humans are creatures of habit, and sometimes forces of habit are stronger than one’s own well being. The lengths humans would go just because of their fear of change. 

But change can mean progress, evolution, and eventually, I’d like to believe that those who aspire for it might find themselves winning a war, it’s just a question of when. Until a few years ago, our mortality rate was higher than theirs. You know, the side that couldn’t afford robots and lasers, or a consistent supply of food and medicine. But years go by, societies strengthen. The human spirit finds a way to overcome, originality can flourish in scrappiness and Yada Yada.

Don’t let all these optimistic slogans fool you. The war isn’t over just yet. We made strides they say, sure, but it has already been nineteen years since we had to escape to the Underground. Some of us were born here, some of us died here, many more will before this is over. And when this is all you’ve ever known, how can you tell what you’re fighting for will really make life better? Maybe we’ve created a new “better?”

The only good outcome of this kind of war is that many things which used to matter don’t anymore. Poverty does’t discriminate, neither does wealth. Economics aside, The Underground, our new society, consists of people from all walks of life. Whatever you believe in, whatever your faith is, you are totally and misfortunately equal to the people around you. But again, fortune is in the eyes of the beholder. 

The Underground and its resistance, much more of a real army after two decades of fighting, are spread all around the world. Just like the Uppers. Small camps, communities, bases, all underground, in all continents. When the world finally agreed on something, it was that the rich deserve to rule it. So we’re down here, fighting to survive, fighting to eventually rise up again, literally and figuratively. Who will rule once this is all over? That’s a question for later. When will we see the sun again? That’s a question for now. 

We’re told everyone has a part to play, merely by existing. You don’t have to be a soldier, or a nurse, or a doctor in order to help. You just have to stay true to your humanity. But in order to do that, don’t you have to accept that the other side is inhumane? And haven’t they proven to be so? Meanwhile we’re told that regular people in regular roles matter, so that once there’s victory, there would be some sort of order maintained, the kind that requires salesmen, and lawyers, and weddings, and divorces, and a supermarket. 

The Underground has all of the above, yet the war is still the center of our existence. 

The more soldiers, and nurses, and doctors, and, very importantly, scientists we have, the better.

Because at the end of the day, numbers are everything. 


	6. Chapter 4

Brunie was having a rare, quiet moment in a hidden corner of the library. People knew who she was, so going unnoticed was no easy task. That’s why she liked this aisle. Right there, on the floor, next to the gardening section, no one ever bothered her. Try to have gardening as a hobby when there’s no sun. Granted, the Underground used bio-gardening and developed special lights to grow some essentials, but it wasn’t the same as the real thing. In the Underground, gardening was a practical undertaking, not a therapeutic, enjoyable one. Hence, for the most part, that aisle was deserted.

Brunie loved to read, and at that moment she was reading a copy of _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_. It was one of those rare books that managed to survive somehow, books from the days before, from the old world that intrigued her so much. She didn’t get to experience a lot of it. Her family went underground when she was very young. Still, she always felt a sense of longing, and this book wasn’t just a connection to something that she had lost, it also gave her a chance to take comfort in another world, one of magic, where someone else had to worry about leading an army and saving the world.

Suddenly, someone cast a shadow on the pages in front of her.

_Typical_ , she thought, _right when we meet a bird-horse_. She ignored the shadow and kept reading in the hope that it will go away. It didn’t.

“Hi.”

It was Eve. Even though their previous meeting was quite short, Brunie recognized the voice right away. She lifted her head from the book and gave Eve a cautious smile.

Eve was the last person she was expecting to see. It has been three days since Eve stormed out of the infirmary and left her completely dumbfounded. Brunie didn’t think she would see her again so soon, nor did she think that such an encounter, if it were to happen, would be especially pleasant.

Brunie put her book down. “I’m a soldier, so my instincts are telling me to ask you if any harm will be done to me once you step closer.” She knew joking was a risk, it backfired the last time she attempted it, but she hoped that Eve’s presence was a good sign.

“I’m sorry,” Eve offered, appearing guilty.

“An apology?” Brunie smiled softly. She wanted to be clear about the fact that she was being genuine, and not teasing. “Well, that’s unexpected. But I’m starting to think that you’re an unexpected person.”

“I’m really not.” Eve smiled too. She went to her quarters after leaving the infirmary, and berated herself for not handling the situation better. She wanted a do over, and she realized that would require acting like a normally functioning human being. 

“You read?” she finally asked.

“I do. Try not to look so shocked,” Brunie closed the book and put it in her lap. She could tell the woman in front of her felt uncomfortable standing, and she wanted to level the field.

_Crap,_ Eve thought, _why couldn’t she just be a shallow pretty face?_ She wanted to push through with her plan of normal behavior however, so she decided that Brunie shutting the book was an invitation. She sat down next to her. “How’s your arm?” She did leave Brunie to treat a laser gun wound by herself after all. She was not proud of that display, but it was more than that, she behaved in a completely unprofessional manner, and that she could not accept.

They were sitting really close and Eve told herself that by doing so, she was ripping the band-aid.

“Doing better. Which you would’ve known if you weren’t M.I.A during my follow up… which _you_ scheduled.”

Eve had to turn her face forward and away from Brunie. Looking directly at the woman next to her made the technically public space feel painfully intimate. “Sorry, I’ve been busy,”

“You mean ‘sorry. I’ve been avoiding you.’ Look, I know I offended you, but I didn’t mean…”

“I wasn’t avoiding you,” Eve scoffed.

“Did you have a brother who served with me and got killed and you blame me for it? Because it wouldn’t be the first time,” Brunie admitted sadly. “Though I thought I knew all the families who lost someone,” she pondered out loud.

“I wasn’t avoiding you,” Eve repeated, getting irritated. She fought the urge to turn towards Brunie. She knew she won’t be able to keep the lie going.

“Or did I sleep with your best friend and never called? Because I swear,” Brunie put a hand on her chest, “I always put the cards on the table when it comes to stuff like that.” And she did. She was always upfront about the fact that she wasn’t looking for anything other than a companion for the night.

“I _wasn’t_ avoiding you, Brunie.” Thinking about Brunie with other women only made matters worse.

“Or maybe you think I have lice? What with being on the field with the guys all the time. They _can_ get nasty.”

“Fine!” she turned to look at Brunie. “I was avoiding you! Happy?”

“Thank you,” Brunie hummed in content. “My next one involved an old forgotten poop incident that I really didn’t wanna recount.”

“A poop incident?” Eve was happy to change the subject, not to mention, this she really needed to hear.

“Why were you avoiding me, Eve?” Brunie’s voice was sure, but not harsh.

“Um…” Eve hesitated, her body stiffened. She already liked the sound of Brunie saying her name way too much.

They sat in silence for a few moments. It became clear to Brunie that the other woman was feeling uncomfortable yet again. Brunie felt guilty. This kept on happening for some reason. She wasn’t used to making people uncomfortable.

“You don’t wanna say?” she tried, softly.

“Not right this very moment, no,” Eve turned forward again.

“But I didn’t get your brother killed?” Brunie asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“You did not.” Eve smiled, grateful that Brunie wasn’t pushing her to talk about the subject.

Brunie realized it was the second time she made Eve smile now. This was much nicer than making her feel uncomfortable. Maybe there was hope yet.

“And you don’t think I have lice?” she taunted.

“Umm, no,” Eve snorted, pretending to get annoyed.

“So bottom line, you don’t hate me?”

Eve shook her head and turned to look at Brunie.

“But you don’t want to say.”

“No.”

“Okay.” Brunie decided.

“Thank you.”

“For right _now_ , okay,” Brunie clarified.

“Fair enough,” Eve chuckled. Those moments, when she did feel comfortable being around Brunie, worried her. They came by way to easily.

They sat in silence for a few more seconds before Eve’s curiosity and natural nurse instincts took over.

“Can I check your wound?” she asked.

This surprised Brunie. She already had her official checkup, which Eve made a point of missing, not to mention that they were in the library. But she didn’t want to stir the pot any further, so she played along.

“Yeah, okay.”

Eve unwrapped the bandage around Brunie’s arm. “It looks much better,” she noted. “A few more days and the soreness will be gone completely. “

“Right, thanks.” Brunie gave her half a smile.

Eve wrapped the arm meticulously, feeling like she needed to compensate for not being there when it mattered. When she was done, she didn’t notice her hand was lingering on Brunie’s arm just a little too long. When she did realize, she looked up and finally met Brunie’s eyes. They were extremely close to one another, and Brunie finally understood. Eve would hardly look at her, both times they met, and now she knew why.

“Oh.” It was almost a whisper, but she couldn’t bring herself to break that stare.

Eve, however, backed off immediately, and stood up quickly.

“I’m gonna go now…bye,” she muttered and bolted away, leaving Brunie confused and stunned, something she was starting to get used to feeling around Eve. Bruni had to catach her breath and shake the feeling off. The exchange was so intense, it left her unsettled.

“And what the hell was _that_?”


	7. Chapter 5

The day after Eve stormed out on Brunie, again, she was called for a meeting with her supervisor, Rita. She may have been done serving her time at the graveyard shift, but she still felt uneasy. There was a little voice at the back of her head telling her that at any given moment she might mess up again. She couldn’t help the discomfort she was now experiencing while doing her job.

“Maybe don’t break the rules, Eve. Maybe it’s a slippery slope once you do. Maybe, you’ll bail on your job and leave a wounded soldier to take care of her own injuries.” She was sitting on a bench outside her supervisor’s office, dreading what’s to come, disappointed in her own behavior. At least she tried to make amends with Brunie. That went off the rails, too. “Well, at least now it’s out there, and she knows, and she’ll never want to see me again, and I’ll be free of this nonsense.” Her mom did tell her to always look on the bright side.

“Were you talking to yourself just now?”

Eve jumped in her seat. She blushed in embarrassment, and offered an unconvincing “no?”

The woman standing tall in front of her crossed her arms, unconvinced.

“Maybe?”

Not even a blink. 

“Okay, fine, yes.”

“Thought so. Come on in, Eve”, she gestured with her hand and Eve followed her in.

Her name was Rita, she was in her mid–forties, and she wasn’t usually intimidating. Eve just hated not knowing what was coming. But her supervisor was a kind woman, a fair boss, and insanely protective of her staff. Their work was extremely important, but even though everyone understood that, times were tough and the health department had to fight for resources and supplies, same as everyone else. The infirmary staff knew only vaguely what they were facing, it was politics, after all, and they were healers, not politicians. But Rita never let it interfere with their day to day work. She carried most of the worry alone, and when she got a win for them, she never spoke of it. When one of them did good, however, she celebrated it vocally, and when one of them messed up, she almost always solved it in-house. “My house, my responsibility,” she told them, expecting them to adopt the mantra.

_What did she say to the higher ups about the missing pills?_ Eve wondered. Knowing that she may have disappointed Rita, which truthfully was worse than the graveyard shifts. Realizing that she put her superior’s job in jeopardy, scared her shitless.

Eve sat down in front of Rita, not sure what to say, or if she was just there to listen.

_Tension, fun. I haven’t had enough of that lately_.

Rita was finally about to say something, but Eve couldn’t take it anymore.

“What did I do this time?” she blurted out.

“Excuse me?”

In truth, there was a small part of Rita who enjoyed torturing Eve a little bit. She wasn’t going to prolong this, but seeing Eve so worried told her that the lesson was learned. And Rita really needed that lesson to sink in if they were going to move past it.

“I know I messed up, and I know I’ve been jumpy ever since, I’m sorry. Whatever it is, just lay it on me. What am I getting? Another three nights on the graveyard shift? A whole week?”

Rita stared at her, unimpressed, making Eve wonder if she made thing worse.

“Are you done?” she finally asked, a hint of edge to her voice.

“Yes, sorry,” Eve looked into her lap, forever not saying enough, or saying just a little too much.

“You’re not in trouble.”

“I’m…I’m not?” she looked back up.

“No. Quite the opposite, actually. But before we tackle anything else, let’s start with you telling me what the hell is going on with you.” Rita was adamant about this. She knew there was potential in Eve, but the young nurse had some work to do.

“Wait, what?” Eve was completely puzzled.

“Eve, you’re not in trouble. In fact, Field Dr. Dante came in earlier this week, to say that you did great with what I believe was a surprise early return of the troops. Dislocated shoulders, a few bullet wounds, not to mention laser gun wounds, and… how did he put it? ‘The general chaos the boys and girl like to create.’”

This meeting was not turning out how Eve thought it would. Not at all.

“He actually came?” she asked in surprise.

“Why wouldn’t he?”

“I don’t know. He said he would but I just assumed…you know, people say lots of things, and make lots of promises. Something about being polite, and social etiquette. Or so I’m told.”

“Look, Eve, never in a million years would I expect you to encounter a night like that,” Rita admitted. “I wouldn’t knowingly put you in this situation without proper training. Of course the possibility always exists, but the chances were so very slim,” she paused. She felt a little guilty, but she tried to focus on the fact that now she knew Eve was ready for more. “The bottom line is that you handled an extreme scenario extremely well. And I am not surprised. “

“I… don’t know what to say.” Eve didn’t seek additional reprimanding, but she also didn’t do well as the center of positive attention. “It does mean a lot, coming from you, truly.” She didn’t want to sound too emotional, but she also didn’t want to let the moment pass without acknowledgement.

Rita smiled. “Which brings me back to my previous point. What is going on with you?” Now it sounded more like a demand.

Eve knew she had to say something, but was ‘I have no fucking clue,’ the best thing to say?

“I…”

“Yes?”

“I’ve been feeling…uneasy at work lately,” she admitted. It was a risky admission considering their line of work, they had to be at the top of their game. But it was the truth and Eve knew that Rita deserved at least that.

“That much I know, Eve,” Rita intervened, “but what I’d like to know is _why_?”

_She noticed? Shit._

Why did she feel that way? Rita’s eyes bore into her, and she realized she’ll have to dig deep. She kept telling herself it was probably because of all of her recent mishaps. But maybe it was more vain that that.

Maybe now that she’d gotten a small taste of that wonderfully addictive commotion, the adrenaline, she couldn’t just go back to the easygoing ways of the other shifts. But maybe it was more about self-preservation.

Was she afraid Brunie would waltz into the infirmary? Was she afraid Brunie wouldn’t? Maybe it was about all of the above. One thing was becoming crystal clear – a headache was starting to form just above her right eyebrow.

She rubbed the area and exhaled.

“I think…” she tried, releasing a breath before pushing forward, “I think I keep waiting for something to happen. But I can’t put my finger on it.” That’s probably as accurate as she could be given the circumstances.

“Something good? Something bad?” Rita wouldn’t let her off the hook. She was a woman on a mission.

“I don’t know,” Eve admitted. “I know this is very helpful and not at all frustrating” she added sheepishly.

Rita appeared to be considering something. “You’re getting a promotion,” she finally stated, opening a table drawer and taking our a few forms.

“I’m sorry…I’m what?” Nothing happened the way Eve had expected it to since she set foot in that office.

“You heard me. I don’t know what it is that you think might happen, or you might do, but you’ve been half going through the motions, half being way too jumpy,” Rita scolded. Sometimes shock therapy was best, and Eve needed a wake up call.

“And so…I’m being rewarded for my mental instability?” Eve asked, trying to follow the logic.

“Eve, I’ve seen this before. You got a taste of the most boring shift there is, and then, by mere chance, you got a taste of working with the troops, and now you’re addicted without even realizing it.You need the rush.” Rita has been around long enough. They called it ‘chaos fever.’

Eve let the words sink in. _Well, there’s definitely obsession involved_. She wasn’t going to divulge that specific piece of information to her boss. She decided to sit silently and see how things develop. Rita was pretty spot on so far.

“You’re the kind of ambitious, passionate person who wants to be at the top of her field. In our line of work, that means working with the troops,” Rita knew. This was the next chapter in the professional life of a young nurse who wanted to climb the ranks. “Their doctor was extremely impressed with you. I just gave you the gist of it. You didn’t even wake Dorothy up.”

Considering Eve thought of this night as a presentation of her professional shortcomings, the praise didn’t sit well with her, and Rita could tell.

“Listen to me. Staying composed during a crisis is just as important as your technique. You didn’t freeze. Can we agree on that? You weren’t fazed.”

“I was a little,” Eve admitted.

“Yes, and then you got over it and did your job. Well enough to get the endorsement of an experienced Field Doctor.” Rita insisted.

“It was nothing, really, he’s just being courteous.”

Rita saw there was no convincing the guilt-ridden woman. _She’ll just have to gain confidence on the job_. She handed Eve the forms. It was a new contract.

“Rebecca is transferring to a Local at the Arizona Underground,” Rita explained. “She’s going to join the troops there permanently as a Field NP. It’s something she wanted for quite some time.”

_Does that mean another Field NP died?_ Eve wondered. It was a rare occurrence, because the troops usually used Field Doctors, but it did happen.

“Which means,” Rita continued, “that in two weeks from now I’m going to need someone to transfer to the day shift. It just so happens that you come highly recommended. So consider this a practical step. Plus, you were going to come and ask me for a transfer soon enough.”

_Busted_. “How did you know?”

“I told you,” Rita reminded, “I’ve seen this before.”

“Right.” Eve looked at the contract, the large salary catching her attention.

“Let’s face it Eve. I think that _you_ think that this unease originated from a fear of messing up again. You know, after your little drug incident.”

“When you word it that wa…”

“I’m not done.” They were getting off-topic every other sentence, and Rita had a full day of meetings ahead of her. Not to mention, she had to put together a whole training program for her new morning shift recruit. “Truthfully, you just don’t belong to the afternoon shift anymore. It’s time to move up.”

Eve nodded. More money, more challenges, normal work hours. The magnitude of the offer finally daunted on her, and she smiled.

“So,” Rita mirrored the smile, “any takers?”

Probably more Brunie, too. _Shit._

“Two weeks?” she asked, terrified but finally excited.

“Two weeks, and a training period, starting tomorrow.” Rita confirmed.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Eve jumped out of her chair and hugged her surprised supervisor.

Rita laughed, “You’re welcome. Just bring this contract signed tomorrow. Now, go earn your keep, Woman! This isn’t a summer camp.”

Eve got up, trying to not crumple the pages in excitement. “I never actually had the chance to go to summer cam…”

“Out!” Rita rolled her eyes.

“Right! Bye!” Eve started walking toward the door.

“And Eve?” Rita stopped her.

“Yeah?” she turned around. A part of her was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Whatever happens, I’m going to be proud of you. But if we try this, and it’s not a good fit, or you still feel uneasy, talk to me. There are more paths for you than you might realize.”

“You really are the best,” Eve noted and shut the door behind her.

“Children,” Rita shook her head. But she loved it. She really did.

* * *

Later that day, or really, very early the following morning, Brunie and her unit walked down the tunnels following another successful mission. This one wasn’t about fighting, it was a recon mission. But they had to travel overnight, and that always put her on edge, even more than usual. Long term missions meant a remote base of operations somewhere. An overnight was smaller in size, nothing was anchoring them, and so much more could potentially go wrong. She was happy that everyone came back in one piece. That fact, in addition to getting the information for which they ventured far, made it a success in her eyes.

The group split. With no reason to stop by the infirmary, everyone headed to their own living quarters in high spirits.

Malik caught up with her. “Hey, sister from another mister,” he elbowed her, bringing her back to the present. “This went very smoothly. Aside from Oz banging his forehead on the way back in, which doesn’t even count.”

She gave him an unconvincing smile.

“What is it, B? Where’s the pep in your step?” he grabbed her to a halt. She couldn’t brush things off when he was looking right at her.

“You know the drill,” she reminded, “you know how I feel about lucky streaks.” Too much risk put her on edge, too many successes put her on edge. She could never really win. She wasn’t generally a superstitious person, but every time they had a few good missions in a row, she would start to feel uneasy. Lucky streaks could make people cocky and sloppy. They didn’t have that privilege. These streaks turned her more cautious, and caution sometimes meddled with instincts. Her instincts could mean someone’s life. That was her burden, always balancing instinct and caution.

“It’s not luck if you come prepared,” he protested, but she started walking again. He groaned and found her side once more. “Can’t you just be happy we all came back in one piece?”

“Happy?” she teased. “What is this mysterious concept you speak of?”

“Please, I’ve seen you happy,” he huffed. “You just need to get laid.”

“Not in the mood, Mal.” She really wasn’t, which was unusual. This was one of her only ways to blow off steam.

“It’s an In–Day tomorrow!” Malik argued. “We’ll finish at Command by early evening, then you can take a girl on the town! So to speak.” They were nearing the tunnel corner where they usually said good night.

“It’s a In–Day tomorrow so we can have a meeting, discuss strategy, and come back in one piece next time as well!” she pointed out.

He examined, unconvinced. “Since when are you not in the mood?” he demanded. “We all need something to keep us going, B. A little TLC. You have to take care of yourself, you know that.”

_And take care of myself I just might,_ she predicted.

She was his bro, though he was painfully aware that she was a girl. He had done the whole hitting on her thing when they met at fifteen. He grew out of it quickly enough, and was now happily married with a son. But Brunie remained his best friend, his sister. He knew her better than anyone, but he also knew he could never fully share the loneliness that was the result of leadership. He may have been her second-in-command, but their lives were light-years apart. Still, he tried to make her feel like she wasn’t alone whenever he could.

Brunie knew he meant well, but she just wanted the day to end.

“Go to your wife and kid, Mal,” she ordered softly. It was enough to make it clear that the conversation was over. “I think I just need some sleep.”

She punched his shoulder and turned the corner.

He sighed as he watched her leave. He hated when she did this. He knew for a fact this was about more than just sleep. But she was a grown woman, and he couldn’t force her to listen. He could just offer her a safe space to talk, once she was ready.

Not too far from there, Eve was just waking up to do her morning routine and start another day.


	8. Chapter 6

Brunie walked down the hallway, exhausted after what has been an extremely long day in Command.

_Finish early my ass_ , she groaned.

They met at four p.m. Her commanders granting her and Malik a decent amount of sleep, knowing a long meeting was ahead of them. There was some suspicious activity happening in the west, and everyone wanted to be as cautious as possible. It sure didn’t help Brunie’s growing paranoia. While it was now nearing midnight, and she was absolutely spent, she really appreciated everyone’s professionalism and will to be prepared for whatever shit storm was coming their way. Storms were always a-coming.

She was headed to her quarters, ready to sleep for hours before another In–Day. Probably two if she took training into consideration, maybe even longer if Command would receive intelligence that will require more preparation before their next outing. They weren’t being lazy. They went out when they needed to, not just for the sake of saying that they fought. And besides, well rested soldiers performed better on the field. It wasn’t like they were just going to sit around and do nothing.

For one thing, Brunie was scheduled to do a TV interview. She hated the fame that came with her job, but in a society which sole survival depended on an army, the key figures of said army became idolized, naturally. Her age and looks made her the perfect poster child for The Resistance. Her superiors constantly reminded her she has to play the game, it was important for morale, and she was better at it than she cared to admit. Still, she was really not looking forward to that interview.

She turned a corner, getting aggravated just thinking about that interview, predicting the host would ask about her dating life two minutes in. Then she spotted Eve, who was standing in the hallway, staring at the ceiling. It had been two days since their encounter at the library. Two days so jam packed, that they felt like forever. Considering Eve was basically blocking her way, Brunie figured she might as well say hi.

The problem was that Brunie recognized something that day at the library, something in the way Eve looked at her. Talking to Eve always brought upon confusion, but it made things interesting. It made things comfortable even when it was awkward. Which is why Brunie wasn’t ready to admit anything to herself just yet. It’s not like she had any proof. It made it easy to pretend that nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Which brought her to -

“Hi.”

Eve looked down and smiled politely. “Hi,” she replied cautiously. She wasn’t sure where they stood. “We truly are Baader-Meinhoffing this whole thing, don’t we?”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, sorry. It’s just that we’ve never met before, and now we seem to bump into one another all the time,” Eve explained. “It’s like this syndrome, when you hear about something for the first time and then you keep hearing about it constantly.”

“I know what Baader-Meinhof Syndrom is,” Brunie chuckled.

“Oh, sorry,” Eve looked terrified. _Duh, we’ve already established that she’s more than just a pretty face._ “I didn’t mean to sound condescending. It’s just that most people don’t know what it is…”

“And then of course they suddenly hear about it all the time,” Brunie teased, which earned her a genuine laugh from Eve. _Is this the first time I’m hearing her laughing?_

“So…” Brunie continued, encouraged by the fact that her hunor seemed to not have backfired, “you never came back that day. I finished my entire book.”

Eve starred at her for a moment, not saying a word, then she looked upward again.

“And now you’re ignoring in favor of the ceiling. Great.” _Will we ever finish a conversation like normal people do?_ Brunie wondered, exhaustion taking over again.

When Eve still said nothing moments later, Brunie decided to leave. Whatever she was hoping they could become was requiring quite a lot of effort. If Eve ever wanted to partake in said effort, she could come find her. Brunie was about to start walking when something made her follow Eve’s gaze up to the ceiling. Something was drawn there.

“Stars,” Brunie said in a mixture of awe and confusion. They were pretty.

“Yeah,” Eve confirmed simply.

“Who put them up there?” Brunie inquired.

“I did,” Eve admitted with a soft smile.

“But…why? Don’t get me wrong, they’re stunning, but hardly noticeable.”

“That’s because they’re there for only me to notice,” Eve explained, eyes still glued to the ceiling.

The statement made Brunie shiver. There was something so beautiful about the sentiment, but tragic, too. Brunie understood what it meant.

“And now…” Eve lowered her eyes to look at Brunie, “they’re there for you to notice, too.”

Brunie realized immediately that Eve shared something special with her, maybe even sacred. It made her want to share something special with Eve in return. That thought frightened her. She swallowed hard, trying to ignore the nagging voice at the back of her head again.

“And they’re up there because…?”

“Because I wanted to look up and see the stars,” Eve shrugged, examining the state of her work. _Maybe it’s time for some touch-ups_ , she thought. _Especially that Saturn ring._

“You’re not a woman of many words, are you?” Brunie teased.

“Others will strongly disagree with you,” Eve chuckled. “I talk, a lot. Just not…with you.”

“Gee, thanks,” Brunie scoffed.

Something shifted. They were holding each other’s gaze for a few seconds before they both looked up again. It didn’t feel uncomfortable, and Brunie didn’t feel unwelcome anymore, which she was grateful for. She felt like she was invited to share the moment. So they stood there together, two women in the middle of a tunnel, at midnight, staring up at a ceiling of stars.

“The lady wants to look up and see the stars and yet we live in the sewers, like a bunch of Ninja Turtles,” Brunie pointed out the tragedy in it all. It pained her, especially since she was privy to some things that Eve wasn’t.

“Ninja what now?” Eve looked at her in utter confusion.

“Oh. I see,” Brunie made a big show of giving Eve a pretend once-over, as if she was making an assessment. “Yeah, it’s a reference to the old world. You wouldn’t understand,” she added in a condescending tone. 

“Then explain it to me instead of patronizing, you snob!” Eve demanded, punching Brunie’s uninjured shoulder.

Brunie offered her a big smile. Finally, a laid-back, authentic, uncalculated response. Now they were getting somewhere.

“Just so we’re clear, I’m a patronizing snob because of my knowledge in…sewage?” Brunie challenged, arms crossed.

“Basically, yes,” Eve confirmed.

“You are so weird sometimes.”

Eve feigned shock, which made Brunie smirk.

“Am not,” she objected.

“That’s because you are weird _all_ the time,” Brunie insisted.

Eve didn’t reply, but she couldn’t hide her smile. She had a mischievous twinkle in her eye which was a first, too. It caught Brunie completely off guard. _Shit_ , she thought. She had to get out of there. This was getting dangerous.

Eve, too, was starting to realize that they were having a moment. But for the first time since she met Brunie, she wasn’t bothered, confused, or scared by it. She shared something meaningful with Brunie and Brunie has been genuinely nice about it. Yes, she originally hated these feelings because they were based on something she perceived as unreal, but now…

_Maybe…_ she thought, right as Brunie started to speak. 

“I gotta go,” Brunie said.”Hey…” _Don’t do it Brunie I am warning you.._. “Um…” _Don’t do it!_ “What are you doing the day after tomorrow?” _Now you’ve done it, you complete idiot._

_Maybe indeed,_ Eve thought, biting her lip.

Since she was switching shifts, she started work a few hours earlier than usual and finished earlier as well. Rita wanted her to “get a feel” of the morning shift, so she currently overlapped between the two.

“Oh, you know,” she offered nonchalantly, “some stitching, some wound cleaning, the usual. Evening’s free, though. Why?” she challenged.

Flirting. They were actually flirting.

“Something I wanna show you,” Brunie replied with a parallel nonchalance.

_What are you doing Brunie? Stop that right this very second!_

“What’s wrong with tomorrow?” Eve inquired, trying no to sound too eager.

“You think I do absolutely nothing all day and always have time to run into you in dark sewer hallways, don’t you?”

“I’m super cute,” Eve stated, as if to explain why she should be forgiven for pretty much anything.

_You are_ , Brunie thought. _What? No!_ She huffed. “Whatever. Meet me at the north eastern control corner. Twenty hundred hours.”

Eve very much appreciated Bunie’s usage of army time, but she wasn’t going to give Brunie that satisfaction. “Aye aye, Captain!” she added a salute, because why not?

Brunie shook her head. “Yeah, it’s not like I heard that one a million times before. Today.”

“That’s what you get for wanting me to talk more. Tired of me yet?”

“Not just yet,” Brunie offered quietly. “Night, Evelyn,” she bowed in an exaggerated manner.

It was Eve’s turn to shake her head. “Night.”

And with that, Brunie walked away. Eve watched her leave, appreciating…everything. She finally felt like she was allowed to, like she didn’t have to hide the way she felt. _There’s reciprocation there, right? There must be._ She looked up and smiled, giving her stars one last glance.

Well, they were their stars now.

A couple of hours later the Local was hit by a random missile drop. The Uppers did it every so often, hoping to hit something they couldn’t quite see. It was a game of statistics.

They called these missiles Hail Missiles because they’d break apart mid-air and drop hundreds of pieces to cover more ground. On the receiving end it sounded like heavy hail was falling.

A few years back, and after many reported cases of traumatized kids, the maintenance department installed noise cancelling systems. It helped with the horrifying sounds, but there were a few blind spots at the Local where the hail-like effect could still be heard. Also, the noise cancelling systems did nothing to help the shaking of the entire Local. It usually meant rough nights for everyone. 

Brunie woke up with a start, drenched in sweat. Her quarters were located in one of those blind spots. She breathed heavily and lied back down, swallowing hard. She couldn’t fall asleep again for the rest of the night. Sometimes it was preferable, sometimes the dreams were worse. She always heard her screaming in the dreams.


	9. Chapter 7

“I think I can get used to this.”

Jordan was lying on the floor, his head in Eve’s lap while she was leaning against her bed. He was bouncing an old tennis ball against the wall. The TV was on with the evening programs playing in the background.

“Don’t”, Eve warned. “I don’t think the neighbors would approve.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean that,” he gestured at the ball he just caught. “I meant you, getting off work at a normal hour. We can actually act like two young people and go out, socialize. Crazy concept, I know.”

“What, and like…meet people?” she asked in disgust.

“Absolutely. You meeting people, a special kind of people, is totally on my agenda. You know what else is on my agenda?” Eve refused to play along, so he just went ahead. “ _Me_ meeting a special kind of people.”

“Lovely, Jordan, just lovely,” she intercepted and caught the ball mid-air.

“What? It’s definitely time you meet someone, and if that someone has a sister, even better,” he grabbed the ball from her and started throwing it against the wall again.

“What if she doesn’t?” Eve asked, avoiding eye contact.

“Why are you being so pessimistic?” he looked up at her.

She tried to look away, but that didn’t change the fact that she was blushing. Jordan’s eyes widened. She was totally busted.

“You dawg! You already met someone, didn’t you? Finally!”

“What? No!” She was not ready to disclose something that was so new and vague, but Jordan wasn’t one to give up easily.

“I don’t believe you,” he sat up and placed himself next to her.

“Are you insinuating I’m lying? How dare you!”

He was just about to respond with a witty remark when the talk show host on the TV screen announced the next guest. It was Brunie. “Oh, look, your super crush is on TV,” Jordan teased.

“Shut up,” she replied, blushing again. This time he missed it because he was looking at the screen.

“So about that new girl…” he turned back to her.

“Shhh, I wanna watch this interview,” she waved him off.

“Are you serious right now?” When he received no response, he rolled his eyes and directed his attention towards the TV.

“And rumor has it that you and your unit had quite the few achievements lately. Care to share?” the host on the screen asked his guest.

“You know I can’t do that, Decker,” Brunie replied with a smile. “But if _you_ care to share where these rumors came from I’m all ears,” she added, making the audience members laugh.

“You know I can’t do that,” he smirked at her.

“Of course you can’t,” she joked, she performed her role well. “But in all seriousness, I’m not a superstitious person, and yet, there’s no need to jinx anything. We prepare for our battles, thoroughly. We do the best we can once we’re on the field, but we have to be responsible back home, too. Granted, we’ve been doing well these past few weeks, but there’s a lot more work to do. I don’t want to spread false hope, and as we established, I can’t really say anything anyways. Not every fighting day will be smooth and without losses, but at the same time, know that we’re doing our job, and that there’s progress, for sure,” she concluded.

“As always, our Captain here doesn’t offer us anything substantial, but she does so in such an articulate and charming manner!” the host noted, making the audience laugh again. 

“Thank you, Decker, I appreciate it,” she chuckled. He kept asking even though he knew she couldn’t give him anything, so this was on him. But it didn’t matter, his ratings sky-rocketed every time she stopped by.

“Well, now that our mandatory war talk is out of the way, I’m sure that everyone here, and at home, wherever that is for you, gentle viewers, is dying to know if there’s an extremely lucky lady in your life.”

Brunie groaned. She hated these questions more than anything. It was always the same answer and she didn’t think that her personal life had anything to do with her job.

Across the Local, in her quarters, Eve released the tiniest of gasps upon hearing the Decker’s question. Jordan noticed and examined her closely.

“No, Decker, I’m afraid not,” said the woman on TV. Disappointed reactions were heard from all around the studio.

Eve’s shoulders slumped. Jordan noticed that, too.

“The work I do makes it impossible to maintain a relationship, not to mention unfair.” Brunie tried to shut it down as quickly as possible, but Decker wasn’t that kind of a host.

“So in the meantime, you’re just having some fun, aren’t you? I’m sure the ladies are more than happy to help our troops,” he challenged.

Brunie was shocked at the crudeness of his comment, though she shouldn’t have been. This wasn’t their first rodeo. And of course the audience seemed to eat this up.

Back in her room, the wheels were turning in Eve’s brain. _Does she really not want anything serious? Am I just ‘helping our troops’?_

Jordan was becoming more and more aware that something was going on.

“I…” Brunie started. 

“Thank you for coming tonight, Brunie,” Decker cut her off. He got what he wanted. “We’ll let you go now. I’m sure you have things to do, people to see. We’ll be right back after the break.”

Eve couldn’t possibly know that at that very moment, Brunie was sitting on Decker’s couch, frustrated with her own infamous reputation, loathing what the media turned her into.

Eve couldn’t possibly know that Brunie said to Decker “that was highly inappropriate,” and stormed out of the studio, furious, vowing to not return to the show no matter how much Decker would beg.

Eve only knew that even though she knew Brunie for a week, and tried so hard not to feel anything for the other woman until it felt safe, she was now heartbroken.

Meanwhile, Brunie went back to her quarters to take a shower and sleep, thinking that tomorrow had to be better. She’d get to hang out with her new friend, a real friend, and do something nice for a change. She still had doubts about this plan, but she wasn’t perfect, and her soul needed this.

She had so many people who loved her, adored her, and sought out her company. She was bright, and everyone knew that. Nobody cared that she was a “player.” The guys who served with her sure didn’t, it made her one of the boys. The girls either envied her or wanted to be with her, sometimes both. No one judged her for it because they figured there was nothing to judge. That’s why it was such an easy shot for Decker. But it just showed her how little people really knew her.

That’s why her social circle mostly consisted of her guys, the ones who fought by her side, the ones who would give their lives for her. That was real.

She was truly hoping that she was about to make her first “out of the troops” friend in a long time. Which is why she was willing to take a risky gamble. She had Carmela, but she met her through Malik and even though they were both her best friends, she wanted something, someone of her own, that was just hers. That possibility excited her.

Eve, however, started to dread the following day. The interview threw her off. _Is she just a use ‘em and dump them sort of person?_ That’s what the rumors said, after all, but it didn’t fit what Eve saw so far. _But what do I actually know about her_? There were these moments with Brunie when Eve felt like she could share something like her stars with her. Not necessarily because something major happened, But because Brunie genuinely seemed like she wanted to know all about Eve.

Jordan cleared his throat, reminding his friend that he was still there. It was a valid interruption, she did forget. But it did startle her, and her eyes jumped to his.

“It’s her, isn’t it?” he asked.

She couldn’t read his tone. “What?”

“Brunie. You finally, actually met her and of course she made a move, because look at you, and you went with it,” now it sounded more like a scold.

_Well that’s not exactly accurate, but it’s not wrong either,_ she thought. But when she said nothing he assumed the answer was yes.

“You can’t seriously consider this!” he warned. “I know I tease you about it, and I know she’s your all time celebrity crush, but you heard what he said. This girl is bad news. She will hurt you.” He was truly concerned, Eve could tell.

“That’s the thing, Jor, I’m not sure that’s really who she is.” She needed a minute to think, to run through their previous encounters in her mind, but Jordan wasn’t going to give her that.

“Come on, Eve,” he stood up. “Don’t be a fangirl. Everyone knows what she’s like. She didn’t even deny it!”

“She’s been nothing but nice to me.” Eve stood up as well. “And patient. I left her to deal with her own injuries and she didn’t even give me a hard time. And she’s funny, and great with the troops. She’s really smart.” He didn’t seem impressed. “And she reads, Jor, she reads!”

“Oh, okay, now I’m sold,” he narrowed his eyes.

Eve swallowed hard. She hated when they fought. She knew when there was no convincing him. He was being protective.

Jordan sighed.

“Look,” he started, “I want nothing more than for you to be happy. And I know she has to be all of the above and then some. She wouldn’t have gotten to where she is without having all these qualities. And, okay, I’m not gonna deny it, she’s hot.” Eve saw right through him. “Fine,” he rolled his eyes, “she’s super hot. But you heard her. She can’t do a serious relationship. I’m not sure she would be good at it even if she tried. What else do you need to know?”

_He’s right. She said it loud and clear. I can’t just ignore that_. Brunie wasn’t going to do anything serious. Eve didn’t want to be just another girl on Brunie’s list of conquests. But if all that was true, why couldn’t she shake the feeling that she might lose something really special?

Jordan saw her struggling and decided to try a different approach. “Look, can you just promise me that you’ll be careful and try to stay away from her?”

How could she make that promise when only just the day before she finally decided to _not_ stay away from Brunie? When only the day before she decided there was a point in trying to pursue something with Brunie?

“I promise,” she responded slowly.

“Good, so that’s that,” he sat back down and gestured at his thigh for her to lay her head on. She did just that. He started bouncing the ball against the wall again. She looked away from him.

_I’ll just go tomorrow_ , she thought. She was intrigued by what Brunie wanted to show her and her curiosity got the best of her.

_I’ll go tomorrow, and then I will stay away from her after that. That’s me being polite while also keeping my promise, right? What’s the worst that can happen?_


	10. Chapter 8

** From the diary of an Under **

It’s been a rough week. I try not to let myself feel this down too often, because even though this place isn’t all bad, it’s not that hard to surrender to the doom and gloom around here. This is why the powers that be invest so much in entertainment. Keep us preoccupied. Between work, family life, and your favorite talk show every night, or the bar around the corner, you might actually forget that this isn’t how humans are meant to live.

Every now and then though, something happens and you can’t escape the reality of this existence. This week it was the Hail Missiles. We don’t get hit very often anymore. It used to happen six times a month. We’re down to once every three months or so, which I guess is a positive sign. And I know it’s a good thing we don’t hear the noise anymore, just experience the shaking of the entire Local, but I can’t help feeling envious of a new generation of kids who grow up unfamiliar with the noise these missiles used to make. It may sound absurd, and maybe it is. After all, the shaking is traumatic enough, and there’s still mandated therapy sessions for children over four. And yet, apparently feeling jealous that someone else’s trauma is smaller than yours is a real thing. Not a fair thing, but real nonetheless, this trauma envy.

I was in bed when it happened. It always happens at night, and every time it does, it’ll be the talk of the day the following day. “Where did it catch you?” A familiar sentiment amongst our people. Sometimes people have crazy stories. It can range from “I was painting and it made me fall and ruin the piece,” to the less fortunate “my friend finished her shift and was in the shower and she slipped. She’s dead now.” I’ll take being in bed when it happens any day. The more boring, the better.

Truly a bummer though that I put a glass of water on the nightstand before I went to bed, because it spilled all over my face before it continued its way to the floor, where it smashed into a million pieces. Of course I was completely disoriented when the shaking woke me up, so I jumped out of bed and stepped right in it. Maybe it’s not “slips in the shower and dies” levels of tragedy, but I did have to go to the infirmary to get my foot stitched. There were a few other people there, mostly recovering from an anxiety attack.

Then, two days later, I heard that a mother of a friend passed. Natural cause, old age, which again, I guess is a good thing, all things considered, but whenever someone dies around here I can’t help but obsessing over it. We live underground, we live where people are meant to be buried. We can’t dig deeper for burial because of our water supply, our entire infrastructure. So we burry them sideways, extending the area of the Local. So when you truly think about it, we live among corpses. We live in a graveyard, or a mass grave.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone else around here has these kinds of thoughts.

At least this week ended with Brunie being on The Decker Show. You don’t really need to say her full name for people to know who you’re referring to. We only have the one Brunie (and then all the babies who were named after her, of course.)

I see her and it gives me some hope. Do I have doubts? Yes. Do I feel like we’re not privy to everything that’s going on? Also yes. But this young woman somehow have a very soothing presence. She’s confident, which makes me feel confident, too. She says things are improving, and even though I’m not sure I agree, she does make me want to change my outlook.

Then again, surely that’s why they send her to do these shows. They know.


	11. Chapter 9

It was early afternoon and Eve took a short break from work. She really craved an apple, so she went to one of the nearest commercial areas at what the local Unders referred to as “Main Street”. It wasn’t actually a street, obviously. It was the Underground equivalent of it.

Eve chanced a quick glance at her stars on the ceiling as she passed beneath them. It was her favorite personal daily routine. Take a break, pass by the stars. She kept walking but then she stopped in her tracks, took a few steps backwards, and looked up again, staring in shock for a few long seconds.

“What? How!”

Now, next to the stars that she drew and knew quite perfectly, there was a drawing of a little moon.

“Huh,” she was unable to stop herself from smiling. She kept walking.

* * *

It was eight p.m. and Brunie was approaching the North Eastern entrance of the Underground Local complex. The fact that it was an entrance wasn’t known to Eve, whom, as Brunie discovered when she turned around the corner, was already there.

“Hello, shadow lurker.”

“How did you do it?” Eve demanded, ignoring Brunie’s greeting.

“Ah…what?”

“The moon! You put a moon next to my stars!”

Brunie gave her a huge grin. “That sounded very poetic.”

“Brunie!”

“What?”

Eve was becoming slightly irritated. While she appreciated the gesture, a lot, it seemed technically impossible for Brunie to climb unnoticed. Eve herself made sure to do so only during nights when no one was around. She couldn’t figure out when Brunie would find the time to do it without witnesses when she only had yesterday to do so.

“I’m there almost every night,” Eve reminded, “I was definitely there yesterday. And you really can’t do it during the day when people are around to see because it’s just mine… and yours. So… how’d you do it!”

“I’m a Captain in The Resistance, Eve. I’m _very_ resourceful.”

“Brunie!“ Eve wasn’t going to lose this little stand-off.

“You’re ready to go?” Neither was Brunie. She started to realize that the only way to get anything real out of the confusing woman was to confuse her right back, in a sentimental, gesture-y kind of way.

Eve was about to protest, but then she remembered that every time she was around Brunie and didn’t want to talk, Brunie didn’t push her. She decided to let it go and nodded her agreement.

“Great! Follow me!”

Eve thought that Brunie seemed almost giddy, and she tried hard no to get excited. _Remember, you’re not suppose to fall for all these gestures and general cuteness! This is a one and done!_

They walked for a few minutes before Brunie suddenly stopped in front of an old looking, heavily sealed door.

“Um, Brunie, I’m pretty sure this path is sealed.”

“Is it, though?” 

Brunie pressed a brick on the wall, and to Eve’s amazement the door moved on its axis and exposed a hallway behind it. Brunie was evidently satisfied by Eve’s shocked expression, and started to lead them through the darkened path.

“Where are you taking me?” Eve asked, slightly scared. It immediately dawned on her that she was seeing something she was’t meant to see. Maybe Brunie thought this was a way of returning the favor for the stars, but considering Brunie was an army Captain, Eve wasn’t sure she wanted to see something that was need-to-know. But she also wasn’t sure she didn’t.

“You’ll see,” Brunie provided nonchalantly.

“Are you going to murder me?”

Brunie looked at Eve over her shoulder. “I…don’t even know how to respond to that.”

“Because if you are, you should know people know where I am.”

“Um, Eve,” Brunie stopped and turned to look at the woman behind her, “ _you_ don’t even know where you are,” she shook her head and kept walking.

“Crap,” Eve huffed and caught up.

“This is just you joking, right? You aren’t actually scared of me?”

“If you’re gonna kill me, then no. If you aren’t, then yes, ha ha, joke,” Eve replied flatly.

Brunie didn’t say anything in return. Instead, she grabbed Eve’s hand and led her for a few more moments before they reached a ladder.

“Are you ready?”

“For what?”

“It’s a surprise,” Brunie smiled softly. “Let me climb first. I really want to see the look on your face.” She took out a handkerchief.

“What are you doing?” Eve demanded. Brunie did nothing to ease her concern, other than seeming somewhat hurt when Eve expressed said concern.

“You gotta be blindfolded for this.”

“But…“

“Eve, please, can you just… trust me?” What she was about to do was already stupid enough. She just wanted it to be worth it. She put thought into it. She didn’t want to blow it. There’s only one first time when it came to these things.

 _But I don’t even know you_ , Eve thought. _Ugh. You showed her your stars and now you remember that you hardly know her? Dumbass._ She exhaled, took the handkerchief from Brunie’s hand, and put it on.

“Great!”

Eve could hear the delight in Brunie’s voice.

“I’m gonna climb first and wait for you on the other end. You can feel the bars, right?” she guided Eve’s hands to the bars.

“Yes,” Eve confirmed. _She’s worried about me_ , the realization hit.

“So hold tight,” Brunie ordered and started climbing up the ladder.

“Are you even okay to climb with your shoulder still healing?” Eve asked in concern.

“’Tis’ but a scratch!’” Brunie announced, half way up the ladder.

“ _Monty Python,”_ Eve noted in recognition.

“She’s not that ignorant about the old world after all!” Brunie gasped in mocking disbelief.

“Shut up!” Eve growled. 

Brunie reached the top and opened a metal door in the ceiling. Through that door she could see the sky, the actual sky. The sky that no one other than army personnel knew the Unders had access to. She took a deep breath of fresh, non–regenerated, Under Weathered air.

“Come on!” she laughed, excited. She did enjoy the danger aspect of it, too.

Eve hesitated but started to climb. Knowing that she was alone, she spoke to herself quietly.

“’Don’t get obsessed with the hot Captain,’ you told yourself. ‘Don’t keep hanging out with the hot Captain who’s apparently a total player. Don’t be just another conquest for the hot Captain. Ugh.”

She was nearing the top of the ladder.

“You suck, Evelyn Salus. You suck,” she concluded.

“Are you talking to yourself?”

Eve, who didn’t realize she got to the top, gasped in surprise. Her momentary confusion made her let go of the bars and she started to fall, but Brunie caught her.

Freaked out by the whole ordeal, Eve was kicking with her feet and flapping her hands whatever which way.

“Hey, I’m not gonna let you fall!” Brunie promised. “Just grab the bars again, you’re practically done!”

Eve did as she was told, and with Brunie’s help climbed the last few bars all the way out, breathing heavily.

“You okay?” _You and your dumb ideas, Brunie. A blindfold? Really?_

“I’m fine, just… give me a second.” She was trying to catch her breath, but something felt different.

Brunie made sure Eve was steady on her feet before taking the handkerchief off her face. Eve blinked a few times, heart still racing, but then, for the first time in her entire life, she looked up and saw the sky. She was too young to remember when her family fled to The Underground. She gasped, her eyes widening.

“We’re outside,” she said, almost whispering.

“Yep,” Brunie smiled.

“You took me outside!” she exclaimed, still struggling to believe this was actually happening, that she was seeing the sky with her own eyes, breathing real air.

“Yep,” Brunie repeated.

 _Stars. Real stars._ Eve laughed in pure joy. Something incredible just happened to her. Something she thought she wouldn’t get to experience in her lifetime, so she allowed herself to stare for a few more moments, drinking it all in. It was both huge and intimate at the same time, a knowledge that could change the lives of so many, in one moment that belonged to her.

“Worth it?” Brunie asked cautiously. She wanted to give Eve the space to experience this.

“ _So_ worth it,” Eve took Brunie’s hand in gratitude. “I never thought I’ll get to see this.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Brunie sounded almost apologetic. She risked her life every day for the people below them, but she always felt guilty for keeping this from them.

“How did you find this place?”

“Um…” Brunie hesitated.

“What is it?” Eve asked, feeling the concern creeping back in.

“So this might technically, actually be a restricted army zone…”

“What!”

“Well…um…The Resistance has a few…umm…assets?” Brunie bit her lip.

“Brunie…”

“Yeah?”

“Are you telling me that we have control over some Upperground?” This was a revelation, and Eve was in utter shock.

If this was true, it was a very well kept secret, and Eve was sure that there were many reasons as to why. _False hope_ , _for one_ , she recalled Brunie’s recent interview.

“Okay, Eve,” Brunie started, “I _really_ can’t tell you more, but we’re safe here, okay?”

“Well, you might be, Ms. Captain, but I’m not allowed to be here,” Eve argued.

Brunie snorted. “What? Do you honestly think this is the sort of thing I’m allowed to do? We’re not staying here in the open, come on.”

Brunie took Eve’s hand again and dragged her away from the entrance spot.

 _Is she going to get in trouble for this?_ Eve wondered once Brunie’s words registered. _Has she done this before?_

They went into a hidden corner behind what looked like a storage facility. Eve had no doubt that there were cameras around, but she assumed that if anyone knew how to dodge them, or bribe the right guards, it would be the woman whose hand she was currently holding, and liking it.

 _Not this again_ , she groaned.

“See? No one ever comes here,” Brunie assured.

“Except that I bet you bring all the girls up here.” Eve couldn’t help herself.

“I don’t. This is _my_ spot,” Brunie stated in a tone that made it clear she was telling the truth.

“Why me, then?” Eve really wanted to make sense of it all. All the information in her brain about Brunie was contradicting itself. 

“You shared your stars with me, I’m sharing mine with you,” Brunie shrugged.

But couldn’t fool Eve who was observing her. This was a real gesture. Knowing what it was like sharing something meaningful with someone else, she truly appreciated Brunie sharing this with her. Not to mention that Brunie was breaking the rules for her. So even though Brunie was trying to be all nonchalant about the whole thing, Eve was very moved.

“It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

* * *

They were lying on the grass, surrounded by trees. It was the clearing of the wood and Eve was still trying to wrap her head around the fact that the Unders even had a clearing.

They’ve been up there for nearly two hours. They spoke every now and then, but they didn’t mind the silence, either. Brunie took a short trail from the storage facility they hid behind earlier and promised Eve the most magical place she’d ever seen. She definitely delivered.

Everything about it felt surreal. She could hear different sounds from afar, realizing it’s probably animals. She was happy in a serene way, like coming home after a long absence. This _was_ home, the original home. Brunie showed her something old, and something new, and with the dark skies above, it was also kind of something blue.

Brunie didn’t just show it to her. She gifted it to her, shared it with her. All of the promises to stay away from the Captain seemed silly now.

_She genuinely cares about me._

It was either believing that, or believing that everything Brunie presented herself to be so far, everything she shared, was an act, a ploy to get the girl. Eve decided that she’ll choose option number one, even at a risk of being hurt later. If Brunie could take a leap of faith with her own life constantly, Eve could take a leap of faith with Brunie. Fortune favors the bold.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Brunie prompted herself up to lean on her arm, body turned towards Eve.

“You don’t have to answer, I know it’s not the most appropriate of questions, but I was just curious, because I’m never on the receiving end of these things, and I think that if I understood it better then it’ll make me a better…”

“What is it?” Brunie chuckled.

“Um, what does a laser gun wound feel like?”

Brunie appeared to be choosing her words carefully.

“Have you ever smelled a roasted chicken?” she finally said, smiling in an unsettling way.

Eve looked mortified and covered her face. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, just… forget I said anything.” She was trying to sit herself up, but Brunie put her free hand on hers and stopped her.

“Eve, it’s fine. I’m totally messing with you!”

Eve scanned her face. Brunie was trying very hard not to laugh.

“You’re such a jerk,” Eve stated, but she lied back down.

“Sometimes,” Brunie admitted. “Are you sure you want to know?

Eve nodded.

Brunie exhaled. “Depending on the severity of the wound, the density of the beam, and the width of it, it can range from feeling like you got a really bad burn, to realizing that you’re missing a whole chunk of your body. But it is burned flesh, Eve. You really can’t escape the smell. Sometimes you know someone was hit by a beam before you even see it.”

“I’m sorry. It sounds horrific. I really am sorry I asked.”

“Don’t be. I appreciate the curiosity.” But Eve still seemed uneasy. “Don’t worry. They’re pretty rare these days. We don’t see them as often.”

“Brunie, you just came in with a laser gun wound not that long ago.”

“I said they were rare, I didn’t say they were gone.” Brunie reminded and dropped herself back down. She looked up towards the sky and Eve was certain that was the end of it. She didn’t want to push any further.

“Sometimes, right before I fall asleep, I can smell it,” Brunie added quietly. Eve wasn’t even sure if she was meant to hear it. But she squeezed Brunie’s hand, and Brunie didn’t pull away.

These stories were heartbreaking. Eve assumed no one in Brunie’s line of work can be completely unscarred by their experiences. _We all are_ , she thought. But it was different actually knowing someone who was serving, fighting on the front line.

Still, as Brunie finally squeezed her hand back, Eve had to appreciate the moment. An amazing girl was right next to her, a girl who just opened up to her. An amazing view was right in front of her, and she just got the job she wanted. She suddenly felt an urge to share the news. She desperately wanted Brunie to be proud of her. Especially with what Brunie just told her. She wanted to be seen as someone who contributes, too.

“I got a promotion three days ago,” she turned to look at Brunie.

“That’s wonderful, Eve! I’m really happy for you. Why didn’t you tell me last time? It’s amazing that they promote people who let patients treat themselves,” Brunie couldn’t help it, but Eve just burst into laughter.

“Yeah, so don’t get hurt very often or you’ll have to see me all the time.”

“Well, then, I might just get hurt on purpose,” Brunie spoke without thinking.

The moment she said it, two things happened. The first thing was that Eve’s pulse spiked.

The second thing was that Brunie regretted her words immediately. She realized she was flirting, and as far as she was concerned, she wasn’t allowed to flirt with Eve. Eve was off limits. Not only was she a potential friend, a friend that Brunie desperately needed, they were bound to work together, now more than ever. So far, everything she’s done that evening could’ve been contributed to friendship. Her latest statement crossed a line.

Eve didn’t know if she should ignore Brunie’s mini revelation or not. _That was flirting right there_. Flirting, that told Eve that at the very least, Brunie was attracted to her. Add that to Brunie’s behavior and openness all night, and Eve concluded that emotions were involved, too, and that something was happening. Something, that once again she was open to explore. But then she looked at Brunie.

 _Why does she look like she’s about to faint?_ It looked like actual distress. Eve decided to change the subject.

“Do you ever think it’s weird we have a war of this magnitude against our own specie rather than against aliens or something?”

Brunie laughed bitterly. “Please. I never thought it’s weird we have a war of this magnitude against our own specie. Sad, but true. They are up there, well… here, and we live in the sewers. It’s perfectly, twistedly poetic.”

Eve knew what Brunie meant. It may have not been an optimistic outlook, it sure wasn’t the outlook Brunie presented publicly, and Eve may have not shared the sentiment, but she understood.

She let the starlight wash over her again. “Next time I need to sketch this.”

“You sketch?” Brunie asked in surprise, turning to look at Eve again in the process. Eve nodded.

“Next time,” Brunie agreed.

They stayed for another half hour of comfortable silence before heading to the Underground, a.k.a, “back to reality,” in more ways than one.


	12. Chapter 10

Quick note: Hey guys. Just one chapter this time around because A. The last two weeks have been really busy but I didn’t want to miss our bi-weekly updates, and B. This one chapter is actually quite long (and very important!)

Also: Shameless plug - my movie starring Tovah Feldshuh has its world premiere next week. (part of why things have been so hectic!) deets are [here](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fthebookofruthfilm.com%2Fworld-premiere-next-week%2F&t=YTM2ZGVmNWE4N2EyNmY0ODlhMjRjOTUwYzNlYjRkNTgzZjlmMzJhNCxLWnpLVGdyOQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A0UxXSJJFhc3SULkaVTdkmw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fshokoshik.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F620185501850353664%2Fsub-an-original-novel-chapter-10&m=1).

Lastly: To the one anon who gave kudos - just so we’re clear, I’m now publishing this story specifically for you! Thank you!

* * *

It’s been three days since Brunie last saw Eve. The troops went out on all of those days, but the injuries were so minor that Doctor Dante treated them on the field. The one time he didn’t, they still managed to leave the infirmary before Eve, who was still overlapping between two shifts, arrived at work.

Brunie may have not encountered Eve, but the woman was still on her mind, and she couldn’t ignore the fact that the thought of spending more time with Eve, getting close to her, sharing things with her, was a thought that she liked.

Which is why at ten a.m., walking out of the infirmary after another night of fighting, she had a smile on her face.

She was walking down the tunnel, in the general direction of her quarters, lost in thought. Specifically, she made a mental note of how comfortable it felt to lay next to Eve for hours, just watching the stars and talking.

_Until I did the thing, of course_. She huffed.

“Yo, B,” Malik approached her from behind, trying to get her attention. She didn’t hear him. “B?” he repeated, but no luck.

“Brunie?” This time he laid a soft hand on her shoulder.

She jumped, turned around, locked his hand behind his back, and shoved him hard against the wall. When she realized what was happening she backed off immediately.

“Whoa, Killer, good instincts,” Malik chuckled. Brunie, on the other hand, was horrified.

“Shit, Mal, I’m so sorry.” This wasn’t the first time.

“Hey, don’t sweat it,” he shrugged. “I’d rather have someone with your instincts as my officer. Even if it does mean the occasional bruise.” He didn’t want her to feel bad. He knew very well what had just happened. 

“Shut up!” Brunie slapped his shoulder.

“Stop it!” he whined, trying to block her hands. “I didn’t survive tonight just to come back to my wife and tell her I was beat by a girl! And one that was so lost in thought, it’s embarrassing that you caught me off guard!”

Brunie bit her lip. His words reminded her why she was lost in thought before the Mal–in–the–wall incident occurred.

“And there’s that smile again,” he pointed out. “What got you so happy, Ms. ‘Happy isn’t my strongest suit?’”

“I… think I may have made a new friend!” she revealed.

“I wasn’t aware you were looking for one,” he pouted.

“No, Mal. A girl friend,” she rolled her eyes. “A friend who is a girl, and who is not your wife.”

“Oh! You mean the kind that has nothing to do with The Resistance! I heard of those! Do tell!”

He was a surprisingly good gossip.

“So…” she looked around, making sure they were alone, “don’t take this the wrong way, but I actually did take a girl on the town! Literally!” she admitted in excitement. He was probably the only person in the world she could tell.

“Wait, B, are you saying what I think you’re saying? Because if you are, you can get into a lot of trouble,” he looked around now too, and she could tell he was concerned.

Brunie groaned. “I know, I know. It was risky, and dumb, and semi impulsive, but … she just shared something really special with me and I wanted to return the favor. It only seemed fair.” If Malik said she was right to do it, she wouldn’t feel as bad.

He eyed her in silence.

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just…this is not a girl friend smile. This is a girlfriend smile.”

“Mal…” she started, “it’s not…”

“No,” he cut her off, “I like it. I haven’t seen you smile like this since…”

“Don’t,” she ordered.

“Brunie…”

“Can I just have this, Mal? Without baggage, or it being a loaded issue. Can I just freaking have a friend? She really sees me.” Brunie desperately needed him to understand. _She sees me too well._

“What is that supposed to mean? We don’t see you? Carmela? The rest of the guys?”

“Of course you do but…” she tried to choose her words carefully. “I finally have someone who isn’t a soldier. I don’t have to talk strategy, or be careful about what I say, or put on a mask or…anything! I don’t have to be ‘Brunie, the player who sleeps with a different girl every night,’ or ‘Brunie, the gifted commander and the future of our generation.’ I just…I get to be me, and have opinions and have fun. Have something that’s only mine. Everyone else wants something from me, expects something of me. She just wants to know who I really am. Why can’t I just have that? Why can’t you just be happy that I have that?”

He observed her, evidently sad, and finally spoke. “Because I want you to have more than that.”

“But it’s enough for me, Mal. It’s more than enough, it’s great.’

“I believe you,” he said, and for a moment Brunie thought she was in the clear. “It’s great,” he repeated, “but it can probably be spectacular.”

Her face fell. She didn’t know what to say to him. _I can’t do this again_. And here was her best friend, pressuring her so hard to do just this. Not to mention, she wasn’t entirely upfront about what happened with Eve the last time she saw her.

“Mal…” she tried, “you know that…”

Before she could finish her sentence, Malik’s pager went off.

“Sorry,” he checked the pager.

“It’s okay.” _Saved by the beep._

“It’s Command,” he explained, “I have to head back.”

“What? Why? What’s wrong?” It wasn’t common that he was called in without her. The opposite made more sense.

“Eli made contact. They say it’s urgent.” He sounded worried.

“Okay, go. I’ll see you there in six and a half hours anyway,” she punched his shoulder. “Wake me up before that if necessary.”

“Okay,” he said.

“I mean it, Mal,” she insisted, because he never did.

“Yes Captain,” he saluted and turned to leave. “Sleep well. Love you, B.”

“Love you too.”

They smiled at each other and walked in opposite directions.

* * *

Not even five hours later a knock on the door woke Brunie up. She knew right away it was Malik. Someone else would have paged or called. Almost no one was allowed in her quarters. It was easy to pin it on her being a private person who wanted some separation between her army life, and personal life. While true, she also had a secret or two in her quarters. Secrets that Malik was privy to.

She pushed herself off the bed and opened the door, finding her best friend on the other side, as expected.

“Mal?” she asked groggily.

“Sorry, B, it’s been five hours. I waited as much as I could,” he apologized.

“No, it’s okay. What’s up?”

“We need to head to Command. I have a meeting with Eli tomorrow and we need to plan accordingly.”

Brunie rubbed her eyes and covered a yawn. “Did he give you anything at all?”

“Just hinted that it was about the north. I’ll know more tomorrow.”

“Great, that’s just great,” Brunie grumbled.

The north was their way to Canada. Canada was their way to get supplies from out of the state, and extending their network of ground transportation. The Resistance has been suspecting this development for days. Still, Brunie wasn’t happy at the implied confirmation.

“I’m sorry to wake you up in such a depressing way. Want me to wait for you?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she gestured at her bed, “sprawl over, and give me 5.”

Malik winked and jumped on the bed. “Awww…smells like Brunie!”

“Shut up.”She picked a random magazine from her dresser and threw it straight into his face.

“Ouch,” he winced in pain.

Satisfied with her aim and the pain she inflicted, Brunie went into the bathroom to get ready.

* * *

“We’ve worked with him before, haven’t we?” Corbin, their Colonel inquired. She was scanning the informant’s info currently presented on the screen in front of them.

“Yes,” Malik confirmed. “Code name Eli. He provided us with a lot of useful information in the past. His cover story for the Uppers is that he lost his wife and two children and switched sides because he blames us. But his family is actually safe and sound in the Maine Main Local. Wow, that’s hard to say,” he paused. “Anyway, he obviously wants to keep it that way, which makes this personal. So I have every reason to believe the intel is reliable.”

“Brunie?” their other Colonel, Cecily, turned towards the young Captain.

Brunie sighed.

“Activity in the north makes a lot of sense,” she pointed out. “They seemed a bit…fidgety recently, for lack of a better word. You know how I feel about too many good nights in a row, and this has been an incredible month for us.”

“You think they didn’t put a lot of effort, numbers wise, because their interest lies elsewhere?” Corbin half asked half stated.

“That would be my guess, yes.”

“Okay, but where?” Malik voiced what was on everyone’s mind.

“We need to think outside the box on this one,” Brunie warned. “We have the coast line. Maybe they’re counting on us assuming they’ll try to split that, when they’re actually looking at…Ohio? Kentucky?”

“God, why would anyone want to go to Kentucky?” Malik seemed at a loss.

“They used to have quite the good fried chicken back in the day,” Cecily provided casually, which won her a lopsided grin from Corbin.

_Here we go again,_ Brunie thought. The Colonels kept their personal lives private, but she always assumed.

“Wait, it might be the other way around,” Corbin realized suddenly.

“Right, right,” Cecily caught up. “So we assume they want to go for Ohio or Kentucky, when really, they’re targeting the coast line.”

“Either way it can result in us being isolated and fucked.” Brunie took a deep breath, putting her hands on the round table in front of them.

“I think mind games are definitely part of their whole MO for this one,” Cecily added. “The only way to know for sure is for Malik to talk to Eli.”

“When are you meeting him exactly?” Corbin crossed her arms.

“Tomorrow, fourteen hundred hours, upon your approval.”

“Want some back up?” Brunie elbowed him.

“Thanks, Captain, but he doesn’t do duos.”

Outside of that room, Malik could call Brunie anything he wanted, and she could probably get away with “Cor” and “Cec” when addressing the Colonels, but in that room there was an etiquette that no one questioned. Yes, they would make jokes, but the way they referred to one another was important, so there would be no confusion as to who’s in charge.

“Either way, Brunie, you know what that means,” Corbin put a hand on subordinate’s shoulder.

“A sleepover?” Brunie spoke with feigned excitement.

“Probably, no… certainly, more than one. This is gonna require a few days, maybe a couple of weeks away,” Corbin turned around to look at the screen that showed a map of the United States.

“But are we really that worried about the coastline?” Brunie inquired.

“Yes, we are,” Cecily replied without missing a bit.

“But the border is so well enforced, and home is a weak link. I don’t like to the idea of leaving you…”

“Brunie,” Cecily cut her off, “you know the drill. You’re special forces. You go where you’re needed. We’ve been fortunate this past year with most of the operations keeping you guys close to home. But the southern border is enforced as well. So you can go and join the other Specials. We’ll talk to the relevant Locals tomorrow, once we have more substantial intel.”

_She’s right,_ Brunie thought, _but it doesn’t mean I have to like it._ “How many guys are you thinking?”

“All of you,” Corbin stated.

“What!” Brunie and Malik spoke in unison.

“Absolutely not,” Brunie argued. “I am not leaving you exposed like this.”

“I didn’t realize this was a negotiation,” Corbin scolded. “Stop being such a drama queen. No one will know even that you’re gone. Not to mention, we have the Border Guard, and more than enough Locals close by.”

“And between us and all of those Locals, there are miles and miles of unmonitored territory that can be a great hiding place for small enemy units,” Brunie countered, raising her voice.

“These are still our territories,” Cecily reassured.

“You can’t be serious. Yes, they’re ours, but it’s not like all of it is covered twenty four seven. This is insane!” Brunie nearly yelled.

“Brunie…” Corbin warned.

Malik remained quiet. It wasn’t his place to argue. He made the initial contact with the informant three years ago, he kept bringing in useful information when he could. Telling his Colonels they were, in his opinion, wrong, wasn’t something that was going to happen.

“What is it that you’re not telling me?” Brunie demanded. “What is it that makes risking one of the most important Locals worth it?”

“Malik,” Cecily offered him an apologetic smile, “would you mind giving us a minute?”

“Of course, Colonel. I’ll be right outside. Holler if you need me,” he saluted and left the room. The dismissal was actually a relief.

“What is it?” Brunie snapped. She hated fighting with them, and the fact that the issue at hand was whether or not she should do what felt like abandoning her home, made things worse.

“Hey, cut it out,” Corbin ordered. “I know you’re worried but don’t forget who you’re talking to.”

“Do you realize what you’re asking of me?”

“To leave the home that you love unprotected for about two weeks,” Cecily stated calmly.

“Exactly!” Brunie protested. _How is this even a discussion?_

“Look, we’ll alert the nearest Locals” Cecily offered. “From other states, too. Then each one can send over a few soldiers. We’ll have reinforcement of about sixty to eighty people. _If_ need be. We’ll see tomorrow.”

“We’ll inform them that it’s a real possibility, and to be ready to get someone here at a day’s notice,” Corbin added.

Brunie exhaled. _This feels so so wrong._ She knew something shitty was coming. She just knew it.

“Once we know all that we can from Malik, we’ll decide how to proceed. But I expect that you’ll be leaving very soon and that’s what you should prep your guys for. Every other activity is on hold for the time being,” Corbin ordered.

“This is nuts,” Brunie shook her head. “The Specials are assigned to the Main Locals for a reason! You can’t…we’ve never left you completely exposed like this. Never!”

“Brunie, we have to keep the coastline safe,” Corbin argued.

“Of course we do, it’s the freaking coastline!” Brunie yelled. _Thanks for stating the freaking obvious._

“No, Brunie,” Cecily intervened, “you don’t understand.” She exchanged looks with Corbin.

Corbin sighed. “Tell her.”

Brunie gave Cecily a questioning look, and not a happy one.

“Central Command… is pushing for a colony,” Cecily provided quietly. She knew she was dropping a bomb.

Brunie’s eyes grew wide. “No. _No_ ,” she backed away from the table, wrapping her hands around her midsection. “That can’t be true. It’s too dangerous. We’re not ready!” she shook her head, on the verge of tears.

The two Colonels felt for her. They could only imagine how she was feeling. Neither knew if they should try and comfort her, or give her space.

“Brunie,” Corbin spoke eventually, “we can keep doing what we’ve been doing forever, but this isn’t the point of all of this,” she reminded. “It’s been nineteen years. We can’t keep going like this. What we’re doing is just preservation. At some point, we have to push forward. Don’t you want to head back up? Because I know I do, in my lifetime. This can be a real game changer.”

“But…we already tried that. It didn’t work.” Brunie’s body was shivering.

“But that was ten years ago,” Cecily stepped towards her and put a hand on her shoulder. “Conditions are very different now. We have the coast, we’re spreading west. It’s not perfect but it might never be. All those unpopulated areas are an opportunity. We have to start going back, begin our rise. Sometimes we just have to take a leap.”

It was the wrong choice of words and Cecily knew it straight away. Brunie had such a pained expression on her face that Cecily thought the girl was about to faint.

Brunie couldn’t be on board with taking a leap like that, couldn’t contribute to that.

_They’ll look for the smartest, most capable people we have, first._ She knew. _People like Eve, maybe?_ That’s how it happened last time. They preferred families, so that the kids will eventually join their parents and create a real sense of normalcy, of a community.

_They promised I’ll see them soon._ They just wanted things to be ready, more habitable.

“He said he’d teach me to play ball,” she remembered quietly. “I told him he was being ridiculous and that I was fourteen, and he said ‘yeah but you never had a yard with an actual grass before.’” She swallowed hard.

Cecily and Corbin didn’t utter a word. They knew how this story ended.

Five weeks after they left, and only a week before Brunie was set to join them, the colony fell - a surprise attack. The Uppers weren’t quite ready to have them back above ground, and almost everyone was killed. Malik’s parents were also in the colony. They survived, but chose not to return to their original Local. They picked Malik up, and came to search for Brunie. They needed a new start, and they grew extremely close to Brunie’s parents during the preparation seminars and their five weeks at the colony. They felt responsible for the young teenager. That’s how she met Malik. That’s how she lost her parents.

Instead of pitying her, the people thought it made her even bigger a hero. The orphan child who thrived, from a family that was clearly a family of heroes. A perfect image. _What do the people know anyway?_ She clutched her fists. _They also think that was our last connection to the Upperground. If only they knew._

“Someone made a very reckless decision, was so obsessed with winning, and we know how it ended.”

“Brunie,” Cecily tried, “I’m so sorry. This is hurting you on an extremely personal level, I know. But be honest with yourself, be honest with us. You’re not 15 anymore. How do you think we’re going to win this war?”

She didn’t answer. She always knew this day would come. Of course she knew. They can’t win an entire war from below the ground. They have to start somewhere. _I thought I’d be ready_. She felt the tears again, and committed to not letting them fall. She started laughing instead. _Always one disaster after the other_.

Corbin and Cecily looked at her in concern.

“Should we call Malik back in?” Corbin offered.

_First mom and dad,_ Brunie thought, _then… no._ She straightened her uniform.

This is why she didn’t let herself get involved. _Things go to shit_. She didn’t plan on experiencing any other heartbreak and she wasn’t planning on causing one, either.

“Brunie?” Cecily tried again.

“Permission to be dismissed, Colonels.”

“Brunie…” Corbin started.

“Look, you’re right,” Brunie cut her off. “It has to happen. That doesn’t mean I have to like it. Or cope with it tonight. So, just…give me some time.”

The Colonels gave her a sad glance.

“Granted,” Cecily finally agreed after a few moments.

Brunie nodded and headed out. They didn’t do salutes when it was just the three of them.

Malik was waiting for her right outside the door. She kept walking, couldn’t wait to put some distance between herself and Command.

“Well?” he inquired, catching up with her.

“What are you still doing here? Don’t you have a mission to prep for?”

“Hey are you okay? You look very pale,” he noted.

“I’m fine, Mal. Seriously, you maybe have like two hours of sleep left.”

“Well, I wanted to… hey, stop for a minute, woman!” He grabbed her by the shoulder to force her to stop.

She turned to look at him. “I told you, I’m fine.”

“You are so not. But, listen… I need to be selfish for a sec. We were gonna tell you at dinner this Friday, but in case…”

“Nope,” she stopped him. _God, not tonight._ “I’m not okay with any of whatever ‘in case I don’t come back’ bullshit you’re about to spill. This is a routine meeting with an informant, that isn’t even an overnight. Under no circumstances are you allowed to get hurt,” she barked.

“B, Carmela is pregnant.”

She starred at him in shock, then smiled widely, then got serious again. “Under no circumstances are you allowed to get hurt,” she repeated.

“I’m not planning on it,” he promised, “but I have to say this sis. In case something does happen…”

“I’ll take care of them,” she cut him off. “You know I will. But…”

“Yeah yeah, under no circumstances am I allowed to get hurt. I get it,” he rolled his eyes.

It was her turn to put both her hands on his shoulders.

“It’s an easy in an’ out. You’ll be back before Carmela even notices you’re gone.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” he chuckled.

She gave him a hug and pushed him away. “Go get some sleep.”

He started walking when she spoke again. “And don’t forget…”

“A clean barrel, a clean break, I know, I know!”

It wasn’t a kill order, it was a reminder to make sure his weapon doesn’t malfunction.

“And…”

“Stay sharp! I know! Go away!” he shooed her.

She smiled and resumed her walk back to her quarters.

_A whole new life, a whole new tiny person. Now that’s a reason for some hope._

She stopped abruptly when she realized she was standing below Eve’s stars, which also meant her own moon. She studied them for a few moments.

“Maybe,” she said quietly. “Maybe.”


	13. Chapter 11

Malik arrived right on time. It was a three hours ride north-east from their Local, so he left early. He knew that it was a much longer journey for his informant who had to come from god knows where. The man was constantly on the move. Malik got off his Humvee and stood in an open area.

There was no real reason for him to be afraid. If this was a set-up, he was doomed anyways, and if it wasn’t, well, the meeting took place in a remote enough of a spot, and after all, he wanted to be seen.

"You’re late”, a voice suddenly came from behind a group of trees.

Malik turned around. The other man came forward and Malik offered him a genuine smile. Whatever was the original catalyst that made Eli help The Resistance, he provided Malik with important information over the last few years, and he was putting himself in grave danger while doing so.

“No, I’m not,” Malik countered, “and it’s good to see you too, _Eli_.”

“Yeah, yeah,” the man brushed off. His real name was Noah. “Did you bring it?”

“Do I ever show up empty handed?” Malik protested and took out Noah’s payment. The agreement between the two men was clear. Every time they met, Noah wanted to see photos of his family, and if possible, a letter. Ever since he parted ways with them, he had to stay above ground, pretending to still belong to that world, while all he cared about was his family’s safety. Those meetings with Malik were his way of keeping tabs on them. It was his lifeline.

“God, the kids are so big,” he said, a mixture of excitement and sadness in his voice.

“Well, it _has_ been a while since the last time I’ve seen you, so…”

“I’m sorry. The Uppers were working on something big and I didn’t want to come to you before I was sure.”

“Relax, Noah. I’m just teasing. But now that you got your payment, how about some of that helpful information?”

Noah snorted. “Come on, Malik, we both know I’d give you this info anyway.”

It was true. Noah was so fed up with this war that almost cost him his family. He was willing to do whatever he could to help The Resistance. The photos and letters were Malik’s touch, and Noah couldn’t have appreciated it more.

“I know. It’s my undeniable charm. Get in the car, my friend,” Malik gestured at the passenger’s seat and Noah did as he was asked. They needed to be able to escape quickly in case someone _was_ watching them.

“You’re not gonna like it,” Noah warned once they were both seated.

“Great. Off to a good start,” Malik gave him a side eye.

“They’re going for Kentucky.”

“Right. I owe Brunie a month of doing her laundry, so this really _is_ terrible news,” Malik groaned. “Okay. Kentucky and then all the way up to Canada. Well, I suppose it could have been worse,” Malik sighed. In reality, no news were good news in this scenario, so at least it wasn’t the worst possible news.

Kentucky was important. It was their key to the north and the west, but they had Ohio, and they had Tennessee, so they could probably maintain Kentucky. The issue was that it would delay their plans of taking over Michigan, and Michigan could’ve been a great asset, and could’ve helped their Canadians friends to take over more parts of the south of Canada. Having Michigan meant surrounding Toronto, and having Toronto meant surrounding Ottawa. The Canadian Resistance was more than ready to have their capital back.

_No doubt_ , Malik thought, _Kentucky is a setback._

“Are you still with me, Malik? Because I’m not done.”

“Sorry. What?”

“I was saying that Canada was not the point, though it might be an added bonus as far as they’re concerned. What they really want is to break the coastline from the middle,” Noah explained , a grave expression on his face.

“Shit,” Malik moved in his seat, different possible outcomes running through his head.

“Yes, I know.”

“That’s like the worst case scenario,” Malik pointed out.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Anything else?” Malik asked, starting to feel the need to head back home as soon as possible.

“You do realize that basically once they take over Kentucky, they’ll go for West Virginia, and then probably start spreading along the coastline on both directions.”

“Of course I realize that, Noah! Obviously, we’ll just have to prevent that from happening!”

“I’m sorry. I just want to make sure I actually voice all these details. And the forces’ movements in the west support this assumption,” he looked away. He hated bringing Malik bad news. But that was his job. “I won’t be surprised if once they have Kentucky they’ll also go for Ohio, strengthen their control over Michigan and South-West Canada.”

“Jesus, how many are they moving?” Malik asked in alarm. This was a very ambitious move.

“Not a huge amount at the moment, probably just enough to take over Kentucky. You know, moving peeps from Kansas, Nebraska, and Colorado, making their way through Missouri. But **,** I’m also hearing about movements in the west-north front,” Noah warned.

“They sure feel pretty comfortable in the West Coast, don’t they?” Malik observed bitterly. _Enough to move people from there to here._ It’s been a long time since something at this scale was in the works.

“Do they have a reason not to?” Noah inquired.

“We’ll see about that,” Malik narrowed his eyes. “Anything else?”

“Seems like no aircraft support. Mostly ground forces, some artillery,” Noah elaborated. “They already have people hiding on the ground, surrounding the Main Local.”

“Amount? Time line?” Malik pushed.

“There aren’t many of them. They’re counting on the element of surprise,” Noah provided. “But people are still moving in. I’d say you have about a week and a half. And Malik? They’re bringing in some K9s.”

Malik looked at him in shock. The Killer-9, or K9s as the Unders came to call them, were large robots, the size of a fleet carrier each. The Uppers used chips in their shoes, which allowed the K9s to shoot all over, targeting only Resistance soldiers. This created a very one-sided blood bath.

“I thought we got rid of all the K9s,” Malik gritted his teeth. This really was the worst case scenario.

“I know. So did I. I’m sorry,” Noah sighed. “But they’re only bringing in two. And as far as I can tell, there are less than ten left.” It’s been years since a K9 was used on the battlefield.

“Then we’ll stop these two like we stopped the rest of them,” Malik stated. Even with everything that Noah said, the numbers were, as always, on The Resistance’s side. That had to count for something.

 _At least no aircrafts_. The Resistance had its own, but since technology was involved, and technology required money, they were outnumbered on the air front. A ground battle, complex as it may be, was always a better option for them.

Noah didn’t speak. He could tell Malik was processing, planning. And Noah had his own concerns.

“I have to head back,” Malik finally spoke. “Are you gonna be okay?”

“You know me, I manage,” the man reminded with a smile. “Are _you_ going to be okay?”

“I have to be. Where are you headed now?”

“I’m thinking New Mexico or Utah. I’ll see if I can get more info about what’s going on with the movement in the west.”

“Thanks, Noah.”

“Don’t mention it, just bring videos next time,” he ordered.

“You got it,” Malik chuckled.

“Nice wheels,” Noah tapped on the humvess door by his side and jumped over it. “Drive safe.”

“You too.” Malik watched the man disappear behind the trees again.

He started the Humvee and the three hours ride back home, thoughts and ideas swirling in his head.

* * *

“This is the worst thing ever, but at the same time it’s the best thing ever,” Brunie noted, a mischievous smile on her face.

“Do explain,” Corbin requested. From her point of view it was all bad.

They were sitting at Command, discussing the information Eli had provided. It was seven p.m., an hour after Malik had returned.

“Well, you know,” Brunie started explaining, “ _If_ we survive this and come back. We can finally start thinking about Phase 2 more seriously. I mean, let’s face it. Our numbers are way, way bigger. Which means that if we maintain Kentucky, and start pushing them through Indiana and Illinois… I mean, here’s the thing. Clearly, they’re getting a bit too comfortable in the West Coast. If they’re moving forces over here, and we’ll show them a good time in Illinois and Indiana, we might wanna start thinking about taking Nevada then Oregon. If NorWest Mexico will agree to help with reinforcements, then I think that between them, and us in California and Arizona, we can make a breakthrough in the West coast.”

“Umm…” Cecily started, but the younger soldiers were getting too excited.

“That’s a very good point, B,” Malik agreed. “And Noah told me he was headed to New Mexico or Utah, or I’m guessing possibly Colorado to see what’s what. Maybe by the time we’re back from Kentucky…”

“If we’re back from Kentucky,” Brunie reminded.

“Yes, yes”, he said dismissively, “If. By the time we get back, we might have some relevant info. Give or take a couple of weeks.”

“Brunie…” Corbin tried.

“You were talking about a real game changer,” Brunie reminded. “I’d say this is pretty huge.”

“You only want Nevada because you’ve never been to a Casino before,” Malik teased.

“A. That’s such a lie, B. I’ve been to a Casino before,” Brunie countered victoriously.

“What? Where? When?” He himself has never been to one and that was, he thought, extremely unfair.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, but a lady never tells,” sh gave him a wink.

“Stop,” Cecily hammered a clutched fist onto the table. “You have no idea what you’re dealing with.”

“Colonel,” Brunie tried, “surely…”

“No. You listen to me right now. You have no idea…” the expression on her face could only be described as horror-stricken. She turned away from them.

“Take a break, Colonel,” Corbin’s words may have not been a request, but she spoke so softly, that Brunie realized she was trying to be comforting.

Cecily didn’t turn back, she followed the advice given by other Colonel and left the room.

Brunie turned to Corbin, full of remorse. “I’m sorry, Colonel. We were out of line. How mad is she?”

Corbin sighed. “She’s not mad. She’s terrified. For you.”

“Colonel,” Malik jumped in, “believe me, we realize that the K9s are…”

“You don’t realize shit,” Corbin cut him off. “Your generation is so lucky.”

“ _Our_ generation is lucky?” Brunie protested. “I hardly remember the thing I’m fighting for! You had a whole life up there!”

“Yes,” Corbin gritted her teeth. “And you’re the generation that will reclaim it. Half of my generation is gone because of this war.”

They didn’t know what to say to that.

“Cecily’s entire unit was killed by a K9. It was a total blood bath. She only survived because she was buried under the body of an Upper.”

“I’m sorry. We didn’t know,” Brunie looked down in shame.

“I get that sometimes humor is the best way of coping in these situations, but this is plain denial,” Corbin warned. “You’ve never faced a K9 before.”

“We can do it, Colonel,” Brunie promised.

“Yeah, the Specials have always dealt with the K9s,” Malik added.

“Listen to me. Once you manage to get into this thing, _if_ you manage to get into this thing, it’s like a maze in there. Heavily guarded. Navigating your way around that thing is extremely dangerous, and that’s assuming they haven’t made modifications to the layout in the last eight years.”

The watchtower alone was intimidating. It was built at the very edge of the K9, looking like a neck, giving the whole thing the look of some twisted dog. Hence the nickname.

“I don’t understand,”Brunie shook her head. “Do you _want_ us to be afraid?”

“We want you to be careful,” a voice came from behind them. Cecily just walked back in. Her voice was steady, but she seemed very pale. “We want you to know what to expect.”

“We never really know what to expect, though,” Brunie reminded. “We walk out through that entrance, and we never assume we’ll walk back.”

“We have to speak to Central Command ASAP,” Cecily approached the console and started preparing the communication channels. “Be here first thing tomorrow, and prepare your guys to leave in about four days.”

“That’s way too long!” Brunie wasn’t even surprised by the nonverbal agreement between her colonels. She was used to it. It was creepy at first but that’s just how smoothly they worked with one another when it came to decision making.

“You gotta have time to train,” Cecily stated flatly.

“Were either of you ever _in_ this thing?” Malik’s eyes narrowed.

“I was,” Corbin informed. “So believe me when I tell you, four days is nothing.” She turned away from them, moving closer to Cecily.

Malik and Brunie exchanged looks. _Are we dismissed?_ Brunie wondered.

“You’re going to be integrated into the larger force,” Cecily added, still not looking at them. “Which, FYI, you’ll probably be leading, Brunie.”

“I mean, obviously.” She was hoping to lighten the mood, but she was just ignored.

“Under the circumstances, we can probably assume that you’ll break down into smaller units,” Corbin instructed. “We want you guys to do Main Local Circumference exercises. These exercises are also good for K9 prep.”

Brunie was about to speak but Cecily stopped her. “Don’t even try and tell us you do those all the time. Different states, different rules. And a goddamn K9 to consider. You’ll take tomorrow for M.L.C training, the day after is for small unit forest training, and then a day before you leave you’re here for a meeting, and then rest and nothing but rest. Once you get there you’ll have a few more days of additional training with the others.”

“But…” Brunie tried.

“Don’t even,” Corbin warned. “You heard the woman, and we need to get on this call. So scram.”

They were almost at the door when Corbin said “actually, stay for a minute Brunie.”

She gave Malik a small smile as he turned to leave. She could tell he was really worried now. Once he exited the room she stepped towards the table.

“You’ll be here every morning for a debrief before training. We’ll keep you posted regarding news from Central Command,” Corbin ordered.

“Yes ma’am.”

“That’s all, dismissed,” Corbin waved her hand and Brunie started walking towards the door.

“And Brunie?” Cecily stopped her again.

“Yeah?”

“The colony plans we talked about?”

“What about them?” Brunie felt a shiver go down her spine. _Are we actually still talking about it? After all of this?_ For the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel like victory was such a sure thing.

“It’s going to be in North Carolina.”

 _Home_. She swallowed hard.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Just some food for thought,” Cecily provided softly. “Dismissed. For real this time.”

Brunie gave the women a polite smile and turned to leave. _Food for thought my ass_.

* * *

Once Corbin was sure Brunie was out of the room, she turned to look at her partner.

“You know she’s not wrong about Phase 2. We _will_ maintain Kentucky. And we _will_ be in a good spot to launch Phase 2.”

“We will,” Cecily agreed. “But will she live to witness it?”

Corbin lowered her head. Cecily finally hit the button on the console, contacting Central Command.

They had a lot of work to do.


	14. Chapter 12

Three days of training had gone by and Brunie and her unit were headed to Kentucky the following morning.

 _Are we ready for this?_ She wasn’t usually full of doubts, and she didn’t care for the feeling. 

She was laying under the stars again, at the very same spot where she and Eve laid together just a week before. Brunie smiled at the memory, then breathed out in frustration. Spending time with Eve like that felt so good. _Too good_ , she thought. The kind of good that she was trying to avoid since she was seventeen. She tried to tell herself it only felt so good because of the intimacy of the situation, and the stars, and being so isolated, together. Yet there she was, a week later and with much bigger concerns on her mind, and she couldn’t deny that the memory of that night still made her feel the same way. _Keep telling yourself it’s no big deal, you little idiot_. She was terrified.

“Hi,” a sudden voice made her jerk in surprise. She looked up and saw Eve who was grinning down at her.

“Holly shit!” Brunie put a hand on her still pounding heart. “You scared the shit out of me,” she admitted.

“Ah, yes, here lies the brave woman who keeps us all safe at night. I’ll sleep much better from now on,” Eve mocked.

“Oh, there will come a time for a payback, and then we’ll see who’s brave,” Brunie announced with a smirk. It disappeared a second later. _Will there be a time for a payback?_

“Yeah, but I’m not a soldier. No one expects me to be brave,” Eve shrugged, oblivious to the change. “What’s your excuse, Captain?”

Brunie smiled softly, but remained quiet.

Eve sat down next to the now also seated Captain.

“How did you get here without being seen?” Brunie suddenly asked, genuinely curious and more than a little concerned. 

“Well,” Eve crossed her arms, “Doctor Dante liked me ever since I re-set his shoulder. I asked him where exactly the guards’ post was located, and he was also kind enough to volunteer some info about the guard of this shift. The kind of info you can use for blackmail,” she explained with a smug smile.

“I must say, I didn’t know you had it in you,” Brunie teased. _The only reason he helped you is because he assumed that as a morning nurse you’ll find out soon enough._

“I’m full of surprises.”

“I can tell. What was the info?”

“Oh, you know. The guard is sleeping with his wife’s best friend. Regular stuff,” Eve shrugged.

“So basically, first world problems,” Brunie offered and they both laughed.

“We live in the sewers,” Eve reminded, “can we really ever have first world problems?”

“Well,” Brunie laid back down, “we live in _well maintained_ sewers.”

Eve watched her and decided to lie down as well. “Can I tell you a secret?” she asked quietly, eyes fixed on the stars.

 _Uh oh._ “Um, yeah, sure.”

“I know the constellations,” Eve confessed.

“You do?” Brunie was surprised, and relieved.

“I do.”

Brunie studied her. She could tell the woman was thinking, so she looked back up and gave Eve some space.

“This,” Eve pointed, “is Aquarius. Which I’m kinda shocked we can actually see. I’ve heard it’s really faint. By the way, some of the stars in the constellation have names that have to do with luck and good fortune. So… I hope you consider yourself lucky!”

“Very lucky with my sewers-living!” they both giggled. _I needed this_ , Brunie realized.

“Here’s Sadalsuud,” Eve continued and Brunie gave her her full attention. “There’s Skat, oh, and of course, Sadalmelik, and…um…I think this one might be Gliese 849, but I’m not sure, and…okay, stop looking at me like that,” Eve demanded once she realized that at some point during her spiel Brunie turned to observe her.

“Like what?” Brunie inquired innocently.

“Like I’m a major nerd,” Eve accused.

“You _are_ a major nerd” Brunie smiled, “and it’s very endearing.” _Why did I say that? I definitely didn’t mean to say that._

Eve huffed.

Brunie knew this was an opening to move on from the moment, but she couldn’t. “Seriously, Eve. You are super smart. How do you know all of this?”

Eve felt her cheeks getting warm, and hoped that it was dark enough for it to go unnoticed.

“Um…my dad taught me. Clearly, it was from a book. So there’s a big fat chance that I’m totally wrong,” she explained and Brunie snorted. “And now you know all about my nerdy upbringing,” Eve concluded.

Brunie seemed contemplative for a few moments.

“VCR,” she finally blurted.

“What?”

“VCR. That’s my nerdy obsession,” Brunie explained. She almost seemed embarrassed.

“Is that..?”

“Yep. Those old… tape… players. Even in the old world they were basically obsolete. My parents had one. Apparently my great grandfather passed it on. I was obsessed with it. My parents used to show me cassettes from the old world all the time when I was younger.”

“Cassettes? Really? Wow. That’s so many levels of old school,” Eve teased and made Brunie chuckle.

“I know! See? I told you. You have nothing to be embarrassed about,” Brunie reassured. “I, too, am a major nerd.”

“ _You_ … are a _captain_ nerd,” Eve deadpanned.

“Eve…” Brunie scolded but burst out in laughter.

“Can I see it?” Eve got excited. “The VCR I mean. I’d love to see how it works.”

“It got destroyed during a Hail Missile hit a few years ago. It’s one of the only things I had left of them,” Brunie bit her lip. Not many people knew this about her. _Isn’t this exactly what you wanted? Someone to share things with?_

“Oh, Brunie, I’m really sorry.” Eve didn’t need to ask what happened to Brunie’s parents. She knew. Everyone knew the story of the fallen colony, after which the Unders never again returned to the Upperground. Or so they thought.

“Yeah… me too,” Brunie swallowed hard. “I can’t watch my Ninja turtles,” she tried to lighten the mood.

“Again with the ninja turtles!” Eve feigned frustration.

“It’s _so_ good! They are _so_ cool!” Brunie exclaimed. “And I still have all the tapes. I hid them under my bed, so they somehow survived the bombing. It’s all collector items you know. Too bad I can’t watch it,” she added, reminiscing.

“Yeah, too bad indeed,” Eve agreed. “I lost my parents, too,” she blurted. She didn’t intend to, it just happened.

“You did?” Brunie was surprised.

“Yes. No,” she shook her head. “I mean… my dad isn’t…” she took a deep breath, “it’s stupid. I don’t know why I said that. Just forget I even mentioned it.”

 _Pain_ , Brunie recognized. She knew it all too well. “You can tell me,” reassured.

Eve looked up at her. “Do you really want to know?”

“I do.”

“Um… my mom, well… My father isn’t dead. Though sometimes it feels like he is. I know it sounds crazy, and cruel, you actually lost your parents, but…”

“Eve, it’s okay.”

Eve searched Brunie’s eyes. She could tell Brunie meant it. “He… he’s in the LA Local. He left when I was fourteen.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you go with him?” Brunie figured she shouldn’t push on the mom front, but she knew that she’d follow her parents anywhere if she had another chance.

“Um…” Eve hesitated.

“Hey,” Brunie took Eve’s hand and squeezed it. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I told him I was gay. He didn’t want me to go with him.” Her words sounded cold. She was surprised she even managed to utter them.

Brunie examined her, puzzled. “I didn’t even know people still cared about these things.” She got angry. _Did her father actually leave her behind, for this?_

The anger also did well to mask the fact that the official confirmation about Eve’s sexuality mattered to her.

“Most people don’t,” Eve scoffed. “I just got lucky enough to be born to one of the only remaining homophobes in the world,” she added bitterly. “I guess there will always be people who care about these things.” She paused. “There were other stuff going on back then too, so…”

 _I can’t believe I just told her that_ , Eve thought. Jordan and Rita were the only two people who knew that familial detail about her.

“I’m really sorry, Eve. You didn’t deserve that. And it’s his loss.”

“Yeah, it’s alright. I was just about to join nursing school anyway, so…”

“So…you grew up to be this awesome, smart person who helps people and he’s missing out on that,” Brunie finished her thought.

Eve gave her a sad smile. “Thank you.”

Brunie could tell there was more. “You still miss him, don’t you?”

“Not really,” Eve denied.

“You don’t have to pretend,” Brunie promised. “I can tell you’re hurt,” she squeezed Eve’s hand again. “You loved him. You still do. You miss the father who taught you about the stars. I get it.” She brought herself up to lean on her elbow, now looking directly at Eve. “I was so mad at my parents for so long for going to that colony without me, and then dying on me, but… just because I was mad didn’t mean I stopped loving them. And I bet that in his own damaged way he still loves you, too,”

Eve nodded, letting the words sink in.

“Thank god for Mal’s parents. They are the only family I have left,” Brunie noted without even realizing she verbalized the thought.

Eve brought herself up to mirror Brunie’s position.

 _She’s so pretty with the moonlight on her face like that,_ she thought. “Sometimes I feel like I’ve known you forever,” Eve admitted. It made Brunie look at her in a way that she couldn’t quite figure out, which in turn made her regret her confession. s“Sorry! Sorry! That came out really creepy!” _Idiot._

“Um…”

“It’s just…” Eve cut into whatever Brunie was about to say. “I don’t know. Being here like this? I mean I’m just getting to know you but it’s like my soul had known you forever. You know?” _What was that? You’re making it worse!_

“Um…”

“Oh my god, shit. I’m really messing this up,” she dropped herself on her stomach, burying her face in the ground.

“Oh, it swears,” Brunie teased.

“Brunie! “ Eve groaned and slapped Brunie’s shoulder which made Brunie laugh.

“I’m sorry!” she offered while protecting her face from Eve’s wrath. “I saw you were struggling and I was just trying to diffuse the situation!”

“You know what?” Eve huffed, “forget it!”

She turned on her back and pretended to watch the stars, ignoring the fact that Brunie was still staring at her.

“I do know,” Brunie admitted quietly.

“What?” Eve turned to look at her, visibly confused.

“I know what you mean, but it’s just… everyone around here knows who I am so I guess I…”

“Just because people know who you are doesn’t mean they know you,” Eve stated, irritated.

Brunie observed her in surprise. _She gets it. She gets me._ Eve saw her for who she was, and gave her the benefit of the doubt. “No. No it doesn’t.”

“I think I do know you, though,” Eve insisted.

“My soul,” Brunie provided with a smirk.

“Right. Even if just a little bit,” Eve mirrored the smile.

“I’m starting to think so, too,” Brunie confessed in a shaky voice.

They stared at each other for a few seconds before Brunie broke the silence.

“Thanks Eve. I really needed this.”

“Hey, my pleasure.”

“You’ve been such an amazing friend,” Brunie added, making sure Eve knew she really meant it.

 _Friend_ , the word stung, but then something else registered. “This sounds a whole lot like a goodbye.”

“I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“What? Where? Why?” Eve sat up, panic evident on her face.

Brunie sat up as well, looking down as she spoke. “I really can’t tell you that.”

“What, are you not coming back?” Eve chuckled, though she didn’t find this funny at all.

Brunie locked eyes with her. _You have to be honest, you owe her that._

“I want to. But it kinda depends on how things go.”

“But…I just found you,” Eve’s voice broke,

“I wish I’d had met you sooner,” Brunie had to push down the tears. _You gone and done it, you fool. The one thing you’re not supposed to do._

She wasn’t sure what would happen if she stayed there with Eve like that any longer. _This isn’t headed anywhere good_ , she thought.Their conversation was getting extremely emotional, and she had to be focused. Lives depended on it. She stood up and glanced down at Eve sadly.

“Bye, Eve.”

“Bye, Brunie. Please be careful.”

Brunie nodded and left her there, practically bolting back towards the entrance to the Local. She didn’t know when it happened, but she could feel her cheeks were wet. It made her mad. Mostly at herself, but somewhat at Eve. _Stupid Eve,_ the weird girl that she met only two weeks prior and now could hardly leave behind. _She’d be devastated if I don’t make it back. Stupid Eve. Stupid me._

On her end, Eve was watching Brunie go, maybe for a while, maybe forever.

 _How can this be happening?_ She wondered. They connected. Eve was convinced of that. They really connected. Brunie opened up to her and listened to her when Eve spoke about her inner most personal thoughts. _And now this?_

She, too, could feel her cheeks were wet. She didn’t even try to fight it.


	15. Chapter 13

Brunie and Malik were on one of the three choppers their unit was given. Most of their soldiers were to be in Kentucky only two days later.

Central Command wanted Brunie to get there quickly, so they gave her the means to do so. Her crew worked with her so smoothly that no one feared that a two day delay will hurt their performance.

 _Either that, or they just figured it’s a lost cause for some of us_. She hated being in the air. She wasn’t afraid per se, but as an Under kid she liked feeling the ground under her feet. Most of them did.

“Did you say goodbye to your girlfriend?” Malik teased. He saw her lost in thought and figured she can use a distraction.

“I did,” she replied honestly.

“What, no rebuttal?”

“You were right, Mal,” she admitted, biting the inside of her cheek. “I want more than to be her friend.”

He grabbed her hand. This wasn’t what he was expecting on the way to the unknown. This should’ve been a happy admission, but he recognized the tragedy in her figuring it out at the worst possible timing. So did she. She sighed.

“Tell me about her?” he asked, making her smile.

“Her name is Eve. She’s a weirdo,” Brunie bit her lip. “And a total nerd.”

“A match made in heaven, then?”

“Shut up!” she pushed him lightly, making him chuckle. And why wouldn’t he? His plan was working.

“What else?” he demanded.

“She’s really smart, she’s into astronomy, and she draws, I think. She can get flustered really quickly, which is very cute,” she pauses, considering how much to share. “Her parents aren’t around, so, we have that in common. And I can tell by the way she talks to me that…”

“That what?”

“That she gets who I am.”

Malik gave her a toothy grin. He looks like a kid on the morning of his birthday. She loved him for caring about her so much.

“What does she do?”

Brunie froze. He was never going to let her live this down. “Um… she’s a nurse,” she blurted.

“B…” He had the biggest smile on his face.

“A really good nurse, from the looks of it,” she added quickly, trying to ignore him.

“Your rules!” he announced victoriously.

“Ugh, I know,” she hid her face in her hands.

“First you go and fall in love…”

“I didn’t say anything about love!”

“Then you tell me it’s a ‘work’ person?”

“Malik, I know I’m breaking all my fucking rules!” she raised her voice, looking around to see if anyone else heard her, grateful for the extremely loud wind.

“Well, nurses _are_ sexy,” he announces in glee.

“You’re a pig.”

“Oh, I like this,” he exclaimed. “I like this a lot. This girl turned your world upside down in a matter of what?”

“Two and a half weeks,” Brunie averted her eyes.

“And you don’t even know that much about her. You are totally hooked.”

 _Why don’t you just take out the party hat, asshole?_ She narrowed her eyes at him.

“What I do know is that being with her feels really good,” she admitted. “And I know that I just found… whatever this is, and I had to say goodbye.”

“I’m sorry,” he squeezed her hand.

“Don’t be, that’s what we do,” she brushed off.

“We gotta get you back home in one piece, B. I have to see how this ends.”

Brunie groaned.

“She really likes you, too, doesn’t she? Like, _genuinely_ likes you.”

Brunie nodded, amazed of how sure of it she was. “How can you tell?”

“Because you refused to talk about her,” he pointed out. “Up until now.”

Brunie laughed lightly.

“We both know that girls who genuinely like me are really bitchy towards me when we first meet,” she reminded bitterly. “Eve has been nice since day one. Well… ish. She did run out on me mid-treatment…”

“Didn’t you say she was a _good_ nurse?”

“Shut up. She got nice really quickly!”

“Yeah, well, not everyone has the ‘be mean at first’ M.O. when it comes to their love interest,” Malik noted. “Her being nice is a good thing, B. It doesn’t have to be that hard. I do appreciate the nostalgia, though.”

She gave him a half hearted smile, almost making him regret referring to the past, but she was the one who brought it up. Still, he was just about to apologize for the remark when Brunie spoke.

“Carmela?”

“You know,” he shrugged, “she’s used to it by now.”

“Yeah, but this is a long one. We didn’t have one of those in a while,” she pointed out.

“Yeah, not to mention she knows about the K9s,” he added absentmindedly, lost in thought.

“Mal, are you serious? That’s classified information!”

“Really? You wanna go there? She’s my wife, B. How long have you know your girl before you freaking took her Upperground?”

She was about to argue, but deflated. “That’s fair.” She knew his words weren’t meant as a low blow. He was right and she had been reckless.

“I had to tell her,” Malik defended. “This one is different.”

“Yeah, I know,” she gave him a pat on the shoulder.

“Meh. It is what it is. She’s the strongest person I know. Brave front, brave face. Like you said, that’s what we do.”

“Your wife is amazing,” Brunie grinned.

“She really is,” Malik confirmed with a pleased sigh. “You should try it sometime,” he added.

“Your wife?”

“No! I’m gonna throw you off this thing! Who’s the pig now?”

“For _once_ , I’m the pig!” Brunie scoffed.

They laughed for a few more seconds before falling into a comfortable silence. Malik studied the view through the window. “It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?”

“It really is,” Brunie agreed.

“I guess we got used to it, you know? We don’t think about the people who don’t even know we have all of this,” he observed.

“I know what you mean. But every now and then it still hits me. Like when we go somewhere new.”

“Or see something from up above,” Malik added, smiling.

They looked below at the beautiful view of the Cumberland Gap as they were closing in on their destination.

“Hey,” Malik spoke quietly, “remember the first time we were told about the Upperground?”

Brunie smile was bittersweet. She did.

* * *

“I cannot believe we actually control some Upperground.” Brunie was still in awe. Her mind was overwhelmed.

“You’re so naive, Brunie. You should have at least suspected,” Marcela scoffed. “What? All these years and zero Upperground? Zero progress? I mean, you almost moved to a colony for god’s sake. How exactly are you expecting to become the great strategist you claim you want to be? Please.”

“Do not talk to me about the colony,” Brunie warned.

Marcela huffed and left the room.

_Why do I ever bother to try and engage this girl?_

“What is her problem?” she turned to Malik who was seated next to her, signing the same forms she was signing.

“She’s just jealous, B. you got the best score at the entry tests, and now you got the highest grade at the final theory exams. She’s always coming second. Let her hate your guts. She’ll get over it the first time you save her life.”

“God, how does she even know my grades?”

“Please.Everyone is talking about the girl wonder,” Malik shook is head. “Cut her some slack.”

“Yeah, but why does she have to be so mean?” At times, Brunie was genuinely hurt by it.

“Probably because she’s the only other girl in the program this year,” Malik pointed out.

They were both nearly sixteen. After Brunie’s parents died, she had no doubt she wanted to take a very active role in making the bastards who killed them pay. Luckily for her, fifteen was the minimum age to join The Resistance Academy. Also lucky for her was the fact that her best friend idolized her, and would follow her to the end of the world.

Six months prior, they took their entry tests and passed easily. They studied hard and they studied together. It was personal for Brunie, so there was no way she wasn’t going to get what she wanted.

After entering the academy, they spent the following six months studying every possible theoretical thing that could somehow relate to their career as soldiers. They learned strategy, rank systems, theoretical weapon operation, layouts, and enemy forces structure.

Now, six months later, it was time to put the theory to test and send them to basic training. They were thrilled. They took the final theory exams and Brunie, of course, finished top of her class. They were waiting for instructions regarding the next four months of their lives.

They were shocked when the head of the academy, Major Corbin Banks, “stopped by” just to let them know that “by the way, we actually recovered some Upperground over the years, we didn’t lose it when the colony fell, and you’re going up there tomorrow to start your basic training.”

That’s how they found themselves in their current position, signing a very elaborate batch of forms. Forms that let them know exactly what was to happen to them if someone who wasn’t supposed to know about the Upperground found out.

“I can’t believe we’re gonna be in dorms. God,” Malik whined.

“It’s not that bad.”

“Of course _you_ ’ll say that, lady lover.”

She blushed. “What does that have to do with anything?” She spoke quietly.

When they just met nearly a year and a half prior, he tried to pursue her for exactly five minutes before she told him she was gay. But she didn’t put much effort into that aspect of her life. Her mind was too preoccupied.

“‘What does it have to do with anything?’ Please,” Malik scoffed. “I spend my days and nights with a bunch of dudes, and you get to peek at the ladies in the shower, peek at the ladies in your room. Basically, peek at the ladies. It’s like an all you can eat buffet.”

“‘All you can eat buffet?’ Mal, what the fuck are you talking about? There are no ‘ladies,’ remember? There’s just the one, and she hates my guts, and she absolutely does not act like a lady.”

“She hates you now, but wait until she sees that booty.”

“Mal!” she yelled and slapped the back of his head. “You’re such a pig.”

“Sorry, sis, we’ve been living together for a while. Some accidents are inevitable,” he defended. “But it also means I know what I’m talking about.”

Brunie stared at him with mouth agape as he finished signing his last form.

“Done,” he declared, put his pen down, got up, gave Brunie a big wet kiss on the cheek, and left the baffled girl alone in the room.

* * *

Brunie was watching her unit at work. She was sweaty, and covered in mud. It’s been four days since she and Malik got there, and two days since the rest of the guys joined from both their Local, and the rest of the Locals.

They were back on the M.L.C training during the day, and some of them had K9 layout sessions during the evenings. But the hour was looming. Now that they were there and could finally send scouts out, the intel has been coming in for days. It appeared that The Leadership’s plan to use the element of surprise was about to backfire if Central Command was to order them to be the surprisors.

The enemy wasn’t stupid. No doubt they’ve noticed The Resistance’s choppers coming in a few days prior. They might not have seen the ground transportation bringing in the majority of the force, but they knew that The Resistance was expecting them. Central Command was trying to see if the enemy made adjustments accordingly.

That morning, Brunie joined a video conference in the Local’s Command. She figured the enemy will either try to attack sooner, or postpone their attack until they’ve got some reinforcements. Either way, The Resistance had the upper hand when it came to numbers, and Brunie’s vote was to attack as soon as possible. It’s not like the K9s would miraculously become nicer to handle a few days later, and the teams assigned to taking them down already knew the layout by heart.

They managed to map most of where the enemy was located, but even if they missed a few small units, they planned on leaving a unit behind to watch over the Main Local.

Brunie was afraid the enemy targeted more Locals, but it seemed like they counted on taking over the main one, and then go from the middle of the state outward. Same plan that they had for the coastline. Either way, Brunie was going to make sure both plans failed.

Most of her superiors agreed with her and the result was that The Resistance was set to attack the following day, rather than waiting the additional three to four days. Not ideal, but probably even worse for their enemy.

The K9s made things trickier. It forced them to attack both the forces on the ground and the K9s on the same day. They had to kidnap soldiers and steal the chips from their shoes before anyone realized they were missing and warn the K9 crew. They couldn’t do that days ahead of time. It also meant Brunie had to split her unit. She hated that.

“You okay, boss?” she felt a hand on her shoulder.

She turned around and found Jericho smiling at her. He was also covered in mud, head to toe.

“You look ridiculous, Jer.”

“Well, Cap, so do you. Jeez, do you ever shower?” 

She quirked a challenging eyebrow at him.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I meant ‘do you ever shower, ma’am?’”

Her guys were a bunch of smartass idiots, but what could she say? So was she.

“You’re an asshole,” she noted, “I think I’m gonna shower right now, as a matter of fact.”

“And leave all of us stuck in the mud?”

“Not quite,” she told him and turned around.

“Listen up children,” she called into the megaphone she was carrying around during training. “If you’re done playing in the sandbox, do get your asses over here.”

Within a few seconds they were all gathered around her. She was commanding a bigger unit than usual, but she was only supervising her own unit from home during training. She had other commanders as her eyes and ears with other units, and she made sure everyone got the same briefings when it came to content, and schedule.

“Fellas, you look and smell disgusting and I believe we are ready.” _As ready as we’ll ever be_.

Everyone cheered.

“We still have daylight. Go, take a shower, take a walk to clear your heads, enjoy the sunset, and…rest. We’re leaving at three hundred hours tonight. Please, take care of your mental and physical state,” she ordered.

Back when she was just a young officer, a comment like that would be followed by a guy saying ‘wanna help me take care of my physical state?’ It took a few months, a few severe punishments, and a few wounded limbs and egos to eventually show the boys exactly who’s the boss. But it’s been years since someone even considered saying something like that to her. Even with soldiers who met her for the first time. Everyone knew who she was, everyone respected her, and the energy that she used to spend on fights with rogue subordinates, was now channeled towards the real fights at hand.

“Clean barrel, clean break,” she cited.

“Clean barrel, clean break!” the soldiers shouted.

“Dismissed,” she allowed, and the guys started to disperse.

“Dinner later?” Malik proposed. She nodded in confirmation and he left her there, knowing she appreciated a few moments alone. She’s been taking the time to enjoy the air every day after training, whether they were home or not.

She watched the guys getting further and further away. They were all covered in mud after crawling in it, jumping into it, climbing out of it, and whatnot.

They looked like a hot mess. It made Brunie smile.

* * *

Brunie was happy. Yes, she was sweaty, and disgusting, and covered in mud, but hey, she was about to take a shower, and she just finished another basic training midterm top of her class.

In two months she’d graduate basic training, and she knew the academy had two open spots for the next officers’s course. She worked hard, every day from dawn to sunset, and she had every intention of getting one of these spots.

She was also doing good socially. The other guys saw that she could hold her own, and in general, Brunie was just an easy person to get alone with. She was serious, but easy going, smart, but not a snob, ambitious, but not cruel, and funny. All of these attributes, plus the fact that she was always willing to help a fellow soldier, made her quite popular. Everyone liked her. Well, everyone except for maybe…

“Hey!”

There it was. The voice of the other person who had her eyes on one of those two spots.

“If I’ll ignore, it, will it go away?” Brunie mumbled under her breath.

“Hey! I know you can hear me! Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you!”

“I guess not,” Brunie groaned and stopped walking. “What do you want, Marcela?”

Marcela had it out for her ever since day one. There was constant bickering, rudeness, and general unkindness that seemed to be reserved specifically for Brunie. Marcela was great with the others, but Brunie just set something off in her. Brunie finally admitted to herself that it had to be jealousy, but it’s been eight months, and Brunie wasn’t going to be any less good just to appease someone else’s ego, so she tried to just stay away.

That said, she couldn’t actually ignore Marcela when the girl was talking directly to her.

“What’s the hurry?” Marcela challenged when she finally caught up. “You don’t wanna stick around and look at our faces knowing that once again, you finished first unfairly?”

Their midterm consisted of an obstacle course, which Brunie finished two seconds before Marcela, who was hot on her tail.

“Unfairly? How the fuck was that unfairly, Marcela!”

“You were closest to the gun, you heard it first,” Marcela stated without hesitation.

Brunie laughed bitterly. There was no winning when it came to the other girl.

“You know what? I’m going to take a shower, I’m sick of your shit.”

While Brunie tried hard to avoid these encounters altogether (which was tricky considering they shared a dorm room,) or at least be the bigger person when they did occur, she was happy only a minute ago, and happiness didn’t come easy for her these days. So she snapped.

She turned to leave, but Marcela wasn’t done just yet.

“We all know why they make it so easy for you, orphan.”

Brunie turned around so quickly, that she managed to catch what she thought was regret in Marcela’s eyes. But it was gone and replaced with a challenging stare, so Brunie assumed she imagined it. Either way, she didn’t have much time to think about it because before she even realized what was going on, she was in the air, and took Marcela into the ground with her, and punched her straight in the face.

Marcela anticipated this and head-butted Brunie, surprising her for long enough to flip them over. She found herself straddling Brunie, and just before Brunie had the chance to hit her again, Marcela caught her wrists and put her arms above her head, trapping her completely.

“What is your problem?” Brunie spat in pain.

They were meant to be a unit. Brunie was so mad, and so hurt. She never thought anyone who was supposed to be on her side will hit so low. “What do you want from me? What did I ever do to you?” Tears started to fall. She didn’t want Marcela to see her like this, to let Marcela feel like she won, like she finally got to her. But her parents’ death was still a relatively fresh memory. Most days she wasn’t even remotely done grieving. Most days, she just kept distracted.

Marcela observed her without saying a word. Now Brunie could see actual regret in her eyes. There was no mistaking it, and it confused her.

“I’m sorry,” Marcela whispered, eyes still locked with Brunie’s.

“Yeah, well, you are not forgiven,” Brunie countered. But she knew as she was saying it that she didn’t mean it. Marcela never apologized before, and Brunie didn’t have the capacity for this kind of grudge, she just wasn’t built that way. Which was something she blamed her dad parents for.

And Marcela? she couldn’t figure her out. They had the potential of being such good friends. They were so much alike, but different enough.

Marcela, who was still staring at her, seemed devastated.

 _I need to get out of here_ , Brunie thought. She didn’t want to risk taking her words back and making Marcela think she was forgiven.

“Marcela…” she started, but was cut off when the other girl leaned down and kissed her.

It was a short kiss, and yet it still managed to convey an apology, and remorse. Then, Marcela pulled away and released Brunie’s hands.

Brunie was in shock. She searched Marcela’s eyes and found fear.

“I’m sorry,” Marcela repeated, her voice shaky.

Brunie didn’t know if she was apologizing for the orphan comment, months of being a bitch, the kiss that just transpired, or all of the above.

What she did know was that the always so self assured Marcela, seemed petrified. She appeared extremely vulnerable. It was as if she thought that Brunie finding out about the way she truly felt was something Brunie could use to destroy her.

Brunie could see all of that in those blue eyes that she was always jealous of. Even when they shot daggers at her.

But she didn’t want to destroy Marcela, and those eyes now had her mesmerized. Before she realized what she was doing, her hands were on Marcela’s neck, pulling her down for another short kiss.

When it ended, Brunie could see that the fear in Marcela’s eyes was replaced with surprise. There was something else, too. Something that Brunie didn’t quite recognize.

Marcela searched her eyes, hesitating, as if asking for permission, and when Brunie gave her a small, reassuring smile, she smiled too, and closed the gap between them for a real, passionate first kiss.

* * *

It was cold, and it made Brunie shake. Literally, and also out of her reverie. She was still standing outside, covered in mud. It was now dark.

_How long have I been standing here?_

She was mad at herself for thinking about the exact kind of things that she tried not to think about. Not on the night before a major battle, and not ever.


	16. Chapter 14

A/N: This week’s update is massive because unlike most of the material I posted so far, which is 2-5 years old, these two chapters are 99% new material born of the edits.

Also, chapter 15 alone is a monster of a chapter (but I won’t be surprised if there are more errors on these because I’ve re-read them the least amount of times.)

Thank you to those who follow this, I really appreciate it, and we’ll see Eve again next time, I promise.

* * *

**From the diary of an Under**

It’s been a weird week. They think we don’t notice these things, but of course we do. We live in an army culture. Every single person Underground either knows someone who serves, or knows someone who knows someone. It also means that most of us experiences war-related loss.

So it’s quite mind boggling that they assume we don’t notice when some of the more prominent soldier-residents of our Local are gone, and that a whole bunch of strangers show up.

Maybe they don’t really think we don’t notice. Maybe they just assume the human brain has a huge capacity for overcompensating, and I suppose that’s true. But the thing is – we’re mostly in the dark. Every sort of news we get is vague, filtered, colored by marketing and public relations strategies, I’m sure. The Resistance is a business, and it’s as if we’re all its customers. But wat it is we’re consuming is anybody’s guess. It’s been years since we got any real report on the status of the war. Who knows why. Maybe it’s because things are terrible. Maybe it’s the exact opposite and there’s some psychology involved there, or maybe it’s a boring stalemate and generations to come won’t see the light of day.

But when the status of our nice little status quo shifts, the mind always goes to the worst case scenario.

I’ve never met Brunie Kaya, not officially. But she has this presence around the Local. You’ll see her on Main Street with her unit, with her best friend and his family, with the occasional pretty girl heading out of The Rockets (full name: The Radio City Rockets, our very own gay bar.) She’ll smile politely at everyone, and whether or not that has any hold in actual reality, it’s soothing. They know that it is. That’s why they’re parading her around the Local. And we’re not complaining.

But that also means that when the usual suspects are MIA, we’ll notice, and that soothing feeling evaporates.

So what _is_ going on? No idea. But things around here have been gloomy. It’s been a long time since something like this happened, and last time, they did come back. Victorious, presumably, but that’s just a guess. And just because they came back alive last time (some of them, anyway,) doesn’t mean that that will be the case this time around. And what if they don’t? What does this place looks like without Brunie?

See? The brain goes there. And an existential crisis follows.

These things always make me think about how we even got here. Maybe, gentle reader, if you read it this the future, you’d like to know that, too. It might seem unfathomable, that more than half of the specie was forced to live Underground like rats, and that the other portion of the world’s population let that happen, but Rome wasn’t destroyed in a day. It took a while.

The war was about those few powerful people who wanted to remain the elite, and those who kept following them, thinking it was the promise of a better future. By the time some of them could even think about regret, it was too late and those “chosen few” were too strong.

People in positions of power wanted even more power and wanted to distance themselves from the poor, the unworthy. That’s how The Leadership was born. They were kind of like the board of directors… of the entire freaking world. 

At first, the _real_ poor people were the poor people The Leadership was referring to. The first ones to escape underground. As time went by, and the rich got richer as they tend to do, the definition of “poor” changed somewhat. It wasn’t just the jobless, homeless part of society. It was families with four, five children that lived under the poverty line. It was single parents (through divorce, or even widows and widowers) who struggled to maintain a certain life style for their children. It was either going underground, or risk being separated from their children and suffer some horrific, unknown fate. If you didn’t make a monthly average of at least $8,000, you didn’t stand a chance.

But let’s go back to that First Wave, the “real poor.”

The streets weren’t safe for them anymore. If they were used to being harassed before, or removed while sitting on a street corner, or sleeping on the train, things got way more violent. The Leadership passed new laws enabling them to employ private combat “law enforcement” that obeyed them directly. The Leadership took over. It wasn’t exactly announced officially, but everyone knew that.

They weren’t exactly subtle about their “clean up” intentions, either. The poor weren’t forced into the sewers. Not at first. Life on the ground became so harsh for the misfortunate during that First Wave, that they escaped underground. They thought they could live on leftovers, on the garbage of the people above them. They were used to it anyway after years of struggling on the streets. And The Leadership? The Leadership cared about appearances. What they didn’t see didn’t bother them. Why would it?

Sadly, as logic has it, every time one lowest class left, a new lowest class took its place. That’s how the Second Wave came to be. With mortgages higher than ever, banks not approving loans and so on, big families with low income found their way underground, too.

They were scared at first, knowing who was already down there, but they were surprised when they were welcomed with open arms. While humanity was at its worst, it was also at its best. The First Wave was more familiar with surviving under rough circumstances. The Second Wave, never having to live that way, struggled. But the First Wave shared, and helped, and taught, and little by little, a community was formed.

The Second Wave brought information: This was happening all around the world. But of course, those who already lived below the ground didn’t know that. That’s how they learned there were people like them everywhere, and the thought of coming together began to form.

Once these people found that they can survive, and they can cope, they also realized they were very resourceful.

The Second Wave also had more to begin with, and they didn’t come underground empty handed. They had clothes, and some food, electronics, and some cash that had no real value anymore, but one could never know. Since they were accepted kindly when they arrived, they responded in kind as well, and shared.

Some of them had family and friends that were still above ground, and so began a network of supplies and information to The Underground. People moved around between cities and states, reporting back to their loved ones below.

At first nobody noticed, but when The Leadership started to realize what was happening, people found themselves in custody, being accused of treason.

The First and Second Waves took additional steps towards becoming an actual society. Elections were held, jobs were assigned based on immediate need. That’s how the drilling and digging started. Low tech construction took place. They knew without a doubt and with everything they heard from the world above that more people would come eventually. They were right.

By the time the Third and Fourth waves arrived, they were as prepared as they could. While for the first two waves going Underground was technically a choice, the last two waves escaped. The Leadership was coming for them and they ran. The day the Third Wave started to run officially became the first day of the war. Which is why even though the war officially started nineteen years ago, some people lived underground for over twenty years. People who were the original “real poor people” found themselves having a second chance.

Space was an issue, so was health, but now there were nurses, and doctors, and architects and scientists. It took a while, but we managed to get ourselves back on our feet and expand, and create a network with other Locals. That’s how we call our cities.

The last two waves also revived the culture with books, and paintings, and all sorts of similar things from the old world. Libraries were opened, stores were, too.

It took years, but we managed to establish a government, an army, that’s The Resistance, and even launch worldwide TV stations. There were a lot of hidden gifts underground and we harvested many of them.

We learned how to engineer food (some of it still came from above the ground through people who put themselves at a huge risk), we managed to handle the waste of the Uppers. Sadly, some of it went to sea, contributing to the growing pollution. We were told some of the waste is burned, but it’s one of those magic processes that we’re meant to take at face value. Some waste actually serves for scientific purposes.

Our people were tinkers, they were smart, they had to survive and they pushed through. The Uppers’ junk was our free supply.

The war and the exile changed many. Some were already born Underground and didn’t know any other life, though they heard stories. Even so, the one thing that never changed was our wish to one day go back to the world, the real world, and feel the sun on our faces once more, or for the first time ever.

* * *

Apologies for the stoppage. It wasn’t for dramatic effect, I can assure you, but rather, because of a Hail Missiles attack. Again, you ask? And you are right to do so, since this is relatively too soon after the previous one. And who knows what that means, other than, as I said, something is going on this week.

Luckily, no injuries to yours truly, however, I did drop my pen right through a crack in the floor. It took me 20 minutes, and one metal hanger to get it out of there so I can resume this therapeutic practice.

Note to self: buy more pens.

Other note to self: find a time to search what else might be stuck in that crack.

Now, where were we? Right, the glorious history of the war and my people.

A lot has changed in the nineteen years since the Third and eventually Fourth Waves found themselves as part of the Underground.

We weren’t a bunch of people running for our lives anymore. Life wasn’t about survival. Life was about maintenance and moving forward. 

What I write next is purely hypothetical. There were many rumors over the years. Especially during the time when we tried to establish a new Upperground Colony. But nothing was ever confirmed, and what I know, or suspect, is compiled of whispers long forgotten.

Apparently, The Resistance took back some of the Upperground. In the U.S. alone they are rumored to have the entire East Coast, but who knows if that’s still the case or if it was ever actually true. Some think we have some territories on the Wast Coast, too. Maybe California and Arizona. West Mexico and East Canada were also rumored to be under Resistance control. If all of that is true, that’s quite a lot of North and South America.

Global news are even harder to come by, but last I heard, things in Europe were looking up. Whatever _that_ vagueness means. Who knows what’s going on in Africa and Asia, and what role we play in the progress of the general global front. Are we in the position of helping others? Did we ever attempt to establish more colonies?

I have to assume that the tunnels, the network we built to travel from one Local to another, mean that we’re on solid ground. That means that even if we don’t control the states, or all the states, we can still travel freely. Even if a tunnel gets occasionally blocked or destroyed, we somehow recover quickly. This must mean we’re doing better than The Resistance lets on. Mostly, when you truly think about it, there’s something empowering in the notion that we bounce back quickly. We find a way to turn disadvantages into advantages.

Once I heard this kid on Main Street telling his mother about school. She asked what they learned that day, and he explained that the reason The Resistance wasn’t worried about atomic warfare, was because The Leadership perceived everywhere as a future possible conquest, and they didn’t want to damage the goods. The only thing they could drop bombs on was themselves. The mother wasn’t even shocked that’s what they taught at school. Is that normal? Are we normal?

Obviously, we do get bombed occasionally, as has been established by the serious case of the pen-in-the-crack. But as I mentioned, that became more sparse, and it can’t be just because of resources on The Leadership’s end. I bet we’re not remotely as defenseless as we once were. And if we do indeed have parts of the coastline, that comes with new resources for us, too.And bases, and ports. That means ships, and tanks and planes, oh my. The ability to go overseas. The option of air combat. It’s nice to dream, isn’t it?

All these rumors and the thoughts they bring on just proves how little we actually know. But I understand, as I think of all of this with hope in my heart, how dangerous false hope can be. I hope that the people set to protect us really do that. If so, it seems like they’re trying to protect more than just our physical well-being.

What you need to understand is that after this long, we’re not refugees anymore. We’re a goddamn country under a goddamn country. We have schools, and theaters, infirmaries (sometimes hospitals,) and film studios. Even Underground hotels. Heck, the scientists even managed to replicate sunlight effect so the people could maintain good levels of Vitamin D. 

Don’t get me wrong. We’re far from being a Utopia, and we’re short on supplies periodically, but I think we’re thriving. Or as close to thriving as can be under the… under-ish circumstances. And the missiles. And the War.

The deficiencies didn’t stop us from helping and welcoming more refugees as they came throughout the years. Every now and then, it still happened.

As long as there are jobs to lose on the Upperground, as long as people could still become poor, there will always be refugees, and they will always have somewhere to go and call home.

We are the Waves, but the tide is turning.


	17. Chapter 15

“Not yet,” Brunie warned.

The six of them were huddled behind a bush, watching the tent that occupied their pending victims.

Jericho was giving her a questioning look.

“Wait for it.” They were dropped there be the extraction team nearly two hours, their limbs getting stiff, but this was a waiting game, and they couldn’t fuck it up because they were getting antsy. Too much was at stake.

Their prey of six left that tent, heading towards the K9 for their shift change. The K9’s entire parameter was surrounded by hundreds of soldiers, spread throughout it. They changed shifts in groups of six during different hours of the day. The idea was to keep people fresh, but also to avoid chaos and to not allow any openings in their parameter. That meant that The Resistance forces had to intercept a full unit of six, to take all of their places. Then, ideally, two of them can stay on the “edges” of that unit’s designated area, while the other four climb onto the K9.

The best entry point was The Tail, but the engine was all the way in the watch tower, the furthest point from The Tail.

Another questioning look, this time from Oz.

“Hold it,” she scolded, hoping for Aiden’s sake that his team was more patient. They had to wait until the sextet was far enough from the tent to not be heard once Brunie and her team took them down, but not yet close enough to the parking K9 to get noticed. Nuance was crucial here, and they were very lucky The Leadership didn’t give the orders to march yet. A moving K9 would have made matters much worse.

“Now,” she said simply, as if this wasn’t a matter of life and death.

This was about stealth. They had to be quick enough to change to the Uppers uniforms and not be late to their shift change. “Arms up,” she ordered, and they all aimed at once. “Fire.”

The silencers did their job, and in what was almost perfect sync, the sextet fell to the ground.

“Let’s go.”

They got out of the bushes quickly, running towards the falling Uppers. They had no doubt they were all dead. The Specials were all trained snipers.

They dragged the Uppers behind the bush, starting to change quickly.

“Don’t forget the bulletproof vests, and check the boots,” Brunie reminded. The ground was wet with dew, making the boots muddy. They had to wipe them clean to make sure the chips were there, and functional.

“Red light is on,” Malik confirmed his was functional.

“Clear,” Jericho and Oz said in unison.

“Mine too,” Brunie added. “Liam? Gus?”

“This thing is so freaking muddy,” Liam groaned, still wiping.

“Mine is clear,” Angus confirmed.

“Boss, I think only one of my boots have a signal,” Liam finally provided. “Would that be a problem?”

“I hope not,” she sighed, thinking back to Cecily being saved by lying underneath someone. “There must be a margin of error to protect their people.”

“With respect, Cap, they do not care about their people,” Liam noted.

“You’re right, but they do care about protecting their assets, so… Anyway, give me that rogue boot.”

“No way, ma’am.”

“It wasn’t a request. Give it to me.”

Liam did as he was told and they swapped boots.

“Backpacks?” she inquired. They transferred the contents of their bags to The Leadership’s issued ones.

Malik started to recite the items so that everyone could make sure they transferred everything. “Syringes. Explosives. Paper. Tape. Parachute.” They had to travel light. “And climbing gloves in your pockets,” he added.

“Weapons?” Brunie demanded and everyone made sure to put their knives in their pockets and put the silencers on the Uppers’ rifles. 

“Come on, we gotta catch up,” she rushed.

They jogged so they could catch up without wasting too much energy or attracting too much attention.

“Split.”

They were getting closer, and each one of them had to switch with an Upper at different spot. They were meant to still see each other, but be quite far apart.

They walked at a distance from one other for another 15 minutes. Brunie could only see the guys directly near her – Malik and Oz. Eventually, she saw the Upper she was meant to replace. She used her right hand to signal the combination they received from Eli the night before, praying that the intel was recent, otherwise they’d have to shoot. Once he nodded and let her take his place, she breathed a little easier, assuming that the rest of her guys will be okay, too.

She waited for ten whole minutes, making sure the leaving sextet was out of sight. Finally, she turned around, put on the pair of climbing gloves, attached the rifle to the fastener at the back of her belt, and started climbing. Malik and Oz could see her from afar, so once they were certain she was indeed climbing, they started climbing as well. Jericho, who was next to Oz noticed, too, and 20 minutes later, they all met at the top. It wasn’t a hard climb, but the surface was rough, the rifle was banging at her legs, and they only had about four hours to cross the K9, climb to the top of The Neck, plant the explosives, and cross back to The Tail after the explosives have already gone off, alerting everyone inside _and_ outside about their presence.

In four hours, Brunie knew, the patrolling car would come around their sextet’s post, and noticed the big gap of four soldiers. 

“Start your clocks.”

They did as they were ordered and Brunie got down on her knees and started moving forward. Maneuvering the surface of the K9 was in fact trickier than climbing it, and to guarantee they won’t fall, they were advised to use all four limbs. It may have slowed them down, but it made their movement much safer.

There were a few entrance points throughout the surface, but since they weren’t the main entrance, all of them were narrow, and specifically placed for functionality purposes. Still, when the K9 wasn’t parked, soldiers were posted on the surface, too, so it wasn’t too long before the group reached The Tail’s entry point. They knew it was placed right above the last station of the K9’s tram. The thing was so huge, it had its own transportation system, and they knew all stops were guarded. The question was, _how_ guarded. Eli’s reports were thorough, but knowing how many guards were stationed in each tram stop, when the K9 was parked, was a bit much.

Brunie opened the metal door. When it didn’t creak, she thanked her lucky star.

 _There’s Skat_ , the girl in her mind pointed towards the sky. _My dad taught me._ A beautiful girl under the stars.

She looked down and was about to start climbing once it seemed like the coast was clear. Malik put a hand on her shoulder.

“Let me go first,” he requested.

“No.” She started climbing down, slowly, quietly. There was a service elevator next to the ladder, but she couldn’t risk them being heard, so they spent ten more minutes climbing down in a column. When she reached the ground, she put her feet down softly, made sure no one was around, and stretched quietly as the trio gathered behind her. From their spot behind a crate, they could see the station a little ahead, guarded by six Uppers.

This was the tricky part of the mission.

 _They are all tricky parts_ , Brunie groaned.

They had to change uniforms again, as the K9 crew had their own distinguished uniform. The only way to do so from the get go, and get on that tram, was to kill those six Uppers and hope no one will need the guards at The Tail of the dog in the next few hours. Preparation was everything, but there came a point when a soldier needed luck, too.

“Should we shoot from here?” Jericho suggested.

“No, we better get a little closer. If there are more people there that we can’t see, we’re screwed,” Brunie explained. “On me.” She started making slow progress towards the station, using as many hidden nooks and crates as she could, forming a safe passage for them.

 _We’re four in the sea of thousands_ , she thought. _There is no safe passage._

After a few minutes of stealth, they’ve reached the station, and quickly killed the Uppers.

“Gotta hide the bodies,” Brunie started dragging one of them.

“You sure?” Malik wondered, worried about the time.

“Better people think they’re gone for some weird reason, than understand they’re dead right away,” Brunie offered. “Jer, take off this guy’s pants and wipe the blood off the floor,” she ordered. He did as he was told while Malik and Oz dragged two more guys.

Within minutes, all six bodies were hidden, and all four Specials, now in K9 crew uniforms, were on the tram.

“How do we operate this thing?” Oz scratched his head.

Brunie noticed a big button which said “GO” and pressed it. The car started moving. “Seems pretty self explanatory,” she shrugged. They look at at her in surprise. “What? Uppers might be more technologically advanced. That doesn’t make them particularly inspired.”

“Can we make it go express? Please tell me there’s no ‘go express’ button,” Malik rolled his eyes.

Brunie scanned the console a little more thoroughly. There was a touch screen. These were the details Eli regretted he couldn’t provide, explaining the surviving K9s went through a system upgrade. But the screen also seemed pretty basic. It wan’t designed to outsmart enemy soldiers.

“There, route options,” Jericho pointed from over Brunie’s shoulder.

“I see it. Stop breathing down my neck, it’s creepy.” She pressed it and another screen popped, showing five different options.

“Express only! Wait, no! Final stop only!”

“Seriously, Jericho?” she gave him a pointed look.

“Sorry, Boss,” he offered sheepishly.

“Maybe we _should_ go express? If we pick up a few more people, it’ll look less suspicious,” Malik noted. “Who knows what’s the protocol or schedule for final stops.”

“Good point,” Brunie agreed as she pressed the ‘express only’ button and they started speeding up.

“Now sit down and look normal,” she added.

“How do we do that?” Oz inquired.

“I don’t know. Improvise! Talk about the weather!” she was getting irritated, and finally, truly anxious.

“Cool, cool. Just a bunch of Unders talking about the weather. Super normal,” Oz huffed, but when Brunie glared at him he turned to Jericho and said “how about that weather, am I right?”

Brunie sighed and took a seat next to Malik. They all looked through the windows casually, mapping the many turns and corners of the beast. “If we stick to the main line, we should be okay, navigation wise,” she assessed, thinking of the maze qualities Corbin mentioned.

“You good?” Malik probed.

“Yeah, just…”

“Wanna get out of here in one piece?”

“Preferably, yes. But if it comes to detonating those explosives or getting out in one piece…”

“I know, B. I know. They know, too. Don’t worry. We don’t have any illusions when it comes to this mission.”

She looked away, and then down at her watch. _Three hours fifteen._ Just as she begun to wonder if that’d be enough time, they reached a station. A few soldiers came on.

“Hey, do you know if this one stops at the east elevator?” an Upper asked Jericho.

“I think it’s running express,” Jericho provided, hoping that information alone would suffice.

The Upper nodded and walked deeper into the car to take a seat.

“So,” Brunie turned to Malik, “baby names?”

“A little too early for that, B,” Malik teased.

“Oh come on, I know you. You have thoughts, spill them.” She caught a glimpse of Oz talking about a thunder storm.

“Okay, but don’t tell Carm. I guarantee she’ll hate them all.”

He spent the next 15 minutes reciting the most atrocious list of baby names she had ever heard.

* * *

They got off the tram, and just like Brunie instructed, they kept walking with purpose. Standing around, gaping like tourists was sure to draw attention.

“This _is_ a freaking maze,” Malik looked up, as the valley of The Neck was unfolding in front and above them.

The engine was massive and took hundreds of people to operate. They were all housed on different floors of The Neck, basically turning it into a skyscraper, with the engine in the penthouse , aka – the top two floors out of a hundred. No single elevator made it all the way to the top. They had to change elevators a few times, and they had to get security passes before heading in. But first, they had to stash their rifles away. No weapons were allowed past the reception floor unless you were a high-ranking officer.

Their plan was foolproof.

 _Some of our finest intelligence work_ , Brunie shook her head as she approached the two guys at the reception desk.

“Excuse me, gentlemen. I’m afraid I’m having a bit of a… bladder emergency,” she explained, trying to pull her best charming-awkward self. “Would you mind if I go in for a quick five?”

“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that is against protocol.” For what it was worth, the man really did seem apologetic.

“I’m aware, and I really do feel silly about all of this, but I assure you, I wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t a matter of life and death.” _Ha ha Brunie._ She offered a dazzling smile.

“Give her a break, Mike,” the other guy teased, “the closest restrooms are ten minutes away.”

“I will not survive this long,” Brunie squeezed her thighs together for emphasis.

“Fine. But if you’re not back in five, I will come find you.”

 _I bet you’d like that, Mike_. “Thank you,” she offered gratefully, and as they let her pass through one of the five turnstiles, she dashed towards the bathroom, making for a convincing case.

 _Please let someone be in there_. She entered the bathroom, locking the main door behind her and quickly checking under all stalls. When she reached the third one, she found feet.

 _Bingo_.

She made sure the last stall was empty, and waited for the flush. When the woman in the third stall opened the door, she found Brunie right in front of her, syringe in hand.

“You know, I read somewhere that the middle stalls have the most germs,” she offered. “Some food for thought.” She stuck the syringe in the surprised woman’s neck, rendering her unconscious for the next few hours. Brunie preferred to avoid killing if the situation allowed. Mostly, it didn’t. She made sure the woman’s legs were on the ground, seen from beneath the stall. She locked the stall from the inside, took the woman’s security pass, and climbed her way out. She unlocked the bathroom door just as another woman was about to enter. “I’d wait a few if I were you, sorry,” she smiled sheepishly and made a beeline to the men’s bathrooms.

A few minutes later, she was out of the bathroom with three more passes in hand. She took out a piece of paper and tape from her pocket, and hanged a makeshift ‘out of order’ sign on the men’s bathroom door. She made her way back to the reception area.

“This was way more than five minutes!” Mike barked as she made her way to the turnstile.

“I’m gonna leave it to you to guess why, Mike! Thanks!” She rushed out and around the corner, where Malik, Oz, and Jericho were waiting for her.

“I cannot believe that actually worked,” Oz shook his head as she victoriously presented them with the security passes.

“If we ever get out of here, are we seriously gonna tell people that an ‘out of order’ sign saved the day?” Jericho inquired.

“If we ever get out of here, you tell them whatever the fuck you want,” Brunie handed them the pass. “Let’s go.”

They scanned the reception desk, making sure Mike and his colleague weren’t paying attention to the many people coming in and out of The Neck. They walked in through the turnstiles, swiping their passes as they did. Brunie sighed in relief.

“Wouldn’t the data base alert that the pass holders never left the building?” she asked a few days prior.

“Eli says that it shouldn’t, but again, system updates,” Malik reminded then.

 _One less thing to worry about_ , she thought at present.

“Two and a half hours to go,” Malik stated. Sometimes, Brunie, whose mind was preoccupied with running the mission, needed the reminder.

“Then ideally we have an hour to make it back down,” she instructed.

“Elevators ahead,” Oz gestured with his head.

Brunie nodded. “And we’re off.”

* * *

The first elevator was easy enough. Since they came from the lobby they weren’t alone in it. Brunie assumed that the higher the floor was, it housed things of higher importance. So she chose to press a button of a floor that was lower than the highest one that was lit up. That’s how they found themselves on the seventh floor.

“This feels anti climatic,” Oz noted. They had to get to the 25th floor to transfer to the next set of elevators.

“Staircase?” Malik inquired.

“Not yet. We have to save energy, and time,” Brunie instructed, pressing the elevator button again.

“If twenty-five isn’t lit up, me and Mal will press it and get off there. You two take the closest to twenty-five that isn’t lit. Climb the rest to meet us.”

The elevator arrived just as she finished her sentence.

The 20th and 24th floors were lit. Brunie pressed twenty-five, followed by Jericho who pressed twenty-three.

When they arrived to the 23rd floor, both men got off the elevator. Moments later, Brunie and Malik got off the 25th floor, opening the door to the emergency staircase, just in time to see their friends climbing the last few stairs.

“Is this what an office job feels like?” Jericho wondered.

“Come on,” Brunie rushed. “If Eli’s intel is correct, these are all crew suits, and the next set of elevators is half way between here and the other side of The Neck. Ozy?”

“That’s correct,” he confirmed.

They had to be quick. As the floor was residential, people may have recognized that they didn’t belong, even though great many people resided in each floor.

They found the next set of elevators a few moments later and called one.

The doors opened.

 _Empty. That’s good_ , Brunie thought.

“Should we go for fifty, boss? Live on the edge?” Jericho teased.

“Don’t we always?” Oz chuckled.

“Not by choice,” she scolded as they walked into the elevator and pressed fifty.

Humor was necessary, but they were getting closer, and they had to focus. Things went their way thus far, but at any given moment one of the bodies they left behind could be discovered. _And Carmela would become a widow, and Austin will lose his dad, and I… will never see Eve’s smile again._

She shook her head, trying to rid it of the thoughts that were anything but focusing on the mission.

The elevator flew up and up, and maybe because the morning rush was already over, and all of the morning shift workers were already at their posts, but not one a single person got on their elevator, and the only hardship they encountered with the third elevator was finding it. They quickly found themselves on the 74th floor, deciding to get off the elevator one stop before the last one of that section, just in case.

They huddled in the staircase, hearing chatter from the floor above.

The final twenty-five floors were presumed to be operations floors. Not just the engine. Three were offices, but also an armory, labs, research libraries. The entire K9 consisted of different designated work areas, but The Neck really was the center of it all, armed with anti-missiles systems, anti whatever-you-can-imagine defenses on top.

They climbed the rest of the way by foot, anxiety growing the higher they got.

When they reached the 98th floor, Brunie stopped. “Mal and I will go up alone.”

“Brunie…” Jericho started to protest.

“This isn’t some dramatic heroics,” she explained. “I don’t know what the layout is like up there. We need backup in case Mal and I are made. These explosives need to go off. Whatever it takes. Am I clear?”

All three men nodded at her.

“We might need another security pass,” she continued, “so let’s take a peek first and see if we can drag someone in here.”

She and Malik climbed an additional flight of stairs and she cracked the door open ever so slightly, so she can look around. Just as she opened the door, she noticed a man passing by. He noticed, too.

“Hey, what are you…?”

Malik was on him in a second, a hand on his mouth, dragging him into the stairwell.They had no time to take risks. Malik broke the man’s neck, letting him fall lifeless on the floor.

“You guys okay?” Oz questioned quietly from one floor below.

“Peachy,” Brunie replied, taking the clearance pass off the man’s neck and giving it to Malik. “Two hours and five minutes,” she added.

“We can do this. Come on,” he reached the door and cracked it open again, waiting for another passer by. Eventually, someone did show up and quickly found himself dead next to the previous man.

They entered the floor, taking a first good look around. There was a door to their left, and a door to their right, and through both glass doors they could see a huge mechanical construct.

“Which one is it?” Malik asked in horror.

“I think it’s both. We have to assume it’s both,” Brunie concluded. _Is that a backup engine?_

“Brunie…” he warned.

“We have to split.”

“I knew you were gonna say that.”

“We have no choice, and no time.”

“Will the explosive be enough if we split them though?”

“Try to find a spot that says ‘flameable,’” she shrugged.

“This is… not great.”

“Yeah, no shit. Let’s go,” she ordered.

“B…”

“I know. You too.” She turned around, and waved her security pass in front of a card reader. There was a little ding, and a moment later she was inside the engine room.

* * *

She’s been walking around for a few minutes, trying to appear casual. She grabbed a clipboard first thing. Making random notes that sounded engineer-y.

The place was huge. Since she knew The Neck was relatively narrow, she never imagined it’ll be this huge. _Or maybe I didn’t let myself think about it at all because I didn’t think we’ll get this far_.

This wasn’t what they’ve seen in the schematics. She considered herself somewhat tech-savvy, but she’s never seen a design like this before. There were aisles upon aisles, almost like in a server room, but rather than having computers stacked from top to bottom, it was all machinery. Gears, chains. _Old school_ , _weird_ , she thought, just as a robotic assistant passed her by, clearly monitoring the operations. _There we go, that’s more like it_.

The thing was so massive, so scattered and now split between rooms, that Brunie knew, this time with certainty that their explosives alone won’t do the trick. If it was one big engine, that would’ve been a different story. But this thing was a beast. She had to find that extra something that’d amplify the explosion, just like she told Malik.

But she had to be methodical. She had to scan the whole floor if need be, to find a spot that wasn’t just okay. She had to make sure. She didn’t climb all the way to the top of this thing just to not cause enough damage and allow the Uppers to regroup. They had to wreck the thing. But with twenty-five minutes left before they had to start heading down, she wasn’t sure she had the time.

She looked around and figured it’ll take her another half hour to circle the remaining parts of the space. _No can do_. This was an engine, an engine used fuel. She just had to find the source of it. _Too bad they didn’t cover ‘monstrous killer robots’ engines’ at the Academy._

She was wondering if she could get away with the ‘first day, where’s the smoking area?’ excuse, but she decided against it. She also knew it was only a matter of time before someone realized she wasn’t supposed to be there, or started looking for their missing team members.

She looked at her watch. _One hour forty five._

Then she noticed them at the furthest point of the space, a few men in what looked like hazmat suits. They wore huge masks. _For the fumes_ , she assumed. Hoping beyond hope that her assumption was correct, she started walking with purpose, stepping into one of the aisles, going deeper, towards the wall at the other end.

She took a knife out of her pocket, bent down, and used it to lift a tile of the raised floor. This wasn’t her original plan. _Fuck it, there was no original plan!_ But she was getting desperate. One look under the tile confirmed her two assumptions. That there was a network of electrical cords laid there, and that parts of the engine went through the ground and to the floor below them.

She had no time to think. She squeezed herself under the floor and put the tile back in place. She used the knife to curve an X on it, and started crawling, hoping to no get electrocuted, suffocated, or all of the above. The backpack surely didn’t help in the tight space.

_Mal can’t be doing much better than this, can he?_

She moved as quickly as she could, appreciating the fact that she wasn’t claustrophobic. But there was no way for her to know how long she had to go. Accept that after a while which felt like forever, she started to feel the temperature rise, and there was the smell. When she looked up, to the best of her ability, she saw metal pipes right in front of her, coming from the floor below, and climbing above the raised floor. Whatever that pipe was, she assumed it would be useful to place the explosives as close to it as possible. _Too close though and I might burn alive_.

She tried to weigh her options quickly.

_One. If I move forward to make sure it’s the best placement possible, I die here. Two. Oz and Jer will come after me assuming I failed. Three. They might die as well and no one will be left to detonate. But If I leave it here, it might not be close enough._

She wasn’t familiar with the engine, she didn’t know what that pipe was. There were all bad options with no guaranteed success. _But which one is slightly less disastrous?_

She took a deep breath. She had to think, and not just react. But the more she tried to concentrate, under the floor, behind enemy lines, sweating and breathing hard, all alone, realizing time is running out, all she could think about was the last words Eve said to her.

“Are you not coming back?”

Brunie swallowed hard. _You can’t think about it, not right now._

“I want to. But it kinda depends on how things go.”

Her eyes snapped open. _Fuck_. She pushed a little further down her path, took out the explosives and placed them right there, on the electrical cords. 

She turned around and crawled as fast as she could. _Was this tactical or was this selfish? Was this tactical and selfish?_ Even though her pace was faster than before, she felt like the path was never ending.

 _Did I miss it?_ she wondered after a while. She looked at her watch. _One hour twenty._ There were supposed to start their descent ten minutes ago. She kept moving, clawing at the dusty material beneath her fingers, starting to reconsider her earlier denial about claustrophobia. Her backpack got caught in something and when she pulled it she could hear it tearing. _No time._ She kept going, and then, like a saving grace, she found her X. She pushed the tile, pulling herself from beneath the floor. Except this time, someone else was in the aisle, and they looked at her in shock, starting to run towards the other end of the aisle.

She hardly had a second to catch her breath before she took out her knife again, and threw it at the retreating man, getting him in the thigh. He yelped and fell to the ground, mostly because of the surprise, and less so because of the severity of the injury. The loud machinery deemed is scream inaudible. That gave Brunie the chance to catch up to him. She twisted his neck quickly, thinking that this might be less painful than the death the explosion would cause.

She used her knife to pull up another tile, and shoved him under it. She needed the time to escape. She checked her back pack, it was torn. She could see a punctured parachute through the tear. _A problem for later._

She crossed the rest of the way quickly, counting on the general hustle to cover for her. She swung the door open and made a beeline to the stairwell.

“Guys,” she called.

“Oh thank fuck,” it was Oz.

She climbed down the stairs to join, but no Malik.

“Did you do it?” Jericho this time.

“I hope so.” Just as she turned around to go and try and find Malik, they heard the door from above, and moments later Malik was rushing down the stairs.

“Let’s go,” Brunie ordered and they started pacing down as quickly as they could.

“B…” Malik tried.

“Did you plant it?”

 _One floor down, ninety-eight to go_. She knew they couldn’t keep this pace for much longer.

“Yes, but…”

“Where did you place it?”

Two floors down. _We gotta get to an elevator, but not yet._

“They had some gas tanks by one of the walls. I placed it under one of them, but Brunie…”

“Fuck you, I had to crawl under the floor,” she huffed. _Four floors down._

“Brunie!” he shouted.

“What?” she yelled right back without stopping.

“When I was leaving I heard someone say something about four unconscious people in the Lobby bathrooms.”

They all halted at once.

“They know we’re here,” Jericho leaned on the wall, swallowing hard.

“What do we do?” Oz turned to her.

“They might launch the safety protocols at any moment,” Malik pointed out, “and who knows what that means. It might mean everything shuts down, no one coming in or out.”

“Come on,” Brunie started running down again. “We need to give them a reason to let people in and out.” _Eight floors._

“And what would that be?” Oz inquired.

“An explosion.”

They considered her words, heading down to the next floor.

“But with this new layout we have no idea what the impact would be,” Malik finally reminded.

“We have no choice,” Brunie provided flatly. “It might be our only shot. We distract everyone, getting them up there.” Twelve floors down, and breathing was getting harder. They already climbed up earlier, then she crawled under the ground. Adrenaline can only take you so far.

“There has to be another way!” Jericho protested. They weren’t meant to detonate until they were all the way down.

“Open to suggestion here,” she challenged between breaths.

Fourteen floors down and no one had a better idea.

“When?” Malik asked, after another floor was behind them.

“Now,” Brunie ordered, still not stopping. She knew he could open his bag while running, and just press the damn thing. “Detonate,” she repeated.

_Sixteen floors._

“Are we far enough?” he shouted, she could hear his concern.

“Mal,” she turned around and gave him a pointed look. She knew exactly what he was thinking.

_What if this explosion cuts us off from our only way down? What if this whole thing comes crushing down on us?”_

“I’m sorry,” she grabbed both his hands. “I’m so sorry.” She looked at her watch. “We have fifty minutes to get out of here. It doesn’t look good guys,” she admitted. “But that means that the _only_ chance we have, is to get all eyes on these top floors. It might mean that the guards outside will also be called in, leaving their posts. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll save us.” _If it doesn’t kill us first._

They looked at her for comforting words, but she had none. Not this time. They had one route, and they were going to take it.

“Now, do it Mal.” She ordered once more, and he took out the detonator and pressed the button.

Nothing happened. But they knew that with it being a wireless detonator, a delay could be expected.

 _We can’t go back there_ , Brunie thought in dread.

“Now wha…” but before Oz even finished his question they heard an ear shuttering blast, and everything around them shook. Paint fell from the ceiling.

 _Something collapsed for sure,_ Brunie thought. But how much, and whether or not they were save, there was no way of knowing.

They could either take cover in one of the floors under a doorway, or they could keep climbing down, they couldn’t do both.

“Come on,” she shouted over the noise that won’t cease. She grabbed the rails just as another explosion was heard.

They all started running down again. Sirens now joined the general cacophony. They could hear people screaming, too.

“Whatever happens, it sounds like we did what we came here to do,” she called over her shoulder. And that _was_ slightly comforting.

She was too scared to use the elevators for the top twenty-five floors. But the other elevators operated on a different line.

“Nine more floors and we can go for the elevators!” she shouted.

“Using elevators at the aftermath of an explosion sounds like a terrible idea!” Jericho interjected. “No offense!”

“It _is_ a terrible idea!” she agreed, “but it’s also our only shot to get down quickly enough!”

Sadly, they were using the emergency stairs, and for the Uppers, this _was_ an emergency. Suddenly, loud voices filled the stairwell from all over and they were flooded by Uppers, going both up and down.

“Change of plans!” she yelled as loud as she could, signaling to the rest of them to exit the stairwell at the nearest door. People were still pushing their way in and she was afraid they’ll get trampled. The only thing that helped them push through was the fact that there were four of them, and they punched and climbed their way over people’s faces until eventually, they found themselves gaping for air on the other side of the stairwell’s door.

“Stay by the walls!” she ordered, seeing that people where still coming from all over and the only way to move through the crowd was to keep to the edges of the masses.

They finally managed to get to a deserted part of the floor.

“Time?” Malik asked, wiping sweat of his forehead.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Brunie shook her head, grave expression on her face. “We shuffled the deck. The timeline we were working with isn’t relevant anymore. We’ll just keep doing our best to get out of here.”

“I think the second set of elevators is that way,” Oz pointed. “Gotta get away from the stairs. Come on.”

They reached the elevators and saw no one was there.

“No one is crazy enough to use the elevators right now. No one but us,” he noted.

“If we’re lucky, most people have cleared already, or are travelling upward,” Malik looked back at the direction where they came from.

Just as they pressed the down button, another explosion was heard and everything shook again.

They heard a little ding and the elevator arrived. They could only travel a few more floors before they had to switch again, and then again, and then again.

 _We only stand a chance if we don’t think about our odds_ , Brunie sighed.

“At some point, they’ll shut things down,” Malik seemed to be considering the odds.

“I know.”

“And then what?”

The elevator reached the 75th floor, and once the doors opened, Brunie started running, not bothering with a reply. _No point thinking about a ‘then what.’_

They still saw a few people every now and then, but the majority could still be heard from around the stairwell.

They reached the next set of elevators, and just as she was about to press the button, the door opened and a team in hazmat suits walked out.

“Soldier,” one of them started, “come with us, we must all assist upstairs.”

“Too many dead up there, Sir,” Jericho jumped in immediately. “We have orders to head down to call for more help and assist bringing more equipment up there. It’s really bad. They’re sending more people downstairs.”

The man leading the group looked confused, but Jericho’s conviction worked.

“Alright, head back up as soon as possible,” he ordered.

“Yes Sir!” Oz, this time.

They got into the elevator, hit the 50th floor, and just as the doors were closing, the Upper turned around and locked eyes with Brunie.

 _Shit_.

She must have starred in more than a few intelligence reports. If he was a high-ranking officer of The Leadership, he might’ve known her face. But it clicked too late, and the elevator started moving.

“He knows who you are,” Oz turned to her.

“Might not matter,” she was trying to think, analyze.

“They’ll have coms,” Malik added.

“Yes, but we’re the least of their problems right now and there’s more than one way up and down. Besides, we may have fucked with their communication systems.”

“The schematics did show most of the antennas were on the top of The Neck,” Oz narrowed his eyes, trying to remember more. 

They hit the 50th floor.

 _Halfway through_. “I’m getting us out of here,” she declared once Oz pointed at the direction of the next elevators. “Okay, Oz and I are getting us out of here.”

They started running again. This time they saw no people at all.

“This is so eerie!” Jericho called.

“I thought you liked horror!” Malik shook is head, all while running.

“I like reading horror, not _being_ in a horror story!”

A beam fell from the ceiling and nearly crushed Brunie.

“Fuck!” she looked back, eyes wide.

“You okay?” Malik scanned her in concern.

“Yeah,” she had no time to think about it. She resumed her run.

“Even if this thing doesn’t collapse, there’s gonna be a ton of debris!” Jericho warned just as they stopped by the elevator.

They got in, and it started travelling down. After twenty-two floors, the lights went out.

“It’ll travel to the bottom floor,” Oz stated. “I think.”

And then it started to free fall.

“Climb on the rails!” Malik yelled, “and brace yourselves!”

“Some contingency plan!” Jericho shouted as he climbed on the rails.

They were fortunate enough that they were so close to the bottom floor. A longer fall would have crushed the elevator and killed them. The elevator’s floor did shatter upon impact, exposing a concrete platform below it.

“Today sets a new record of ‘times almost killed during one operation,’” Malik groaned.

“Doors,” Brunie directed, and all four of them squeezed their fingers in the gap between the doors. They were exhausted, but knowing they were almost out of The Neck brought an unspoken rush as they managed to open the doors.

“Let’s go down eighteen floors with the next one and finish by foot.” She looked at all of them, visibly tired, but she knew they can’t get off the elevators in the lobby, just in case. The elevator would announce their arrival. _Seven floors by foot. We can do seven floors._

“We’ve only got this far because they think we died up there,” Oz realized.

“Many people only get lucky because other people think they’re dead,” she pointed out, thinking about Cecily. “We still have some time to die,” she reminded. _Can’t let them get too comfortable now._

“I don’t know if we’ll be able to climb back up on the other end,” Jericho voiced his concern.

“Let’s get to the other end first,” Brunie glared at him.

They reached the elevator, praying quietly that it was working. The lights around them were still on so that was a good sign.

When it arrived, she pressed the 7th floor. They all clung to the walls, preparing for whatever might come.

The building shook again. Brunie shut her eyes tightly. _Almost there, come on_. She was certain the shaking was due to additional collapse. The K9 was a death machine, but the design left something to be desired. She felt Malik’s hand in hers and opened her eyes.

“It’s like you said,” he offered quietly, which felt weird in all the chaos. “You and Ozy are getting us out of here.”

Just then they reached the 7th floor.

Oz started running and they all followed him. They reached the stairwell, taking a second to listen. People were shouting further up, and down too, but they were yet to see anyone.

“Let’s go,” she started running down, as if she was in a trance. _If we do end up in face to face combat, there’ll be no energy left to fight with._

They reached the ground floor and Brunie opened the door into the floor carefully, seeing a big gathering by the elevators. Just then the building started to shake again, and everyone scattered to take cover. _Mike must be having a terrible day._

“Go, go, go!” she called, hoping to take advantage of the chaos. If everyone was running around, they wouldn’t notice them. But someone did, and just as they were half way to the turnstiles, someone called “that’s her!”

 _Fuck!_ A chase was the last thing they needed after surviving one hundred floors.

Weapons may have been forbidden in The Neck, but considering they were deposited for safekeeping at the ground floor, some of the officers still had rifles on.

“Shoot them” they heard the order.

“Don’t stop running!” Brunie instructed. They were so close to the turnstiles, but they were now under fire, and even though they wore their bulletproof vests, the rest of their bodies were hardly protected.

All she could hear was bullets flying by, and then Oz yelled in pain. She turned around and saw him grabbing his shoulder.

“Keep going!” he shouted just as they reached the turnstiles and bolted outside.

“Our rifles!” Jericho tried.

“Leave them!” She could see right away that the tram was out of service, but a bunch of humvees parked nearby. _Probably brought back up_. She climbed into the nearest one, followed by the three men, with Malik pushing the injured Oz to the back seat and following him in.

“Step on it!” he yelled and Brunie started the car and drove as fast as she could. _We still have to cross all the way to The Tail_ , she knew. With so much attention on them now, the main exists were surely even more guarded than before. Their only chance was to hope people were so busy with the explosion, they were yet to find the bodies of the tram guards from earlier.

Uppers kept jumping to the sides as she nearly ran them over, but she could tell there were way less people. _Scattered to The Neck and the exists?_

“Ozy,” she looked over her shoulder for a split second, “what’s the damage?”

“They got my right shoulder blade. Bullet’s still in.”

Jericho opened his uniform shirt, took a knife out of his pocket, and cut his undershirt’s sleeve, using it as a makeshift tourniquet.

“Let’s hope we don’t have to climb,” Brunie gritted her teeth.

“Fuck, I forgot about the climbing,” Oz slumped in his seat.

The radio on the dashboard went live.

“What’s the latest status? Over.” a voice asked.

“About half of The Neck has collapsed as far as we can gather.”

“A half!” Malik exclaimed. “Then this tin can is totally useless!” he allowed himself a relieved chuckled.

 _Whatever happens, it wasn’t for nothing_. “We did it,” she smiled and released a breath.

Without an engine, the K9 couldn’t move, let alone shoot anything. It was still a huge machine, with much storage space, a lot of tech, and machine guns scattered all over, but it couldn’t fulfill its main function anymore.

“We have four Unders on the move,” the voice on the radio added.

“Where are they?”

“Not sure. Some reported seeing them get on an humvee heading north.”

“Then they can probably hear you, idiot!”

Then the voices died.

“What do you want to do, B?” They had about ten more minutes worth of driving.

They could hear humvees behind them.

“Where did they come from!” Jericho groaned.

“We’re lucky they’re only now coming!” Brunie pointed out. “Probably from check points by the other exists!”

“Can we use one of them?” Oz proposed.

“They’ll be barricaded for sure!” Malik mirrored her own thoughts.

“We’re not dying on this useless piece of junk!” Brunie announced. _I’m going to see Eve again, and when I do…_ But she couldn’t afford this spark of hope, not yet, and not without disastrous consequences.

And indeed, seconds later the shooting resumed.

“Duck!” she ordered. She herself couldn’t do so, but she noticed a pile of crates by the wall ahead of them and drove right into it, scattering them all over. That was enough to slow their chasers, even though she knew they’ll regroup quickly.

“We can take the service elevator now,” Brunie reminded. “I think it’s safe to say we’re not worried about keeping quiet anymore!”

“You reckon?” Jericho challenged.

They could see the last tram station ahead, and Brunie was relieved to see no one was there. She flew past it, hearing the humvees behind them again, closing in. She pressed the breaks and the humvee smashed into the back wall of the K9.

They got off quickly, and pressed the elevator’s button. The elevator was right there, so they could get on it immediately.

Still, it was a long ride, and halfway through it, the Uppers finally shut down all power. Emergency lights went on, and the elevator stopped.

Brunie was trying to calculate the best course of action.

“They’re too far down to aim at us,” she noted. “They’ll start climbing. Let’s get this thing opened, quickly. Not you, Oz,” she shoved him away and latched onto the doors with Malik and Jericho. 

She forced Oz to climb first, knowing he’d be the slowest but assuming that whomever came after him could push him up.

“I’m sorry,” Oz said as he took a break. Every bar sent an excruciating pain down his entire body. There was also the danger of causing serious damage with the bullet still inside.

“Don’t worry, they can’t climb and shoot at the same time,” Brunie pointed out. “If they reach me, I’ll just kick them down.”

But she didn’t have to, because they got to the top and started running to the edge of the K9.

Just as they reached the edge, Brunie remembered her parachute got slashed.

She turned around to speak to Malik, but noticed the headless Neck.

“Holy shit!”

They turned to see what she was reacting to, and saw what was left of The Neck, still up in flames. But then they also saw the Uppers who were on their trail.

“Mal, I need to tree hug you!”

“Copy!”

They stood on the edge. “Go!” Brunie ordered, jumping to have her legs wrapped around Malik’s stomach. They hold on to each with what little energy they had left, then Malik jumped, carrying her with him.

She could see Jericho and Oz’s parachutes open. Oz screamed in pain as his parachute pulled him up, aggravating his injury. Moments later, Malik opened his parachute, and they were both pulled up, before gliding down again.

Jericho landed first, and she could tell it was a bad landing.

Oz’s feet buckled under him as well, but it seemed less painful than Jericho’s landing.

 _Fuck_. She realized that hours of running up and down a hundred floors meant their legs could hardly carry their weight upon landing. Malik probably realized that, too, because he braced himself, and tried to lean back during his landing, but his legs, carrying Brunie’s weight as well, buckled, and they both fell forward, Brunie’s back absorbing most of the impact, and Malik’s weight on top of her.

She cried in pain and a moment later Malik was on his feet. “Can you stand?” he asked, extending his hand, visibly worried. She could tell no permanent damage was done, but the pain prevented her from pushing herself up.

“I don’t think so,” she admitted, “nothing permanent,” she added quickly.

She found Oz and Jericho with her eyes.

“Jericho?” she asked.

“Twisted ankle,” he explained.

Malik bent down, placing his hands under her knees and arms. She could tell he was tired and that carrying her would be hard. Then she heard the humvee.

For a moment, they all tensed, but then they saw people wave, and as the vehicle got closer, they saw it was Angus and Liam.

“You guys are _so_ late,” Angus scolded, but his relief was evident.

“Yeah,” Brunie coughed, “but have you seen the show we put on?”

“Nice wheels,” Oz noted.

“Patrol car came around after the explosion,” Liam explained. “Looking for you, maybe? Anyway, most guards left their posts in all the chaos so… everyone is gone. Let’s get you all out of here.”

They helped them onto the humvee and started driving as quickly as they could towards the bushes where they hid their walkies.

“You did it!” Liam exclaimed. “You actually did it.”

For the first time in hours, Brunie allowed herself to relax. She smiled weakly.

“You saw it happen?” Oz wondered.

“There was no missing it, like a pillar of fire, and it kept caving. Most of The Neck is gone now,” Angus provided.

“I’m really glad you’re out of there,” Liam added.

“So am I, buddy,” Malik pat his shoulder from the back seat. “So am I.”

They reached the bushes and threw all of their stuff into the humvee.

“Extraction team is gone,” Angus started driving.

“Well, we did take our sweet time. Hand me the walkie,” Brunie ordered. She could still hardly move.

Liam passed it to Malik who gave it to her.

“Base, this is Alpha team, over.”

“Boss, it’s good to hear your voice,” the man on the other side said. “You need an extraction?”

“No. We hitched a ride. Beta team?” She had to know the rest of her men were okay, or at the very least, that the job was done.

“Reported back 10 minutes ago,” the voiced confirmed and she sighed in relief.

“Then we’re a go,” Brunie ordered. “Send everyone in.”

“Repeat for confirmation.”

“We’re a go.”


	18. Chapter 16

**A/N:** Finally! Some Eve after a long hiatus!

Thank you for reading! We're small, but mighty :) And I truly appreciate you!

* * *

It’s been over a week since the troops left and everyone could feel their absence. It wasn’t like there were no soldiers around, but it was different. _Their_ troops made home feel like home. They’d come back from training and go for a drink, being loud on the “streets,” or come back from a glorious victory and go dancing. Even when things got bad on the battlefield for them, the people of the Local were quietly comforting, providing strength just by being present. Yes, the troops were the heart of the Local. It was a big place, but when it came to the troops, people recognized their faces. Some were family members, some developed friendships and personal relationships with the soldiers. Their presence felt familiar. Which made the past week feel extremely foreign. A spark was missing. Even though everyone had their daily routine to attend to, the whole thing just felt weird. They were off-balance.

Jordan was currently thinking just that as he walked down Main Street, looking for something special to cheer Eve up.

Yes, the whole Local was on edge, but his best friends was especially moody, and while Jordan was worried about the way she felt towards Brunie, he couldn’t change the facts.

_She’s away, probably getting herself shot, meanwhile Eve is worried sick._

He sighed, looking left and right for something, anything that was remotely helpful. He could tell the uncertainty was truly the hardest part of it all. The entire situation left him feeling uneasy, but his main concern was Eve’s mood. And that, he hoped, he could do something about.

He observed the different stores, waiting for a streak of inspiration, when he felt something small bump into his leg from behind.

“Austin, what are you doing? Come back here!”

It was a woman’s voice. Jordan turned around to find a young boy sitting next to his feet.

_He probably bumped into my leg and fell right on his ass_. The visual made Jordan chuckle.

“I’m so sorry!” the woman approached and picked her son up back to a standing position.

“It’s absolutely fine,” he reassured.

The woman was fairly young and the boy was no older than three.

“Austin here just really loves running around and causing mayhem. He gets it from his father, _and_ from his auntie,” she explained with a smile. ”Right, Aus?”

“It really is okay. Your son is adorable. Hey Austin!” he crouched to meet Austin’s height. “I’m Jordan.” He offered his hand to the boy, but Austin chose to bury his face in his mother leg.

“Oh, now he’s acting all shy. I’m sorry. He’s been antsy all week,” the woman shared as Jordan stood back up, not taking the rejection to heart.

“Yeah, I feel like everyone is a bit off since the troops left,” Jordan concurred.

“Oh, tell me about it. My husband is away, so…I’m Carmela by the way.” She offered Jordan the hand that wasn’t holding Austin. “And I actually follow through with my hand shakes.”

“Oh, wow,” he shook her hand. “Here I was hunting for a gift to ease my best friend’s cranky mood, but you win. You must be losing sleep.”

“Ha. Don’t worry about it. I knew what I was getting myself into when I chose to marry the boy who used to come home covered in mud every night,” she snorted, making Jordan smile.

“Still, it must be hard sometimes. Especially with this one,” he gestured at Austin.

“Sometimes I wonder if I’d want him to not be a soldier,” Carmela admitted, “but it’s who he is. Would I love him the same if he was a completely different person?” she shrugged. “We don’t choose these things, these things choose us.”

“I suppose that’s true,” he agreed. “But that doesn’t make it any easier, I’m sure. I have to say, pardon the cliché but I admire your strength, and very grateful for your husband’s service.”

_Is this weird?_ He wondered. But considering Eve’s recent revelations, he was truly curious. He wanted to get a glimpse into that life.

“I appreciate it,” Carmela answered kindly. She was used to the sentiment, but that hasn’t diminished her patience. “Now, this best friend of yours, is she a girl? Is she cranky over a guy? Do you need a woman’s help in finding her a present? Am I just making a ton of misguided assumptions here?” She fired at him. “Feel free to stop me at any time, but the way I see it, Aus and I owe you. Don’t we, baby?”

Austin nodded in confirmation, thought it was clear he didn’t know what he was currently advising on.

Jordan laughed at the enthusiastic offer and the adorable child. “She will _never_ be cranky over a boy,” he clarified. “And I’d actually love some fresh ideas. Maybe you’ll save the day, Austin!” The boy nodded again. “I’ve known her forever but sometimes I feel like I already gave her everything I could possibly give her,” Jordan rolled his eyes.

“I know the feeling,” Carmela empathized. “My anniversaries are a bitch,” she looked down at Austin. “Shit. Don’t repeat mommy’s words, Honey.” She turned back to the amused man in front of her. “I almost always seek an outside advice,” she admitted with a smile.

“Okay, then,” Jordan allowed, “advise away!”

“Well, let’s start with–what _is_ she cranky about? You get to the root of the problem, you find a gifty solution!” She announced in determination. “We were looking for Malik’s favorite steaks. So no matter when he comes back, we’ll be ready, right Austin?” she tickled the boy who giggled and said “snakes!” That made both adults laugh.

“Well,” Jordan spoke with caution, “um… a friend of hers is also gone with the troops, hence… cranky.”

“Oh! Who’s her friend? They are a big bunch but I know most of the guys.”

_Crap._ That was the exact development of which he was wary.

“It’s… actually… not a guy,” he laughed nervously. “It’s Brunie? The Captain?”

“Auntie Bunie!” Austin eyes were shining upon hearing the name of one of his favorite adults.

“Really?” Carmela chuckled. “That is _very_ interesting. As you can see, Austin here loves his auntie Brunie even if he can’t quite pronounce her name.” She ruffled Austin’s hair. “Yeah, she’s my husband and mine’s best friend.”

“Oh, what a coincidence!” _Great_. _Don’t say anything stupid!_

“It really is!” Carmela was clearly excited by this development. “I’m so happy to hear your friend is a friend of Brunie’s. Where has she been hiding? Brunie doesn’t have that many ‘non-army’ friends, so they must be very close.”

“I mean, they must be?”

“God, B.,” Carmela seemed completely oblivious to Jordan’s hesitation. “No one truly knows her, you know? They think she’s this specific type of person, which she’s absolutely not. But she’s the strongest person I know. Seriously, first her parents, then her girlfriend, both before she even hit eighteen, can you imagine? It’s so nice to talk about her with someone! People really have no clue what she’s been through. Well, but you already know all of that,” Carmela pointed out, misjudging the situation to no fault of her own.

“Right, right,” he tried to sound as convincing as possible. “I knew all of that, from before,” he mumbled.

“I really want her to find someone, you know? She deserves to be happy,” Carmela rolled her eyes. “She keeps insisting that soldiers shouldn’t get involved. Or at least that she shouldn’t. She drives me and Mal crazy sometimes. So stubborn. I mean, Marcela’s death was devastating, but it’s been years! She can’t stay alone forever! She’s such a good person!” Carmela concluded with passion. Then she saw Jordan’s bewildered expression.

“Based on your face I’d say I got carried away. Just a little.” She shook her head.

“That’s okay,” he forced a smile. “You clearly love her very much.”

“I do. And it’s just really refreshing to meet someone who really knows her. That doesn’t happen very often,” she admitted, and Jordan could see the sadness, the concern. “She’s one of my favorite people, so it’s nice to know others have her back, too. I’ll shut up now. We need to find a gift for your friend.”

“Hey, it’s okay, I promise.” He put a hand over his heart. He was starting to feel guilty for the way he spoke about Brunie. Clearly, there was more to the story, so much more. “We’re all very lucky to have her,” he offered, and it was genuine.

“We are,” Carmela grinned and picked Austin up in her arms. “And once we’re done looking for a gift for your friend, um…?”

“Eve.”

“Eve, yes, then maybe we can all discuss match making,” she winked. “I need to find that girl an actual girlfriend.”

“Thank you,” Jordan bowed his head gratefully. 

“So, Eve. What does she like?” Carmela’s tone indicated that she was about to go to war in order to help Jordan.

“Brunie,” he deadpanned, making her stare at him in surprise. “Two birds, one stone?” he proposed with a smirk.

She studied him in growing interest and finally said “I like the way you think.”

* * *

_Here we go again_ , Eve groaned discreetly, sitting in Rita’s office.

“So,” Rita started, “how were the first few days?”

“Um, goo…” she cleared her throat. “Good. Yeah, I like this shift.”

“Why are you always nervous when you’re here?” Rita quirked an eyebrow.

“Not always,” Eve denied. “But, I mean, I just started a new job and I’m already called to the principal’s office, so…”

“You didn’t start a new job, Eve. You started the same job at a different hour of the day,” Rita reminded.

“I suppose it’s true but…”

“Oh, would you stop and calm down?” Rita cut her off. “The troops aren’t even here. What can you possibly mess up? And why would you even mess anything up? You have years of experience.”

Eve didn’t want to tell Rita that her head was somewhere else entirely due to said troops. And since that made her distracted, she just assumed she’ll mess up at one point or another.

_Think of something smart to say._

“Umm…”

_Ugh._

“Look, Eve, I called you here to make you an offer, but if you’re not up for it…”

“No no!” Eve interrupted. “Do offer! Please. What kind of an offer is it? Is it a special case? Is it research?” The idea of a challenge was very appealing, and very welcome.

Rita couldn’t help but smirk. The young woman was quite predictable at times.

“I don’t know if you know, since they hardly ever go out, but many of our senior nurses become certified Field NPs.”

“Why?” Eve asked in confusion, not sure she was ready for what was coming.

“Relax, darling. No one is asking you to enlist just yet. It’s regulations,” Rita explained. “Considering this place can become a trauma center at a moment’s notice, we make sure to bring many of the nurses up to that standard. But yes, it also means that if you choose, you can become part of the reserved forces. In case something happens and they need a replacement, you can technically join the troops on the battlefield.”

“Okay…?” Eve could tell there was more.

“Things you need to know: A. getting certified means that you take a course, your qualifications change and your salary goes up,”

“Again?” Eve blurted.

“B,” Rita continued, her tone aggravated, “you getting certified doesn’t mean you have to join the reserved forces, it just means that you can. And C. if you end up going into the battlefield, you get paid for that day accordingly. Active duty bump.”

_I have to do this,_ Eve thought. Anything that would improve her craft was automatically a “yes.” Whether or not she should sign up as a reserve was a question for later.

_Also, it’ll be a good distraction, but that’s beside the point._

“How long is the course?” she finally asked.

“Is that a yes?” Rita challenged with a smile which was returned. “It’s ten days long. And you’ll be leaving tomorrow.”

“Already?” doubts started to trickle in. “Is that a good idea? Will you have enough people here? And what if the troops return and…”

“It’s a great idea,” Rita stated. “I’m going to be here in case we need an extra set of hands, but honestly Eve? With the troops being gone this is the perfect opportunity to do this, which is exactly why they opened this upcoming date at such a short notice.”

“Okay, then I guess… I should go pack?” Everything was happening so quickly. Only five minutes ago she thought she was in trouble.

“Not so fast. I have some things that I need to tell you, and I have some forms that I need you to sign,” Rita opened the drawer in her table.

“What forms?” Eve was intrigued. _Every time I’m here this drawer ends up delivering good news._

“Forms that say that the information I’m about to share with you will remain with you and with you alone,” her voice turned serious as she took out a batch of pages. “You can’t discuss this information with anyone unless you know for a fact that those people know about this. But truthfully, the less talk in general about this, the better.”

Ever realized she’s never seen Rita so stern before, and that was very telling.

“I understand,” she provided with some concern. Responsibility was scary, but it was also thrilling. “What is it?”

“Sign the forms first. I need you to concentrate,” Rita ordered.

Eve scanned the forms. It was mostly general secrecy and clearance stuff, but under “Project Name” it said “On a Clear Day.” _Is this…?_

She quickly signed the pages, put the pen down, and leaned back.

“Okay,” Rita took a breath. She had these conversations many times in the past and reactions were always varied. “What I’m about to tell you will rock you to the core and will raise a lot of questions, most of which I can’t answer.”

“Um...okay.” Her voice was timid, she could feel her pulse quicken.

“Are you ready?” Rita asked dramatically. Admittedly, she enojyed this part.

“Yes?” 

“The Resistance has control over _major_ parts of the Uppergroud,” Rita shared, voice low and cautious. “That has been the case for years now. We didn’t lose it when the colony fell.”

What followed was complete silence. For a few moments Eve just stared at Rita, not sure what to say.

“Well, that’s…shocking,” she finally spoke, trying to sound as surprised as she could.

Rita’s face twisted in annoyance, and also, Eve thought, some anger. “Which one of those horny soldier fools told you?” she demanded. This was no joke.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Eve shrugged. “This new information truly is mind blowing.” The last thing she wanted to do was to get the woman who was god knows where, risking her life, in trouble.

“Well, you are a terrible liar, Eve Salus, but you can sure keep a secret, I’ll give you that,” Rita sighed. “Which, I suppose, is comforting.”

Eve stuck to her smile, trying to appear as guilt-less as possible.

“As I said, this is news to me. But if it weren’t, I’d say I doubt you need to worry about other people finding out.” _At least some damage control_ , she thought.

Rita pierced Eve with a stare, but Eve’s words seemed to have done _something,_ because soon after, Rita spoke.

“You leave tomorrow at ten a.m. Now get your sneaky ass out of my office.”

“Yes ma’am.”


	19. Chapter 17

Marcela was lying on her bed, trying to distract herself.

It’s been two weeks since she threw all caution to the wind and kissed the girl she had been infatuated with for months. Two weeks, and she still sometimes feared that even though Brunie seemed to be playing along enthusiastically, she didn’t actually feel the same way, given how Marcela had treated her.

She tried to remind herself that she knew how she felt about Brunie for months, while this was all new information for the other girl.

Fortunately, Brunie never let Marcela wonder for too long. She didn’t even have to do much to reassure Marcela. Living together, alone in a dorm room, came with a shared routine which was both comforting and soothing. They’d come back from post training dinner every night and talk about everything and anything before they eventually went to sleep. They were making up for lost time, truly getting to know each other.

“Can I ask you something?” Brunie tried one night.

“Of course.”

They were sitting on the fluffy carpet between their beds, playing cards.

“If you like me, and… I think you do…”

“I do,” Marcela confirmed with a smirk. It was nice to know that Brunie, too, had moments of self-doubt.

“Good,” Brunie bit her lip. “I Iike you, too. But then why did you…”

“Act like a dick for months on end?”

“Your words, not mine.” Brunie moved the pile of cards to the side, and pushed herself forward, to sit closer to Marcela.

Marcela fought the urge to look away. “No matter what I say to that, there’s no excuse.”

“I’m not…” Brunie wanted to choose her words carefully. She put her hands on Marcela’s knees. “I’m not looking for an excuse. I just want to… get to know you better. This is part of who you are.”

“Not a very good part,” Marcela finally lost the battle and looked away. She could let Brunie see the regret, the self hatred was a different story.

“Marcela, I’m serious.”

Marcela could tell Brunie wasn’t trying to pick a fight. And she knew that in order for them to stand a chance, she’ll have to make sense of things at some point.

“I don’t know, Brunie. You were the competition,” she shrugged.

“That’s it? That’s all there’s to it?” Brunie didn’t even try to hide the skepticism. Whatever was next for them, she felt like they couldn’t truly move forward without addressing this.

Marcela scanned Brunie’s face carefully. The little voice in her head still told her to not give Brunie any emotional ammunition. She was trying her hardest not to listen.

“My parents are First Wavers,” she finally shared. “They had me late,” she added once she saw the surprised look on Brunie’s face.

Most people their age had parents who were Second, maybe even Third wavers. Being a teen with First Wave parents was rare. Brunie realized it probably meant Marcela’s parents were homeless before the war, or very nearly homeless.

“I love them, don’t get me wrong. But they came from nothing,” she blushed, and Brunie was starting to piece things together. She took Marcela’s hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“They fought tooth and nail for everything they ever had, and it still wasn’t enough,” her voice was shaky. “This war gave them a second chance, and that was me, and they just always wanted me to be the best at anything I did. Again, I know it’s no excuse…”

“Marcela,” Brunie warned.

“Fine,” Marcela chuckled. “It’s just… we got here, and I liked you right away. But I’m not used to being second best, and…”

“You’re hardly second best,” Brunie argued.

“Stop belittling your achievements,” Marcela scolded. “You always do that, and you’re amazing. Anyways,” she kept going before Brunie could protest again, “you were my biggest competition, especially, you know, since we both have to work harder to prove ourselves. And I wanted to stay focused, and hating you made that easier.” Brunie looked down. Even though things changed between them, the statement still hurt.

“Except,” Marcela put a finger under Brunie’s chin, making her look up, “I didn’t hate you at all. Quite the opposite.” They smiled at each other softly. “But the thing is, the more I liked you, the more I was mad at myself. How was I supposed to go home and tell my parents? Not only was someone else being the best, but that someone was another girl. You stood in the way of what I wanted and I liked you for it,” she concluded, and she could tell right away this was a major breakthrough, because it was all out in the open and the world didn’t end, and Brunie was still there.

“Thanks for telling me,” Brunie brought Marcela’s hand to her lips and kissed her fingers. Marcela knew that gesture was meant to say “you’re safe with me,” and she was starting to believe it. “I guess we’re both here because of our parents,” Brunie added, contemplative, and Marcela didn’t push for more, but she understood. It was about legacy, and what you leave behind when you’re gone. Her parents were trying to shape their legacy through her. Brunie had to shape herself.

That was the first night they shared a bed, and even though they didn’t rush the physical aspect of their relationship, that night made them realize it was much better to spend every night together, in the other girl’s arms, after a make out session. Much better than to cross the room to a cold, empty bed.

Training became way more fun, too, what with all the playful teasing. Yes, they were still competing constantly, and yes, Brunie came up on top most of the time, but Marcela’s resentment now manifested as what it actually was - admiration. She admired everything about Brunie. She admired how Brunie picked herself up after her parents’ death and was fighting to make a life for herself, even though their presence was always looming. She admired how honest Brunie was and how patient she managed to be. She loved that Brunie was so smart, that when it came to Brunie vs. the guys, Brunie’s brain managed to overcompensate for her physique, and god, Marcela loved that physique.

There she was, thinking in terms of “love.” It was scary, but she had to remind herself again that those feelings weren’t new. They were just out in the open now. She didn’t fall in love within two weeks. It was a process that started on day one, and she was starting to believe these feeling could eventually be mutual.

She has never been in love before, but now, lying in bed, sans distractions, it was becoming clear to her that this was what she was feeling. She loved Brunie. And currently, she was wondering where the girl she was in love with was. Brunie disappeared after dinner and missed their nightly talk, and it was now after curfew. The annoyance turned to worry.

She knew Brunie had her own life, was her own person with her own friends, and she wanted to brush the frustration away, to appear cool and casual. After all, it’s not like they instated an official “post dinner talk” rule, so she had no right to feel hurt. Yet she did.

Suddenly, the door slammed open and a buzzing Brunie rushed in.

“Hey Mar!” she announced excitedly.

“Are you drunk?” Marcela inquired, trying to stick to her cool and casual plan, as if Brunie disappearing without a word and coming back all loud after curfew wasn’t a big deal.

“What? No!” Brunie grinned. “Just happy!”

“Brunie Kaya, teacher’s pet, you’re back after curfew! You rebel you! I had no idea!” Marcela teased, still masking her somewhat hurt feelings.

“Well, I am not as by the book as you think. I have my moments,” Brunie offered her a smug smile.

“Why didn’t I know that?”

“Ummm… probably because you were too busy being mean,” Brunie reminded and leaned in to peck Marcela’s lips. It made Marcela forget she was ever upset. Instead, she was in awe when she realized that Brunie kissing her became so natural. It was just obvious that this is how things were now.

“Where have you been?” she asked, genuinely curious.

“Underground,” Brunie replied without hesitation, placing herself on the bed next to Marcela.

“Brunie! You know we’re not supposed to go down there during basic training!” Marcela scolded. “What if someone seen you?”

“Yeah, well,” Brunie took a bag of Twizzlers out of her pocket. Candy was one of the few things that the war didn’t change. “I know this girl who just can’t keep going without her Twizzlers. She’s been bitching about it for days,” Brunie rolled her eyes for dramatic effect.

“You… you went Underground to get me Twizzlers?” She finally realized that Brunie disappeared in order to surprise her, do something sweet for her. Literally.

Brunie nodded. There was no teasing, no comeback. She was just happy that she managed to make Marcela happy.

Marcela grabbed Brunie by the shirt and pulled her in, her lips were on Brunie’s instantly. She felt like hundreds of tiny ants were climbing from her toes upwards, and it was glorious, but it wasn’t enough, it never was. So she deepened the kiss, very aware of the moan that followed, Brunie’s she knew. She was wondering if Brunie could tell by that kiss that she loved her. When the intensity was becoming too much, Marcela broke away, using this opportunity to see how the other girl was doing. Brunie looked like she was in a haze, and Marcela mentally congratulated herself on a job well done. But then something occurred to her.

“Brunie, this is _so_ nice. But don’t ever do that again.”

She wasn’t going to be the reason why this person, who lost everything, whom she loved, was not going to achieve her goals. Especially because of candy.

“But… I thought you liked it.”

Marcela could tell that Brunie was disappointed, and slightly hurt. She had to amend that immediately.

“Hey,” she put her hand on Brunie’s neck. “I love it. But this path that we both chose? I know it means more to you than anything. You work so hard every day. Don’t risk it after hours, okay?”

Brunie searched her face, letting the words sink in. Marcela couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

“You’re right,” she agreed eventually, clearly displeased. “But sometimes you just want to do something selfish. You want something else to mean more. This one track brain can get exhausting,” she confessed. And at that moment she did seem very tired.

“And how exactly was this selfish?” Marcela chuckled. “You went down there for me.”

“I went down there for _me_ ,” Brunie corrected. “I really wanted to see that smile,” she traced Marcela’s lower lip with her thumb.

“I’ll give you that smile for free every day. You just have to stick around,” Marcela vowed.

“Deal.”

“Who knew you were such a romantic?” she teased. But she kept going before Brunie had the chance to answer. “Yeah, yeah, I know, just another one of the many things I could’ve known about you. Yet another sign that I should’ve never been a bitch to you,” Marcela caressed the back of Bunie’s neck.

“Another?”

“Well, um… I kinda have a disciplinary hearing regarding me harassing you and all that. I guess it was submitted a few weeks ago when I was still… why are you laughing?”

“I think it’s funny you have a hearing about harassing me, obviously,” Brunie smirked.

“How is it funny!”

“Well, Mar, I guess because… you _have_ been harassing me,” Brunie pointed out, but her smile didn’t fade and there was no bite in her words.

“Yeah, well, fair enough. But still…”

“You know I didn’t do it, right?” It suddenly hit Brunie how the whole thing may appear. “I mean, I would never…”

“Of course you didn’t,” Marcela leaned in to kiss Brunie’s forehead. She was touched by the fact that Brunie cared so much that she felt the need to clarify.

“But, teacher’s pet…” Marcela moved to trace Brunie’s jaw, her words indicating that someone else, probably one of the commanders, filed the complaint on Brunie’s behalf.

“It’ll blow over, Marcela,” Brunie promised. “It has to. And if they’ll ask me about it I’ll just say it was stupid kids’ play and that we’re over it. We’re _so_ over it.”

“I know. I’m just afraid it’ll hurt my chances of getting into the officers course,” Marcela admitted.

“I know it’s not what you want, but there’s always the next round, Mar,” Brunie reminded, her tone soothing. “And you _will_ go to that course.”

“Would _you_ want to wait for the next round?”

“No, but you don’t have deceased parents that you are dying to avenge. No pun intended.”

“No, just ones that will never let me live this down.” But she knew right away that she shouldn’t have said that. “B…” she tried, both her voice and features full of remorse.

“How about you just help me not think about it?” Brunie proposed quietly.

Marcela nodded in compliance and leaned in to kiss Brunie, trying to fulfill her request. But then she pulled away. “I’m sorry.”

Brunie groaned in more than one kind of frustration.

“I told you I don’t want you to apologize anymore,” she shook her head. “And you know what? I’m sorry, too. I don’t understand the pressure you’re under. So can we just be? It took us long enough to get here.”

“You know I always adored you?” Marcela confessed. “But you were untouchable.”

“I’m not untouchable. I’m right here and I very much want you to touch me.”

But Marcela wasn’t done. “Everything you’ve been through and you still seem so strong all the time. Like you could destroy me if you knew the truth.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not. And I’ll never destroy you,” Brunie promised.

“I know. But I was scared. And in addition to everything I was also afraid of being turned down, and you always seemed to be there when my insecurities were getting the best of me…”

“I wanna be with you,” Brunie stated without doubts, starring into Marcela’s eyes. She needed the words to get through to the other girl. “And I want you to stop putting me on this pedestal. We’re equals. And I don’t want you to keep apologizing, or second guess yourself, or be worried that I’m gonna be mad all of a sudden in retrospect and leave, because it’s not going to happen,” she reassured.

“How can you possibly know that?” Marcela looked away.

“Because…” Brunie swallowed hard. “You’re driving me crazy.”

“And that’s a good thing?” Marcela rolled her eyes.

“It’s the best thing,” Brunie insisted.

“Brunie…”

“You drive me crazy enough for me to go somewhere I’m not supposed to go, during curfew, and get a bag of Twizzlers,” Brunie pointed out, not letting Marcela look away again.

“What are you saying?”

“That you’re amazing, and I want to make you feel like you’re amazing, all the time.” She didn’t want to say more than that, but she was hoping the message would come across. It did.

“How is it that my seduction ritual included being an asshole and yours includes Twizzlers?”

Brunie shrugged. “I’m telling myself that was the equivalent of you pulling at my ponytail if we were in kindergarten.”

Marcela eyes were glued to those of this ridiculous person in front of her. She leaned in for another kiss, amazed at how within seconds, a few sentences and a stupid bag of Twizzlers, Brunie managed to quiet all the bad voices in her head.

* * *

Brunie was covered in mud. Again.

It’s been two weeks since the battle for Kentucky began and it seemed like being covered in mud has become the default state for all of them.

From strategic perspective, she couldn’t really complain. Their “surprise the surprisors” gamble paid off. But from an hygienic perspective? One could argue.

Their camp wasn’t too far and it was getting dark.

 _Maybe we can wrap this up and get a little midnight wash in the Sinking Rock Hole?_ That’s what the locals called it. Apparently, it’s been the name of the place for years. It was basically a big pond, part of a long river, between two Locals.

 _They’ll have to rename it the Stinking Rock Hole after all of us have our filthy way with it,_ she thought, cringing at her own subpar humor.

They managed to push The Leadership’s forces back in a ring, from the middle outward in all directions. The enemy forces to the east and south had nowhere to run because The Resistance had West Virginia, Ohio and Tennessee. Those of them who managed to escape, tried to make their way west. The Leadership had Indiana and Illinois.

Granted, some escaped into Resistance states, but those few were practically refugees, not an army force to be worried about. They were more likely to die of starvation or surrender themselves and sit in prison.

Now, two weeks into the fighting, The Resistance was pushing west. They were still within the borders of Kentucky, but with every passing day they were advancing further and further towards Indiana and Illinois. The units of the western Kentucky Locals were serving as reinforcements, and at this point Central Command made it clear The Resistance was going to take advantage of the situation, and add some new states to their growing roster. But it wasn’t a smooth sail.

 _Was there anything we… I could’ve done better?_ She wondered just as she shot a guy who reminded her of Jericho.

 _Jericho_ , she winced.

They lost him four days prior, but they didn’t even have the chance to stop and mourn. He was one of her favorites and here she was, pushing away the thoughts about him because she had to stay focused.

“All clear!” Malik yelled once he shot the last of the Uppers in sight. The next group was probably hiding in the forest a few miles west. They were mostly on the defense at that point.

Brunie was wondering what was going on on the west coast. Will The Leadership send more forces east to support Indiana and Illinois? Or did they stop sending people so the west won’t remain defenseless?

They needed to go back home and see if there was any news from Eli.

She scanned her surroundings. Her boys were all covered in sweat and blood, scratched and bruised. _But you should see the other guy._

Bodies of Uppers were spread on the ground. It was becoming very evident over the years that The Leadership was favoring technology over strategy. They thought money will win them the war, but spirit and numbers were so much stronger.

Brunie tried to remember the exact point in time when it all became so technical for her. She was killing people for a living. She knew wholeheartedly that she was on the right side of history, but her winning meant that someone else lost, lost more than just the title of “winner.”

She kept looking around, making sure she didn’t miss anything. They were all exhausted, which left room for errors, and she couldn’t afford that. The guys were checking the bodies, confirming that everyone was indeed dead, and taking whichever weapons they could find.

“Is that…?” Brunie swallowed hard when she saw doctor Dante crouching next to a body.

“It’s Liam,” the doctor nodded sadly. “He’s gone.”

Brunie exhaled in frustration. She knew there was no way they’ll come back from a battle this massive without any loses. They were lucky to have survived the K9s, and now two out of the six people who were in her K9 unit were dead. Yes, they were winning, but winning also had its price.

“Let’s take a moment,” she ordered and everyone stopped what they were doing, stood up and bowed their heads to honor their falling brother. In a few minutes, they’ll have to stop thinking about him until the battle was completely over and they were back home. That’s how fleeting everything was.

* * *

Brunie was standing with her head lowered, refusing to make eye contact with the girl who was standing close in front of her.

“Brunie?” Marcela tried softly.

Brunie didn’t move.

Marcela put her finger under Brunie’s chin, making her look up, but Brunie was still avoiding her gaze.

“Look at me,” she ordered softly and the other girl finally met her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Brunie offered, her voice small.

“Don’t be,” Marcela demanded, “this is a good thing.”

“You’re really not mad?” she was so worried, it warmed Marcela’s heart.

“No,” Marcela promised. “I’m proud of you, and… I love you.” It was the first time she said it, and the truth of it was written on her face.

Brunie’s smile was so big she thought her lips would crack. A feeling of calm washed all over her. “I love you, too,” she stated. “So, so much.”

“My girlfriend is gonna be a hot officer,” Marcela flirted, “life is good.”

“My girlfriend just told me she loved me,” Brunie added, “Life is amazing.”

Marcela made sure no one was around and pulled Brunie in for a quick kiss.

They’ve only officially been together for a month and a half, and they haven’t told anyone. But these six week saw their feelings intensify. They learned to put their egos aside and ease each other’s insecurities. That helped them connect on every possible level.

Marcela sighed in content. _We’re on top of the world._

It was the last day of their basic training. Four long months have come to an end.

“Will your parents be okay with this?” Brunie rubbed circles on Marcela’s hips.

She hummed at the touch. “They’ll have to be.” She leaned in to kiss Brunie again.

“I promised I’ll stick around,” Brunie reminded, guilt written on her face.

“We both know that’s not what I meant. Besides, every rule has an exception,” Marcela smirked.

“I need to go,” Brunie apologized, sad to stop what they were doing. “Malik is waiting for me.”

“It’s okay, Babe. Go, be awesome. And just keep in mind that when you come back from this course you’re gonna be so green, that I’ll have to make sure you don’t die on me. It’ll be embarrassing to be your subordinate,” Marcela winked.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to find a way to punish you then,” Brunie challenged, making Marcela blush. “I thought so,” she added, all smug, and turned to leave.

“Hey, B?” Marcela stopped her, feeling extremely self—conscious all of a sudden.

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking that maybe tonight…?”

“I was thinking the exact same thing,” Brunie bit her lip. “I love you,” she reminded, sensing Marcela’s hesitancy.

“I love you, too,” Marcela grinned. Brunie always knew what she needed to hear.

“I’ll see you later,” Brunie promised. She squeezed Marcela’s hand, and left the other girl to wonder in excitement what the night would bring.

Marcela watched her girlfriend go, checking her out, as Brunie joined her best friend who was to attend the officers’ course with her.

“What were you two talking about so cozily?” Malik inquired once Brunie approached him. They were walking side by side towards the offices. They had a meeting to discuss what was next in terms of the upcoming course.

“Oh she wasn’t too happy about the officers’ course,” Brunie lied. ”You know how she gets every time I top her,” Brunie shrugged. She didn’t like talking about Marcela that way, but they had an agreement while they were still figuring things out.

“Yeah, I bet she wants nothing more than to top you,” Malik remarked, all innocent, causing Brunie to stop in her tracks. “Oh, how long I’ve been waiting to say that!” he added, feeling victorious.

Brunie groaned. “You know.”

“Of course I know. We all know. I’m just hurt that you didn’t tell me yourself!” He chided.

“I’m really sorry, Mal. It’s just… we wanted to just be us for a while. It’s still kind of new, and we haven’t even…” she stopped mid sentence, blushing for good measure.

“Brunie, it’s fine. I get it,” he put a hand on her shoulder. “This place is so much in your business. It’s hard to find a moment to think. I understand. And I’m happy for you, for both of you.”

“Yeah?”

“She’s great,” he confirmed. “We both know she’d totally be going with you to that course now if it wasn’t for the disciplinary hearing.”

“That stupid thing, God!” She clenched her fists. “I hate that it’s all because of me.”

“It’s not because of you, you didn’t do it. And we both know she’ll go next time.”

“Yeah,” Brunie sounded unconvinced.

They were silent for a few moments, Malik giving her the space to form her thoughts.

“She’s really great, Mal,” Brunie couldn’t hide her smile.

“I know,” he agreed. “She’s smart and talented. Awesome sense of humor. Also, super hot.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Brunie chuckled. “You’re a pig.”

“Let a guy admire, sheesh. So possessive.”

“Well, she _is_ mine,” Brunie reminded, skipping through her next step, feeling giddy. _And I’m hers._ Then, her expression darkened.

“You good, B?” He noticed the shift.

“Yeah, I just…I hate leaving her for two months. It’s the same amount of time that we’ve been together,” she explained. “I mean, when I see her again, we would have been apart for half of our relationship, and then she’ll take the course and…”

“Whoa, slow down. It’s good between you two, right? She likes you, doesn’t she?”

“She loves me,” Brunie corrected in happy admission. “And I love her.”

“Well, then”, Malik resumed, “you have nothing to worry about. Clearly, you’re solid. And two months aren’t that long.”

“I guess you are right,” she contemplated. “Thanks, Mal.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiled.

They kept walking in comfortable silence until something occurred to Malik. “You’re totally bummed that I’m going with you instead of her, aren’t you?”

“What? No!” Brunie denied a little too quickly. “You’re my best friend!”

“You, my _friend_ , wanted to get it on at the officers’ course. Tsk tsk, naughty,” he shook his head in disapproval.

“That’s not true!”

“Liar,” Malik concluded, and that was that.


	20. Chapter 18

“But Colonel…”

“Brunie,” Corbin warned, “just a little bit longer, they still need you over there,” she instructed the girl on the video screen.

“It’s been three weeks, we thought it’d take two,” Brunie argued.

“We also thought you’d die.”

“Appreciate the vote of confidence, Colonel. Some people _did_ die.”

“What did I miss?” Cecily walked into Command with damp hair up in a ponytail.

Corbin gestured with her head towards the screen. “I’m well aware, Brunie,” she gritted her teeth. “And now I’m telling you that Central Command wants you guys to stay there as we push into Indiana and Illinois.”

Brunie exhaled, seeming frustrated and worried.

“What’s going on with you?” Corbin demanded. “Since when are you so anxious to leave a battle? Especially one that we’re winning?”

“That’s just it,” Brunie shook her head. “Relatively speaking, this has been going very well. Whenever anything is going too well shit is about to go down. We already lost Liam and Jericho, I don’t want to lose anyone else.”

“I understand, Brunie. And I realize that with everything that’s going on you didn’t even have the chance to think about them. I’m very familiar with that feeling. But your job is not done,” Corbin reminded.

“But we’re maybe a day away from the border. They’re toast!”

Cecily was observing the conversation silently, knowing that Corbin will fill her in the moment the video conference was done.

“I know, Brunie, I know. And I understand that you want to come home. But we’re trying to take over two new states. Having the Specials with the forces of the Locals will make a huge difference and you know it. You’re letting your emotions interfere with your judgment.” It wasn’t a pleasant statement, but it was true nonetheless.

Brunie looked away, unable to deny the accusation.

“Is that why you brought it up?” Corbin guessed, her tone now softer. “You wanted me to tell you that you were wrong? You wanted to be told off?”

“Yes,” she confirmed, looking back at them once again. “So thanks for that,” she smiled, but it was a constrained smile.

Corbin figured that something compelled Brunie to argue the case of their premature return home. Be it fear for her subordinates’ lives, guilt, or something else altogether. This way Brunie could at least feel like she tried. There’s peace in that.

“Is that all?” Corbin pushed forward with caution.

“Yes, colonel.”

“You’re going to dinner now?” Corbin inquired while Cecily smirked from the sidelines. She loved seeing her wife becoming maternal towards their Captain, even if it happened subconsciously. 

“Yeah,” Brunie rolled her eyes. It was so slight, it was easy to miss. But Cecily didn’t.

“Get a good night sleep, B. One more week, okay?”

“Yeah,” Brunie nodded, “okay.”

“Take care, kid.”

“Bye,” Brunie finished and with that the screen turned black.

“What was that all about?”

Corbin gave Cecily the first real look since the other Colonel entered Command. “Good shower?” She quirked an eyebrow.

“Steamy,” Cecily took a step towards her partner. “But not too steamy.”

“So,” Corbin put a hand on Cecily’s waist, “report from Central Command first, or Brunie problems first?”

“C.C. first, please.” She leaned into the touch.

“So just like the kid said, we’re a day away from the border. The newest reports show that our data about their numbers of tanks was out of date. They had a lot more which is likely why this took longer than we anticipated.” Corbin narrowed her eyes.

“Yeah, well, it could’ve been worse,” Cecily reminded. “I’ll take extra tanks over more K9s any day. Drone took off earlier?” Once a week since the operation started, they sent up a drone to gather aerial photos for intel. They tried to save on fuel, so they couldn’t use it every single day, counting on human intelligence instead.

“Yeah. All clear. No additional K9s, no visible large units. Even if they still have people in Kentucky, it’s not the kind of numbers we should be concerned about,” Corbin reassured.

“Okay, that’s not too bad. What else?”

“Well, we’re officially going into Indiana. We got the go ahead. They want our guys, hence the whole ‘Brunie can’t come home yet’ thing.”

“We’re getting Michigan, aren’t we?” Cecily deduced, glancing at the map, appearing pleased.

“Yes, we are,” Corbin nodded calmly. “The Canadians will be happy.” These were truly good news. Winds of change.

“And Brunie?” The happiness was short lived as Cecily was very evidently concerned.

Corbin groaned. “She’s restless. And not the kind of restless she gets before a battle. She’s itching to come back.”

“But, why?” It was uncharacteristic for the young Captain to shy away from a justified fight.

“She says it’s a gut feeling,” Corbin shrugged, “right before you stepped in.”

“Uh oh,” Cecily blurted. They both knew quite well that Brunie’s gut feeling was almost always on point. It felt like foresight at times. It was extremely annoying.

“I know, I know, but there’s something else. I’m sure of it. You know her. We’re taking over a new state. She’d want to be a part of it.”

“We lost Liam and Jericho,” Cecily shuddered in Corbin’s arms. “I know we got lucky, relatively speaking, but you know how she gets whenever we lose someone.”

“Then she chose to wrong line of work,” Corbin pulled away, crossing her arms.

“Cor…” Cecily knew full well that this was a defense mechanism.

“I’m sorry, that was a stupid thing to say,” Corbin closed her eyes, letting the present disappear, even if for a second, hoping that she’ll have her head back in the game once that second was up.

“We all react differently to the deaths of people we care about,” Cecily noted softly, but she didn’t close the distance between them. Not yet. They’ve been here before.

“I know.”

“Especially when they are our subordinates.”

“I know that, Cecily,” Corbin repeated, edge in her voice.

“It doesn’t mean she’s not doing the job that she’s there to do,” Cecily insisted.

“I know!” Corbin spat, but the remorse was quick to follow. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Cecily shook her head, “ _I’m_ sorry. I pushed too hard.” She finally stepped to close the gap between them and wrapped herself around the other Colonel who uncrossed her arms, grateful for the physical connection.

“These conversations never become easier,” Cecily soothed. It was hard to know what the other person needed at any given intersection. Not with their histories.

“I love her,” Corbin leaned her chin on Cecily’s shoulder.

“I know.”

Corbin could practically hear Cecily’s soft smile in the words. She leaned back so she could look at her wife.

“And I need to tell her to do all these things that she doesn’t want to do, and I need to be stubborn and distant about it,” Corbin explained, even though she knew that if anyone understood, it was Cecily. It just so happened that today was her turn.

“I know,” Cecily brought her hand up to cup Corbin’s cheek.

“I hate it,” Corbin stated.

“Me too. But that’s why we’re both here,” she wrapped both hands behind Corbin’s neck. “So each one of us can only hate it half of the time.”

“Yeah, well, tag, you’re it.”

* * *

“What did the Colonels say?” Malik shoved a spoonful of rice into his mouth.

They were staying at the Local just outside and under old Louisville, close to Mt. Washington. They were headed for the border the following day, to a point south east of old Louisville. With some Ohio Resistance forces coming in from the Cincinnati Local, they were bound to have two entry points into Indiana. They were going to come in from the south and push up north, choosing to leave enough people in Ohio and all the states surrounding Illinois and Missouri.

“Probably another week,” Brunie shared, playing with her food.

“Yeah, okay. Not too bad.”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

Malik observed his friend. They got back from the battlefield a bit earlier than usual that night, letting regular forces do some ‘last minute clean up’, allowing the Specials some solid rest before the following day and what it had in store. They were about to enter a new state and breaking through a state line was always the hardest part of the process. Hence, the Specials were needed. It meant that they got to rest a little longer tonight, and actually sit down for dinner in a Local and not a camp. Sadly, it also meant Brunie had more time to think, and Malik knew what that usually led to.

“Having the post killing blues, B?” His smile was soft, even as the casual phrasing covered something loaded.

“Aren’t we all?” she shot back with a bitter smile.

They were the best of the best, which meant they didn’t lose people very often, especially since they had a home base that they usually stayed close to. But because it was a rare occurrence, it always hit them incredibly hard. The Resistance was their life. When they weren’t fighting, they were training, and on the rare occasion when they had some time off, they spent it in smaller groups, but still, it was always the same people. Always together. A tight knit.

“I believe we do,” Malilk agreed. “And so it happens, that when we lose someone our minds go back to those we lost before.” He tried to approach the real issue as gently as he could.

Brunie nodded quietly. It was just the two of them in the room Malik was assigned to. They picked up their trays at the cafeteria and went back to his room. They loved Locals over Upperground camps for many reasons, but having your own room for the night? That was probably the main one. Also, whenever they were at a Local they were treated as if they were kings, in Underground standards, of course.

They were enjoying the intimate, rarely quiet moment. Two best friends, reminiscing.

“God,” a nostalgic smile took over Brunie’s face. “Remember the first thing Marcela said to us when I told her she got selected for the next round of the officers’ course?”

“Yeah,” Malik nodded, now smiling too. “She said she’ll stick around a while longer so we can do some damage together. And then I believe she added ‘Babe’ which I think was only meant for you.”

Brunie’s smile grew bigger. “And damage we did.”

“Right. Like that day when I took Carmela out on our first date just to come back to our quarters and see that you guys broke the sofa.”

“Oh my god,” Brunie gasped and actually blushed. _I forgot._

“That’s exactly what I said back then. Why not use your own bed, woman?”

They exchanged knowing looks and fell into comfortable silence. He was happy they were talking like this. There were a few subjects they didn’t discuss very often, and not because he didn’t want too.

“God, I miss Carmela and Aus so much,” he noted suddenly. “Knowing that woman she probably bought those steaks I love,” he added in a dreamy tone. Rice was nice and all, but…

“I’m sure she did. It’s your little ritual, and your wife is the best.”

“She sure is. Dinner at our place when we get back all victorious?” he proposed. “I’ll even open the whiskey.”

“Absolutely,” Brunie confirmed. “I already put aside a mortar as a gift for Aus,” she added, all casual.

“God, you spoil that boy,” Malik sniffed.

“He’s my favorite boy,” Brunie shrugged, and when she saw the pout on Malik’s face she added “sorry, dude. It is what it is.”

They did that sometimes when they were away. Discussing what they’ll do when they got back. For some, it was a big no no, borderline jinxing, but for the duo of ‘besties for nearly a decade,’ it was the only way to stay sane. These moments were gone as fast as they came.

“What if I never see Eve again?” Brunie sighed, all sobered up.

“If you do, how about you make sure it actually matters?” he pushed. “And if you don’t… well, at least you got to say goodbye this time.”

“That’s not even remotely comforting, Mal,” she grimaced at him.

“What can I say? All is unfair in love and war.”

* * *

“Where have you been?” Jordan demanded, placing himself on a bed right in front of the one Eve was currently making.

“Ummm…here? At work?”

She returned from the Field NP course five days prior, and was starting to get back to some sort of a routine.

“Yeah, but I left you a note to come see me,” Jordan whined. ”And you didn’t.”

“Right, Jor, but again… I was at work. As in where I am right now. As in my place of employment,” she gestured around them.

“Exactly! But you’re a Field NP now, and I called you on the field… so to speak. What if I needed medical attention?”

“Well, did you?” she crossed her arms, unimpressed.

“Not exactly but…”

“Then what?” Eve huffed, now exasperated. “Because I have a feeling that even though it’s been quiet around here, my boss won’t be too happy about me hanging out with my friend, instead of making beds and do inventory.”

“I’m sorry, I just missed you,” he admitted. “You’ve been back for five days and I haven’t seen you once.”

Her features softened, she didn’t mean to snap. “Honestly? The course was so intense, that I still feel the after effects. Ever since I got back it’s basically been go to work, head home and go to bed. But I should be good as new after this weekend, okay? Maybe we can get dinner Saturday night?”

Her voice was warm, inviting, even as the aforementioned exhaustion seeped through.

“I can only imagine how crazy it must’ve been,” he gave her a sympathetic look. It was field training. He realized it was probably both physically and emotionally taxing for Eve, and he wanted to hear all about the cool things she learned, ask if she was happy that she decided to go.

“Dinner is a plan I can get behind,” He added. “So you can tell me everything.”

“I will,” Even promised, letting a yawn escape. “Talk this weekend?”

“You bet! Try to get some sleep.” He hopped off the bed, full of renewed enthusiasm, and started to leave, then he stopped and turned around. “The only thing I am gonna say right now though, is that I changed my mind. I totally think you should hang out with Brunie. Okay, bye!” he finished and tried to bolt towards the door.

“Wait, what?” Even through her shock, she managed to grab his arm quickly, preventing him from leaving.

“Um, yeah. Surprise!”

“Jordan…” she warned.

“What? I can admit when I make a mistake!” He protested, but that’s not what she wanted to hear from him and he knew that.

“How, why, and when did this happen?” she demanded. Her friend was someone whose opinions weren’t easy to sway.

“I thought you had no time to talk because you had to work?” he pointed out.

She glared at him in defiance. “Spill it. Now.”

“Maybe you just meant ‘I have no time to talk about things that aren’t Brunie’?” he proposed, appearing contemplative.

When his friend remained frozen in place, he sighed and continued.

“Okay. So I had a talk about her with this girl I met and…”

“Wait, wait,” Eve cut him off, waving her hands to stop him. “You were talking about her with some girl? Great, that makes me feel so much better,” she groaned, frustrated.

“No, Eve! It’s not like that! Jesus! Her name is Carmela, she’s…”

“Bruni’s best friend’s wife.”

“God, you’re a creepy stalker.”

“Everyone knows who her best friend is,” she insisted. “They’ve always fought shoulder to shoulder, for years now!”

“Everyone who’s a super fan,” Jordan taunted.

“Shut up and finish the story!”

“Well, we just talked,” he defended. “You know, with her husband being gone as well, and… I just… you were right, okay? I misjudged her based on what I saw of her on the media, but Carmela said… well, she’s a person who actually knows and loves Brunie. Apparently she’s as awesome, and kind and amazing as you thought, blah blah blah, you were right, and I was wrong,” he concluded.

She wanted to savor that little moment of victory, but her features darkened.

“Yeah, well, that’s really, very nice. But Brunie is somewhere out there, busy getting herself killed, so…”

“Eve, come on… it’s not like what she does for a living is news to you. Frankly, that’s a big part of why you like her. So does it matter?”

“It kinda matters if she _does_ get killed. I imagine it would matter a lot, actually. But mostly, it matters because…” she sighed. Looking around, feeling guilty for this impromptu heart to heart in the middle of her work day. “Last time I saw her she said I was an amazing friend.”

“Ouch.”

“I think it was a goodbye,” she bit her lip. Between weeks of uncertainty and then the course, she felt quite raw.

Jordan thought he understood “You think she’s trying to protect you? From what might happen to you? If something happened to _her?”_

“Maybe,” Eve shrugged. “Maybe it’s been preventing her from getting close to people. Or maybe I’m just convincing myself that there’s more to it than there actually is. Easier than admitting rejection.” She swallowed hard. _When there’s no rejection you can at least always wonder what if. What if is better than nothing._

“I don’t think you are,” Jordan stated quietly, remembering Carmela’s words, trying to figure out how much to share. “Did you know her girlfriend died?”

“What?” Eve looked mortified. _When? How?_ This was not something she knew. It was not common knowledge, period. She could sense something unpleasant set in her stomach.

“At least, I think she did. Carmela didn’t say much,” Jordan explained. “Really, she assumed I knew all of it already. I don’t think she would’ve said so much, and at the same time almost nothing at all otherwise. And I didn’t want to pry. It already felt… wrong.”

“Maybe you misunderstood.” _If this is true, god…_ The scope of Brunie’s loss over the years was becoming clearer, more devastating.

“I don’t think I did,” his lips twitched.

“Well, what did she say?”

“She said something like ‘both her parents and then her girlfriend before she was even eighteen.’ Something like that.”

 _Yeah, you can’t really misinterpret that_ , Eve thought. If Jordan was remembering correctly, that death of Brunie’s mysterious ex happened six, maybe seven years prior. It broke Eve’s heart to know that within a few years Brunie lost the three most important people in her life. Yet it also validated for her that Brunie wasn’t some attention seeker who was trying to seem tragic and heroic, otherwise everyone would’ve known about this.

It explained a lot, yet it left Eve even more confused.

“Why are you telling me all of this?” Her face was blank, masking the turmoil.

“Because I think there’s a chance that she’s great, and I think she needs someone who won’t give up on her, and I think that you are very stubborn.” The smile he offered her was bittersweet.

“So, what, you are team Brunie now?”

“I’m team happy ending,” he clarified.

Eve shook her head. “I so wanna say something sarcastic to you right now, but so am I.”


	21. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breaking my habit of only posting an update every other week (though it was never a must, just the result of having no time!) because this was that last chapter of part 1 of the book, and it's a really important chapter so I felt like it could get its own update.
> 
> So now we are a little over the "1/3 of the book mark," which in Word terms, is page 223. 
> 
> In other words, hold tight, we have a lot more to cover!

They were doing “The Arrow Maneuver.” The idea was to go into Indiana from two different south-eastern points, and climb upwards in two parallel lines, towards a centric location. Ideally, that destination would be the capital, which in most cases was the Main Local of the state.

As they were making progress along their designated lines towards Indianapolis, they were leaving people behind to hold the line and secure the areas they already conquered. Considering people joined them from the Indiana Locals as they went along, they weren’t losing people over it.

Once they approached their main target, they could take over and then split into two new diagonal lines, going south east and south west, eventually creating the shape of an arrow. If done right, it was meant to easily split the south and east of the state to smaller, isolated fractions.

It took them two days to break over the state line. They might have had the numbers advantages, but The Leadership centered most of its forces by the state lines. That also meant artillery, tanks, things that The Resistance had, but not in the same quantities.

The biggest worry was mines. While Resistance foot soldiers have been sneaky in a way a tank couldn’t, the mines made things tricky. Which was why the majority of the first forty-eight hours was about clearing their path to the state line, and once they crossed it on day two, it took them an additional day to clear the surrounding mine belt on the other side of the border. The Uppers, who placed them, knew how to avoid them upon their retreat.

The Resistance had experienced a few unfortunate incidents during those three days, but nothing major. They were a cautious army that valued its people’s lives. If things were to take more time but be done with care and precision, their leaders preferred it over the alternatives.

It was now day six. Brunie was told that once they hit Indianapolis they would be sent back home. There were enough people involved at the moment, with more forces coming in, to allow for their departure. Brunie’s men have served their purpose. They maintained Kentucky, broke the Indiana state line, and pushed towards the capital. The rest wasn’t for them to do. It was time for the Indiana Resistance units to rise to the Upperground and reclaim their state.

She was getting giddy, ready for her own shower, her own bed, no matter how great the Locals treated them. She felt accomplished, too. As far as major operations go, the past month went relatively smoothly. It was a breakthrough they were hoping for as they started dipping their toes in the mid–west, but this expedited the process and presumably left the west coast exposed, giving them an opening. Going home meant discussing the next phase.

She started to believe that things might change during her lifetime. The thing that her parents and many elderly people never got to see might actually be obtained. There were still ways to go, but they were getting there.

The Leadership relocated its capital to Wyoming a few years prior, adjusting to The Resistance’s accomplishments and the loss of Washington D.C. The Resistance forced them away. Now, The Resistance had the chance to push from east to west, while also pushing from south-west to east. _This upcoming year will be a game changer_ , she knew.

“You’re happy,” Malik observed, walking by her side. They were bound to arrive at Indianapolis by nightfall, and the sun was just starting to set. They would probably enter the Main Local’s tunnels a while before they reached the Upper city, but for the moment they were enjoying a rare quiet walk, while their scouts were far ahead, looking for the next enemy unit.

“I _am_ happy,” she confirmed. “We’re gonna leave this shit hole oh, so soon.”

“It’s actually quite nice out here,” Malik pointed out. “Your judgment is clouded by war and whatnot. Stop and smell the roses, B,” he mocked her.

“Yeah, yeah, you idiot. It’s time,” she determined. “We did what we came here to do and then some. I’m ready to go back and talk about the west coast.”

“Now _that_ is gonna be a battle,” Malik noted. She thought his eyes gleamed a little. It’s not the war that he liked, she knew. It’s the change that was coming and the chance to be a part of it. It was too big to grasp.

“And what exactly do you call what we’ve been doing here for the past few weeks?” she challenged.

Malik pointed at the space between them and said “we were being two pees in a muddy pod?”

Brunie snorted. “I knew there was a reason why I kept you around.”

“Oh, and why is that, Your Royal Highness?” he teased.

“Someone has to be the fool in this court, and it sure as hell not going to be me. I’m way too pretty and smart,” she reminded.

“Well, then, joke’s on you, because…”

But she never got to hear the comeback, because someone started firing from a spot to their left.

Malik was walking to her left.

And just like that, Malik was gone. Without a goodbye, without anything.

* * *

When you’re fighting by your loved ones side, there’s a big fat chance that if you lose them, it’ll happen right in front of your eyes.

Brunie was standing in the shower, leaning with her hands on the tiles, tears falling nonstop, blending with the steamy water. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t move. She was too afraid that if she’d stop existing in her exact current state, if she’d change the tiniest thing, she would fall apart.

She faced death before. She lost people to death before.

_I should be a pro by now,_ she thought bitterly. But she wasn’t.

She put her hands on the skin between her collarbones, digging her fingernails deep. That all too familiar feeling of a hole being bore into her heart had hit her full force and she was trying to claw at it. Every time she thought some soil fell into that hole, started covering it, filling it, even if just a bit, something happened, and the hole grew bigger instead, never full.

People think that if you do something enough times, eventually you’ll get used to it, form a technique of handling it. Death is not one of those things. You never get used to it. You never form a technique. Sure, you can learn how to push it aside for a while, how to go about the immediate, mandatory actions that follow without falling apart, but it catches up to you, and when it does, it breaks you into a million pieces.

Brunie wasn’t even all that glued together. She gave up on ever finding something that will stick. But if there was one constant in her life, a glue for nearly a decade, it was her best friend. _Correction. My deceased best friend._

If there was a lesson she should’ve learned years ago, it was to never let her guard down, in more ways than one. But she did. She did and she paid the price, again. _He paid a higher price_ , she dug a little deeper, could feel something warm on her fingers that wasn’t the water.

She hardly remembered what happened. Random flashes were swirling in her head. Of Malik falling down, of herself screaming, frozen in her spot, of Aiden and Oz jumping on her, taking her down to the ground for cover.

Maybe she lost consciousness. She wasn’t sure. Everything happened so quickly, yet it felt as if time hasn’t passed since that moment. Gunshots, screams, and then she was dragged out of there, completely useless, completely clueless. But in reality she never left that spot.

Her guys finished the job and finally retreated into the nearest Local.

Later, Oz and Aiden came by the room she was assigned to. She was curled into a ball in the middle of the bed, shaking, delusional. Oz sat and caressed her hair until she calmed down.

That was when they told her what happened.

It was a tiny group. No more than fifteen people. Their scouts missed them due to the huge ground they had to cover, and unlike most of the enemy groups who just eventually fled or surrendered, this one decided to go out with a bang, literally. Desperation works in mysterious ways.

And Malik? Malik stood in their way to Brunie, taking the hit, saving her life. Whether he chose it or not, he’ll always be the guy who died for her.

_I just got lucky. Or did I? Am I the lucky one if I’m always the one left behind?_

Apparently, after Aiden and Oz took her down to the ground, she started screaming and kicking hysterically. She didn’t remember. They told her that Doctor Dante had to sedate her, and that once the firing stopped they carried her underground.

They searched for Malik’s body but it was gone. Maybe the Uppers moved it in all the chaos, but it was getting dark, and they didn’t know if more enemy soldiers were around. With an unconscious Captain and a dead First Lieutenant who was also the second in command, Oz made the call to get the hell out of there and hopefully search for the body in the morning.

The encounter didn’t have any effect on their upcoming victory. It was just an unfortunate coincidence. She thought it was funny how this had no effect on the battle, yet altered her life completely.

When the guys were about to leave her room, she apologized for letting them down and asked for the exact coordinates of the encounter for the report she would have to write.

They assured her she had nothing to apologize for, which made her sneer. They gave her the coordinates, though neither of them thought she should be dealing with the report any time soon.

_I’m failing all of them_ , she thought right before she secretly snuck out of the Local. At least she could do _this_. For him.

Eventually, she got back, covered in mud and blood, and was welcomed by a group of frantic soldiers who were just about to go out and search for her.

She felt guilty about it, but her auto-pilot state made her leave his now found body on the floor behind her and walk straight into her room without acknowledging any of the people who were talking to her, calling after her.

She got into the shower and turned on the hot water. She heard the pounding on her door, but she ignored it. Eventually, whomever it was stopped. She was hoping the hot water will make her feel something, anything.

At first it didn’t work and she thought maybe she won’t feel anything ever again.

Then, the tears started to fall, and that’s where she now was, two hours after her return, still standing in the shower at the very same spot, crying.

* * *

“But, why wouldn’t you go?” Brunie demanded as she rolled on the ground and shot another man.

“I… already… told you,” Marcela replied in annoyance, struggling with the man on top of her. A moment later she headbutted him, using his surprise to reach for her discarded rifle and shoot him. It was a terrible angle, and she winced at the painful recoil, but it did the job.

“Well, tell me again then, because I seem to have forgotten,” Brunie glared. She was joined by both Malik and Marcela, now up on her feet. The three of them were standing back to back, firing at everything that didn’t resemble one of their own.

“Ladies, ladies, you sure this is the right time to have this conversation?” he asked right before yelling “grenade!” which made them all duck together behind a boulder.

“Well,” Marcela started, raising her head to see if the coast was clear, “we’ve been having this argument for a year now, so I don’t find a point in having it at all. Another one!” she called and they ducked again.

In the year since their first officers’ course, Malik and Brunie attended the advanced one as well, and Brunie was afraid that Marcela was sacrificing her own ambitions for her. 

She knew that it was Marcela’s choice, but she loved her too deeply to be the thing holding her back.

“Don’t even think about it, Babe,” Marcela warned.

“Think about what?” Brunie peeked over the boulder to check again. “All clear!”

The three friends came from behind the boulder and found their soldiers shooting another group of Uppers down the dirt road. They started running towards their friends.

“Please,” Marcela started huffing, “I know you better than anyone.”

“Hey!” Malik intervened in protest.

“Shut up!” the women ordered in unison.

“You’re not standing in my way, B. I love what I’m doing.”

“But I…” Brunie tried.

“Plus, I thought you enjoyed having me under you,” Marcela challenged, making Brunie scoff.

They stopped next to the fighting soldiers and started to fire again.

“I’ve been telling this joke for ages and I never get any reaction!” Malik complained, yelling loudly to be heard over the shooting.

“Try telling this joke while also having boobs. It might be more appealing to your target audience!” Marcela replied with a loud laughter, yelling as well.

“But that’s never going to happen!” Malik whined and shot another guy, making sure that the remaining three enemy soldiers were handled by other people.

“Well then,” Marcela shrugged, “I suppose you better stop telling this joke, Mal.”

He groaned, bumped fists with Brunie, and walked away, mumbling “girls” under his breath.

“Women!” Brunie and Marcela called after him, chuckling. Brunie loved the fact that her best friend and her girlfriend were getting along so well. It hasn’t even been especially hard. Once people learned about them, Malik and Marcela actually made an effort. They liked each other before, but kept their distance for obvious reasons. When they finally had the chance to really get to know each other, it worked out very well. Sometimes they even ganged up on Brunie, but she didn’t care. She’d go and say that they should become a musical duo and name themselves ‘Mar & Mal’ (which made Malik complain about not having his name first).

Marcela was observing her girlfriend’s profile. Seeing Brunie smiling made her smile too, with ease, with love.

Brunie made her incredibly happy. She loved being around her as much as possible. If that meant postponing the officers’ course for a while longer, she really didn’t care. Not anymore. _It’s bound to happen soon anyway_ , she figured. _Six months or so?_

She simply wanted to make sure to always be there when Brunie came back, and she wanted her beloved to be focused. She understood where Brunie was coming from, but she didn’t feel like she was on the losing end of anything. She gained so much practical knowledge and experience on the field while they were gone. It made her a better strategist, a better asset to the people she served, to Brunie. More than once she found herself discussing an issue with her girlfriend, and her deeper understanding of the field came into play. Not only did she manage to teach her girlfriend something new every now and then, she was Brunie’s confidant, and she loved how Brunie allowed herself to be taught. Ego was not an issue. They were in tune, they shared values, and she thought it was kind of insane that she found something like that when she was only seventeen. But people age faster during a war.

Marcela realized she was still staring at the beautiful officer who was now watching the sunset. She knew how much Brunie loved the chance to do that. Sometimes they’ll sneak to the Upperground just to watch the sunset from the rooftop of one of their storage facilities. They’d make out, enjoy the blend of reds, yellows and oranges, if they were lucky they even managed to score a bottle of some alcoholic, not at all classy, beverage.

Marcela smiled thinking about their antics and pulled her girlfriend closer.

“Come here,” she demanded and pulled Brunie in for a kiss. “Good job today, boss,” she said in between kisses.

“Mmm… thank you,” Brunie gave her another quick peck then leaned their foreheads together.

The others were working in the distance, collecting weapons from the dead Uppers, waiting for more instructions from Command or their direct superiors who were somewhere else on the field.

The two were taking a moment to enjoy themselves, the notion of a well fought battle and the sunset. As far as romantic moments go, it was a little on the morbid side, but they took what they could.

“I love you,” Brunie stated.

“I love you, too,” Marcela replied immediately. “But your thoughts are extremely loud.”

“It’s just… I can’t help but think about a year ago. This is what you wanted the most, and whatever you say, I feel like you’re not going because of me and you’ll resent me for it later,” Brunie admitted.

“Okay, first? I’m not going, _yet_. Emphasis on the yet. Secondly, yes, that’s what I wanted the most a year ago, but it’s not what I want most now. And lastly, you’re right, it is because of you.”

“See?” Brunie tried to argue.

“But…” Marcela cut her off, slight edge to her voice, “it’s not what you think.”

“What is it then?” Brunie pushed, confused.

“I enjoy being here with you. I enjoy fighting by your side, as much as anyone can enjoy all of this,” she gestured around them. “So yes, in that sense, it is because of you. But you make me useful in ways others won’t,” she pointed out, making Brunie smirk. “And while I like that smirk and the thought process that led to it, and would absolutely love to revisit that in let’s say… an hour?” she proposed and Brunie nodded in approval, “that’s not what I meant. Consider this. Many of you guys did the course already. I’ve been on the field this whole time, since our class graduated from basic.”

“I know that,” Brunie noted with evident admiration.

“What it means is that I have the most experience.”

“And I’m using you,” Brunie bit her lip.

“And you’re using me,” Marcela confirmed. “You learn from me, and you listen to my advice, and you let me play a part.”

“I do,” Brunie agreed, considering the observation.

“Which means I’m getting to learn, too,” Marcela added. “And all of the above mean that once I actually take that course…”

“You’ll be the best officer this army has ever seen,” Brunie concluded, grinning.

“Well, second best,” Marcela cocked her head.

“Cheesy. Are you hitting on me?” Brunie feigned distraught.

“Depends,” Marcela shrugged, “is it working?”

“You bet your pretty, wonderfully shaped ass it is.”

“Well then,” Marcela leaned in to steal a kiss. “Six months,” she declared. “Okay?”

“You sure?” Brunie wanted to give her girlfriend one last out, knowing that she won’t be bringing up the subject anymore after this.

“Positive, boss,” Marcela reassured, removing a lock of hair from Brunie’s face. Their hair was in a post-battle mess.

“Six months, then,” Brunie agreed.

"I want this, babe. I’m just not in a rush, okay? We have all the time in the world,” she kissed Brunie on the forehead and started walking in the opposite direction from the rest of them, towards the horizon where the sun was setting. She needed to bring the Humvee around, and she knew she was giving her girlfriend an awesome view.

She was looking back, catching Brunie watching her. Brunie wasn’t even trying to hide it, she was giving Marcela a dazzling smile instead. Marcela winked at her.

Suddenly, a deafening noise. Something went off. Something big and tragically destructive.

Brunie was still staring at the spot where Marcela was standing only a second before, but Marcela wasn’t there anymore, just some clearing smoke. Her breath hitched. She felt numb, but at the same time it felt like the whole world was crushing down on her. She was trying to figure out how both contradictions could co-exist. But she couldn’t concentrate because her ears were ringing. She thought she heard rain. She felt hot liquid going down her face and arms. She brought her hand up. _Blood_ , she realized. _Mine or…?_

Someone was pulling her away. It was probably Malik. She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

Because just like that, Marcela was gone. Without a goodbye, without anything.


	22. Part 2 - Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome, to part 2 (out of 3.) It will very likely hurt.

** Part 2 **

The whole Local was buzzing. Everyone heard there was some sort of a glorious victory. They weren’t privy to the full details, but they knew it meant their soldiers were coming home. They also realized, even without the specifics, that it meant their lives improved somehow.

Three days is how long the soldiers had to wait before they could get home. There wasn’t a festive welcome because the unit didn’t feel like they had anything to celebrate. No one announced their return, and they didn’t use choppers either. That’s why it took them the extra time. When they finally did get back, they dispersed quickly. Those of them who had loved ones, rushed home to them. Their families were their life line. Those of them who didn’t have someone were left alone to stew.

Until finally the rumors started. Who had returned, who had not.

On that third afternoon following the return of the soldiers, Eve walked around the Local. When she got to Main Street, it was clear that something was going on. People were gathered, lighting candles in a vigil near the square.

She noticed Jordan among the group of people and approached him.

“Jor, what’s going on? What’s with all the commotion?” she asked in confusion.

“Didn’t you hear?”

“What? What happened?” Now she was afraid, starting to sense the general vibe of grief all around them.

“They’re officially back. They didn’t stop by the infirmary?”

“No. Not this morning,” she looked away, an unpleasant feeling spreading in her abdomen.

_Is that because there were no serious injuries, or because there was nothing to save?_

“Apparently they’ve been back for a few days now. Three soldiers died,” Jordan explained, his demeanor darkened as he answered her question without knowing.

Eve started to panic, assuming right away that Brunie had to be one of the three. Brunie, always in the front line. Brunie, who was known for putting her soldiers first, and Brunie didn’t show up to tell her otherwise in the days since their return.

“When… when did it happen?” she asked, trying to figure out how long ago it actually occurred. _Was she dead the whole time I was waiting for her?_ Eve was almost surprised she didn’t feel it in her bones in real time.

“Throughout the month, not all together. Apparently the last death was just three days ago. I think that’s why they came back, because someone said the fighting isn’t over,” he explained.

“Oh, god.”

“What?”

“Is it… is it Brunie?” Eve inquired, preferring to know right away, thinking that this way she’ll be able to start saying goodbye as soon as possible.

“God, Eve, no. I’m so sorry,” he put a hand on her shoulder. ‘I thought it was clear it wasn’t her by me not mentioning her! I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry!” His eyes showed remorse and concern.

“I don’t think I can breathe,” Eve bent forward, putting a hand on her chest. Jordan moved his hand to her back, trying to make sure his best friend was alright. “So she’s okay?” Eve demanded, confused as to why Brunie won’t come see her. The way they left things… she thought Brunie would at least assure her that she was indeed still alive.

“Um, yeah, but… Eve, um… I’m hearing Malik died,” Jordan provided, looking around, realizing he hasn’t seen Carmela. It made him conclude that the rumors were probably true.

“Shit,” Eve blurted. She started walking away with purpose.

“Where are you going?” He called after her.

“She needs me.”

“With everything we know about her now… I’m not sure she needs anyone at the moment. I know what I said but... the timing. She might just lash out at you,” Jordan tried, worried that Eve was getting herself into something way too complicated and dark, talking from his own experience.

Eve glanced at him, painful expression on her face. He was her outlet once, she knew she should listen, but she still turned away and left, determined to find Brunie.

She wasn’t sure she was doing the right thing, but Brunie was her… something. Eve had to at least try.

If Brunie was suffering, if she wanted to be alone, Eve had an idea of where she might be.

* * *

The sun started to set. Brunie was lying down in her spot, attempting to read _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_. In reality, she was just staring at the pages, wondering if she’ll ever again be able to be fond of sunsets.

Eve approached her, but she didn’t notice.

“Hey,” Eve said as softly as she could.

Still, Brunie’s head snapped in her direction, ready for a fight, before realizing who it was, where _she_ was. Looking at Eve’s face above her, Brunie forgot, for a brief moment, that everything sucked. But a second later she remembered, and she wasn’t happy about Eve’s presence.

_This is everything I can’t… should never have._

She was distraught, and Eve could tell.

“What are you doing here?” Brunie demanded. She sounded like she was making an accusation.

“I heard about your friend. I’m really sorry.” She sat down, but kept her distance.

“Okay…” Brunie acknowledged, not sure what will come out of her mouth if she was to say anything more.

_Why does she have to be like this?_

The care and kindness made it hard for Brunie to be mad at her, which in turn just made Brunie even more upset. She also couldn’t ignore the part of her that was happy to see Eve’s face. That made her upset, too. She almost forgot what the girl looked like, but she was holding on to the memory so strongly during her weeks away, talking about it with a friend who wanted to see how it all ended. Instead, he ended. So now all she could think about was how she should stay away. She had every good reason to do so.

“I came to check up on you,” Eve explained, voice somewhat cautious.

“You shouldn’t have,” Brunie stated and Eve could sense the anger. “This… is _my_ place. Where _I_ go when I wanna be alone. You know.”

“Well, you said you’re sharing the stars with me. So, I’m sorry, but it looks like it’s my place now, too,” she reminded with a small smile which was not returned.

They were silent. Brunie sat herself up, legs bent in front of her, book forgotten at her side. She used every ounce of will power she had to avoid Eve’s gaze. She kept looking straight ahead instead, appearing to Eve as if she was a million miles away.

Eve took a breath, deciding to gamble. _This will either be helpful or backfire miserably,_ she thought, wondering if she was doing the right thing, reminded that even though there was an undeniable pull, there was also so much they didn’t know about one another.

“I’m gonna suggest something, and I’m suggesting it because I think you need a distraction, and I don’t like the idea of you up here alone. I think you should have dinner with me.” The conviction she opted for made it sound like an order, which wasn’t what she was going for. But there was no do-over.

Brunie turned her head and looked at Eve in shock, almost disgusted. “What? No.” she denied harshly.

“Why not?” Eve spoke almost as harshly. She thought some tough love was required, but a small part of her was also hurt by the rejection, even though she knew this wasn’t about her.

But for Brunie, Malik’s death served as a reminder as to why she shouldn’t be pursuing anything, with anyone. She was a soldier first. No one promised that she’ll be back the next time she would go out on the battlefield. _Why doesn’t she get it? And how can she even fathom doing something like that now?_

Then, it occurred to Brunie that maybe Eve _did_ get it, she just didn’t care, wasn’t turned off by the risks. It made the rage within her grow. The care she couldn’t deal with, but a challenge was just the provocation she needed.

“You couldn’t possibly think this was the right time to ask me that,” she spat.

“What I thought, actually, was how much I wish someone would’ve been there to pick me up when my mom died,” Eve reasoned. And to be fair, Jordan did his best, and often suffered her wrath, but he wasn’t there to curl in bed with her at the end of a shitty day. He couldn’t be there for her in a way that someone who cared about her like _that_ could. “So… have dinner with me,” she didn’t back down.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t do dinners,” Brunie stated in a tone that left no room to argue.

But Eve realized that it was and all or nothing situation. “Why not?” she fired again.

“Dinners lead to relationships. I don’t do those, either,” Brunie declared, a warning in her voice for Eve to drop it.

“Why not?” Eve kept pushing.

“Stop,” Brunie finally burst, not emotionally capable of handling this conversation. Not at a moment when everything was so fresh, and maybe not ever.

“But I’m genuinely asking, why not?” It was a dare, but her voice was soft. She didn’t plan on having the whole relationship conversation, but here they were, and she thought that maybe a different tactic will do better. “I flirt, and you flirt back. There’s definitely flirting going on,” she pointed out.

“I don’t… I don’t flirt with you. I just… talk to you,” Brunie defended, not believing that she’s even having this discussion three days after her best friend, another piece of her family, died.

“Flirt with me, then,” Eve simplified. “Distract yourself with me.” She wasn’t clueless. She knew she was provoking Brunie, she knew Brunie was hurting. Part of her thought that if Brunie will direct that hurt and anger towards her, Eve could take it. She figured Brunie needed her to take it.

“Stop acting like everything is so simple. You seem to only see things in black and white,” Brunie blamed, maybe unjustly, but she couldn’t stop herself.

“Brunie, it’s just a dinner,” Eve reminded calmly. “And you need to eat, don’t you? I want to be there for you. Please let me.”

“No! You’re only thinking about what you want right this very moment. You’re not thinking ahead, because if you did, you would’ve never asked me out,” Brunie fired and they both knew that it was at least somewhat true. Yes, Eve was looking at the whole situation practically, but not just. She wanted Brunie. She was tired of waiting for them to do more than just talk once a week. She also waited for weeks for her to return. If people died, it was all the more reason for her to not waste any more time. It was in perfect contrast to how Brunie saw the whole situation. If things weren’t so grim, they may have noticed the irony.

When Brunie saw Eve didn’t deny her accusation, she got up to leave. If Eve wasn’t going to leave her alone, she was going to go somewhere where she didn’t have to see Eve’s face.

“My best friend is dead, Eve”, she reminded and started walking.

“Brunie! Brunie, come on!” Eve called after her.

The other woman didn’t turn, and Eve sighed in defeat. She didn’t mind taking the heat, but she was wondering if she just made things worse for the woman she liked, or actually got them to finally address something that they would’ve had to address at one point or another.


	23. Chapter 21

Malik’s funeral was the following day. Carmela and Austin were standing by his fresh grave while Brunie was standing a few steps behind them. The nature of the sideways burial didn’t allow much room right by the grave.

Many army personnel were in attendance, Corbin and Cecily included. The women were standing close together, keeping quiet, occasionally glancing at Brunie when they thought she didn’t notice. She could sense their eyes on her and she hated the way it made her feel. _Pity, again_ , she thought. Except it was concern.

The ceremony wasn’t long. Malik was a humble person and he specifically asked for no eulogies, which, if Brunie was honest, was a relief. Many of them left instructions “just in case,” especially those who had something to lose. Brunie didn’t have much to lose, and now that Malik was gone she had even less.

Malik, however, was a husband and a father.

“No big speeches at my funeral!” he announced to Brunie once. “Bury me, shed a tear, make sure Carmela is okay, and go get drunk to honor me. You can do all the embellished chit chat at my wake.”

She didn’t know what she would’ve said about him, anyway. It was way too soon. The only thought that she could muster was how sad it was that they couldn’t bury him on the Upperground, maybe during sunset, of all things. _How long before people can be buried on the Upperground during sunset? Too morbid?_ Those sunsets that kept taking people away from her.

Jordan was also there. He only just met Carmela, but since that day they formed enough of a friendship for him to at least come and pay his respects. He took a few steps forward, cautiously, and placed himself next to the woman who seemed like she needed it. One glance backwards at Brunie and he could tell that she was detached. After everything he learned, he really couldn’t blame her, but it seemed like no other family was there, so he took it upon himself to try and do something for Carmela.

“What am I supposed to do with the steaks?” Carmela asked him. It was clear she was in shock.

He didn’t reply, he just put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed.

Carmela turned and searched Brunie’s face. It was completely blank, but the woman knew Brunie well. She knew a lot was going on on the inside. She offered Jordan a grateful smile, took Austin’s hand and approached Brunie.

Brunie bent down to hug Austin. “I love you a lot,” she told him and got back up to give Carmela a hug as well. _She’s starting to show_ , Brunie noticed, heart wrenching at the thought of Carmela raising two kids on her own. She didn’t run to Carmela when she came back. She felt too guilty. “I’m so, _so_ sorry, Carmela,” her voice quiet, but full of truth. She didn’t realize Eve was there too, standing in the distance, paying her respects and trying to be there for Brunie, even if it was in an invisible way.

“I’ve heard what you did,” Carmela notified Brunie, clasping their hands. “Go play with Jordan, Honey,” she told Austin who did just that. She turned back to her best friend. “Snuck out alone in the middle of the night just to retrieve his body? That was incredibly dumb. But thank you,” she concluded, her voice cracking. He may have not come back alive, but at least he came back. The same couldn’t be said for Jericho and Liam.

Eve got closer to try and see if she could offer any comfort. She wanted to be able to help, to apologize for her previous misguided attempt, but the unintentional result was her eavesdropping on Brunie and Carmela’s conversation. She tried to will herself to walk away, be stronger and more respectful, but she just couldn’t. This was a side of Brunie she didn’t get to see before, the grieving side. Brunie’s internal feelings were catching up to her exterior demeanor and Eve needed to see that, to understand the other woman better. 

“I opened the freezer this morning, and I absolutely forgot. And I swear, B., frozen steaks made me break down. Poor Aus saw the whole thing.”

Brunie squeezed her hand. “Do you want me to come and stay with you guys for a while?”

“Do _you_?” Carmela shot back, not unkindly. She knew Brunie was offering for herself as much as for Carmela and Austin.

“Sammy and Ali?” Brunie inquired instead of answering, indicating it might get crowded, wondering where her own second set of parents, all the family she had left, were. She already had a suspicion.

“Stuck in L.A., I’m not sure what’s going on but no one can leave,” Carmela explained, her face contorting in sadness. She assumed, rightfully, that Brunie knew more than she did anyway.

Malik’s parents left the Local not long after Malik and Brunie started the academy. They were scientists and were asked to join during the big L.A. take over. Brunie figured it was part of the same immigration wave in which eve’s father left.

She only lived with them for about a year and a half, but they became her family. They left the Local after they were sure the “kids” were taken care of while at the academy.

They came to visit every few months, trying to be there for important occasions, for their grandson, but something was currently brewing on the West Coast.

Brunie sighed.

“Stop it, Brunie,” Carmela ordered, “I knew what I signed up for. That’s what you get for being married to a soldier.”

Brunie felt a warm wave of nostalgia wash over her.

“When you guys just met I _told_ him this was gonna be trouble,” Brunie admitted. “He said that I’m talking shit and that I’m gonna love you, and I said that I heard you were great and so the problem was him.”

The women exchanged fond glances.

“I always thought it’s unfair,” Brunie resumed, quietly admitting something Carmela already knew. ”Sharing your life with someone when you don’t know how much of a life span you have to offer. But he just fell head over heels, there was no way he was gonna give you up. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. That you all do.”

“You are wrong, you know,” Carmela spoke with conviction. “You think it wasn’t worth it, don’t you? You think it would’ve been better if this, me and him, had never happened,” She wasn’t blaming, nor judging, just stating facts.

“I…”

“You think that just because you’re a soldier you don’t deserve to be happy?” Carmela nearly laughed at the idea. “You took this life style upon yourself and, what? You’re supposed to be alone forever? How is _that_ fair?”

Eve heard enough. Curiosity was one thing, but it really started to feel like she was prying on a very private moment, so she walked away, more and more puzzle pieces coming together.

“Look where we live, Carmela,” Brunie gestured around them. “We all have to make sacrifices. I’m not gonna apologize for thinking it’s selfish to get attached to someone else, to have them get attached to you, just so you’ll end up leaving them way too soon. And it happens more often than not!” she argued.

“So… what? Our best people, those who risk their lives for all of us, are supposed to always be alone because they serve us? I don’t think so. This is about Marcela,” Carmela declared with no hesitation. Her words made the other woman shudder.

Brunie took a second to breathe through the pain the comment evoked.

“Maybe,” she started quietly, “but the whole ‘not getting into a relationship’ thing isn’t just an excuse for me to not get hurt. If anything, Marcela was a proof. I already lived through that, I know how you feel right now because I’ve been there,” she reminded coldly, not understanding how come Carmela wasn’t seeing eye to eye with her on the subject. Before? Sure, Carmela could argue all she wanted. But now Malik was gone and she became a single mother with another child on the way. It wasn’t a hypothetical scenario and Carmela’s forceful verbal attack found Brunie frustrated and confused, especially since they were still at a funeral.

Carmela studied her friend and realized what it was that Brunie was thinking.

“Trust me,” she said, now softer, “you haven’t lived through what I lived. You chose not to,” she added and looked at her son who was currently entertained by Jordan, thinking that she’ll have to explain to him what the ceremony they just attended really meant.

Brunie didn’t know what to say. It seemed like as of late everyone was questioning her life choices, testing her patience and limits. She just needed some space to think. She needed to be in the safety of something familiar.

“I need to go,” she finally said. “I love you. And I’m so sorry.”

“About Malik, about you staying alive, or about not listening to the advice I just gave you?” Carmela challenged.

Brunie nodded at her in remorse and started to leave.

“He probably promised you dinner when you two got back,” Carmela called after her. “I’ll be expecting you at eight!”

* * *

Dinner was weird and included one clueless little boy and two adults who had so much to say to each other, but hardly spoke at all. The day as a whole was taxing, and when Brunie headed back to her quarters she was exhausted, frustrated and heartbroken.

When she was a younger officer, she shared quarters with Malik. The more promotions they got, the better their living conditions became. Her current quarters have been her home for a while. It was in a higher floor of the compound. Her high ceiling and the fact that she had access to the compound’s blueprints helped her make a few adjustments. One of which she thought she could really use at the moment. She just wanted to sleep peacefully and let everything wash away.

She turned a corner and pulled her keys out to unlock the door, almost in the safety of her quarters and the special comforts it held. 

“I understand the risks.”

Brunie jump in surprise, sending her hand to where her weapon would usually be. Then she saw it was Eve. _Where the hell did she come from?_ “Stop doing that,” she ordered, trying to sound as indifferent as possible.

“Sorry,” Eve apologized sheepishly, “but as we’ve already established, I’m kind of concerned that you’re not more alert. Being a Captain and all.”

Brunie groaned. Eve was being playful and Brunie couldn’t deal with that right now. Not to mentioned that it came across like a low blow considering The Resistance’s recent losses.

And the woman in front of her realized it herself a few seconds too late as her face became pale. “Shit Brunie. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. In fact, I came to apologize for yesterday, too. But I’m just messing this up,” she shook her head, clearly mad at herself.

“It’s fine,” Brunie put the key in the lock.

It was clear to Eve that she’ll have to do most of the talking if not all of it.

“I know yesterday was a terrible timing to insinuate anything, and I want you to know that… I tried to be helpful, and I know I’ve gone about it the wrong way. But I also wanted you to know that I get it. You and I? I understand the risks,” she repeated.

“Do you, though?” Brunie scoffed, as if Eve was a little girl who knew nothing about the big bad world. “Because I don’t think you’re actually listening.”

“Stop, please,” Eve begged. “This is not who you are. You’re funny, and sweet and a tease to the point that I wanna kick you. Stop being so stubborn and cynical.”

Eve saw those sides of Brunie, and it seemed like Brunie has now backed into a black hole of an existence after she just started to finally really open up. _This stupid war_ , Eve thought. Sometimes the effects were death, and sometimes, it was something as “mundane” as a person retreating into their shell. A progress lost.

Brunie’s laughter was laced with bitterness. _So naïve._ She finally unlocked her door and stepped through the doorway.

“You think you know me so well?” she challenged, voice so icy it made Eve’s stomach turn. “You think a few conversations on the Upperground and you got me all figured out? Well guess what. This _is_ me,” she snarled, as if Eve was trying to turn her into something she was not. This was the only way she knew how to survive without falling apart. “More often than not, this is who I am. A good opportunity for you to realize how ridiculous you’re being. You spend too much time around _this_ ,” she put a hand on her own chest, “and it’ll rub off on you, too. So here’s your exit. Goodnight!”

With that, she slammed the door in Eve’s face.

“Well, this could’ve gone better, but at least she said goodnight this time.” It was so clear to Eve that much of this anger was about immense pain. She knew it well, so she knew there was always an opening, because no one wanted to hurt forever. She turned to leave, hoping that things will look different after they both got some sleep.

* * *

Brunie was walking to Command. She passed under the little stars drawings and exhaled in exasperation. She had a rough night, she wasn’t the nicest to Eve, and those stars were just a reminder.

Though to be fair, Eve has been pushing her to a place that she didn’t want to be pushed to. Especially not now, when things were in shambles all over again, which made Brunie reinstate all of her defense mechanisms, the ones that she didn’t realize she wasn’t using as much ever since she met Eve. _Being around her did that_ , Brunie knew. _The ease._ It made Brunie happy for a short while, but then she got a reminder of why she wasn’t supposed to be happy, not like that. That reminder exploded in her face, not as literally as when she was seventeen, _but pretty fucking close._

She wasn’t sure she could take anything else, so she was extremely grateful to go back to work, even though it was soon, really soon.

She walked into Command with a forced smile plastered on her face, welcoming the pending distraction.

“I’m here, I’m ready, let’s do this,” she announced in determination.

Corbin and Cecily stared at her with what she once again assumed was pity. It was sorrow this time.

“No, no, none of that,” she demanded. “This face you’re making is my least favorite face in the world. I had enough of it for a life time. So, no,” she was trying not to get too agitated at the women who cared for her so deeply, her superiors.

“Brunie…” Cecily started but Brunie cut her off.

“Are you gonna say something about how beautiful his service was? Or how elegant everyone looked? Because we still fucking bury people sideways and that subject is also a no no,” she warned.

Corbin took a breath and reminded herself that Brunie was grieving, that she was in pain, and that was the cause of Brunie’s current attitude in _her_ command room. “Well, we called you here to tell you that you’re getting some time off,” she finally provided.

“I’m sorry, what?” Unhappy didn’t even begin to cover her feelings about these news. She knew full well that once her superiors decided something, it was hard to persuade them otherwise. But this was a decision she wasn’t remotely okay with.

“Not a very long one,” Cecily added almost immediately. “Just enough time for you to clear your head, recharge a bit. We need that head in the game for what’s coming in the West Coast.”

“My head is in the game,” Brunie narrowed her eyes.

“No, it’s not,” Corbin retorted. “Your head is on Malik, and your head is on Marcela, and your head is on your parents, which is understandable.” She locked eyes with Brunie, not fazed by the deterrent glare she received from her Captain, which was meant to say that some topics were taboo.

“Newsflash, boss,” Brunie spat, “my head is always on Marcela, and always on my parents, and now Malik and it always will be!”

“As it should, but, Brunie… it’s just too fresh right now,” Cecily tried.

“I’m okay,” she insisted.

“Does going on a suicide mission against protocol to retrieve a dead soldier’s body seem okay to you?” Corbin countered, voice nearly breaking, no matter how well she tried to mask it.

Brunie noticed, she recognized it for what it was, but she chose not to answer. She was never, in a million years, going to regret what she did. She was silent for a few more seconds before finally speaking again.

“Let me do my job, please. I always did it with them in mind, did I ever disappoint you?”

“Brunie,” Cecily took a deep breath, “no one is saying you aren’t capable of doing your job. It’s not like you’re being demoted, we’re only talking about a few days off! Hell, we’re doing this _for_ you. You need this!” She needed Brunie to understand. That would’ve made things so much easier.

“To be benched? No. What I need… is to stay distracted and you’re taking that away from me! That’s what you’re doing,” she blamed, hammering her fist against the table.

_The harder way it is, then_ , Cecily thought. “What we’re doing is to make sure you’re a good commander to your soldiers. That’s what we’re doing. I’m sorry, but you’re no good for them now, and you need to recognize that.”

“I’m a soldier! This is what I do!” Brunie’s words sounded desperate, knowing that the much needed distraction was slipping through her fingers.

“It’s too soon, Brunie,” Corbin repeated. “Just take these few days and use them.”

“What am I supposed to do with them?” Brunie chuckled sarcastically. “Sun bathe?”

“Read, do soul searching, star gaze,” Cecily suggested, hinting that she knew of Brunie’s occasional hobby. “I don’t want you out on the field this week, or training with the guys, seeing his face wherever you go and whatever you do,” Cecily concluded.

Brunie knew it meant the conversation was over. Cecily nailed it with accuracy. She stood up and glared at the Colonels in disappointment. It felt like they took something away from her.

“I’m gonna see his face wherever I go and whatever I do no matter what,” Brunie shook her head and turned to leave, wondering how the hell she was going to make the pain go away, if even for a little bit. Her go-to option, the one that she always turned to in the past, was just taken from her for the time being.

“Do you think we made a mistake?” Cecily proposed once Brunie was gone. Even though it was her idea, she felt terrible.

“No,” Corbin answered immediately and laid a hand on the other woman’s shoulder. “No. We might give her a week and it might not make that much of a difference, but in the end, I still wouldn’t want her out on the field tomorrow, doing something crazy without even meaning to.”

“She doesn’t deserve this,” Cecily sighed, allowing her own voice to break now that they were alone.

Corbin squeezed Cecily’s shoulder. “No,” she agreed. “No, she doesn’t."


	24. Chapter 22

** From the diary of an Under **

The troops are back. What that actually means, I won’t be able to tell you. Everyone I know has spent the last few days trying to figure out exactly what was going on. Did we win whatever there was to win?

Usually, the indication would be the way the soldiers carry themselves around the Local upon their return. It is very telling. Brunie is the person people usually look for to gauge the result of the mysterious engagement. But while most soldiers did appear exhaustion-looking yet cheerful, there were no celebrations, and our glorified Captain, for the most part, is nowhere to be seen.

People saw her once or twice a few days after the troops came back. They reported black bags under her eyes and a hollow expression. Her second-in-command was killed, so how successful could this operation have been? He was her best friend, as far as we all know, and it may have been that, but still, the contradiction between the cheerful demeanor of the rest of them, and her appearance and eventual disappearance, are eerie and worrisome.

Nothing like looking at the person who’s meant to lead you and be your beacon of hope, and find only hopelessness, doom and gloom. Extremely reassuring.

I know funerals and memorials were held. I can’t say I’m familiar with the fallen, but I have stopped by Main Street to take part in the vigil. No matter how we look at things, no matter how much we know or don’t, these people still gave their lives so that I can keep mine, if not even eventually improve it.

The vigils are always extremely surreal. All these years and we still haven’t found the balance between mourning and a celebration of life. You can go down the street to the vigil in the square and find a silent group of people standing in pairs, lighting candles. Then you can take a turn and walk into The Bomb Shelter for a drink and hear people laughing as they recount a story about a fallen soldier. Life in dissonance. That’s inappropriately appropriate to whom we are as a society.

And when you do sit in bars, or walk around the square, everyone is talking about Brunie and where the hell is she, and whether or not her absence has a dramatic meaning such as a demotion, or on the contrary, is she already back out there? Taking advantage of whatever potential achievements we have recently gained?

I don’t know what to think. But I do know that I’ve seen Decker sniffing around, looking like he’s on the hunt for some prey. You can love the guy or hate him, but whenever we get anything that has any resemblance to something other than what the officials-that-be tell us, it comes from Decker and his team.

But here’s the real question, if we’re getting really close and honest here. Given the chance to know everything, would I want to?

Frankly, I don’t know. On the one hand there’s the option of existing in my current certainty. Sure, it brings upon some inconveniences every now and then, and sure, there’s the worry about the war as a whole, as a concept. But I don’t _actually_ worry about the war. That’s to say I’m not burdened with the responsibility of worrying about the war in a way that isn’t vague and general, but a way that is practical, logistical, life and death sort of way.

So going back to that other hand, would I want that? Would I want to open myself to a whole new world of concern, anxiety and responsibility? Would I want to see this war as something tangible and real? Would you?


	25. Chapter 23

Eve was sitting on the floor in her quarters, legs spread, with a bunch of electronic pieces scattered between them.

It’s been a few days since she saw Brunie, and while their last few encounters weren’t the most pleasant, she didn’t let it deter her. _If words won’t do the job, a gesture might._

She was holding a screwdriver, an expression of deep concentration on her face as she was trying to build a VCR from scratch. It was a challenging undertaking. _It actually looks like one, at least on the outside._ But the outside wasn’t the hardest part. It was, after all, just a rectangle. It was all the inside parts that she couldn’t fit together no matter how long she tried. She was stuck, starting to feel the urge to smash the thing against the wall. _That’d be counter-productive, though_.

She knew the frustration was also ego motivated. She hated not being able to figure the mechanics of something on her own. Being a medical professional required the understanding of the mechanics of the human anatomy, and in that she prevailed. _But a stupid piece of entertainment is apparently above my pay grade._

Just as she was about to unscrew the cover again in order to look at the wires, there was a knock on her door.

“It’s open!” she called, assuming it was Jordan. She was right.

“Hi,” her best friend greeted.

“Hey,” she replied without looking up.

He examined his surroundings. Eve’s room, which for years was filled with posters, most of which of Brunie’s, was now pretty bare. Except for a single one that Eve kept up.

“Wow. I haven’t been here in a while. I see you took down all of the superstar’s posters. How come? Is your all time crush fading now that you know how disappointing the real deal is?” he mocked, knowing that if anything Eve’s feelings just intensified.

“Ha! Don’t I wish it, considering she hasn’t been the easiest person to deal with lately… to no fault of her own…” she added quickly. “For the most part. No. I took them down the day I met her. She was real all of a sudden and I felt like a stalker,” she admitted.

“You _are_ a stalker,” Jordan teased again, trying to keep the mood light. They all had a rough week.

“Jor, don’t,” she pleaded. She understood what he was trying to do, but she doubted herself and the way Brunie viewed her enough as it was. His words also gave her a taste of her own medicine. Playfulness didn’t always work.

“What? A _cute_ stalker,” Jordan defended. He sat next to her and nudged her rib cage with his elbow.

“I don’t want to feel like a crazy fan. I… I don’t know,” Eve attempted to explain. She felt exhausted all of a sudden. 

“Then why did you keep this one?” he gestured at the only remaining poster.

Eve groaned. “It’s just… it’s the first one of hers I got. She looks real in this one...You can see in her eyes that she’s more than just a glorified officer,” she tried to simplify. “She’s an actual person.”

“Eve, I’ve been thinking about it, a lot, and…”

“Uh oh.”

He looked at her, fully aware that she didn’t welcome this line of conversation, but he was just concerned. He saw how much more invested his friend became with every passing day, and even though he took a recent liking to Brunie, he wasn’t sure the timing was right. Not with everything that went down. Yes, shitty things happened to Brunie, and yes, she got burned in the past, a lot, but did it have to be his best friend’s job to put Brunie back together?

“Just hear me out okay?” He tried. “Look, I… yes, I was quick to judge her, but I’m still worried about you. You’ve never been in a serious relationship before. I mean, the only girlfriend you ever had lasted for like what? Three months? And I’ve _never_ seen you acting like this with anyone. I’ve never seen you feel so… intensly. Are you sure that the first time you really go after someone in this way you want it to be someone you haven’t known for that long? Someone who has so much baggage?”

She considered his words for a minute. Not because they fazed her, but because she wanted to make sure she really got her thoughts across when she finally spoke. She didn’t want to keep debating this with him. They made progress, but she wanted his full support. Brunie meant a lot to her and she thought that the feeling was at least somewhat mutual. And so, in a bit of a role reversal, she was ready to go to battle. If she had to fight, she wanted her best friend by her side.

“I have baggage, too,” she finally pointed out.

“I know, but…”

“That’s a part of it, though. There’s a reason why it never worked out with anyone before. It never felt like this. This _does_ feel different, Jordan. It _is_ different,” she emphasized.

“You _really_ like her, don’t you? The long-term kind of like her?”

“I really, really do,” she confirmed. It felt good to admit the magnitude of it all out loud.

“Why? I mean… I trust you,” he promised, “and I trust your feelings, but I just want you to be sure that it’s not just an old celebrity crush messing with your head, okay? You _were_ drooling all over her since she was like… what? Seventeen and already gaining fame? So that’s… what? Since you were about fifteen?”

“It’s not like that anymore,” Eve vowed. “I’m sure. And _you_ know it, too,” she pushed. Because he knew her better than anyone. But Jordan’s expression made it clear that he required more information.

“Fine. You want specifics? Real specifics? The kind that you get because you spend time with someone?” Eve challenged, not really expecting to have to follow through. But her best friend stared at her expectantly. She rolled her eyes, but without even realizing it, her frown turned to a small smile, she bit her lip and finally spoke. “She’s smart, and funny and warm. And she listens, like, really listens, which makes it even shittier that she now thinks that _I_ don’t. Because I do. And she’ll try to put a smile on your face. And I think she’s so full of guilt, but also so committed and full of faith, you know? Not in a religious kind of way, but she just really believes in this cause. I can tell. She believes in making something better for all of us. And every time she loses a soldier it cuts her like a knife, but then she claws her way to believing again. And… she’s ready to die for this. And every loved one that she lost, and god, she lost a lot **,** she falls down but gets back up again,” Eve concluded, eyes unfocused. For a moment, she forgot Jordan was there. Her sales pitch turned into a reminder of what she was fighting for.

“Wow, did she tell you all of this?” Brunie didn’t seem like the talking and sharing kind.

“Well, not in so many words, but… okay, not at all,” Eve admitted, making him frown. “But I just know,”she argued. “You can see it in every little thing she does.” She paused. “And then there’s that other part.”

“What other part?”

“Oh, you know, the part where she’s gorgeous beyond belief,” Eve smirked at him. Maybe _some_ playfulness was okay.

“Oh, you mean the important part. Yes,” Jordan confirmed, mirroring his friend’s smile.

He knew that her mind was made and he knew what that meant. He could tell that the Brunie matter has been considered and analyzed, and that the feelings were coming from a real, emotional _and_ logical place. If the decision has been made, he was going to support his friend, and if things ended badly, he would be there for that, too. Still, if he could do anything to help Eve then he would do it in a heartbeat.

“What are you even doing on the floor with gadgets between your legs and… wow, that came out wrong,” he backtracked.

Eve groaned.

“I’m trying to build a VCR and… wait, actually, can you help me, Mr. Electrician? You’re good with stuff like that. I’ve been collecting the parts for the last few days and I really wanted to do this on my own, but… I’ve been trying to put this thing together for hours now and it’s just too damn confusing and… what?” she stopped when she saw Jordan was staring at her in puzzlement.

“You know what a VCR is?” he asked in utter disbelief.

“Hey, I’m smart! I know stuff!” she protested, offended.

“Right.”

“Fine. Brunie told me.” Jordan snorted. “Well, I sort of knew but she kinda confirmed.”

“That’s more like it. And I’m not implying that you’re not smart, but you and old media players? I don’t think so. I don’t even know how you managed to get some of these parts,” he picked up random pieces and observed them closely.

“I know people in high places,” Eve shrugged. _Literally. But he doesn’t need to know that._

“Both surprising and impressive,” he commented, still entranced by the parts.

“Well, can you help me or not?” Eve huffed.

“Mean. I can tell you haven’t sketched in a while. You get like that when you don’t use your creative outlet. Why are we doing this again? I mean this specifically,” he inquired in intrigue as he picked up another piece.

“So… Brunie and I had a fight about a week ago.”

“Uh huh.”

“Well, not an actual fight because fights usually require two participants, and this was more like her yelling at me and then shutting her door in my face,” Eve corrected for accuracy’s sake.

“Right, right,” he picked another piece.

“But… I mean, I’ve seen her this week, and…”

“You have? Everyone is talking about how completely MIA she’s been.”

“Only once.” It was on the Upperground, and from afar, but it was enough. “She seems so… lost. She wouldn’t even talk to me. And she has a thing for VCRs…” Eve finally shared.

“What does that even mean?” he turned to her in confusion.

“It means that she had one that was kind of a… family heirloom… and it got destroyed.” She was trying to remain vague, knowing that this was something Brunie considered private.

“Oh, I see where this is going,” his smile was full of challenge.

“I just wanna do something nice for her, Jor!” Eve argued, understanding where their conversation was headed.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay. I’m gonna help you finish building this, but mostly because it’s done,” he announced, handing her the device.

She looked down at his hands and saw that indeed, while they were talking, Jordan finished putting it together.

“Jordan, you are a god!” she declared in pure excitement and jumped to her feet, putting the VCR gently on her bed to make sure it won’t get damaged.

“Yes yes, I’ve heard that before,” he brushed off.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she spread kissed all over his face before grabbing her black backpack. “I owe you dinner, anything you like!”

She put the VCR in the bag and ran out of the room.

Jordan stared at the spot where his friend stood only a second before, face souring at the understanding that Eve wasn’t coming back anytime soon. “I guess I’ll just let myself out, then.”

* * *

Brunie has been spending the day in bed for six days straight, with the exception of one visit to the Upperground. She spotted Eve up there and retreated back down with no intention of leaving again during day time. She snuck out to Carmela’s quarters a couple of times, only at night. She got into bed with her, Austin sandwiched in the middle as they all snuggled. Carmela was starting to show. She told Brunie it was a girl, but neither of them were in a celebratory mood. Aside from that, Brunie only left her bed to eat, use the bathroom, or take a shower when she had to. She kept finding food and the newspaper at her doorstep. She assumed the Colonels had something to do with it. She knew she had to show her face to the people at some point, to be there for Carmela, at the very least, more than she has been. But mustering the energy to do so was proving torturous.

Even though she was never clinically diagnosed, she was pretty sure that’s what depression looked like. She was also pretty sure it wasn’t the first time she experienced it. Just thinking about how P.R. would rip her a new one for being the superstar Captain who went to therapy made it not worth her while.

They couldn’t actually prevent her from going, heck, combat soldiers were encouraged to go and talk to someone, _but nope, not me_. _If I were to do that, the whole nation would know within seconds, and then everyone will start doubting me_. She couldn’t even stay home without people assuming there was some conspiracy involved.

Instead, she had the wonderful privilege of always processing alone. _Well, no, not alone_. With Malik, who was the real privilege, who was now gone, too.

She entertained the thought of seeking help now, but she figured that her life was hectic enough without the added pressure of escaping the public eye when it came to her mental health.

With most options of coping taken from her, she did the only thing she could. She let time pass and waited for her superiors to reinstate her.

Just outside her quarters, a breathless Eve arrived at the door and stopped to catch a breath. She was holding the backpack with the VCR tightly in her arms. She straightened herself up and tried to calm down.

“I’m fine, and cool, and no big deal and whatever. I haven’t been thinking about her nonstop, I haven’t spent the last week trying to get her something nice even though she seems to not want to talk to me. Fine, cool, whatever,” Eve concluded her self pep-talk. She raised her hand to the door and knocked.

Brunie was hoping that whomever was on the other side of the door would go away. But another knock came, and since it could always end up being a work related matter, she dragged herself out of bed. _Maybe, just maybe, this is my tickets back to Command._

Eve nearly gave up right when Brunie finally opened the door. Brunie seemed confused, but not nearly as confused as Eve who suddenly realized this was the first time she saw Brunie in civilian clothes. Usually, even when Brunie was off duty, she’d still be in uniform when in public. It was good for moral and in case something urgent came up. But not only was she not wearing uniform at the moment, rather, she was wearing flannel pajamas with penguin prints on them.

_This is both sexy and adorable. Dammit, Eve, don’t get distracted._ “Um… can I come in?” she asked in a steady voice, refocusing on the reason for her visit.

Brunie hesitated, but it’s been a few days since she saw another human being. She also felt a bit guilty about the way she left things with Eve in their last two encounters. She glanced back in to make sure certain things were hidden from sight.

“Um… yeah, okay,” she finally agreed, to Eve’s surprise, and they both entered the room.

As they walked in, Brunie cleared her uniform from a chair and offered it to Eve.

“I’m surprised that worked,” Eve admitted. “I was so sure you’ll slam the door in my face.”

“You’re very persistent,” Brunie shrugged, “and I’m very tired.”

“Oh, well, still, thank you for letting me in.”

“I don’t know if you already had dinner, but I’ve made pasta with Alfredo mushrooms sauce. If you want some,” Brunie offered politely.

“You cook?” Eve was dumbfounded.

“Yeah. I can do more than just fire a gun, Eve,” Brunie rolled her eyes, forgetting for just a second that she was supposed to be depressed. She couldn’t help but acknowledging that second silently, knowing it was a meaningful second.

Eve grinned. “I _was_ actually a bit preoccupied and didn’t get to eat dinner, so I’d love some, thank you.”

Brunie nodded and turned towards her stove to grab a bowl for Eve.

Eve took the opportunity to look around. She knew she was granted access to Brunie’s sanctum. It was common knowledge that not many people got to see the inside of the place. _This has to be a good sign, right?_

The furniture was mostly made of wood, in brown–reddish color. It was obvious to the observer that a color scheme was picked, and it was nice to actually get a glimpse of Brunie’s taste. There was also a shelf with video cassettes on it. Now that Eve spent some time building an actual VCR, she could tell that’s exactly what they were based on the size and shape.

There was a sombrero hanging on a hat rack, a TV and a sofa in front of it with a coffee table in between, a small bookcase overflowing with books, a map of the world and more decorations and mementos.

_She’s tidy_ , Eve observed, wondering if it was surprising or not.

She spotted a copy of _Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix_ on the bed. It made her smile. _Girl sure likes to read_.

Brunie came over and handed her a bowl full of steaming pasta.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” Brunie gave her a halfhearted smile and sat on the bed just as Eve took the first bite.

“Wow, this is really good!” Eve announced in juvenile excitement, mouth half full.

“Ah, yes, always the doubter,” Brunie mocked, experiencing another one of those rare seconds, and noticing this one, too.

“One should never assume,” Eve smirked.

“Never,” Brunie agreed. “Because clearly, I’m full of surprises,” she shrugged, recalling an old conversation with the other woman. A life time ago now, when she still had a best friend.

“De ja Vu, but yes, you are,” Eve confirmed.

They sat in silence for a few moments, Eve eating slowly, Brunie looking anywhere but at her. Even if Brunie’s head hadn’t caught up yet, her heart knew this was the best she felt since she left for Kentucky. It was also the first time she smiled in more than a week.

Eve’s eyes fell on the book on the bed once more. “You always read, or watch, or talk about something that has to do with the old world,” she noted.

Brunie followed her line of sight and saw that she was referring to the book right next to her lap.

“I guess I do.

“Why?” She was cautious. She was hoping she wasn’t pushing it, but she also wanted to talk a little before she sprung her grand gesture on Brunie, and she was honestly curious.

Brunie took a few moments to consider the question. ”I don’t know,” she admitted, quietening again. “I guess it has to do with… roots, with belonging. We’ve been fighting for years now for this future. But… how is this future gonna look like? We’ve been living like refugees for so long. Well, established refugees, but still, this is not where we’re from, we’re immigrants,” she pointed out. “I guess I feel like we’ll need a foundation, I mean a cultural one, you know? And I guess the old world is a good place to start as any,” she concluded.

Eve contemplated Brunie’s words. She understood where Brunie was coming from, and she agreed. She decided to be a little bolder now that Brunie seemed to have opened up somewhat. “How are you doing?” her voice was soft, radiating with genuine care.

“Oh, I’m fine,” Brunie tried to brush off.

“Yeah, okay, you got the obligatory ‘I’m fine’ out of the way. Now, how are you _really_ doing?” Eve insisted.

“Eve, I’m okay, really.” This time Brunie added a tight smile, trying to sound more convincing.

“Brunie, I need you to know, truly know, that you can talk to me.” The words indicated intimacy, but she didn’t attempt any movement or physical gesture. She was already literally in Brunie’s space.

Brunie groaned inaudibly. Because she wanted to, she really did, but she also didn’t. It always came back to the same contrast in her head. It was exhausting. She remained silent.

“I’m sorry,” Eve pushed on. “For the bad timing. I realize now just how thoughtless it actually was. I didn’t mean to add to your pain. I just thought I’ll try something bold and crazy.”

The admission made Brunie snort.

“Yeah, if I’m honest, the timing wasn’t really the issue,” the words came out before she could stop herself. “But I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have snapped like I did.”

Eve looked down, wondering what comes next. She figured it was as good a segue as any to her current bold and crazy gesture. She took the VCR out of her backpack.

“Here,” she tried to sound as casual as possible as she handed the device to Brunie whose eyes widened in surprise and amazement.

“That _is_ a VCR, right?” She was suddenly worried. “I’ve never actually seen one, but the instructions I got, and then Jordan said, and…”

“How…? What…?” Brunie shook her head in disbelief, still processing the unexpected turn of events.

“Um… yeah, so, you can use it, for… you know, cultural foundation or… whatever.” She didn’t want to downplay it, she sure hoped Brunie won’t, but in the absence of a real reaction from Brunie she wondered for a moment if she’d gone too far yet again.

“ _You_ did this? For me?” Brunie’s voice was so gentle, so innocent that it made Eve’s heart skip a beat. Her ears were thumping.

“Yeah,” she confirmed, still waiting on the verdict.

“But… why? Last time you saw me I was really mean.” She was moved, but mostly perplexed.

“Because you were sad,” Eve smiled sympathetically. It was a tiny smile, but it was enogh to tell Brunie that Eve understood, that she wasn’t angry. “And I wanted you to know that I _do_ listen. It’s just… when my mom died I wish I had someone… I mean I had Jordan but I wish I had someone who was…” she paused, flustered. “I needed a shock to my system. I thought you might need one, too. But people grieve differently and I’m sorry for trying to force my way on you.”

“I’m sorry about your mom, I should have said so sooner,” Brunie face twisted in sorrow. Eve confirmed Brunie’s assumption the day she asked Brunie for dinner. But Brunie wasn’t in a state to comment on that then, and she felt guilty. But now she wasn’t sure what else to say, not sure how she felt. Eve hesitated as well, but she figured that if she already risked enough, she might as well risk it all the way.

“You don’t say much, but I can tell,” she started, and the implication was very clear to both of them. “You can be mean,” she chuckled to let Brunie know she was teasing, “but I can tell. You push me away, but I can tell,” she finished, releasing a breath.

“Thank you, really,” Brunie hoped her tone managed to convey everything she was feeling, not even sure herself what that actually was. _But evidently, Eve can tell, even if you can’t._

Eve saw more emotion pouring out of Brunie’s eyes than ever before. “I really care about you,” she noted. Someone had to admit what this really was, and it seemed like she was going to be the brave one for the night.

Brunie stared at her intently, but remained silent. There was so much she wanted to say, but she couldn’t. _Where do I even start?_ Her headed started throbbing.

Eve wasn’t upset. She understood. She knew she changed the game by voicing the truth. She knew there was no more pretense of this being something that it wasn’t, at least not when it came to her own feelings. She also realized that now, when everything was out in the open, she had to give Brunie some time. Anything more than what already transpired and she knew she’ll push Brunie away again. The night ended up being just the right amount of honesty and declarations.

“I better go,” she finally said. “It’s getting late. Thanks for the pasta,” she smiled softly.

Brunie nodded, still looking like there was something she wanted to say. She figured what Eve was trying to do, and she appreciated it.

Eve got off the chair and turned towards the door.

“Wait,” Brunie stopped her suddenly, still maintaining the distance between them.

“What is it?” Eve asked, hopeful.

“I… I don’t know how you did this, but this is amazing. I’ve never… thank you,” Brunie offered, swallowing hard.

“You’re welcome. It was my pleasure,” Eve meant it. It wasn’t just another tactic, not really. She wanted to make Brunie feel better. She turned around to leave again but then stopped and turned back. ”You should know, I consider this our first date,” she stated, unflinching.

“What? No! I told you. No dates!” Brunie protested and Eve could see it in her eyes – fear. But that only made her appear even more adorable to Eve. _The hardcore Captain, afraid of a little date._

“I met you at your door step,” she pointed out, “there was food consumption, some good, deep conversation and a gift exchange,” she explained as a matter of fact. “I call that a date. And we should absolutely do it again because I for one think this one went very well,” she concluded.

When she saw Brunie was completely frozen, she took a few steps towards her, cupped her cheek and leaned to kiss the other, hand-free cheek. Brunie instinctively leaned into the touch which told Eve all she needed to know. “A shock to the system,” she confirmed with a careful smile, as if to say to Brunie that it was okay. “Goodnight,” she gazed into Brunie’s eyes and finally turned to leave, shutting the door behind her.

Brunie was still rooted in place a moment later, staring at the closed door.

“She’s hot.”

Brunie rolled her eyes when she heard the intruder speaking from behind her. It wasn’t the first time he stopped by in the last few days.

“She’s more than just hot. She’s… incredible,” Brunie admitted without looking at the man. “And you shouldn’t be here,” she scolded.

She started clearing the dishes from dinner, all the while not turning towards him.

“Right, she’s beautiful,” Malik confirmed, trying to lure his best friend to say more.

“And funny, and smart and she has this huge heart,” Brunie added, turning on the faucet, grabbing the sponge. “A freaking VCR,” she shook her head.

“And she gets you. Like, _really_ gets you,” he pointed out the most important detail. The one that meant “she isn’t like the other girls and you know it.”

Brunie did know. She groaned. When she said nothing, Malik took it upon himself to keep going.

“So naturally, you’re being an ass,” he noted.

“She’s wearing me down,” Brunie excused, informing him that her being an ass was part of her defense mechanism. She scrubbed the bowl a little too aggressively.

“Let yourself be worn down, then,” he urged. He was always anti defense mechanisms.

“I can’t,” she objected.

“Why the hell not? You deserve this. She’s like a breath of fresh air for you. I can tell.”

_Everyone ‘can tell’ tonight. Cool for them._

“You can’t keep having one night stands for the rest of your life. Then why, for the love of god, not go for it?” he demanded, now agitated over their never ending argument over the subject.

“You know why!” she banged her free fist on the marble. “It’s not fair to her. And, FYI, I haven’t been with anyone since I met her. So… no one night stands,” she defended, though she had a feeling she’ll regret disclosing the information out loud.

“On purpose, or just by a coincidence?” he challenged but got no reply. “You know I always thought this all ‘unfair’ business was bullshit.”

“Yes, you did. So did your wife. And now you’re dead and she’s alone. So that’s that,” Brunie countered. She knew she was yelling at an empty room. It made her angry. She put the bowl away to dry and turned off the faucet.

“At least I lived while I was alive,” his voice was quiet. She assumed his expression was harsh.

“Yes, but you were never left behind, you don’t know what it feels like. I do,” she reminded, voice breaking, “So, can you just go away?” she begged. She was so, so tired. Even the dead argued with her.

“Hey, I’m not even here, remember?”

Brunie released a breath and finally turned around to look at him.

“Malik, I…”

But he was gone.

She looked around, trying to locate him, but spotting the VCR instead. She started to smile as she was studying it, but her smile faded a moment later. She shut her eyes, leaned back on the marble and exhaled.


	26. Chapter 24

A few things transpired in the ten days since Eve gave Brunie the VCR.

The first one happened three days post VCR. Brunie got the long awaited call to return to Command.

Corbin and Cecily acted as if it was a routine update, but Brunie knew it was really a check in, a mental evaluation.

She didn’t care what they called it as long as they let her back on duty. She didn’t know if they set a certain time line in advance, or that they just assumed that she was relatively okay, but it didn’t matter.

She also didn’t realize that while she was still extremely heartbroken, she had this new glint in her eye, which appeared after a certain someone did something really nice for her.

The colonels didn’t know the cause of said glint, but they weren’t going to question it. Something happened to their Captain, something that made her seem a bit more alive. It was enough for them to reinstate her.

Brunie has been back on the job for nearly a week. In that time, the troops went out on three nights, back to their usual “defending the Local” routine which included small operations relatively close to home.

Another thing that happened in those ten days was that Brunie became evidently nicer to Eve who was now officially doing the morning shifts full time, with no training or seminars interrupting her new routine.

So that night, or rather, early morning, when Brunie came back from the battlefield, she found a familiar face yet again.

The troops had an easy night which meant they didn’t need medical attention. However, the infirmary was located by the gates they used to get back into the compound, so they always passed by it anyway. Occasionally, they were swooped in and onto a bed by an overly protective nurse. The guys really didn’t mind when that happened, they had a soft spot for the nurses and vice versa. Usually, Brunie rolled her eyes at the behavior, but now she was too preoccupied for that, developing her own soft spot.

There has been some mild flirting, but every time Eve tried to raise the topic of a more serious discussion about _them_ , not to mention, a second date, Brunie changed the subject, reminding Eve that nothing about their circumstances has changed.

That night, as the guys walked quickly past the infirmary, not wanting to be stopped due to the rare occasion of being too tired for attention, Brunie slowed down when she saw a face smiling at her broadly. “This is becoming a regular occurrence,” she smirked.

“I’m a nurse, I need to make sure my people are alive and well,” Eve pointed out, noticing that Brunie was covered in dirt and wondering what kind of night the Captain had.

“Right,” Brunie smiled at the comment and started to leave. Then, she turned around. “If I had died, I would’ve totally said ‘I told you so.’”

“If you had died, you wouldn’t have been able to, so it’s a win win situation for me,” Eve crossed her arms. 

Brunie shook her head in defeat. She couldn’t win. Eve was always ready with a comeback. “Hey,” she hesitated. There was something that she wanted to discuss with Eve but wasn’t sure she should. But as the word came out of her mouth she realized that her heart had decided for her. “Can you meet me tomorrow afternoon? You know where. Bring a light coat.” It ended up being more of a demand than a request and Brunie started to walk out of the infirmary before she even heard the reply, before she could take it back.

“A date?” Eve inquired, full of glee, not even trying to be subtle about her flirting.

Brunie huffed, but Eve couldn’t see her face, so she allowed herself to smile. “No dates!” she exclaimed, walking away and out of Eve’s sight.

* * *

The following day was an In-Day for Brunie and she walked out of Command, happy about what her afternoon had in store. She soon realized her excitement was premature when she was approached by Decker Williams, the same talk show host who interviewed her a few weeks prior.

“Captain,” he greeted politely.

“Decker,” she smiled at him but her smile was full of warning.

“It’s good to see you,” he attempted small talk.

“And completely random as well, I’m sure,” she commented, the same smile still plastered on her face.

He beamed at her. She might have hated the spotlight, but learned how to handle it wisely a long time ago, and everyone in the business knew that.

“Oh, you know, just having a friendly conversation with one of our best and brightest!” he simplified in a sing-song voice.

“Right.”

“So… my sources tell me that a lovely young woman was spotted leaving your room, maybe about… a week and a half ago.”

“And there it is,” Brunie rolled her eyes.

“Brunie, please, we’ve known each other for a long time. I usually stay out of your business…”

“Ha!”

“But,” he continued, ignoring her sneer, “we both know no girl has ever walked out of your room, or into it, for that matter,” he pointed out.

“So?” _Fuck. I should’ve been more careful._

“So? I asked around, Brunie. I know who the woman is.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she glared at him, starting to feel guilty for dragging Eve into what was her freak show of a life. It filled her with remorse knowing that something she loathed found its way to touch something that she deeply cherished. She saw Eve and what they share as something pure, even if she didn’t admit it out loud, and she didn’t want someone like Decker anywhere near that.

“She’s a nurse. Apparently really loved by her peers,” Decker kept going. “She has some medical privileges not all nurses her age have, which means she’s also really good at her job.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell,” Brunie insisted.

“Come on, Brunie. Our star officer and one of our best nurses? Both of you are life savers. This is gold. And an amazing scoop, not to mention you’d make a great double interview. You should come on the show with your girlfriend. C’mon, what do you say?” he smiled slickly. Brunie was sure he was a moment away from putting on the puppy eyes. She was a moment away from punching him in the face.

“She’s not my girlfriend, and we’re not interested, thanks,” She started walking as quickly as she could allow without seeming bothered.

“Brunie, come on!” he called after her in a plea. “This won’t be a secret forever. Brunie! This is your chance to control the narrative!”

She didn’t stop, she was too upset. Even if his assumption about them being girlfriends were true, she’d still say no to him.

 _People_. _Why do they always feel the need to push my buttons?_

She kept walking. It was meant to be a nice evening, so of course Decker had to show up. “What a dick.”

* * *

A couple of hours later, Brunie was waiting for Eve at “their spot.” She was still sour about her encounter with Decker, but the moment she saw Eve approaching the aggravating host was nearly forgotten. But she knew that before she could let go of him completely, she had to say something to Eve. That, however, didn’t change the fact that Brunie had a task, an awesome, special task. _Which I get to share with this awesome, special person._

Eve noticed the silly grin on Brunie’s face. “Hi,” she said, eyeing Brunie with suspicion. _She’s up to something. But what?_

“Hey!” Brunie returned the greeting in rare excitement which made Eve’s heart beat a little faster. “Oh! She _finally_ wears a name tag! Eve… Salus. I don’t think I knew your last name. And we’ve known each other for what, two months?” Brunie spoke in what sounded like a sheepish apology.

“Yeah, Brunie Kaya. You met me while I was working the grave yard shift during which the rules are quite lax. And I guess,” she glued her eyes to Brunie’s, “that when you get back from the field nowadays, examining my name tag isn’t the first thing on your mind.” She could’ve sworn she saw Brunie blush a little. She bit her lip, doing a little victory dance in her head.

“I could’ve sworn you never wore this tag before,” Brunie’s mumbled.

Eve shrugged, neither confirming nor denying. “What’s going on?” she inquired expectantly. _I was summoned after all, for a change._

“Wait! Wait!” Brunie backtracked. Eve was already in her head and the woman hardly just arrived. “Before we talk about tonight, um… so there’s a… situation.”

“What sort of situation?” Eve raised an eyebrow.

Brunie was trying to put her thoughts in order. “Crap,” she groaned. “Do you know who Decker Williams is?”

“Yes, so?” _What does he have to do with anything?_

“Well, he got a word about you leaving my room the other night and now he thinks…”

“Oh, I see where this is going.”

“I’m so sorry, Eve,” Brunie looked at her, evidently worried of her response.

“What about? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I didn’t want you to get dragged into this whole thing, and now they’re gonna start bothering you, and…”

“Brunie, hey,” Eve put her hands on Brunie’s shoulders. “Calm down. Okay? I’m a big girl. Let me deal with the vultures.” Her voice was sure, but Brunie wasn’t. 

“But you don’t know them,” she clenched her fists. “They…”

“Hey, stop,” Eve grabbed Brunie’s hands with hers, softly forcing her to relax her fingers. “I honestly don’t give a damn about them.” No one could make her talk unless she wanted to, that much she knew. _And if things get overwhelming I have the perfect excuse to come to you for an advice,_ she smiled at the thought.

“But, Eve…” Brunie tried. _She has no idea what she’s getting herself into._

“Brunie, leave it be,” Eve requested, unfazed. She didn’t scold, she soothed. “You wanted to inform me? Consider me informed. I appreciate it, but I am not worried. And if at some point I will be, we can discuss it down the line. Now, why are we here?”

Brunie scanned her face for a few moments and Eve nodded at her reassuringly, as if to let Brunie know she really meant what she said. Brunie finally breathed in relief and braced herself for her big announcement.

“I need your help,” she declared in factual tone, trying to play it cool. But her previous excitement was back now that the Decker business was behind them.

“Help? This _really_ isn’t a date, is it?” Eve was disappointed which evoked a growl from the soldier in front of her.

“Eve, stop, this is serious!”

Eve studied Brunie. _A moment ago she was actually… gleeful._ _And that never happens, and I just took it away from her with one tiny comment._ “I’m sorry. What am I helping you with?”

A huge smile spread on Brunie’s face again and she turned towards the forest.

“You know how the Local’s Christmas party is next week?”

 _Are her eyes… gleaming?_ “Yeah?”

“I need to pick the tree!” Brunie announced. She knew she only got the job because her superiors wanted to keep her distracted, but she didn’t care.

“Oh!” Eve now suspected that Brunie’s excitement might have actually been the holiday spirit.

“Yes! I need to pick the best one. It has to be the best,” Brunie clarified, posture firm, tone serious. Eve was wondering if that was how she commanded her soldiers. Brunie left no room to argue.

“And this is what you need my help with?” She felt bathed in warmth.

“This is a huge responsibility, Eve!”

“Says the girl who’s in charge of the lives of hundreds,” Eve snorted.

“Thousands, but you don’t understand! I’m actually in charge of something that’ll make people happy for a change! I’m not delivering news about the death of a loved one, or deciding who’ll run to their deaths first. I don’t want to mess this up!”

 _Is she pouting? She is!_ And Eve finally understood that it was about so much more than a tree. “That… is actually adorable.”

“So… will you help me?” Brunie pleaded, hopeful.

“Are you kidding? A trip to the actual woods with my favorite girl in order to look at trees and do something that makes her and the rest of the Local happy?” Brunie’s glee was infectious.

“So, that’s a yes, right?” Brunie checked, ignoring how being called Eve’s favorite girl sent a shiver down her spine. If she would’ve stopped and tried to find a word to describe the feeling, she suspected the word would’ve been “swooning.”

“Brunie, do you have any idea how many people are waiting for this party!”

“A yes then?” Brunie insisted on getting an actual confirmation.

“Of course!” Eve felt honored that she was asked to take part in what seemed to be an important moment for Brunie.

“Yay!” Brunie jumped in excitement and clapped her hands. She turned around and started walking towards the woods.

“Did you just say yay?” Eve followed her, utterly amazed.

“Nope! Okay, lots of work to do!” She sped up.

 _I really like this version of you,_ Eve thought as she watched Brunie making her way to the trees. She smirked, because she knew. She knew he was winning.


	27. Chapter 25

Brunie entered through the gates by the infirmary. It was three days after Eve and she picked a tree ( _the best one_ ) together.

She was surrounded by her unit and as they passed by the infirmary she saw Eve scrutinizing them with her stare. “Alive and well,” she saluted and kept walking.

“Just doing my job!” Eve called after her, which caused Brunie to turn and grin before she disappeared down the hall.

“Plus you look super hot when you’re all sweaty in uniforms. Just saying,” Eve added to no one in particular and went about her work.

* * *

A couple of days later, Brunie and Eve met at the square for tree decorating duty. The square was also the home of city hall, right at the heart of Main Street.

People were passing by, but the women were too preoccupied with their work and their conversation to pay attention to anyone, Decker Williams included.

When they finished, Brunie stood in front of the tree to examine their work. She hummed in content. “We did good.”

Eve, who was still bent on the ground hanging the very last ornament, stood up and joined Brunie to observe their work. “I think so,” she agreed.

“People will be so happy!” Brunie looked up to see the top. Eve smiled at her profile.

“You like Christmas a lot, don’t you?”

“I do,” Brunie confirmed. She was oblivious to the fact that a couple of minutes prior, Cecily and Corbin passed by and noticed her interaction with Eve.

“Umm…” Cecily started.

“Umm indeed,” Corbin seconded. They exchanged looks, knowing they were thinking the same thing. They let the new information register and left.

“You care about family a lot?” Eve knew it must be a difficult subject, but she was curious about Brunie and her holiday traditions. Still, her tone let Brunie know it was okay if she didn’t want to answer.

“Yeah. It brings back good memories,” Brunie told with a reminiscent smile.

Eve could tell the other woman went back in time for a moment. “VCR memories?” she inquired, making Brunie chuckle.

“Yes, among other things. What about you?” She didn’t mean to encourage this line of conversation with Eve. It just happened, as if her brain was trying to spite her.

“What about me?” Eve shrugged, half deflecting, half not entirely sure what Brunie was actually asking. It did, however, feel like Brunie was trying to get to know her better and that made her content.

“Well, your family. Are you close with any of them at all? Do you have anyone left here, you know, after…” Brunie didn’t want to push.

“Well, my grandparents died a long time ago. It was right after the war started. Some people got so sick, especially the old ones.” 

“Yeah…” Brunie sighed. She knew about all of that. They had a lot of luck that their society turned out the way it did, but they also lost many when they were trying to rebuild.

“And then my mom died when I was twelve. She was a nurse too, and someone came back from the field with something contagious. Maybe it was some sort of bio weapon. Dad never told me. It didn’t take long for her to…” Eve swallowed hard, thoughts drifting away.

“I’m really sorry, Eve. I shouldn’t have asked,” Brunie shook her head. _Idiot. You hate it when people ask you these questions._ But since Eve brought up her mom before, Brunie just wanted to give her the chance to talk about what happened. _After all, she has been there for you since day one._

“No, it’s okay. We all take risks as part of the job, right?” She was trying to lighten the mood, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yeah, I guess we do.”

“And then my dad couldn’t stay here anymore. I think me telling him I was gay was the last straw. So he just waited for me to sign up for nursing school, and left for the L.A. Local during that big wave a few years back. Sometimes I think that maybe he kinda wanted me to go with him, but I couldn’t. Things were intense between us and I felt closer to my mom here.”

“Yeah, I understand.” And Brunie did. It was part of why she stayed, too, even after Marcela’s death. “Hey, at least he’s still out there. Maybe you’ll see him again one day and you can work things out when you’re both ready?” She didn’t want to sound like a cliché, but being familiar with death, she believed in those sorts of things. _Which is funny coming from a girl who doesn’t believe in much,_ she thought.

“Maybe,” Eve voice grew quiet. They stood in silence, but if it didn’t feel awkward.

“Well, mine died when I was almost fourteen,” Brunie finally said. “I’m sure you know how and where. Which I hate. I can’t even tell you my own story,” she clenched her fists in frustration.

Eve didn’t reply. She looked at Brunie with what Brunie recognized as understanding and compassion.

 _This is way better than pity_ , Brunie thought. She also thought that she didn’t mind it.

They locked eyes and stared at each other.

It was that intense gaze that made Brunie feel suffocated all of a sudden. As long as they didn’t share these kinds of moments, she had plausible deniability, she could lie to herself and label what they were doing as friendship. _You can’t keep lying to yourself_ , a voice in her head, which sounded suspiciously like Malik’s, noted. _Not when she told you what she wanted. Not when you want it to be more, too._ And then the voice changed into her own. _I don’t just want it to be more. I crave it. She’s broken in her own way. Just like me. Maybe together we can…_

Being with Eve was so easy, that in turn it was extremely hard, too. She was falling, and she knew it. That realization made her eyes widen as she broke their stare.

“Anyways, this looks great,” she gestured at the tree. “Thank you for the help.”

“Sure, I really enjoyed it. Anytime,” Eve forced a smile, disappointed by the sudden change in Brunie’s tone.

“Great. I have to go take care of some stuff. I’ll see you,” and with that, Brunie bolted out of there.

Eve watched her leave and shook her head. _Pretty sure I know what that’s about._

“One step forward…”

* * *

Later that night, which happened to be the night before Christmas Eve, Jordan and Eve walked into city hall for the Local’s annual Christmas celebration. Everything was full of twinkling lights, which was in beautiful contrast to the usual depressing gray image of the sewers and fluorescent lit hallways.

“This should be a pleasant evening,” Jordan predicted.

“Right. Music, drinks, maybe I can even get Brunie to dance with me,” Eve nodded. She willed herself to be in a good mood, hoping that Brunie had time to calm down from the episode earlier in the day.

“She’s being a tough cookie, isn’t she? Even after the VCR?” Jordan observed.

“Don’t get me wrong, the VCR was a definite turning point, so thanks for that,” she hooked their elbows, “but yeah, she is. But she’s also being a very yummy, even if a bit indecisive one. _Very_ yummy.”

“Wait, what? Did you two… and you didn’t tell me?” Jordan accused.

“No, no! Nothing happened. I mean… visually. She’s yummy _visually_ ,” Eve clarified.

“Oh, yes, absolutely,” Jordan agreed just as he noticed Brunie arrive. “Especially when she looks like _that_ ,” he gestured with his head towards the Captain.

Eve followed Jordan’s line of sight until she found the woman in question who happened to wear a dress, no less. _A tight dress,_ Eve observed, one that was revealing a nice amount of skin. Eve hardly had to use her imagination, yet somehow her imagination ran wild. _Did she wear this for me?_

“I think I’m starting to get the physical perks of being a soldier,” Jordan noted, as if it was a scientific matter. 

“Shit,” was all Eve could muster.

“Yes, you’re screwed,” Jordan agreed. “Go talk to her, you look really hot too,” he encouraged.

“Right. Words. I can form them.” _Even if she ran away from me this morning, again._

Just as she was about to approach Brunie, she noticed a brunette woman that she didn’t know get to her first. The woman said something that made Brunie laugh. They smiled at each other, then the brunette touched Brunie’s arm lightly. Watching it all unfold made Eve’s skin crawl. Brunie looked up for a moment and found Eve’s eyes. Her expression was a combination of shock and panic. Eve narrowed her eyes then turned back to Jordan who saw the whole thing.

“I don’t really feel like partying anymore,” she told him, voice void of emotion. She didn’t want to react this way, but she couldn’t help it.

“Don’t let this ruin your night Eve. It’s the holidays. _You_ decorated that tree!” Jordan didn’t want her to miss out. But she gave him a look and it was clear that her holiday spirit has been extinguished. He wanted to stay and see if Carmela would show, though he suspected it was too soon for her to socialize, and Eve needed him. “Let’s get out of here.” He put a hand on her shoulder and led her to the exit. “I have Vodka.”

Brunie watched them as guilt washed all over her. _I cut her evening short, after all her help_ , she realized. But there was something else. _This feels like cheating_ , she froze as the thought hit her. She came in wanting to clear her head. She thought she found a welcome distraction. It didn’t even occur to her she might be doing something wrong, not until she saw the way Eve looked at her. She had nowhere to put these new understandings and she could feel her chest tightens.

“Excuse me,” she nodded at the brunette who seemed extremely disappointed, and left her behind in search of a secluded corner, _and preferably an alcoholic beverage._ Her festive mood was gone.

Elsewhere in the square, Corbin and Cecily were analyzing the entire non-verbal exchange they witnessed between Eve and Brunie. Others may have not noticed a thing, but the two Colonels knew to look for it. So did Decker Williams who told himself he needed to have a chat with Eve.

“I think I should go talk to her,” Cecily squinted her eyes while observing Brunie’s deflated posture.

“You do that, Mama Bear,” Corbin taunted.

“Shut up.”

“You gonna lay some honest brutal truths on her?” Corbin challenged.

“Yes ma’am!” Cecily left the smiling woman behind.

She approached Brunie who didn’t notice her at first. She decided to skip the pleasantries before she’d get cold feet and then, she knew, Corbin would tease her to no end.

“I’ve seen your girl, you know,” she stated and Brunie jumped in surprise. “She’s great. All of her colleagues love her.”

“She’s not my girl,” Brunie denied sharply, the reoccurring feeling of exhaustion making another appearance.

Cecily took the time to study Brunie’s expression and demeanor. It wasn’t the first time the subject came up. More than once she and Corbin discussed their concern about Brunie’s lack of personal life, of a relationship. They didn’t want the young woman whom they both cared for so much to go through life alone just because of some misguided sense of undeserving.

“She should be,” Cecily put a soft hand on Brunie’s shoulder. “I’ve seen you two together.”

“Why does everyone feel the urge to tell me what I need to do instead of respecting what I want?” It wasn’t easy convincing everybody else when she could hardly convince herself.

“Probably because we don’t think this is actually what you want. Or need,” Cecily was not backing down. “You deserve something good. You deserve to not be alone.”

“Look who’s talking,” Brunie fired back.

“I’m not alone,” Cecily reminded, acknowledging more than she usually did. She figured it’ll serve a purpose.

“Yeah, and how outspoken are you about that?” Brunie replied without taking a beat. “No offense, but you’re doing an office job now, not exactly a major life risk there.” _This isn’t the same._

“And what makes you think I’ve waited so long to not be alone?”

She was happy, she was sharing her life with someone. She understood Brunie’s fears because she lived through them herself, but she knew better. She knew better for _years_ , way before she sat in an office.

Brunie said nothing. She was running out of excuses, but changing her mind all of a sudden just felt wrong.

“Don’t argue with age and wisdom, kid,” Cecily dared. Once she realized she won’t get anything else out of Brunie, she squeezed her shoulder and left.

* * *

Two days later, on Christmas Day, Brunie came back from another night out. She approached the infirmary in hopes of catching a glimpse of a certain smile, assess the damage. But the smile was M.I.A, and the damage, presumably, great.

She figured Eve was in one of the rooms that weren’t visible from the entrance and was doing a wonderful job of avoiding her.

_What have I done?_


	28. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're officially half-way through the book. 
> 
> Here comes the angst, du du du du.

Brunie was hesitant. She spent the last ten minutes standing in front of Eve’s door, wondering if she should knock or come back some other time. _If you don’t do this now, you’ll keep making up excuses and you know it_.

It took another ten minutes of pacing back and forth, but eventually she knocked.

A few moments have passed before Eve opened the door to find a freshly showered Brunie, in her penguins pajamas once again, standing at her doorstep.

_She smells really nice. No. You’re mad at her! Don’t get distracted!_ “Oh, it’s you,” She blurted, not even trying to hide the fact that she was angry.

“Hey, Um… Merry Christmas! Can I come in?” Brunie asked, voice soft and hopeful. “Please?”

Eve cleared the way and extended her hand towards the room as if to say “come in.” Yet her face said “I suppose, if you must.” Brunie’s stomach knotted at the reluctance, but she was glad she managed to get the invite. Eve didn’t offer her a seat, but Eve remained standing as well.

_I guess this is how we’re going to do this._ ”So, um…” she cleared the throat, forcing herself to not look away _._ “I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry about… is that a poster of me on your wall?” Brunie pointed at the thing that was poking at her from over Eve’s shoulder. She was completely dumbfounded.

“I like the colors,” Eve shrugged. “You were saying?”

“Right, yeah. I um… I got you something,” Brunie continued, filing the poster incident for a later time, a time when they are okay. _This apology has to work._

“Oh! Is it a pony?” Eve asked in fake excitement, making Brunie smile.

“They got extinct. Remember? Mostly because they never existed in the first place,” Brunie went along, grateful that Eve let the tension dissipate somewhat.

“Wait… please tell me that Santa is okay, because I don’t know how much more I can take today, on Christmas no less.” Her voice was playful, but Brunie could hear the subtext in the seemingly innocent statement. Still, it was cute.

_Fuck, I adore you._ She decided to push through with her plan before she lost all courage. She took out some rare medical supplies from her bag. “I know this is technically for the infirmary, and not specifically for you, but…”

Eve couldn’t help but beam at her, forgetting for a second that she was upset. “Are you kidding? This is perfect. I might be in love with you right now,” she declared absentmindedly, quickly taking the supplies from Brunie.

Brunie’s eyes widened, her face turned white, while Eve remained completely oblivious, checking the goods Brunie brought her. Then, she turned to Brunie to thank her and saw the expression on her face. She tried to figure out what could’ve possibly caused it. Then she realized what she had just said. In that split second she wondered if she really meant it, and if her saying it ruined any chance they ever had.

“Eve…” Brunie wasn’t sure what was about to come out of her mouth. But they never had the chance to find out because Brunie’s walkie came to life, summoning her to Command.

“You need to go,” Eve guessed.

“Sorry,” was all Brunie managed. She wanted to say so much more. She wanted to make sure they were okay. Instead, they shared a few awkward glances before Brunie blurted out a weak “Bye.”

“Bye,” Eve mirrored as Brunie turned around and left.

Eve deflated on her bed. She laid back, starring at the ceiling, frustrated and confused. But above all there was this notion, this suspicion that she _had_ , for the first time in her life, meant the words that she said to Brunie.

“Well, Shit.”

* * *

Eve has been absorbed in a stain on her ceiling for about ten minutes straight, considering smashing her head into the wall. She threw the word “fuck” into the air numerous times. The more she thought about it, the more she realized she meant what she said. She just didn’t mean to share that info so unexpectedly. _I didn’t mean it like that when I said it,_ she knew, but it forced her into the position of facing the truth. The worst part of it was that she had a feeling she wasn’t the only one who understood the truth of her words.

_And that’s the real problem, isn’t it_? It wasn’t ego, it wasn’t shame. _I wouldn’t have fought her so hard if I didn’t feel like this is where we were headed, eventually._ _No, it’s none of those things. It’s just Brunie. Stupid, adorable, emotionally damaged, smart, annoyingly stubborn, ridiculously gorgeous Brunie._

She knew who she was dealing with by now. She feared her little unintentional declaration would make the woman she loved spiral.

She was just about to emotionally torture herself some more when she heard a knock on the door.

She jumped off the bed, hoping beyond hope that Brunie came back, or that at the very least it would be Jordan who’d provide some much needed support and wisdom. But no such luck.

She yanked the door open without checking who was behind it. “Brunie, listen, I…”

It wasn’t Brunie. It wasn’t Jordan either. Instead, it was the familiar-from-TV face of one, Decker Williams.

“Evening, Ms. Salus,” he started, voice clearly aiming to charm. “And Merry Christmas! My name is…”

“Yes, I know who you are.” Her tone, on the other hand, was cold. She thought that the man was more than a little rude to show up at her own personal quarters.

“It seems like you’ve been expecting someone else,” he noted in cheer. She could practically hear the word “busted” just by looking at his eyes.

“Anyone but a stranger who asks around about me and looks for me at my own home, you mean?” She crossed her arms, subconsciously centering herself in her door frame, protecting her personal space.

“Touché. That said, I’d like to take you out for a nice dinner, maybe discuss a thing or two?” She could tell by the way the offer was made that he was certain the outcome would be to his liking.

“Right. See above re: stranger part,” Eve pointed out, not backing down. Maybe she was new at this, but she wasn’t stupid.

“But, my dear, I’m not a stranger, I’m on TV!” Decker tried his million dollars smile.

Eve snorted. “Look, Mr. Williams…”

“Decker, please.”

“ _Mr. Williams_ , I’m not a big fan of shutting doors in peoples’ faces, having been a victim of such event myself recently. But it doesn’t mean I won’t try it. For science,” she gave him her own sweet smile.

“I only have a few questions my dear. And I promise, dinner will be fabulous. I’m well connected, and I make a wonderful dinner buddy. So, you were seen leaving her quarters, I just saw her leaving yours. Not to mention how adorable you two were, decorating our beautiful tree…”

“It was an _incredible_ tree,” Eve felt the need to correct. She knew how important it was to Brunie.

“Right. So, dinner?”

“Well, am I invited to a fancy dinner just because of my glowing personality, or will I actually have to answer your Brunie related questions?” she challenged, crossing her arms.

“Well…” he tried.

“Science, Mr. Williams, science,” Eve reminded and gestured at the door.

“Right. Well, it seems like you two definitely deserve each other,” he noted with a wink which resulted in a smirk from Eve.

The truth about Decker Williams was that he was a man doing his job, like so many others. He had tactics, he had an agenda, but he was rooting for Brunie ever since he first met her, and Brunie knew that. That’s why they had their constant game of ping pong, their little dance that for the most part ended with either him being shut down, or with Brunie giving in. Eve was catching on to that.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she shrugged, still smirking.

“That’s exactly what _she_ said. You are rubbing off on each other,” he observed in a last attempt to rile her up with innuendo.

“Good night, Mr. Williams,” she offered expertly.

“Good night, Ms. Salus. For now.” He bowed his head and turned to leave.

Eve shut the door behind her and exhaled. _All in all I handled that pretty well, right?_ But she also knew that if Brunie and her actually ever got together, this was going to be a constant occurrence.

She got into bed bed and figured she’ll try to sleep, but sleep never came. She turned and turned, mind wandering to everything that happened earlier in the night.

Brunie did warn her. Did the unavoidable, looming chase from the media scare her? _Maybe a little._

Could she handle it?

_Totally_.

_But_ , she thought after another sleepless hour, _if there are going to be constant rumors about us anyway, might as well make it worth my while._

With that, she got up and left the room, thinking she will either cause some more damage, or change the rules of the game once and for all.

* * *

“What’s up?” Brunie asked the Colonels as she entered Command, completely breathless. She may have tried to put some distance between Eve and herself as quickly as possible.

“Oh, there you… what are you wearing?” Corbin looked at her in horror.

“Hey! Those are my penguins’ pajamas! They are badass!” Brunie exclaimed.

“Right.”

“Well, what did you expect! I wanted to get here ASAP and I thought that going back to my quarters would be a waste of time,” Brunie huffed.

“Wait,” Cecily intervened. “Where were you, that is not your own quarters, in your penguins’ pajamas, at this hour?”

“Wha… what?” Brunie chuckled, trying to stall while she thought of something to say.

“Oh, this is priceless!” Corbin was clapping her hands together. “ _You…_ went to see your hot nurse!”

Brunie was blushing. She was about to say that she went to see Carmela, but she was so tired of lying, so she just didn’t say anything, which resulted in a huge smile on Cecily’s face. The two Colonels started nodding their heads to the beat of some imaginary tempo.

“Oh my god, are you two dancing?” Brunie stared, horrified. “Nothing happened!”

“Yet!” Corbin pointed at her for emphasis.

“God you guys are annoying!” Brunie whined.

“Still in our Command, young lady, so watch the ‘tude,” Corbin warned, still shaking her head, and now butt, to the beat.

“This is unbelievable. Can you please tell me why I was called in? What happened?” Brunie demanded.

“Oh, um… I didn’t call her, did you?” Cecily turned to Corbin, feigning innocence.

“Nope, I didn’t but…”

“Since you’re already here…”

“We might as well tell you that the North Carolina colony is happening sooner rather than later. Isn’t that exciting?” Corbin concluded.

It’s not that the two women wanted Brunie to leave, far from it, but they thought that a fresh start could be good for her. They both knew North Carolina was where she was from originally and thought that maybe it’ll be a way for her to feel closer to the family she’d lost, to start her own family, perhaps. And a new Upperground colony required the best of the best, military wise. It was a great fit for her and they had no intention of stopping pitching the idea. Now that there was a maybe-girlfriend involved, a nurse-maybe-girlfriend no less, they felt the need to amp up the colony advocacy efforts.

“I can’t believe you two! Is that actually why you called me here in the middle of the night?” She scolded.

“Like we’ve said,” Cecily started.

“We didn’t call you,” Corbin finished.

“Unbelievable!” She threw her hands in the air and stormed out to head back to her quarters, leaving the two smiling Colonels behind.

“Merry Christmas!” They called after her.

_What a night_ , she thought.

* * *

Brunie was back in her quarters for quite some time when Eve turned around a corner and this time, decided to knock right away. _No pep talks, no chance of second guessing!_

It took a few moments, but Brunie finally opened the door, rubbing her eyes. _Not the worst way to be woken up,_ she thought, still in a haze. Before she managed to utter a single word, Eve started speaking.

“Do you ever think that it’s funny that The Resistance started as our underground and we actually live underground?” she mused. “The Underground’s underground.”

“Eve?” Brunie was slightly disoriented, her sleepy brain still not capable of forming more than one-syllable words.

Eve walked in past Brunie.

“What are you doing here?” Brunie tried again. She shut the door behind them.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Eve stated, her back turned to Brunie.

“Is everything okay?”

The concern was genuine and it warmed Eve’s heart. That is, until she remembered. _This, right here, is the problem._ “No,” she replied honestly.

“No? What’s wrong?” Brunie took a step towards her, worry rising. “Are you…”

Before she could finish the question, Eve finally turned to look at her, cutting her off.

“You’re driving me crazy! You won’t go on a real date with me but then you call me to help you look at _trees_! You flirt with this girl right in front of my face, but then you come over, and you give me a gift and apologize. You took me to see the stars! And then, at the same time, I feel like unless I come and seek you out, I would never see you at all! I don’t get you!” Eve concluded in anger.

Brunie was taken by surprise at the force with which Eve spoke and with the brutal honesty of her words. Eve portrayed the nice little photo of their push-pull situation quite accurately. One thing was certain, though – she was now wide awake.

She considered what to say next. _Maybe, just maybe, be honest for a change? Plead your case. Maybe if you make her understand she won’t hate you_. She locked eyes with Eve. “Just because I’m strong enough not to come to you all the time, doesn’t mean I’m strong enough to send you away,” she finally admitted, swallowing hard. _I want you_ , was what she really meant.

“Sometimes you’re not even strong enough not to come to me,” Eve reminded, voice harsh.

Brunie didn’t know what to say. _She’s right_. The realization made her mad at herself. She was supposed to stay away, to not hurt anyone. _I failed._

“Screw this. You’re not the only one who’s strong.” Eve took a few steps forward, and without any hesitation grabbed Brunie by the hips and leaned in to kiss her.

Brunie was surprised at first, but after a few seconds she kissed Eve back and everything else ceased. She couldn’t remember what they were fighting about a moment ago. Nothing could’ve prepared her for the peace she felt. That stillness that was always just slightly out of reach was now within her grasp, wrapped in her arms. It made her insides turn. Then, Eve’s tongue found its way into her mouth, and the fire came. The peace became a war zone, and the hairs on her arms stood, and war zones were what she was best at. She moaned and tightened her hold on the other woman.

Eve could feel the need. She knew that there was something emotionally charged going on. If she had any doubts before, she knew now that whatever was happening between them wasn’t one sided. _That might be an understatement_ , she managed to think. She didn’t know how long it’s been. They certainly took their time, exploring each other’s mouths, getting familiar with something completely new and electrifying. She forced herself to lean back, ending the kiss, leaving them both breathless and overwhelmed. She wanted to check in, to see a version of Brunie’s after she’s been kissed senseless. She assumed it would be a breathtaking view. She was right. Brunie’s lips were swollen, her eyes slightly shut, and Eve has never seen anything more beautiful. Brunie leaned their foreheads together, an instinct, and for a moment, their moment, everything was calm. The pieces fell into place.

Then, Brunie realized what had just happened and took a sharp step back.

All Eve needed was one glance at her and she knew what was happening. “No,” she warned, “don’t even say it.”

Brunie was completely terrified. _What have you done? She just told you that your inability to stay away hurt her and now this? This is the exact opposite of staying away!_

“This _cannot_ happen again,” Brunie’s voice was like ice.

“Why the hell not?” Eve wasn’t going to let Brunie off the hook. Not after what just transpired between them. She loved Brunie, and she was now almost positive that Brunie loved her, too.

“Eve, one of these days I’m gonna die out there!” Brunie’s gotten all worked up, begging with her eyes for Eve to understand.

“Then why do you do it?” Eve challenged. She knew where Brunie’s heart stood, but was it really worth it for Brunie? To constantly give up on her own happy ending?

“Why are you a nurse?” Brunie fired back. For the most part, the job wasn’t life threatening. But in Eve’s case there was history, and there was a feeling of a calling, so Brunie thought Eve had to understand.

Eve didn’t respond. She knew this was what Brunie would say, and it resonated deeply.

“You wouldn’t have liked me if I wasn’t me,” Brunie half argued, half wondered what the hell she was supposed to do. “This is who I am,” she smiled sadly. “I’m not trying to prove something to anyone, or do this because I feel like I’m missing some excitement in my life. I really believe in this. I feel like this is why I am here, to do something that matters. I can’t help it. I don’t want to. I’m not really me without it,” she concluded.

Eve groaned. “I know,” she said. “You are brave, and caring, and smart and funny, and it’s because of what you do that I can choose whatever it is that _I_ want to do, everyday. You keep us safe to make our own choices. Which is why this is so hard,” her voice broke.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” Brunie reminded, thinking that she finally got through to Eve.

“No. Not the dying part,” Eve clarified. “The thought of you dying is not great, but it’s just that, a thought. It’s not the hardest part. The hardest part is that you’re amazing, but you don’t want to be amazing with me,” she bit her lip, trying hard not to cry.

They exchanged looks, each appearing more miserable than the other, and then Eve turned around and left. She had no more fight left in her, not tonight. _I tried everything._ She didn’t know what else to do.

When she left, Brunie slid to the floor, her back against the door, crying in silence.

_I so want to be amazing with you_ , she thought. _I just don’t know how_.


	29. Chapter 27

** From the Diary of an Under **

Please pardon any pending errors, gentle reader, for I… am tipsy. And then some. It is, after all, Christmas! Also know as – one of the only rays of light in what is an ongoing sub-existence.

Though it’s technically past midnight, so the holidays is over, one of the smartest decisions the powers that be made, was to give everyone all of Christmas week off, leading to New Year’s Day. Of course some people must be on shift, but they get holiday pay. This decision was made years ago across the board for the entire Underground.

During the first few years of the war Christmas used to be such a pitiful time (the holidays were always hard on some, even before…) that they tried to find ways to make it good, to make it better, more community based. We try, as much as we can, not to leave anyone behind, because we’re all the byproduct of what happens when humanity tosses people aside.

It took a while to find the right balance. They tried a movie once. One of those Christmas classic rom-coms. Screened it nation – wide on our TV throughout all Locals. But the feedback they received was so bad they never tried again. All of us hopeless souls, telling them it was just too much to handle, seeing people waltzing down department stores, ice skating… Here’s the tree at Rockefeller Center, there’s a lit and warm suburban house in New Jersey, with happy people around a fireplace. It felt like rubbing salt in it.

They tried a radio play the following year. It worked much better. For starters, it wasn’t a visual medium, imagination was somewhat more limited, which made the experience less painful. But not only that, there was a rotation and every year a different Local had the honor of broadcasting it. We did it a few years ago. It was all people could talk about. People submitted original stories to a competition, the winning story ended up being recorded. There were casting sessions. It was a very exciting time, and a chance to give people work and showcase some local talent. There’s also a unique satisfaction in knowing that something you created made people all around the Underground happy. I submitted a story, actually. I was a semi-finalist. And even though I was disappointed, it was short-lived, and the celebrations were grand.

This year they let the L.A. Local do it. We know they’re under some sort of a curfew. We don’t know why, though some of us have our suspicions, but you know what? It’s the holidays, and for a change, I don’t want to talk about it. But I think it was a nice idea to give it to L.A., knowing their spirits are probably down.

It was a good story, too. The maintenance department installed speakers in the square. We all listened to it together at the Local’s Christmas Party, while raising a glass of something that wasn’t even remotely like champagne, but still caused a nice buzz.

I’d also like to pretend that I’m holding a glass of fine wine right now. In reality, I’ve never had actual wine before. All these years and we haven’t yet hacked underground vineyards. Too bad. The whole Underground could’ve been one hell of a wine cellar. Can you imagine?

But the party was really lovely. I’ve heard Brunie was on tree duty this year. Whether that confirms we have permanent access to the Upperground, or that our soldiers go the extra mile and risk their lives to give us a tree every year is anybody’s guess. It _was_ a stellar tree though, and beautifully decorated, too. But the Captain in question was only seen for a few moments before something seem to have soured her mood and she vanished down the tunnels. I suppose it doesn’t take much these days.

The food was very decent, too. It’s the one time of the year when we go all out. Though I must wonder if the food really is amazing, or that our standards are really low and we don’t know any better. But the Old World folks seemed to enjoy it quite a lot, so I choose to believe it is telling (or that their memories are deteriorating, but like I said, Christmas is for happy thoughts.)

For today, actual Christmas day, we had lunch at a friend’s house. She works for the Food Distribution Sub-Department at the Logistics Department. She picked up quite a few things over the years, and I don’t mean literally. She’s an amazing cook who basically developed this entire incredible diet based on the most basic ingredients. Talking about making lemonade (which she did, and she served it with the afternoon drinks, and it was delicious.) Our little group of seven close friends either have no family at the Local, or no family at all, so we stick together, exchange gifts, help Tay cook, play backgammon, and you know what? It’s the best.

And since we were gifted with this extended time of merry, it’s basically mandated that we keep doing just that, eating, and drinking and hanging out, until the next year. And do that we shall. Maybe a quick stop at the Bomb Shelter to celebrate with our fellow men and women, too? To be determined.

Good night, dear anonymous person of the future near or far. And wherever you are, I hope you got to walk down a department store recently, that you’re by a fireplace somewhere, with the head of a loved one in your lap, a hand patting a dog, and a Christmas rom-com is playing as you’re all dozing off.


	30. Chapter 28

Brunie walked into Command five days later. Corbin and Cecily could tell right away that something shifted before the Captain even spoke.

“Okay,” she started in a warning tone, “no Eve talk, no colony talk, no mental health talk. Anything else you want to discuss?” she didn’t even attempt any sort of formal greeting.

“And hello to you, too, sunshine,” Corbin seemed unimpressed.

“I’m serious… Colonel.”

“Got it, kid. Fear not, we actually have some serious matters to discuss,” Corbin assured.

“Imagine we’re in the middle of a war or something,” Brunie mocked.

“Commentary – unappreciated. Sit your ass down,” Cecily ordered. “So new intel came from Eli…”

“Whoa, Time out. What?” Brunie sat down, evidently confused.

“What’s the problem now?” Corbin was getting agitated. “Nothing Cecily said was taboo.”

“Eli agreed to provide intel without a meeting?” She knew it wasn’t how he operated, and she was in denial about the obvious.

“Of course not, silly. He met with Oz.” Cecily may as well added a “duh” for good measure.

“And since when exactly is Oz in charge of our communication with Eli?” Brunie narrowed her eyes.

“Why, do you think he’s not capable? He _is_ your second after all,” Corbin reminded, her tone challenging.

“ _New_ second, and that’s not the point and you know it!” Brunie spat.

“He was assigned on your little vacation week,” Cecily explained gently, trying to not feed the fire.

“You mean my forced vacation week,” Brunie pointed out. She was angry.

“What exactly is your problem, _Captain_? Because I don’t like your tone lately, at all,” Corbin informed. “What is it? Because I’m really not sure why you’re so upset about this. What? Did you wanna do it yourself or something?”

“No. Maybe? I don’t know!” _I want Malik to not be dead._ “Either way I wasn’t even given the chance to volunteer, not to mention, and that’s the real issue, that you have to stop not telling me these things!”

The two women took a minute to study Brunie’s face.

“Who would you have chosen?” Cecily’s voice was cautious. It wasn’t a test.

 _I don’t know_ , Brunie thought, and then, _Oz._

“B, seriously, did you want to do it?” Cecily, again. “We didn’t think you’d want to. It’s not a Captain’s job. Plus, we can’t exactly have you alone out there, and frankly, it used to be Malik’s thing and we weren’t sure you’d like the inheritance. And Oz…”

“Is perfect for the job,” Brunie sighed. He had a photographic memory, after all. _He probably doesn’t even carry documents and just re-creates everything when he’s back._

“It’s just…” she paused. “Look, I feel like I’m out of the loop. Okay?” her breath quickened. “And… too many things are already so out of control. I can’t be out of the loop. Not here. I can’t lose control here too,” she finished her plea, hoping beyond hope that they’d understand.

“Hey, you’re not losing anything,” Corbin vowed.

“Then why does it feel like I do?”

The women said nothing. Whatever it is they were thinking, they didn’t voice it and Brunie was grateful for that.

“You’re not out of any loop, B, we promise,” Corbin shifted, knowing that it’s what Brunie needed at that moment.

“And it was only the first time Oz went to see him,” Cecily added, trying to show Brunie that there wasn’t some big scheme happening without her knowledge.

Brunie didn’t speak. She stared at them blankly, instead.

“Okay?” Cecily tried.

“Okay,” her voice was weak.

“Can we talk about why we’re actually here now?” Cecily tried with caution. They had actual, crucial things to discuss.

“Just… did Eli say anything about Malik? Asked about him at all? I mean, they’ve known each other for years, and… God, I don’t know what I’m expecting. They were more of business associates than friends, I suppose,” Brunie’s posture deflated.

“He did actually ask about him,” Corbin provided. “He knew already, of course. We had to explain to him why someone else was coming to meet him. He told Oz he was very sorry for all of our loss and that Malik was a good man.”

“Yeah.” Brunie’s gaze was on the other side of the room. She almost expected him to show up and enjoy the compliment, but he didn’t. Not this time. She looked down, biting her lip. _Maybe if some teasing of me was involved_ … But she was also relived. Being haunted by the dead was exhausting. “Thank you,” she told her superiors.

They knew she thanked them for more than just the minimal info they gave her, she thanked them for their patience. She wasn’t being easy as of late, she knew that, but they had her back.

“You’re welcome,” Cecily smiled at her softly.

“Tell me why we’re here.” She took a breath and refocused her thoughts.

“West Coast,” Corbin stated.

“It’s a go?” A new spark appeared in Brunie’s eyes. _This I can deal with._

“It’s almost a go,” Cecily clarified.

“Based on what Eli had to say, The Leadership thinks that if we’re gonna try and launch two different fronts at the same time, it’s going to be Michigan and South West Canada as the first one, now that we have Indiana and Illinois as well, and then second front in Texas and Louisiana,” Corbin explained.

“Which is not a bad idea,” Brunie noted.

“No,” Corbin agreed, “It is not.”

“But now that we know that’s what they’re expecting, it’s even more of a reason to go for the West Coast and wait a bit longer with Michigan,” Cecily pointed out and Brunie nodded in agreement. “If we’re thinking about the long run, let’s face it, the real problem in the south is East Mexico. Our own states won’t be as hard to regain control over. This can wait. Having control over the West Coast, however…”

“Is key to having two fronts, coming inward, from the two coasts,” Brunie finished the thought. “And…”

“Wyoming,” Corbin concluded.

“Eventually,” Cecily added.

 _Wyoming is Game over,_ Brunie knew. “So when, and more importantly how is this happening? What am I telling my guys?”

“Soon. But we’re still trying to figure things out. And that’s exactly what you can tell them,” Corbin instructed. “We were thinking of taking a month to prep and send small forces to Texas as a decoy, and see how The Leadership reacts. We don’t have eyes too deep into Nevada and Utah, so we’re counting almost entirely on HUMINT,” Corbin reminded.

“Which means Central Command is doing the best it can to get as much intel as possible from a few more sources out there. Plus, we’re waiting to see if we can hear from Eli again once we start moving forces into Texas,” Cecily informed. “He’s on the move.”

“Okay,” Brunie nodded, hanging on the Colonels every word. “Just promise that…”

“We’ll keep you in the loop,” Corbin smiled.

“Promise,” Cecily put her hand on her heart for emphasis. “Now, let’s talk about tonight. Apparently, we have some company around. Just a bit bigger than usual…”

* * *

Later that afternoon, Jordan was knocking on Eve’s door. It’s been a few days since he visited her and it started to feel like she vanished.

“Come in!” came the weak reply from inside and Jordan opened the door.

Eve was lying on her bed, trying to read a magazine, but really, she was just staring at it, and she has been for quite some time.

“Right. This scene isn’t pathetic at all,” he observed.

“Don’t go there,” Eve warned.

“How is your lady love?” He went there.

“Oh my god,” Eve whined, secretly dying to talk about the subject, “she’s absolutely annoying and stubborn. And… I’m totally in love with her!” she admitted and buried her head in the pillow. This was misery.

“Shit. What are you gonna do?” He knew they were going to get to this point, he just didn’t think it would happen so fast. He wanted to ask if she told Brunie, he wanted to ask many questions, but before either of them could say anything else, a beeping sound was heard. It was Eve’s intercom letting her know she had a new message.

She sat in front of her computer and saw what appeared to be a group message. She was caught off guard at first, but replied decisively a moment later.

“Well,” she said, “for starters, I’m gonna gear up.” She stood and was about to leave the room.

“Excuse me, but what is happening?” Jordan looked at her in puzzlement. As far as he could tell, he just got there, and they were in the middle of an important conversation, and now his best friend appeared to be leaving.

“You think I should fight, right?” she proposed. “As in fight some more? Because I feel like fighting is all I’ve been doing. And honestly I thought there was no more fight left in me. But I should fight some more, right?”

“Well, yeah, maybe, but…”

“Then I’m headed to the battlefield. See you later,” she stated, taking his reply as a “yes,” leaving the room moments after. Jordan chuckled at his best friend’s antics before a thought hit him and he jumped to the door and called after her.

“Wait, Eve! A metaphorical battlefield, right? Right?”

* * *

Brunie was putting her gear on, as did the rest of her unit, getting ready to head out for the night. They were likely to encounter thirty to forty Uppers according to the Colonels. _How did they even get here? It’s totally random_. _Maybe they are some escaped Kentucky people who stuck together in a big group_? She was really hoping that was the case and that their intelligence didn’t miss something more significant.

She was so lost in thought that she didn’t notice the newcomer who was approaching her.

“Hi!” Eve announced and Brunie jumped, eyes widening in shock.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Her manner wasn’t rude, but rather confused.

It wasn’t the first night since their… _What? Breakup?_ that Brunie noticed Eve lurking around. Even before their kiss, on some afternoons, as they were getting ready to head out, Brunie would notice Eve standing half hidden in one of the hallways, doing whatever it is she was doing. Brunie wasn’t sure exactly what that was. She thought that maybe it was Eve’s own way of seeing her off. Still, it was always from afar, and Eve never said anything. _And now?_ After everything that went down (and south) between them, the last thing Brunie expected is for Eve to approach her.

“It’s Dante and his wife’s anniversary,” Eve explained. “He sent a last minute email blast asking if someone could cover for him. I kinda feel like I owe him, and also, the compensation, and also…”

“But you’re not a field NP!” Brunie protested at the absurdity, certain that the whole miscommunication will be resolved within seconds. _This has to be a joke_. _I’m not heading into the freaking battlefield with the woman that I… no. No way. Not again._ .

“Um… actually, I am. I guess I forgot to mention that I got certified while you were away. Oops? And also, surprise!” Eve insisted on maintaining a cheerful front, waving her fingers for emphasis.

“You can’t be serious. You are _not_ going out there,” Brunie determined, strategizing different ways of preventing this from happening.

“I thought I’d check it out. See how the other half lives. It seems very glamorous, you know,” Eve teased, knowing full well how much Brunie detested the fame that came with the job, not doubting for a second that nothing about what she was soon to experience was glamorous. Still, she was intrigued to see the troops in action, she has been for a long time.

“Check it out? This is a battlefield, Eve!” Brunie voice rose. She was mad.

“Is that your way of saying you don’t want to hang out with me? You never take me places!” Eve pouted. She was scared, but she felt like she had to push through it if she was going to do her job and do it well.

"I took you to see the stars!” Brunie countered, momentarily distracted by the ridiculous accusation.

“That’s _one_ time!” Eve scoffed.

“Trees!” Brunie reminded.

“Okay, two times,” Eve admitted.

“Yeah because the rest of the times you just invited yourself! And now that I’m saying this, I’m realizing that you were allowed up there almost this entire time! You are sneaky!” She sighed. “You shouldn’t be here. I can’t worry about you,” she shook her head, anxious.

Before Eve even had a chance to reply, the gates opened and Oz announced “heading out in five! Clean barrel!”

“Clean break!” the rest of the soldiers replied.

Brunie knew it was too late for her to change the verdict. “Stay out of trouble!” she ordered as she started walking towards the entrance to lead the unit.

“ _You_ stay out of trouble!” Eve called after her.

“Not freaking likely!” Brunie yelled back, agitated, as she headed out through the gates.

* * *

They’ve been at it for what seemed like forever.

Ducking, crawling, shooting. Well, Eve personally didn’t shoot anyone, but she heard enough shots being fired for a life time.

Naturally, as part of her field NP training, she had to go through firearms and targeting practice and certification. In addition, once a month the certified field NPs were required to go to the range to make sure they don’t lose touch with what they’ve learned.

That’s not to say that Eve was particularly enjoying the thought of shooting someone.

They had psychiatrists at her field NP course as well. They’ve discussed the fact that field NPs might find themselves in the position of taking a life. For self defense, of course, but still. Nurses were healers by training. They were supposed to save lives. Taking a life was in complete contrast to what their instincts told them to do, but the survival instinct was stronger and the orders were clear. A) You only use your firearm if you have too. But, B) Keep in mind that if you get hurt, your company is at a disadvantage and even more lives may be lost.

Eve was trying to do as she was taught – dodge, and sneak, and stay out of harm’s way, all the while managing to not be a burden on the unit.

Brunie was chillingly right. Eve was far from ready for this. She doubted that anyone, really, could ever be ready for this. It was life and death, blood and mud, insistent, uncompromising. It’s not like she didn’t believe Brunie, nor did she actually think there was allure to it. But everything she imagined before was in theory. The nurses either got to see the happy, victorious faces of the returning soldiers, or the bowed, mournful ones. They were the first ones to be in contact with the troops upon the soldiers’ return to the Local. It made the nurses feel like they took part in what the soldiers have been through, but it became painfully evident that it was not the same. Eve saw that now, first hand. She heard it from other field NPs before, but one simply don’t get it until one is there, and a bullet is shrieking above one’s head.

Eve has been pushing Brunie, rolling her eyes at the other woman’s fears, but now, as she was ducking behind a boulder, praying to some high entity that Brunie was still alive, she got it. She now understood that daily sensation of not knowing if and when you’ll be back home. She got the uncertainty, and the constant fear of losing, of being lost. Yet she also got the pride, vaguely at the moment, because she was too busy shaking, but still, somewhere in the back of her mind she got it. She couldn’t help but think of a teenage Brunie, facing this reality for the first time, and many times since.

Eve was covered in sweat after running around for hours. It had such an emotional and physical toll. _No wonder Brunie has such a gorgeous body_ , she thought despite herself. _It’s probably the worst time ever to think about Brunie’s body_. She loved the woman, probably now more than ever, but at that moment she preferred the thought of not getting killed.

But sometimes thoughts of loved ones can sneak up at the most inappropriate times, and when they do, it’s very hard to push them away. Having moments like these on the battlefield can come at a great cost. Brunie knew that, which is why she didn’t want Eve around. Eve, however, was just learning that lesson, as her moment of being lost in thoughts ended abruptly when someone grabbed her arm.

It was an Upper and he pushed her to the ground forcefully. She noticed he held a knife. _Probably lost his fire arm at some point_. He blocked her view. She wanted to tell him she was a nurse, hoping it would make a difference, but the words didn’t come. All that occupied her thoughts was him and the knife in his hand. He took his knife – holding hand backwards, and everything started to move in slow motion. Eve knew what was coming. A knife that was pulled backwards would eventually be launched forward, forcefully. Forward was her stomach, her heart. Forward was her pending death.

She had a nano-second to think about how ironic it was that she was the one to die, and not Brunie. How Brunie was going to be pissed, and sad and shattered for losing another person. Then, that nano-second was gone and the man’s hand launched forward.

But the knife never made contact. Instead, a shot was heard, and when Eve looked up she saw a bloody hole just between the man’s eyes. For a second, blood and what she assumed was brain matter dripped on her uniform, around her collarbone. But then he collapsed, clearing her line of sight. She saw Brunie standing above them, a gun still in her stretched hand, and a dead cold expression on her face.

“I told you you shouldn’t have come,” she stated, void of emotions. She turned away to finish the rest of the night’s work.


	31. Chapter 29

Eve shut the door to her quarters behind her.

It was almost twelve p.m. and all she wanted was to take a quick shower to wash the night away, and then sleep through the rest of day. _Some way to spend New Year’s Eve_ , she thought, _washing someone else’s blood and god knows what else off your body._

She knew Brunie didn’t have the time to think about ways of killing the Upper that would be less traumatizing for her. _But that’s the point, isn’t it? Why she didn’t want me there?_ She caught herself shaking and used one hand to still the other.

Brunie didn’t say a word to her after practically saving her life. As a matter of fact, she ignored Eve’s presence altogether for the rest of the night and as they got back to the Local.

Eve said quick hellos to her colleagues in the morning shift, but since the soldiers noticed their Captain was in a specially sour mood, even though they had a successful night, everyone was quick to disperse.

Eve sighed. _I’ve never seen her so upset. Not even when I tried to talk to her right after Malik died._

She knew the anger was directed at her, but she didn’t understand why. She was in danger, Brunie came to the rescue, Eve was probably not going back to the field again any time soon. _So what is it? Why is she still so mad?_

Meanwhile, Eve’s own feelings intensified. Seeing the bravery first hand, understanding the risks and sacrifices a bit better, the daily fear of the unknown. She loved Brunie even more. The need to be there for her, be with someone like her, became even greater.

 _How is it that I love her even more, meanwhile she can’t even bear to look at me?_ She was wondering if there was just no way to win when it came to Brunie. Which then led her wonder if it was time to give up.

 _I thought I was winning before, but maybe I was wrong_. She already contemplated the idea of stopping to fight for them, yet she chose to keep going. _Something’s gotta give_. She was wondering if that something was her. _Is it time? Move on? Break the pattern?_

She was finally about to head into the shower, thinking _if only I knew for a fact it wasn’t mutual, but…_ Before she managed to finish the thought, a very loud, aggressive knock on her door made the shower seem like an unachievable dream.

She groaned. But since she instinctively assumed something was wrong and she was needed at the infirmary, she rushed to open the door. Brunie stormed in before Eve had a chance to realize what was happening.

“You shouldn’t have been there!” Brunie accused, turning towards her.

“Yeah we’ve already established that.” Eve was completely spent and had no energy to have the same argument again. Not when she already felt like shit.

“You shouldn’t have seen this!” Brunie shook her head, biting her lip to prevent herself from crying. She seemed in distress, on the verge of a breakdown.

Eve has never seen her like that. If a moment before she was frustrated, now all she wanted was to hold Brunie in her arms and take the very evident pain away. But she was confused.

“Wait, seen what?” she asked. Because it seemed like whatever it was, it was about more than just Eve’s presence on the battlefield.

Brunie watched her carefully, but didn’t answer the question. Eve could tell by the fear she saw in her eyes that Brunie already felt like she said too much.

“Seen what, Brunie?” she insisted. _We have to talk through this._ “What is it that you think I’ve seen tonight that I haven’t thought of before?”

“What I really am,” Brunie blurted quietly, unable stop herself. Eve could hear her heavy breaths as Brunie started pacing, it was getting extremely close to hyperventilating territory. 

“I’m a killer! I destroy people. I ruin things,” she turned to Eve, cheeks smeared with tears that started falling at some point. “And now you know,” her voice sounded hopeless. “And I told you this is a bad idea!” She leaned against the door behind her. “You saw the murderer,” she repeated flatly. “I really didn’t want you to see her.”

“Under the circumstances, I didn’t think my opinion of you mattered,” Eve pointed out coldly, out of instinct, going on the defense and hating herself for it a second later. She knew it mattered. She knew Brunie just shared one of her innermost fears with her and in return Eve was being harsh.

“Of course it matters!” Brunie breathed out, looking completely winded. “I didn’t want it to, but it does.”

“I know. I know it does. I’m sorry.”

“And now you know what I really am.”

“Right, in contrast to before,” Eve shook her head.

“What?”

“Brunie, come on, I’m not stupid,” Eve sighed, adjusting to a soft tone. She worked with enough people who suffered from trauma, she’d seen anxiety attacks and she realized this could very well turn into one. She wasn’t going to let that happen. “I’ve always known who you are. I’ve always known what you do. What you have to do. I see it in the infirmary every day. The results of the things you all do out there. But you _have_ to do it. And… you saved my life,” she added in a tone that meant “how can you even think that I’ll look at you differently?”

“I wouldn’t have to save your life if you wouldn’t have been there in the first place!”

“Listen to me, but really listen. The way you see yourself? It’s not how others see you,” Eve tried. She took a gamble and stepped towards Brunie, knowing that closeness can either be helpful or counter-effective in moments like this.

“Others don’t know me, not really,” Brunie spat, but her voice was less shaky now. Anger was slightly better than distress.

“Brunie, some of us do,” Eve reminded, taking another step closer. “I’ve gotten to know you. You’re smart, and you’re witty, and silly,” _one more step._ “You are funny, and beautiful, and you are kind. Think about our Christmas tree. Everything you touch turns to gold.”

She was doing so well up until that moment, but that last comment backfired.

“Everything I touch withers and dies!” Brunie shouted, forcing Eve to step backwards. “Stop putting me on a pedestal, Eve!”

“I don’t put you on a pedestal!” Eve denied, her voice now rising, too. “God, I know you can be stubborn, and a real asshole sometimes, but I’ve seen you out there,” she gestured with her hand, getting into Brunie’s space again. Brunie looked at her in surprise. “And I’ve seen _you_. For weeks and months now, I’ve seen you. Stop hating yourself so much,” she pleaded. “You think I don’t know what death looks like?”

“I know that you do,” Brunie replied right away, even though she knew the question was rhetorical.

“If any of these Uppers had survived tonight, I would’ve treated them, too, because that’s the oath I took. But we’re at war, and I’m not a child, and _this_ is my side of the war. _You_ are my side of the war. You’re underestimating me. I don’t deserve that.”

“I… I didn’t mean to.” Brunie never heard Eve speak like that. _Maybe it’s just not something I wanted to hear_ , she thought. Because then she’d have to acknowledge once and for all that Eve knew what she was in for.

“Did it ever occur to you that I want to play a part in creating that better future, too? Even if it’s a small one?”

“And you think that being there to heal us when we get back isn’t playing your part?”

“Everything is potentially deadly. Case in point, my mom. You’re being a drama queen.” Maybe she was being harsh again, but she could tell that while Brunie was still in a very emotional place, the immediate danger has passed. _If she wants to keep doing this and drive herself crazy, fine, but at the very least she’ll hear this once and for all. I was there to do my job, same as her. She’s the last person who gets to hold it against me._

“Ugh! You are driving me crazy!” Brunie groaned. “What is wrong with you? Do you actually want to be miserable?”

“You’re one to talk. Why does it even matter? You already said no to me, so many times. So what difference does it make?” She challenged.

When Eve went after her, Brunie turned her down. When she wasn’t going after her, Brunie came over distressed and lost. There wasn’t much wiggle room left. But Eve knew exactly why it mattered. Because what Brunie kept saying between the lines was “I don’t want to say no to you,” and up until that point, that’s what made Eve try again and again. She was hoping her stare alone was enough to convey that insight.

And it may as well been, because Brunie studied her for a few seconds before finally uttering “Fuck!”

She turned away from Eve and took a few steps sideways to put some distance between them. _What am I doing_? _Why did I come here in the first place_? She was wondering if she came looking for a fight, or understanding, or to make sure that the way Eve saw her wasn’t ruined forever. _Maybe I wanted to make sure she was okay. And I did a shit job at that._ Maybe it was all of the above.

She believed in what she did more than anything, but that didn’t mean she enjoyed killing other people, having blood on her hands. Sometimes, usually around certain dates of the year, she’d dream about the people she killed, smell burning flesh as she drifted to sleep. She never thought that anyone “normal” would understand. The people who did were like her. Marcela was capable of loving all parts of her, but Marcela was a killer, too. Eve was different. Eve’s work was to put people back together, Brunie tore them apart.

“Look at me,” Eve ordered after Brunie didn’t say anything for a while.

“No.” She wasn’t done processing, and she didn’t want to face Eve before she knew exactly what she was feeling and thinking, and what came next. Because there was another thing, something she couldn’t ignore. _I almost lost her tonight. Her, too._ It made Brunie realize that she couldn’t imagine her life without Eve in it, not anymore. Everything that she didn’t want to feel, that she fought to stay away from before she _would_ feel, was washing over her, hitting her full force, and she didn’t know how to go back.

“Hey. Look at me?” This time it was a request, a soft-spoken one.

Brunie didn’t want to deny Eve anymore. She denied her enough. She turned around and Eve stepped closer to her, slowly, cautious.

“I saw what you do. I understand the risks even better now. I don’t care,” she closed the gap between them completely. “I’m in love with you. And I think you…” Eve took a moment to collect her thoughts. _Don’t put words in her mouth._ “Just… stop pushing me away, please. You can choose to be scared and safe, or brave and vulnerable,” she concluded, making a plea.

“Stop saying these things! What do you know about strength?” She couldn’t hear the word love, couldn’t deal with the consequences of it. _Looks like going on the defense is what we both do best._ They were also pretty good at regretting what they said mere moments after saying it. Brunie definitely regretted her words. She knew Eve lost her mother, and in a way, her father as well. She knew what Eve could see every day in the infirmary, not just from them, from kids, and old people, and on top of that, she dealt with Brunie for months now. The woman was incredibly strong. _And brave, especially with her feelings. Something you’ll never be._ But Brunie couldn’t stop herself, so she kept going, lashing out. Otherwise, she knew, she would have to think about the word love. “You think you have any idea what you’re talking about, what this might do to you, what…”

Eve cut her off with a kiss. She was sick and tired of arguing with words. She just wanted to feel, and she wanted Brunie to feel, too, because by now she knew that it felt right, for the both of them.

Bruie returned the kiss at first, but then she whimpered as she leaned backwards to break away. They both heard it.

“Dammit, Eve.” Her heart was breaking just a little further every time something like that happened. She turned around, opened the door and left.

Eve gritted her teeth, not sure if she was even surprised by what just transpired. _There goes my chance at a New Year’s kiss_.

* * *

Eve just wanted to sleep and not think. She longed to clear her head, detach herself from everything that happened within the previous day, even if just for a little while. She hoped that with rest would come clarity. But not even a few hours of napping were in the cards, because at six p.m. came another knock on the door.

“God, now what?” she groaned in exhaustion. She couldn’t have gotten more than four hours of sleep, and that alone was enough to put a person in a cranky mood. Even without taking the battlefield and the “a girl is driving me crazy” factors into consideration.

She barely dragged herself out of bed, just to find that the person on the other side of the door was none other than Decker Williams. _Again._

“Oh, no,” she said right to his face. He was the last thing she wanted to deal with at the moment.

“Well and hello to you, too,” Decker greeted in amusement.

“What do you want, Mr. Williams? I’ve been out on the battlefield all night and had less than a pleasant morning, so forgive my non-existing manners.”

His expression softened immediately. “Oh, I’m sorry, Eve, I had no idea you were a field NP.” He seemed genuine, for a change.

“You not knowing something? I’m shocked. And it was my first time out,” she explained, “and happened somewhat unexpectedly. So don’t be too hard on your sources,” she yawned.

“I’m sure it was overwhelming.”

“It was,” she confirmed, “so if you’ll excuse me…”

“Yes, of course, I’ll come back some other time,” he nodded and turned to leave, but Eve stopped him.

“No, Mr. Williams, you will not. We have nothing to talk about.” As tired as she was, she realized that unless she nipped this in the bud, it would become a regular occurrence.

“But I believe I was promised a dinner,” he winked.

Eve grumbled. “I’d very much like to go back to sleep now. So good night Mr. Williams, or good day, or… whatever,” she started to shut the door, but Decker spoke before she had the chance to fully disappear behind it.

“Did you know that she hasn’t been with anyone else since she met you?” Eve opened the door and observed him.

“That’s right,” he confirmed, expression serious. “Brunie Kaya, the girl who found someone new to be with every week, who never let any of these women into her quarters. That girl hasn’t been with anyone else since she met you. And I don’t mean since you guys gotten serious, or… whatever it is you are doing. I mean the actual first day that she met you. So that’s what? Three months now? What do you suppose that means?” he challenged.

This was news to Eve. She assumed that now that there was something vague happening between them Brunie won’t go look for someone else. She also knew that Brunie’s mind has been very preoccupied with everything that happened in the past few months. Still, the fact that Brunie hasn’t been with anyone since their day one told Eve that something within Brunie, her instinct, prevented her from turning to her old infamous pattern. She didn’t owe Eve anything at the beginning. _Heck, she doesn’t technically owe me anything now._ They weren’t together, and yet Brunie made a choice, conscious or not, to abstain from doing what Eve suspected was the only outlet, the only relief in Brunie’s hectic life.

Eve didn’t know what to say, the thoughts still swirling in her head. But even though she wanted to know more, she wasn’t going to say anything, not to Decker Williams. She was torn between the fear of saying something wrong to the wrong man at the wrong time, and between the opportunity to talk about Brunie with someone who seemed to know her better than most people. She didn’t know how to act, so she chose not to act at all.

Decker could tell she was struggling and tried to decide on a course of action. He came over there with a goal, and not the one that Eve suspected.

“Look,” he started, voice sincere,” I’m not here for gossip. I swear. I saw her leave here this morning and I could tell she was upset. I’ve been asking her for years if she has someone. It’s always a no. I’m not stupid. I realized at some point that it was a choice, _her_ choice. Yes, I have my job, and I like to do it well, but I’ve known her for years. I care about her a lot and she knows that, even when we are at each other’s throats behind the scenes, or when I try to provoke her,” he vowed. “I don’t want this life for her, this solitude. I’m telling you that even though she can be a pigheaded pain in the ass, because I’m guessing that’s exactly what she’s being, please, please don’t give up on her,” he practically begged.

“Um… okay, not what I was expecting,” Eve admitted, all the while eyeing the man suspiciously.

He smiled at her softly, figuring that after his little spiel less was more. And it wasn’t the first time he caught someone off guard.

“You want me to not give up on her,” Eve repeated.

“Right,” he confirmed.

“ _I_ want to not give up on her, but she’s making it really hard,” Eve confessed, scanning his face to make sure he didn’t treat her statement as something to take advantage of.

“Yes, that’s where the challenging part kicks in,” he chuckled

“Are you trying to convince me by appealing to my competitive side?” Eve glared at him.

“Maybe,” he shrugged.

“Well, you don’t need to use mind games with me. I’m already not giving up on her, because I’m in love with her,” she stated in a steady voice.

“Was this on the record?” Decker tried, adding his charming smile.

“In your dreams, Mr. Williams.”

“I thought so. Were you also not going to give up on her earlier today, after she left?” he inquired, curious, attempting to assess Eve’s state of mind.

“Earlier isn’t relevant, because now it’s later, and I had a nap since earlier,” Eve explained, “but this isn’t gonna be simple, I’m gonna need a plan,” she contemplated.

“Okay, then. Thank you, I’ll let you deal with… that. Have a nice evening,” he offered and finally turned to leave, hoping that he may have contributed to something good.

“She loves me too, you know,” Eve called after him.

He turned around. “Did she tell you that?”

“No. But I still know that it’s true.” She was certain. Whether or not Brunie was willing to give in to that love was a different matter altogether.

“I believe you,” he smiled and turned to leave again.

“Off the record!” She called after him.

“For now!” he replied from down the hallway and within seconds was out of sight.


	32. Chapter 30

It’s been two weeks since Brunie saw Eve, and each woman dealt with the hole left by the other in their own way. Brunie found that she missed Eve. She really, really missed Eve. It didn’t even surprise her. She knew that she crossed the line she didn’t want to cross. She felt the feelings she didn’t want to feel. It was too late. _But now what?_

She could handle her own pain, but she was wondering if she was causing Eve more pain than necessary. She debated if it’ll really be better to give in to what she wanted, or if she was just trying to justify it because she was being selfish.

“It’s option number one, B.” She turned around to find Malik standing behind her.

“Right. Of course _you_ ’d say that,” she shook her head fondly. “But we both know you’re a fraction of my imagination and you might just be telling me what I want to hear, which plays into the whole selfish part.”

“Hey now. We both know that even as a part of your imagination I still have enough autonomy over my thoughts! And we know that, because I’m telling you the exact same things I told you when I was alive,” he argued, smug smile plastered on his face.

“Yeah, well, maybe I need to find a hobby. Can’t have my entire life be about conversations with dead people,” The notion made her sad. She loved her dead people. _But still…_

“I keep telling you you should hang out with the living more! That’s my point!” He spoke to her as if she was especially stupid. When she didn’t respond he tried again.

“Have you seen Marcela lately?” he inquired, now softly.

“Yeah, right,” Brunie scoffed. “She’s the last person… um, fraction of imagination, I wanna to talk too.”

“Why? She can knock some sense into you,” Malik suggested, “she always have.”

"Sure! Oh hey, dead ex—girlfriend of mine! I’m feeling blue. Can we maybe talk about this new girl I’m head over heels for, and who happens to A. not be you, and, B. is alive. Sounds like a perfect plan, Mal,” she narrowed her eyes. The suggestion alone felt ridiculous.

“Just because you don’t… summon her, or whatever it is you do, doesn’t mean she’s not lurking around,” Malik pointed out, rolling his eyes at her dramatic antics.

“I’m very well aware of that, Mal. Every time I feel the guilt, I know she’s here,” Brunie admitted with a pained expression. She felt winded all of a sudden.

“What do you feel guilty about, B?”

“What do I feel guilty about, Mal? Seriously?” she snarled in anger. “Well, for starters, I couldn’t help her, and she’s gone. If she didn’t wait to go to that officer’s course she wouldn’t even be there that day. She stayed because of me. She waited because of me. She _died_ because of me. And then I promised myself – never again. And now here I am, and I love someone, and it’s not her!” As she realized what she just said, she covered her mouth in shock.

Malik nodded in somber understanding. “Did you know Marcela at all?” he challenged. “The last thing she would’ve wanted is for you to shut down after she died. If she’s not here to make you happy, then rest assured that she’d want _someone_ to make you happy.”

“Yeah? And whose fault is it that she’s not here?” Brunie’s laughter was laced with bitterness.

“It’s the war’s fault, B,” Malik insisted. “And if, god forbid, something happens to you and Eve is left behind, it’d also be the war’s fault.”

“Yes, but whose fault would it be that there was something for Eve to lose in the first place?” Her voice was quiet, hopeless.

When Malik said nothing, just shook his head at his friend’s insistence, she spoke again.

“Mal, there are so many things about this that feel wrong. I feel guilty for moving on, I feel guilty for the fact that she wants to be with someone whose future is uncertain. I know the pain of losing someone to this war,” she reminded, broken. “And when it’s someone you’re in love with? God, I don’t wish that on anyone. Who am I to inflict this pain on someone? And then there’s the fact that… she’s a nurse, Mal, she saves lives for a living. I… I destroy lives for a living. And she finally saw that. _Really_ saw that.” She bit her lip, trying to hold herself together.

“Right,” he confirmed, “she did. And she didn’t even blink.”

Brunie watched him in surprise. It was true. Eve didn’t blink. _If anything she probably talked me down from some sort of an episode._ _But how does he know that?_

“Hey. I’m in your head, remember? I see what you see, and then I point it out to you when you are being a stubborn jackass,” he simplified.

Brunie snorted, actually snorted, before she started talking again.“I miss you,” she shared with the man who wasn’t actually there.

He nodded, mirroring her heartbreak. He _was_ her heartbreak. The manifestation of it.

“I could tell Carmela you said hi,” she offered, “but she’ll think I’m crazy.”

“And what makes you think she doesn’t talk to me as well?” Malik smirked, making Brunie roll her eyes. “You _could_ visit her more, though. She needs you.”

“I know.”

He observed her for a moment. “You said that so many things about this feel wrong,” he repeated her words. “You and Eve I mean.”

“Yeah, and?”

“Be honest with yourself. It doesn’t even begin to compare to how right it feels when you’re with her.”

“God, get out of my head,” she ordered.

“No can do. And you said yourself that it was too late,” he reminded.

“I said no such thing!” she denied.

“You thought it.”

“Stop it,” she commanded again.

“You two are inevitable.”

“Stop.”

“And you know that.”

“Stop! Stop it! What does it even matter?” she finally broke. “I’m leaving soon, again. See? What’s the point of starting something? Maybe if I knew we had time, but now? It’ll just be cruel.”

“You already started something. And you will always find an excuse,” he was truly unimpressed with her arguments. 

Brunie glared at him.

“Fine,” Malik blurted, annoyed and angry. “You’re leaving soon. But what are you leaving her with? Not even memories.”

“Are you insane?” she stared at him, dumbfounded. “Are you actually suggesting…”

“It’s not just about you, Brunie. You are being selfish,” he shrugged, knowing that he was pushing her buttons.

“But I’m trying not to be. Why does it feel like I’m going to be selfish no matter what I do?” she demanded in misery.

“We’re all selfish to a point, Brunie. It doesn’t necessarily make us bad. You’re selflessly endangering your own life every day. Don’t you think it would make The Resistance selfish if your service meant that you never get to be happy?”

Brunie went quiet. She knew her resolve was cracking.

“At least be selfish _with_ her. Then, you both get to be selfishly happy,” he pointed out.

“Yes, but she might be the one who’ll have to deal with the consequences later, alone,” Brunie snapped.

Malik was about to argue, but he stopped and looked at the door.

“Someone is coming,” he divulged. “Don’t look so terrified, it’s not Eve.”

When she stared at him in confusion he added, “it’s worse,” and then he vanished just as the knock came.

* * *

 _It is worse_ , Brunie thought as she sat in Command, no more than fifteen minutes later.

When Oz came to get her she was kind of confused for a second that he wasn’t Malik. It still happened every now and then. _Poor Oz. He must think I resent him._ Yet she loved and appreciated him, and she promised herself she’d find a way of showing him that.

 _It has to wait though_. Because currently at Command, she was hearing about the pending doom. Or at least that’s how she called it in her head. _Maybe Malik put the thought in there, who knows._

“You’re with us, Captain?” Corbin cleared her throat when she saw Brunie’s mind was wandering.

They just gave her an update about the small forces that were sent to Texas and how it served to draw The Leadership’s attention there, which was exactly what The Resistance wanted.

“Yes, ten days,” Brunie repeated the information she was given moments before.

“Is that okay with you?” Corbin investigated.

“Does it matter?” Brunie scoffed. She wasn’t the decision maker.

“It matters a lot,” Cecily stated. “If you have some thoughts, we want to hear them.”

“I just don’t want us to go in there and be all ‘whatever we can achieve, we should try and achieve.’ This is not how we do things.” These were her honest feelings on the subject at hand.

“No, it isn’t,” Cecily agreed, “and I’m glad you brought it up because this was our next thing. A List of targets and goals.”

“And please understand, that yes, there is some vagueness,” Corbin confirmed, “but some of it depends on what you guys see when you get there. We might discard certain targets but add others. I know it’s not ideal but…”

“But sometimes, we have to take a leap,” Brunie smiled at the two Colonels. “This needs to happen. I think it’s time.”

“We all do,” Cecily nodded.

“But there will be a price to pay,” Corbin added, “and I need you to know that now, more than ever, there’s no certainty of coming back.”

“Yes,” Brunie agreed, she knew the risks, “but this is it. This is the game changer.”

“If this goes well…” Corbin started.

“Then even if we’ll be lost over there, we mattered.” She smiled again. It was bittersweet.

“Nothing ever mattered more,” Corbin crossed her arms. “Not since we took over the Coastline.”

“So, what’s the game plan here?” Brunie asked.

“Okay,” Cecily took a breath and turned to the map. “We’re gonna have airplanes cutting into Arizona through New Mexico,” she marked with her fingers, “and also airplanes cutting into West Mexico then to LA through East Mexico.”

“But then they’ll know we’re coming,” Brunie pointed out.

“Yes, but they wouldn’t know how many of us are coming,” Corbin clarified, “because we’re also gonna send people through the Underground, and we’re also going to send some ships through the Yucatan Channel,” she clicked a button on the device she was holding and the slide currently on display changed into one of the channel. It was located between Cuba and East Mexico.

“They’ll continue into the Panama Canal, and then basically circle into West Mexico, where we’ll get more ground and air support from our friends over there.” Corbin finished her explanation.

“This is insane!” Brunie protested, “both things will take forever!”

“Well, first of all, not everyone is leaving from the same place,” Cecily reminded, “and then it’ll also really help with the element of surprise when it comes to the numbers, and it’s harder for them to figure it out when we’re off the grid.”

“Extremely off the grid,” Brunie pointed out, still not convinced it was the best course of action. The Colonels let her think in peace for a few moments, knowing that she’ll come around.

“Okay,” she finally said, “so they’re thinking we’re mostly coming from the east, especially with the forces currently near Texas, and they put their eyes up to the sky to count how many airplanes we sent, and in the meantime…”

“We’re coming at them from the back door,” Corbin concluded.

“Our main goals are Nevada and New Mexico?” 

“Yes, even if it means just parts of them to start,” Cecily added. “And of course, you’ll be joined by the Locals’ units once you are close enough.”

“Right. So I’m guessing you’re sending me there on a ship?”

“Well, it would seem like the most reasonable thing for you,” Cecily noted, “however, since you’re going to be leading a pretty massive force, Central Command prefers you get there sooner. So we’re sending you and Oz and another small group to Arkansas, and you can get on a second plane there.”

“Great. So the options are either getting sea sick or being shot down,” Brunie groaned. “What about the rest of my guys?”

“A week from now. On the ships,” Corbin provided. “You’re still gonna get there about a week before they do.”

“And training?” Brunie inquired. Preparation was the most important thing of all.

“Some would train in West Mexico and then in L.A. once you get there. Take an extra week to get acquainted with our friends over there and train,” Cecily knew full well what Brunie was thinking.

“Are we going to address the K9 in the room?” Brunie shuddered. It didn’t go unnoticed by the Colonels. It was a much different reaction than the one before her encounter with the K9.

“Still upset that Aiden’s team beat your time?” Corbin teased. She was satisfied by the change of attitude. Not because she wanted to be right, but because she preferred a more conscientious Brunie, one who preferably stays alive.

“The only reason that happened was because _his_ K9 had _one_ engine room, and that’s not the point! If anything, it tells me we have no idea what layouts we’re facing!”

“I know,” Corbin sighed.

“What do you think, B? You’re one of the only people to face a K9 in recent years. Central Command specifically asked for your input,” Cecily informed.

“Air strike,” Brunie blurted right away. She didn’t even know she was about to say that, she didn’t realize she was thinking it, but when she saw Corbin nodding in agreement, she was encouraged to go on. “I can’t imagine that what we did last time would work again. Nor do I want to subject anyone to that.” Her hands started shaking at the memory of being stuck under the raised floor, fearing suffocation and assuming this was where she dies, alone.” _And that’s before escaping a collapsing Neck._ “Frankly, boss,” she turned to Corbin “I don’t know how The Resistance dealt with the K9s all those years ago, with less intel and tech that was much more limited.”

“A lot of luck, a lot of death, and every time we got rid of one of them The Leadership retaliated by dropping an insane amount of Hail Missiles on all Locals,” Corbin shared.

“They tried it this time around, too, when you were gone. That’s actually how we figured you succeeded before we got the word,” Cecily told. “But in a much smaller scale. We hope it means they’re finally starting to run out of missiles.”

“But they’re still able to make more?” This wasn’t something they discussed recently. Their work wasn’t just about battles. They hoped all their actions also led to loss of means for the Upperground.

“Yes, but the production rate is much slower. We’re getting _so_ close, kid,” Corbin tried to hide her excitement. It was too soon to celebrate.

“Did they move any of the K9s to Texas?” Brunie inquired in concern. Not all the units in Texas were Specials. _Not that it matters. This thing is a death sentence no matter how good a soldier you are._

“It seems like it, so any plan we make needs to take that into consideration, too,” Cecily stretched her arms forward to lean on the central table.

“An airstrike,” Brunie repeated. “It’s the only way to _maybe_ keep our people safe, and they don’t expect it. Especially if we use the same planes for transportation first. It’s the only thing we haven’t tried. They’re expecting an infiltration by a small crew now. They’ll be way more careful after losing two of the last K9s they have. We go in, a coordinated attack on all K9s at the same time so they can’t prepare the others. We aim for the head of The Neck. That’s all we really need. Considering we don’t even know what layout to expect, we can’t even prepare properly. The one thing we can count on is for the engine room, or rooms, to be at the top.”

“You make some really good points,” Cecily observed. “Though whatever we end up doing, it’ll be a gamble. But with an airstrike we risk losing aircrafts, and with an infiltration we only…”

“We _only risk_ losing human lives,” Brunie shrugged. She knew what her Colonel meant and she knew this was strategic. It didn’t change the fact that it could have very real consequences on someone’s life. _And the ones they leave behind_.

“We’ll talk to Central Command and try to work on a plan as soon as possible,” Corbin promised. “Keep in mind that I doubt it’ll change the time line in terms of your departure.”

“I better go tell them.” _At least I’ll get to see Mal’s parents,_ Brunie thought. She also thought about Eve’s father, but she pushed that thought away as quickly as it came to her. “Is there anything else?”

“Just…” Corbin was hesitant, “make sure you say proper goodbyes, okay?”

“I always do.” Carmela and Austin came to mind, and the notion that she really did have to spend as much time with them as possible. Especially now. 

“No, B,” Corbin insisted. “Make sure you say a proper goodbye to everyone who needs it from you,” she clarified, as if she could read her subordinate’s mind.

Brunie studied the two women for a few seconds before she nodded, turned and left.

* * *

Eve wasn’t faring much better. She may have promised herself that she wasn’t done fighting, she may have even given the same hope to people who were practically strangers to her, but the truth was that she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t like not knowing what to do. _What happened to the girl with the plan?_ But no matter how hard she thought about it, she felt stuck. _What else can I do?_

She tried logic, she tried a big romantic gesture, she even tried to throw all caution to the wind and kiss the girl she loved. _Thing is, I haven’t actually failed._

She argued that they were great for each other, but Brunie already knew that.

She gave her an amazing gift, and Brunie’s walls went down, somewhat, in return.

She kissed her, and she has been kissed back, with so much passion. _Twice._

This wasn’t some unrequited love. Not in its regular sense.

It was love very much felt by both sides. Except, one side felt that committing to that love would be selfish.

_How can she still think that? I want her all to myself. That makes me selfish, too._

But Eve didn’t believe real love was selfish. _If you are loved, but don’t return that love, that’s one thing. But the actual act of loving someone? With all that you are? That’s not selfish_. It meant always putting someone else first, knowing without a doubt that this person will do the same, so that no one’s feelings are neglected, no one’s well being is not cared for. _Love is compromising. It’s comfort, and adoration and love is safety. Not the being on the receiving end of those things, but on the giving end._

She wanted to give it all to Brunie, and more than that, when she searched Brunie’s eyes she could tell Brunie wanted to give it all to her, too. _So how can it be selfish?_ _Oh, right, because Brunie doesn’t think that by being with me she would be giving me all of that._

That’s what Brunie believed. She believed that her being with Eve would end up making Eve miserable. She thought that being with Eve would mean that Eve wouldn’t be receiving the compromising, adoration and safety.

Eve understood all of that. She understood that Brunie thought that the only one making any compromises would be Eve, choosing to be with a soldier. She understood that Brunie didn’t think she could provide comfort when she was the reason why Eve might need to be comforted. _And safety? God._ Brunie was doing the most unsafe job there was.

But it wasn’t about these technicalities, not for Eve. She felt all of those things when she was with Brunie. She felt comforted and safe. _And fuck, adored, most definitely._ Brunie may not have said much, but her eyes made her an open book, betrayed her time and again.

_But these are her opinions. It’s what she believes in. How do I argue with faith?_

Which was why for two weeks now Eve would go to work, hide in the back room when the troops returned, come home, sit in front of a paper and make a list of pros and cons. Then, every evening she would take the list, open her door to head to Brunie’s quarters and come right back to her own, never reaching her destination.

She went a bit further every day, though.

She knew it wasn’t puppy love. She wanted to know Brunie better than anyone else knew her. Brunie was the person who made her feel liks no one else ever did. _And maybe, just maybe, there’s the future to think about, too._

Still, she knew she couldn’t keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results. It wasn’t her ego she was worried about. It was the fact that trying to convince someone so resistant that they should be together was making her soul sick.

If the other party wasn’t willing to listen, she couldn’t keep pushing. _We’ll end up hating each other._ That was scarier to Eve than being turned down. _Maybe I can deal with the disappointment of us never becoming anything, but I won’t survive us hating each other._

It all made her realize that she only had one more shot at it. She wanted to be prepared. _Maybe the combination of logic, a gesture, and the passion would be the turning point. Maybe._

What she knew for certain was that she’d rather take more time and form the plan she so desperately needed, than to waste that one last shot.

 _I have time_ , she thought.

She didn’t, though, and that, surprisingly enough, might’ve been a good thing.


	33. Chapter 31

Brunie was exhausted. She just informed her unit of what was coming. They all knew this was going to be a huge battle, _the_ battle of their lifetime. Even though they were around when The Resistance finished taking over the coastline, they weren’t as involved in the fighting. Some of them weren’t even Special Forces then. And since the upcoming battle could be the turning point of the war, no other battle mattered as much.This was different, and while there seemed to be general excitement about what it could mean for the future, it also put a damper on their moods. Plain and simple, they were scared, and it hasn’t been that long since they came home from Kentucky, where they lost some friends. 

Each one of them who had somewhere to go, ran home to their loved ones. Time was sacred and it was running out.

On an evening like this, ten days before she was bound to leave, she was truly glad to have dinner with Carmela and Austin. They were her family, all she had left.

_The cooking isn’t bad, either._

Brunie knew she had to break the news to Carmela, and she wasn’t sure how her recently widowed, pregnant best friend would react. Carmela figured something was going on with the West Coast, something that prevented Malik’s parents from attending his funeral, but she didn’t have much to go on.

Brunie wished she could keep enjoying her nice, calm sit-down with two of her favorite people and forget about the rest of the world. Unfortunately, she couldn’t keep the information to herself for much longer.

“Um… Carmela, there’s something I need to tell you.” She was still debating what the best way to approach the subject was.

Carmela stopped mid-chewing, hoping that Brunie will finally come clean about Eve. She’s been looking forward to talk to Brunie about her love interest ever since she met Jordan.

Brunie, totally oblivious to Carmela’s inner excitement, settled on the ‘like a band-aid’ approach. “So… I’m leaving,” she announced, as casual as possible. 

“Leaving? What do you mean leaving?” Carmela was disappointed and confused.

“Mommy, you said never to speak with food in your mouth!” Austin scolded.

“That’s right baby, I did. But your auntie just told me something so unacceptable, that I forgot for a second,” she soothed, caressing his hair. “Where the hell are you going?” Carmela demanded, addressing Brunie again.

“Mommy! You said a bad word!” Austin gasped.

“Yes _, Mommy_ , get a hold of yourself,” Brunie teased, already knowing she’ll miss these moments desperately. Carmela glared and waited for her to provide additional information.

“I can’t say much, Carm, but it’s the West Coast, and it’s big,” Brunie admitted.

“How big?” She received no reply. “Big as in ‘I’m assuming I won’t be back’ big?” But Brunie still refused to speak. Instead, she looked straight into Carmela’s eyes, trying to convey something that Carmela assumed was an apology.

Carmela sighed in defeat. “When are you leaving me?”

“Ten days,” Brunie provided, grim. 

“Wow, that’s soon,” Carmela glanced at her oblivious young boy, eating his dinner happily.

“I told you as soon as I could,” Brunie swore, “I was just told this morning. I promise, I’ll be here as often as I can until then. I should’ve been here for you way more than I was. I’m sorry.”

“Fine. But you have to promise not to D-I-E, because I already decided to name the baby Mallory after Mal, and I _do not_ want to call her Brunie. Am I being clear?”

But Brunie couldn’t make these sorts of promises. “Mallory is a really pretty name, Carm.”

“Well, you’re gonna be godmother, so you better bring your ass back.”

“Mommy!”

“Maybe you should choose someone with better… you know, life expectancy?”

“Look, if you must, I suppose you can always deputize. But you’re already responsible for this one,” she pointed at Austin. “So, tough shit, B.”

“Mommy!”

Brunie burst into laughter. The whole conversation was absurd. “Your mom is awfully naughty, isn’t she?” Brunie started to poke Austin in the stomach which resulted in a group giggle attack.

Eventually, they fell into comfortable silence, with each woman lost in her own thoughts, and Austin building piles with the fries in his plate.

“Hey,” Carmela finally spoke. “Is that why Ali and Sammy couldn’t make it to Mal’s funeral?” she asked. “Is it _that_ huge?”

While much of their work was classified, there was an unspoken understanding among the soldiers that certain things could be shared with their families and loved ones.

“I can’t say much,” Brunie recited the regular sentiment, “but I’ll tell you this – If this goes well, the war will be over sooner rather than later. Not to mention…” she hesitated.

“What?”

“Apparently there’s a new Upperground colony in the works, and success in the West Coast can definitely expedite that.”

“Seriously?” Carmela’s stare scrutinized her. She knew Carmela was curious about her state of mind. Carmela knew all too well what happened the last time Central Command tried to build a colony Upperground.

“Seriously,” Brunie confirmed, looking away.

“Where is it gonna be?” Carmela’s voice was soft, not demanding. She left the control in Brunie’s hands.

“North Carolina,” Brunie stated simply.

“Oh, Brunie…” Carmela tilted her head in sympathy.

“I know.”

“Promise me, no deflecting this time, that you’re gonna do the best you can to come back to us in one piece,” Carmela laced their fingers. “So you can then go home, have a fresh start.”

“Coming back is the plan. It’s always the plan,” Brunie said without realizing what she just agreed to, other than just staying alive.

“This is exciting news,” Carmela smiled. Exciting news were rare.

“Yes. I think so,” Brunie agreed and bit her lip to hide her own smile. This was a talk about the future, and that was always dangerous.

“Hey, I’m sad that you’re leaving, we both are,” she looked at Austin, grateful that he was so easily distracted by food. ”But whatever happens, I’m proud of you,” she squeezed Brunie’s hand.

“Thanks, Carmela, it means a lot,” Brunie was on the verge of tears. This whole dinner was turning her into an emotional wreck, and she didn’t even think about how and if she’ll say goodbye to Eve yet.

Carmela squeezed her hand again, trying to give her best friend as much comfort as possible. _It should be the other way around,_ Brunie thought.

When Brunie wasn’t out on the field, they really tried to stick to their Sunday night dinners. They’ve done it for years, ever since Malik and Carmela got married. Carmela wasn’t going to stop because her husband was gone. Brunie was her family. She was Austin’s auntie and godmother. _We can probably do with a fresh start, too_ , she realized, toying with the idea in her head. She had to believe Brunie would be back. _And then what?_

“I’m going on a plane,” Brunie informed, “so if there’s anything you want me to give to Ali and Sammy…”

“I’ll think about it. I definitely want to find something to send them,” Carmela nodded as if her mind was made. “At the very least a few photos of Austin, and maybe some of his glorious arts and crafts,” she teased, rubbing his hair into a mess.

“Mommy!” he protested, but Carmela took out a box of cream puffs from a plastic back on the table. It was his favorite dessert. He was immediately occupied again.

“Ultrasound photo?” Brunie suggested, stealing a cream puff just from under Austin’s nose.

“Maybe.” It was a good idea. “In the mean time, how about you have Malik’s locket?”

Brunie knew the locket well. It had Carmela and Austin’s photos in it. Brunie took it off his body so Carmela won’t have to. “He would always look at it obsessively when we were away,” Brunie reminisced. “But I can’t take it. I can’t take anything that I can’t promise I’ll be able to bring back to you.”

“Yeah, well, you also need to have a reminder of the family that’s waiting for you back home, so you’re taking it.” She got off the chair and went into the bedroom to retrieve the locket.

She returned a few moments later with the item in hand, and even though it was evident that it was hard for her to depart with it, she passed it to Brunie with a sad smile.

“Are you sure? Because this is not the face of a person who’s sure.”

“I’m sure. I’m just sad, but I’m really, really sure. Come back with it, do you hear me?”

Brunie nodded. “Help me put it on, will ya?” she passed the locket back to the Carmela and turned around.

“Perfect,” Carmela observed once she placed it on Brunie’s neck. She sat back down as Brunie put the locket under her collar, for safe keeping.

“Malik says hi, by the way,” Brunie dared to share. “Please don’t look at me like I’m crazy.”

“Funny,” Carmela smirked, “he said you’d say all of that.”

They exchanged knowing looks. “Some things you really can’t explain, can you?”

“Some things you really can’t,” Carmela agreed.

They enjoyed the peaceful lull, looking at the young boy who was dissecting pastries.

“Are you going to say goodbye to her?” Carmela asked eventually. Her voice was cautious, but determined.

“To whom? Hey, Aus how are the cream puffs? Good, right?”

He gave her a toothy grin and nodded enthusiastically.

“Don’t you play this game with me, Brunie Kaya,” Carmela warned. “And turn my child into a pawn in your nefarious schemes.”

“What’s a pawn?” Austin wondered, looking at Brunie for answers.

“God, how do you even know about this?” Brunie groaned. “Did Mal tell you before we left for Kentucky?”

“What’s a scheme?” Austin looked at his mother.

“A lady can not reveal her sources,” Carmela raised her head in defiance.

“Lady my ass,” Brunie snorted.

“Auntie Brunie said a bad word!” he protested. Everyone around him was misbehaving tonight.

“That’s right, Baby, auntie B has a dirty mouth, too,” Carmela kissed the top of his head.

“Wash with soap?” he proposed.

“You betcha!” Carmela replied with glee. It was enough to satisfy Austin who went back to his dessert. Grownups were a lot of work.

“You are dumb,” Brunie said, quiet, making sure Austin won’t hear them.

“You will not avoid the subject,” Carmela insisted.

“I’m not avoiding the subject, I just honestly don’t know what to do,” Brunie admitted with a grimace.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I feel like yes, I should say goodbye to her. But I also wonder if it won’t make things worse. And how do I even _begin_ to say goodbye to her? I’ve been trying to push her away for months.”

“Did you succeed?” Carmela was curious. She knew how stubborn Brunie could be, but she couldn’t speak for Eve.

“I don’t think it’s possible to keep this girl away from something that she wants,” Brunie stated, trying hard to hide a smile.

“Sounds like a girl after my own heart,” Carmela commented in a sing-song voice.

“You would love her, Carm,” Brunie agreed, a dreamy smile finally appearing on her face. It was impossible to miss.

“Do you?” Carmela challenged, following the display.

Before Brunie could answer, they both heard a little whimper. It was enough to catch their attention.

“Mommy, I don’t feel good,” Austin was on the verge of crying.

“Oh my god, Aus, how many puffs did you eat?”

“Eleven, mommy,” he answered in pain.

“I blame you for this,” Carmela pointed a finger at Brunie.

“Don’t blame me,” Brunie scoffed. “This is the perfect image of child negligence.”

“I’m going to wash him, and make him some tea and put him to bed. You and I are not done here!” Carmela announced.

Brunie knew that fortunately for her, when the young boy felt sick, he was much more needy. That meant she had at least forty -five minutes before her friend came back.

She washed the dishes, left Carmela a note that said “Sorry, Carm. Maybe I can tell you all about my nefarious schemes next time ;)” and left for the night.

* * *

Carmela has been struggling to find a minute to talk to Jordan. It took two days. On the first day, Austin was sick thanks to an excessive amount of cream puffs intake. On that second morning, Austin’ kindergarten held a bake sale, and she had related motherly duties. The fact that her life now revolved around baked goods wasn’t lost on her. But when afternoon came, she had every intention of finding Jordan. She needed to tell him about Brunie’s nearing departure so he could give Eve the heads up. Especially since Carmela suspected Brunie would fail to say her goodbyes.

She went to Main Street, leaving Austin with some more sweets and a babysitter who had specific instructions of when to cut him off. Somehow, Main Street became Jordan and hers’ unofficial meeting spot.

She spotted him right away. “Oh, thank god, there you are.”

As he stood with his back to her, her voice made him jump. “Jesus, Carmela, give a guy a warning! I’m holding a vase here!” he presented the endangered item.

“What are you holding a vase for?” she stared at him, puzzled.

“Well, okay. Technically, I’m _hiding_ behind a vase,” he corrected, seeming guilty for being caught. 

“It doesn’t even hide half of your face,” she noted, unimpressed. “Who would be stupid enough to fall for something like that?” she crossed her arms in defiance.

“This girl,” Jordan pointed at Eve who just entered the street from a side hallway.

“Oh my god, is this Eve? She is stunning!” Carmela was visibly excited to finally see Brunie’s mystery woman.

“Yes, yes. Stunning and so preoccupied these past few days that she’s completely oblivious. I’ve been following her everywhere, hiding behind random objects. Seriously, yesterday I used a banana, Carmela. A banana.” He shook his head as if to say it was a lost cause.

“Why are you even following her?”

He sighed. “Okay, so a while ago she came back from the battlefield, and…”

“Oh,” Carmela interrupted, “I didn’t know she was a field NP.”

“It’s pretty new, and it was her first time out. And I have no idea what happened that night because she wouldn’t say much, but I guess she and Brunie had some sort of a fall out.”

“Oh, shit.”

“What?”

“Well, think about it. With everything you know about Brunie, imagine what it would do to her to have the woman she cares about on the battlefield.”

“She’d freak out?”

“She’d so freak out,” Carmela confirmed.

“Then I’m sure the fact that Eve kinda showed up there by surprise didn’t help matters.”

“Oh, boy.”

“Yes, so… something happened,” Jordan circled back, this time with more insight.

“And now?”

“And now she’s trying to talk to Brunie, and failing. It’s been like two and a half weeks,” he huffed.

“What? Brunie didn’t say anything!”

“Well, I have to say she doesn’t seem like the type who talks much,” Jordan observed.

“Not about these things, no. Not since Marcela.”

“And that’s another thing. Eve has been getting a bit further on her journey to Brunie’s door every day.” He hesitated. “And I get that Brunie is great, and I know she’s your friend, but I feel like Eve has been chasing her, and chasing her and… it’s been so hard on her. She’s my best friend, Carmela. I don’t want her to get hurt.” Carmela nodded. “On the one hand,” he continued, “I’m all for her fighting for what she wants, but on the other… If Brunie doesn’t start reciprocating soon, then… I guess I’m wondering if Eve should stay away,” he admitted. 

“Yeah, well, about that…” Carmela cleared her throat.

“Oh, no. Now what? What is it?”

Carmela understood where Jordan was coming from. If someone was in a position of hurting Brunie, she would be protective, too. But she was hoping beyond hope that Eve won’t give up on _her_ best friend. _Maybe the news will turn out to be a game changer in more ways than one,_ she thought. “Brunie is leaving.”

“What do you mean she’s leaving? Like on a vacation? Can she even do that?” He seemed to consider the unlikely idea.

“No, Jordan. Something big is coming, something huge. Something that… can change all of our lives. She’s headed west. I can’t say much more,” she looked at him with regret. 

“Huh.” He let her words sink in, trying to figure out where to go from there.

“Yeah,” Carmela concurred. The whole situation left a bad taste in her mouth.

“Do we know for how long?” he asked. He was looking for anything to soften the blow.

“I don’t think they can know for sure. But I’m thinking a few months at least, and…”

“What?”

“I don’t think she’s expecting to come back. At all,” Carmela confessed and it was clear that simply uttering the words was causing her a lot of pain.

“Wow, that’s a great attitude,” Jordan scoffed in disapproval.

“Don’t,” she snapped. “You don’t understand how hard this kind of a goodbye is. It is impossible. She’ll do her best to come back, but she’s also trying to be realistic, to come to terms.”

Jordan nodded, accepting the words as truth, accepting that he wasn’t in a position to judge. He wanted a promise that Brunie will do anything in her power to come back to his best friend, but he realized that wasn’t possible, and that the promise wasn’t his to ask for. He also realized that just because Brunie didn’t make any promises didn’t mean she wasn’t going to try her hardest.

“When is she leaving?” he inquired, already fearing the answer.

“Eight days,” Carmela’s face soured.

“Do you think Eve will get to her door by then?” he asked, doubting the possibility of that.

“She might, if she gets a push,” Carmela didn’t aim for subtlety.

He considered the idea and shook his head. “You think I should tell her, but she’ll be devastated.”

“It’s your call, but yes, I think you should,” Carmela offered him a sad smile. “Take it from someone who wishes she had eight more days.”

“What do I do when this all goes badly?” He didn’t mean to speak the words out loud, to Carmela of all people.

“Well, first, you pray like hell that it doesn’t,” she spoke from experience. “And if it does, you’re gonna be there to hug her, until one day she’ll be okay again.”

“How do you do it?” he looked at her in awe.

“I have Brunie and I have Austin. And now I have you, too.”

* * *

The following day found Jordan at Eve’s doorstep. He hoped that talking to her would reveal to him the right course of action.

He was about to knock when he saw that the door was slightly ajar, so he peeked in, wondering what he would find. Eve was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. He entered, shut the door behind him, and sat on the bed next to her. If she noticed anything, she didn’t let on.

“Your open eyes are my only indication that you are not dead,” he teased. When she said nothing he added, “Eve, this is pathetic.”

“I am aware of that,” she acknowledged, voice flat. “I’m also aware that I’ve been a terrible friend to you lately.”

“It’s fine,” he waved her off. Relatively, he thought she was dealing with much more pressing matters. _And she doesn’t even know the half of it._

“It’s not fine,” she insisted, turning to look at him. “You’re always taking care of other people. What about you?”

“Did you at least knock on her door already?” he demanded.

She knew him. When he got like this it was pointless to keep pushing. “I came really close to her hallway a few times,” she looked away, chiding herself.

“You are ridiculous, woman.”

“I know, I know,” she sat up. “I’d just rather take my time. I feel like I only have one more shot at this,” she confessed.

Jordan observed her. He spent the previous twenty-four hours trying to decide whether to tell her about the upcoming departure or not. He knew what was the right thing to do, but he realized that the truth will come with inevitable pain. Looking at Eve now, it was clear to him that if she ever found out he knew and didn’t tell her, she’d kill him. She also deserved a chance to say goodbye. If he was being honest with himself, he knew that Brunie deserved it, too. _Maybe Brunie isn’t strong enough to grant it or ask for it, but Eve might be,_ he thought. He was perplexed by the things that made humans strong at certain junctions in time. Carmela’s words echoed in his head. _If she’ll need me… later, I’ll be here for her._

“Hey,” Eve waved her hand in front of his face, “where did you go just now?”

“I… there’s something I need to tell you,” he licked his lips, dreading the moment.

“Oh, what did you do?” Since they were just talking about Brunie, she assumed that whatever Jordan had to say had something to do with her.

“I didn’t do anything, I swear,” he defended. “It’s just… Look, she’s leaving, okay?” he blurted, ripping the band-aid.

“What do you mean?” She started to feel a weird sensation spreading in the pit of her stomach. She refused to believe the implications until the actual words were out in the open.

“I mean that there’s something big happening on the West Coast, and that she’s going there.”

“Okay, but then she’ll come back, right?” Eve proposed with all the hope she could muster.

“That’s just it, Eve. If she will, it’d take months, but…” he stopped himself. The next part was the hardest.

“But what?” she demanded, voice quiet as she was bracing, knowing what was coming.

“I don’t think she’s planning on coming back.” He was avoiding her gaze. It was uncharacteristic for him, even during their toughest conversations, but he never had to deliver this sort of devastating news before.

“What do you mean she isn’t planning on coming back!” She could deal with a lot, but she couldn’t deal with _this_. She got off the bed, anger building up, and started pacing. “ _I_ **’** _m_ here. She has to be planning on coming back! Or I’m going to kill her!”

Jordan was encouraged by the fact that the information lit a new fire within his friend. _It was either that or her shutting down. This is much preferable._ “I know, I know. But maybe you should tell _her_ that.”

“Oh, I will! This girl is unbelievable. What? She thought she could just leave without telling me? Wait…” she stopped pacing and eyed Jordan suspiciously. “How exactly do you know about all of this?”

“Carmela told me,” he explained. “She thought… I guess she thought that in case Brunie was stupid enough to leave without saying goodbye, you might want the chance to act.”

“When is she leaving?” She feared the answer. She knew Jordan wouldn’t be so burdened if it wasn’t all bad news.

“A week from today,” he grimaced.

“A week! I can’t believe her!” She started pacing again. “After everything we’ve been through! What is she thinking? I’m going to talk to her right now!” she declared and stormed out of the room.

He was baffled that she left him alone in her quarters, again. _I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised anymore._ He got off the bed and just as he was about to leave, Eve reentered the room, shut the door and leaned against it, looking beyond miserable.

“How far?” he asked, voice gentle. 

“Just down the hallway,” she shook her head then banged it weakly against the door in frustration. “Pathetic.”

“Hey now, don’t be too hard on yourself,” he squeezed her shoulder sympathetically, “leave that to me,” he added with a wink. He knew she’ll do what she needed to do, and get to that doorstep eventually.

She was quiet for a few moments, leaning on the door, head fallen back. Then, she looked up and straight into his eyes.

“Are you and Carmela…”

“No,” he cut her off before she even finished the question.

“You answered really quickly,” Eve observed.

“Because I knew you’d ask eventually, but I promise you, I’m being her friend.” Based on his voice she knew he was sincere. “She’s a great friend, seriously. She worries about you, too. And I’m being the cool uncle during those gaps in time when the cool aunt is busy out there, brooding because of her love for you.”

“Did Carmela say that, too?” Eve’s eyes lit in hope.

“The subject was discussed vaguely,” he shrugged, but she took it as a confirmation.

“Just promise me you won’t compromise on the things _you_ want while you try to make everyone else happy,” she begged.

“I promise.”

It was enough for her.

He looked at her. She seemed contemplative.

“Jor…” she finally whispered.

“I know,” he stepped towards her and put a hand on her shoulder again.

“I can’t let her leave without… I can’t…” she was choking on her own words.

“I know, Evester, I know,” he hated to see her like this, but he was more sure than ever that telling her was the right call.

“I have to knock on that door,” she swallowed hard. “I have to.”

“You’ll get there,” he assured and took her in for a hug.

The “being there for Eve” part of his job description was in full swing.


	34. Chapter 32

Eve was beginning to realize that sometimes, even when life-altering moments were in the making, people tended to postpone things until the very last moment. _It’s not smart_ , she knew, _it’s most definitely not serving the purpose_ , but people can’t help themselves or force themselves to approach the matter any differently, _no matter how hard we try._

And she did. She really did. Every night, for five nights in a row, she tried to reach Brunie’s doorstep. The urgency of the looming departure added to her resolve, and she actually reached that door every single night.

She just didn’t knock.

She wasn’t sure why. _Maybe as long as she doesn’t turn me down this one final time I can at least always tell myself we could’ve been something._ If Brunie said no and then left, that was it. Eve knew she would have nothing to hold on to, and that she’ll never get another shot.

_Maybe I just don’t want to say goodbye… maybe I can’t._

She had no way of knowing, of course, that Brunie was experiencing the exact same predicament. Every evening she went to Eve’s room, planning on knocking on her door, but she just couldn’t. Some nights they happened to not even be in their own quarters while the other woman was standing outside, since they were at the other woman’s doorstep instead.

On that very last night before Brunie had to leave, however, Eve was standing outside her door, trying to work up the nerve to knock, while Brunie sat inside, trying to convince herself to go and talk to Eve.

 _Maybe it’s for the best_ , Brunie thought. _I waited for too long. Tonight would be the worst possible timing. Maybe it’ll just be easier this way._

Just as she was trying to figure out if she was lying to herself or not, she heard the knock and she knew right away. She was so sure, that she practically leaped off her bed and swung the door open.

When her suspicion was confirmed, a radiating smile appeared on her face. A smile which was lost on the other woman who was operating on autopilot.

“Just hear me out,” Eve ordered and stormed into the room, not looking at Brunie for fear that she won’t say the things she was there to say. “I’d really prefer losing something I actually had, than have nothing to begin with.”

“Eve…” Brunie tried. She wasn’t entirely sure how to respond, but it didn’t really matter because Eve wasn’t quite ready to listen just yet.

“Give me one night,” Eve finally got to the point, “give me tonight.” She looked into Brunie’s eyes, hoping she sounded as if she was asking rather than begging.

“Tonight is probably the worst night you could’ve picked,” Brunie pointed out, knowing that it was true. She was so happy to see Eve one last time, but now that the other woman was there, Brunie wasn’t sure it was the best idea. But it didn’t matter. Because whether she realized it or not, she was already convinced. She was just waiting for Eve to come to her, to give her the final okay.

“But it might be all I got. All _we_ got,” Eve countered, saying what they were both thinking. She could see Brunie’s struggle clear on her face. Brunie must’ve figured it out, because she looked away when the stare became too intense.

“Look at me, please,” Eve pleaded. Her tone was soft. “I know there’s no one else,” she admitted, offering Brunie a loving smile. It wasn’t self -boasting, it was a happy admission. “So if you’re gonna be with anyone at all, and you really, really should, because you deserve to be loved, that someone is me.”

“Eve, I’m just trying to do the right thing,” Brunie reminded quietly, not really sure what that right thing was anymore. _Help me do the right thing_. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Wanna do the right thing? Let me help you with that.” Her voice was so steady, it made Brunie wonder if Eve could read her mind. Eve took a step forward, invading Brunie’s space completely, knowing that she’s offering, but that this time Brunie had to do the taking.

Brunie couldn’t stand the closeness anymore. Every part of her body and mind was calling for Eve. The hairs on her forearms and the back of her neck stood, goosebumps spread across her biceps and she shuddered. She grabbed Eve by the waist and pulled her roughly into a kiss, the first one that she initiated.

She wasn’t just an accomplice anymore, she was a transgressor. There was no going back from that, there was no more denying, not when they poured so much need, want and longing into the kiss. Eve came over for a very specific reason. They both knew that, and for a change, they were both okay with it.

It was happening. They were happening, _and it feels so good_ , Eve thought as she felt a tongue slips into her mouth. A small part of her still feared that Brunie would change her mind again, but with body temperatures rising quickly, there was no way they could stop. There was no way they’d want to stop.

Brunie struggled to break the kiss, just for a moment, just to search Eve’s eyes and make sure this was what Eve wanted. When she found nothing but certainty, and what she assumed was the feeling she herself refused to acknowledge out loud, she leaned in for another kiss and started unbuttoning Eve’s shirt. When she was done, she studied the woman in front of her. Eve was standing there, still with her bra on, still wearing trousers, but it was already more than Brunie ever allowed herself to imagine.

“You are gorgeous,” she stated, shaking her head in disbelief. Eve leaned in to capture her lips again, unaware that she was blushing at the compliment. She put her hands on the hems of Brunie’s shirt and was just about to lift it when she started giggling.

“What?” Brunie asked, breathless, “why are you laughing?”

“Nothing, nothing,” the other woman soothed, not wanting to hurt Brunie’s feelings. “It’s just…” she giggled again, “this penguins’ pajamas” she tilted her head and bit her lip. “Don’t you have any other pajamas?”

“I just washed it!” Brunie defended and pouted, which triggered another fit from Eve. “It’s clean! I promise!” Brunie put a hand on her chest, as if to vow. Eve really didn’t care. The clothes were about to go anyway. But when she couldn’t stop laughing, Brunie added, “I also have ones of tigers and ones of Giraffes.”

“You do?” Eve smiled widely. “That’s adorable. But I’m sure these will be my favorites. I love ‘em.”

“Enough to leave this shirt on?” Brunie flirted, challenge in her voice.

“Absolutely not!” Eve protested and leaned in to speak into Brunie’s ear. “Because I have no doubt that I’m gonna love what’s underneath it the most.” She finished her torture by taking Brunie’s earlobe into her mouth and sucking on it.

Brunie moaned, and Eve used this momentary distraction to put her hand flat on Brunie’s stomach, underneath the pajama shirt.

“You feel really, really good,” she said into Brunie’s ear again.

“You are gonna be the end of me,” Brunie closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around Eve’s naked hips. _Not a bad way to go._

“One can only hope,” Eve smirked, victorious. “Now, can we take this to bed, please?”

“Whatever you want,” Brunie didn’t even hesitate. “Tonight, if you want it, it’s yours.” She leaned in, trying to convey with a kiss every single nuanced thing she felt, all the things she couldn’t say.

She pushed Eve backwards until they reached the bed. She fell on top of Eve, and one look told her everything she needed to know. They were ready to lose themselves in each other completely.

* * *

Two hours later found them lying in bed, quietly, comfortably, wrapped in one another.They were staring at each other, realizing almost at the exact same time that they couldn’t stop smiling. Every now and then one of them rubbed soothing patterns on the other’s arm or back.

Everything that transpired was beyond what either had expected. Their mutual attraction was one thing, but their feelings for one another added so much weight to the experience.

 _I have to find a way to come back to this,_ Brunie thought. _I have to_. She needed Eve, but Eve needed her, too.

Brunie couldn’t believe how moved she was by what they shared. How much she cherished it and how special it was to her. It was like a secret, too. It was only theirs. _No one else belongs in this moment._ The thought made her heart flutter.

She had gotten so used to losing herself in other girls, just for a night, just for a fleeting second, and then she’d wake back up to reality. _I never want to wake up from this_. She was changed for good. She knew she’ll never be with anyone else, now that she knew what being with Eve felt like. _Eve…_

Eve was on cloud nine. A feeling of serenity washed all over her. She was trying hard not to think about the following morning that was fast approaching, or what came next.

For the first time in her life, she got to experience what it was like to share her whole being with the person she was in love with. She wasn’t sexually inexperienced. She just never had a chance to be like that with someone who meant so much to her. And though Brunie hasn’t said the words, and Eve understood how afraid Brunie must be to say them before she had to leave, Eve also knew the truth. She felt it in the way Brunie touched her. _Tonight she loved me._

Eve couldn’t get enough of the other woman, and based on the way Brunie was looking at her, she suspected they weren’t done. But there was also the part of her that wanted to make sure Brunie was well rested. She had a long journey ahead of her starting the following day. The last thing Eve wanted was for Brunie to be unfocused. She needed her Captain grounded and back in one piece.

She put her hand on Brunie’s cheek and started caressing it with her thumb. Brunie closed her eyes and leaned into the touch, humming. She opened them a few moments later and gave Eve a sleepy grin.

“Aren’t you tired? Shouldn’t we go to sleep?” Eve offered in concern.

“Nuh uh.” Brunie pushed herself up, leaned on her elbow and kissed Eve’s forehead. She took another moment to smile at the woman before she pulled away and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” Eve whined.

Brunie turned around, peeking over her shoulder, her back completely bare, giving Eve the kind of view she had no intention complaining about. “I wanna show you something,” Brunie stated, her tone making it clear that she was up to no good. She kept walking until she reached the wall and put her hand into some sort of a crack within it. She pulled out a rope that Eve hadn’t notice before.

Eve was following Brunie’s movements when she realized that the rope was connected to a hidden hatch up in the ceiling. She sat up immediately. It was so well disguised with paint that if she hadn’t traced the rope with her eyes she could’ve easily missed it.

Brunie grinned when she saw the questioning look on Eve’s face. She pulled the rope to open the hatch. It was a clear night out, and Eve’s eyes widened when she saw the stars through what was essentially a window in the ceiling.

“How…? What…?” she tried, dumbstruck.

Brunie chuckled and rejoined her in bed. She kissed Eve’s cheek and nuzzled her nose in Eve’s neck. “Okay, this is a secret. But a real one,” she warned. “As in ‘I can get in trouble and demoted for this’ kind of secret. Not the ‘oh, I’m actually a field NP and allowed on the Upperground and forgot to tell you’ kind. So you can’t ever tell anyone about this, okay? If I ever come back, I want to still have my job.”

“ _When_ you come back,” Eve corrected. Brunie nodded, but said nothing. “How did you…?” Eve tried again, but once more, the awe prevented her from finishing the question.

“You’re not the only one who wanted to see the stars,” Brunie’s voice was reminiscent. “Difference is, I remember seeing them when I was a kid, so I knew what I was missing. _Which made it worse_ , she thought and then it hit her – _I’d rather lose something I had than have nothing to begin with._ “So I made this,” she gestured. “And it helps me think sometimes. I just need to listen to the walkie and make sure no one is up there around the time I open it. I mean… since I know most of what’s going on up there, it’s not entirely tricky,” Brunie smirked.

Eve looked up again. She couldn’t get over the fact that she was naked in bed, with the woman she loved, watching the stars. 

“You’re just stalling, you know. You didn’t actually answer the ‘how’ part,” she pointed out, eyes up all the while.

Brunie chuckled and shook her head. “Okay. So when I got promoted to first lieutenant, I got to choose new quarters in this higher level of the compound. More spacious. You know, one of the many perks,” she winked.

“Right.”

“Little did they know that I’d also abuse my access to the blueprints of the compound, to decide based on actual architectural facts what would be the perfect place.”

Eve’s smile grew as she was listening to Brunie’s recount.

“I guess this place must’ve been a dump chute for garbage years ago, or maybe an entrance that was sealed, because I saw this dead space in the prints. The construction workers, or the architects, or whomever was in charge of this area must’ve just blocked it with some drywall because I… well, Malik and I… just broke right through it.”

“Shoddy craftsmanship!” Eve snorted.

“And thank god for that! Mal and I made _a lot_ of noise that day, but everyone just thought I was taking forever to build a dresser!”

Eve burst into a hearty laughter.

Brunie chose to mock-imitate some random bystander. “’Oh, Brunie Kaya, she’s so gifted but she can’t build furniture to save her life.’” She shook her head. “Such bullshit. I put together everything in here _and_ in Mal’s living room. Meanwhile he sat down with a beer in his hand and watched me at work.”

Eve couldn’t stop laughing. Brunie was fun and playful. She liked this. She liked them. Enjoying each other’s company, almost entirely careless and free, sitting naked in bed and laughing. _This could be us all the time_ , she thought.

“And the thing is, it also opens to… nothing in particular up there,” Brunie pointed upwards. “It’s one of those dead zones that are somewhere between entrances and watch towers, or some other storage facilities or whatnot. I know it sounds too good to be true, but still.”

Eve realized something then. “Why didn’t you just bring me here instead of us going Upperground and risking getting caught?”

“Come to my bedroom and let me show you the stars?” Brunie quirked an eyebrow.

“Right. It does sound pretty bad,” Eve agreed.

“Plus, we just met. It was like our first date,” Brunie shrugged.

“So you admit it was a date!” Eve announced in triumph.

Brunie seemed amused, but said nothing.

“So let me get this straight. Instead of taking me to your bedroom, where oh, so many girls have been before, you didn’t know me well enough, so you chose to take me to the place you tell no one about?” Eve was fishing, they both knew it, but it didn’t matter.

“Yes,” Brunie deadpanned. She leand in so she could speak quietly into Eve’s ear. “And I think we both know that no other girl has ever been in this room.” She kissed the soft spot under Eve’s ear. She put her arm around Eve’s stomach and pulled them back down to the mattress, so they could watch the starts more comfortably. They relished in the peaceful silence for a few moments.

“Why did we wait for so long to do this?” Eve asked eventually, a hint of sadness in her voice. _Now we’re out of time._

“You didn’t wait for anything,” Brunie reminded. “I was waiting. I didn’t even realize I was waiting. I thought this wasn’t going to happen at all,” she confessed.

“Why?” Eve asked.

But no matter how many times she thought she understood, she simply couldn’t. Brunie knew that, was frustrated by it, so she kept quiet and turned her face towards the sky again.

“I get it,” Eve said.

“What?”

“I…” She took a deep breath. She knew her next words could potentially ruin everything. “I know about Marcela,” she admitted. As long as she kept it to herself she felt like she was lying to Brunie. She wanted everything out in the open before Brunie left.

“Oh,” Brunie didn’t know what to say. Aside from the fact that Eve knew, and not because Brunie chose to tell her, the whole night has been just about the two of them. Now, all of a sudden, Eve brought someone else in. A third wheel, a ghost. The kind that made Brunie rethink the entire evening’s events. She didn’t like it, but she didn’t know what to do about it.

“You’re afraid of inflicting this kind of pain on someone else. You were trying to stay away,” Eve stated. Brunie didn’t reply, but she didn’t look away this time, either. “You were lonely,” Eve continued, “and you wanted a friend. But what you got was me. And I don’t want to be your friend.”

 _I don’t want to be your friend either_ , Brunie thought. She captured Eve’s lips in a tender kiss. _If I’m ever back, we can talk about this some more._ She wrapped her arms around Eve, and they both drifted to sleep.

* * *

Later that night, Brunie woke up from a nightmare. She didn’t remember what it was about. She didn’t remember her dreams most times, but she had an idea or two as to what they entailed. She saw the hatch was still open and got up to close it. She turned around and had a chance to watch the woman sleeping in her bed. Eve seemed peaceful and content, like she belonged in there. _I made her look like that, even if just for the time being,_ Brunie thought. And with everything that was about to go down, that notion made her heart full. She joined Eve in bed, kissed her neck and went back to sleep next to the woman whom she knew she loved with every fiber of her being.


	35. Chapter 33

Brunie woke up the following morning, a smile adorning her face the moment she recalled the events of the previous night. But the joy was short lived. The moment she realized Eve wasn’t next to her, she panicked.

_Did she regret last night? Did I mess up and let this go too far?_

But the panic, too, was short lived, because a second later, when Brunie sat up to look around the room, she found Eve through the open door to the bathroom. Eve was standing by the sink, scrubbing Brunie’s uniform.

“Don’t you have work?” She croaked and startled the other woman.

“I took the day off,” Eve provided with an easy smile.

“Washing my uniform? How very... domestic.”

“I want you to go into battle in clean uniforms,” Eve shrugged.

“Not sure it's gonna make a difference, but I do appreciate the sentiment,” Brunie hummed.

Eve winked, put the uniform in the dryer, and approached the bed, joining Brunie under the covers. She gave Brunie a quick peck on the lips, as if to reaffirm that what happened between them was real. She then continued to stare at Brunie intently.

“What?” Brunie asked in confusion, head still spinning after a tiny kiss.

“So, um… last night…”

“Yes?” She was praying that Eve wasn’t going to say that it shouldn’t have happened.

“I… do you regret it?”

_Of course,_ Brunie thought. _Of course Eve would have this fear, too._ Brunie gave her every reason to. “Eve…”

“It’s just…” she looked at Brunie long and hard, as if she knew the next words to come out of her mouth could shatter the world. “I don’t know how to compete with a dead girlfriend,” she blurted, her face growing red almost immediately.

Brunie bore into her, horrified. “What…”

“What I meant to say is that it’s the perfect love story! You never felt out of love, and you never will! How can _anyone_ compete with that?”

Brunie looked away from her, seething. _How did we get here? How did this bubble burst so unbelievably fast?_ “Trust me,” she spat. “You do not want to compete with that. And it’s the _opposite_ of a perfect love story.” She refused to look at Eve.

“I…” Eve tried. She took a deep breath and spoke in a shaky voice. “I’m _sorry_. I know I do this. I know I try to say one thing, I know I hear it clearly in my head, and then it comes out so twisted, so insensitive. The last thing I ever want is to cause you pain, and I did just that,” she shook her head, clearly furious with herself.

But the sincerity was enough to open a crack, to bring Brunie back to her, even if ever so cautiously.

“What _did_ you want to say?” Brunie tried. “What was going on in this head of yours?” She was still mad, but she recognized the distress. Distress was an old friend and Brunie knew that Eve had her fair share of loss, of abandonment. She realized she could either turn her back on the whole thing, on them, chalk it all up to a momentary lapse in judgement, or she could give in, not just her body, but her heart, and listen.

“You’re leaving,” Eve stated, she was afraid to speak, and Brunie could tell.

“Yes, and? We knew that yesterday.”

“And… what if this is all this was? What if you’re just…”

“I’m just what?” Brunie’s tone wasn’t demanding, not when Eve’s struggle was unraveling right in front of her eyes.

“What if this happened because you’re heading off to something with crazy high stakes? You don’t even believe you have a future,” Eve’s voice cracked. “What do we look like when you’re back? When this thing isn’t hanging over your head? What if we only work when… when we think we can’t work?” She released a breath. She knew this was the best she could do. She was waiting for the devastating blow to follow.

“Is that what you think this was? Is that what you think _you_ are? To me?” _Again, you didn’t give her much of a reason to think otherwise_ , the voice in that back of her head told her. _Malik?_

Eve looked away, because part of her thought exactly that.

“What do we look like when I come back?” Brunie repeated the question. She put her hand on Eve’s cheeck, forcing the other woman to look at her. “You’re the first person in a very long time who makes me want to stick around and find out,” she confessed.

“You mean that?”

Brunie nodded. “I…” but she couldn’t. She didn’t know why, but she just couldn’t say it. _Not yet_. “You are everything,” she settled. It wasn’t the full scope of what she felt, but she hoped it’d be enough.

Eve stared at her, surprised. It may have not been a love declaration but it was full of intent. She smiled, for just a moment, before her face got all serious. Decisive was the word that came to Brunie’s mind.

“What now?” Brunie asked with a chuckle, thinking that they were mastering those lingering, somewhat contemplative looks.

Eve bit her lip.

“You can tell me,” Brunie encouraged. “I don’t want you to be afraid of talking to me.”

“I’ve heard rumors at the infirmary, B.” Eve kept talking, not noticing that her use of the shortened name for the first time made Brunie grin. “Things are coming. I mean, it sounds like a whole new world is coming.”

“Disney,” Brunie blurted.

“What?”

“Never mind, please keep going without additional interruptions, promise.”

“Anyways, in this new world, you're gonna be someone who really matters. Like, _really_ matters. You’re gonna make so much difference. And… you're gonna need someone to stand by your side, to put you in your place when you need it, and we both know you’ll need it. To knock some sense into you, and… I can be that someone. I really _want_ to be that someone. Let me be that someone,” she concluded her pitch with a hopeful smile, praying that the emotional confession won’t backfire. _You basically just offered her forever. Eventually._

“All of that assuming I'll make it through this thing,” Brunie licked her lips.

“I’m serious, Brunie.” She poured her heart out. She wasn’t in the mood for a joke.

“So am I, Eve,” Brunie replied in a small voice. This was tearing her apart. She was deeply touched by what Eve offered. She _wanted_ what Eve offered, but she was headed to the greatest battle of her life. Optimism was nice to a point, but she didn’t want Eve to plan this future for them when she didn’t even know if she’d ever see her again.

“Look, nothing is ever perfect,” Eve pointed out. “You just need to find your favorite imperfection, and I think we more than qualify.”

“Oh, in that case, by all means, let’s get married right away. Then, if I die you’ll get great benefits,” Brunie suggested in feigned excitement.

“Shut up!” Eve scolded, but she really couldn’t stay upset with Brunie for too long. The woman was saying goodbye, Eve realized. She didn’t like it, but she understood Brunie had to go through that process or she won’t be able to do her job. _She needs a sense of finality._

Brunie gave her another quick peck and finally got out of bed.

“I really need to get going,” she mentioned regretfully and walked into the bathroom. She took the clothes out of the dryer and started to get dressed. “Thanks for this, it was really sweet,” she said and Eve nodded softly. “You can stay, if you want,” Brunie offered, thinking that maybe Eve will find some comfort in that. She also thought it would make things easier for them if they said their goodbyes in the intimacy of the room in which they shared themselves with one another. This was where she wanted to remember them. But she knew Eve won’t settle for that.

Eve nodded again as Brunie finished putting on her uniform. They looked at each other, but neither would speak. They both thought this might be the last time they saw one another, even though Brunie suspected she’d see Eve once more before she left. She couldn’t be entirely sure, though. Regular routines weren’t relevant when circumstances were extreme. Still, they were both afraid of additional physical contact which could make the whole sepration harder, so they gave up on it entirely in an unspoken agreement. There was something else though, something that Eve almost desperately wanted, needed to hear.

“I know you think it's selfish to say it to me right now, but consider this – in case you really don’t come back, is it better left unsaid?”

_I can’t,_ Brunie thought. _Not like this._ Part of it _was_ the thought of a possible death, of saying it and then making the potential loss so much greater.

She walked slowly towards the door, and, to Eve’s disappointment, was about to leave. But then she turned around. “I watched you,” she informed, to Eve’s confusion. “That first night? When you were looking at the stars on the ceiling after we said goodnight? I watched you, and then you left, and then I drew that moon. That’s how I did it,” she explained, answering a long forgotten question.

Eve knew it was the best she would get. Brunie was pretty much telling her that she always mattered. If that had to be the only declaration she managed to get, it wasn’t entirely bad.

They smiled at one another, the moment bittersweet, then Brunie vanished through the doorway.

* * *

It was almost noon when Brunie was standing in front of her men for her usual roundup speech. Except this wasn’t one of her usual round up speeches. Some of their peers were already making their way west on ships. She was left with the few who were to either travel using aircrafts, or use the Underground network of tunnels.

Brunie was trying to choose her words carefully. She spent a few days deliberating whether or not to write things down, but she didn’t think it would be a great show of confidence if she did. Instead, she decided to share what was on her mind. She spoke slowly, giving herself a chance to not stumble.

“I know this is your job,” she started, “so I know that you’re technically paid to be here. But I _also_ know that you are here because you make the choice to be here, every single day, over and over again. You could’ve quit at any time, make a living doing something else, but you never did. And so, even though we never talk about these things out loud, today I wanted to let you choose again. Know that you can and should choose all over again… to be here. We’re all different from one another. None of us have the exact same things to lose as the others. We leave behind different things. But… we are a family, and we are never judgmental, and I mean it. I’m not saying it for the sake of the cliché. There’s a real choice to be made here, because I need you to understand that while it’s true that every battle holds the chance of not coming back, this one’s different. This… is the greatest battle either of us has ever taken a part in. I’ve never led you into something like this, and while I vow to you to do everything within my power to get all of us back here in one piece, you also know I never make promises I can’t keep. I’m going into this wanting to come back, but not expecting to. I’ve made my peace with it, I’ve accepted it, I made my choice. Now, it’s your turn, because it’s the last chance you get. If anyone wants to stay, this is when you make that choice.”

She waited a short while, but no one moved. Not only did they not move, they didn’t even flinch. She knew they wouldn’t. Every single one of them believed in their cause. Those who were in it for the thrill quit long ago.

It was true. They didn’t all have the same backgrounds. Some had kids, some were newlywed, some were single, but they all believed in what they were doing. The family men knew they were shaping a better future for their children. Though they chose to go to battle, to them it was a manifestation of putting their families first, actively.

“Good,” Brunie continued, “so now that I got your attention,” she teased, making her audience chuckle, “let’s discuss what’s about to happen in a bit. So first, you get your very last chance of saying goodbye, so if I were you I’d make sure nothing is left unsaid.” _Look whose talking._ “Then,” she willed her mind to shut up, “you’ll come back here and gear up. Myself, Oz and the thirty chosen few are taking the planes.” Some of the guys who were to travel by ground booed.

“Sorry, fellas,” she smiled, smug, “but I travel in style.” They all knew she hated air travel, but driving for days meant being exhausted before the fighting even begun. “The rest of you assholes are gonna go up, take the humvees all the way to the Oklahoma border, and only there will you downgrade to the Underground. I’ll see you all in about five days, so we can cause some mayhem. Questions?”

No one spoke. They’ve been getting debriefed for days now, they were ready.

“Good. Because I really want to get this show on the… air, in my case,” she smirked and Oz snickered.

“I want to thank you one last time for showing up today,” she started to wrap up. She had one more big announcement to make. “We’re gonna be joined by the rest of our brothers and sisters in about a week. It’s gonna be confusing and chaotic, but it’s gonna change everything. I asked and was granted the permission to tell you today that in the upcoming few months Central Command is creating a new Upperground colony, in North Carolina.”

Everybody gasped. Not only was this a huge step, but they also knew about Brunie’s parents. Her telling them about these news, and furthermore, her being excited about it, almost felt like coming full circle.

“I was afraid at first, I’m sure that’s what you’re all thinking,” a few of them nodded, “but I’ve seen the movements in the last few months. Our little… stint… in Kentucky, made a huge difference, and this? This will be a game changer. Again, I don’t like to make promises I can’t keep, so let me just say what I believe. I believe that we will get to live on the Upperground again in our lifetime. I believe it with every fiber of my being,” she concluded and the guys started to cheer and clap loudly.

Corbin and Cecily were standing behind a one way mirror, watching them. Brunie didn’t need to see them to know they were there. She could feel their presence. She could also feel they had her back.

“So, there’s a new… old exciting world waiting for us out there. And we can make it our own. And again, no cliché intended, but it starts right here and right now. Are you ready?”

They all cheered again.

“Clean barrel!” she called.

“Clear break!” they all shouted.

“Let’s do this.”

* * *

The guys left to say their goodbyes, came back and were now gearing up, preparing for departure.

Brunie found an empty room and took a moment to clear her head and double check that she had everything she needed. She made sure she was wearing the locket Carmela gave her.

Eve came into the room quietly and leaned on the door frame. Brunie heard her and turned around. They locked eyes.

“I wasn’t sure I’ll see you again before I leave,” Brunie tried to figure out the unreadable expression on Eve’s face. But Eve remained silent and kept starring at Brunie, as if her words depended on what Brunie had to say next. “But then again, you always come to say ‘bye, just in case.’” A soft smile appeared on Brunie’s face.

“What?” Eve was confused, she didn’t realize she’s been caught all these times.

“You do. You always come, before I leave. You pretend to check the medical supplies, or hide behind a wall or something, but really, you come to say ‘bye, just in case.’” She was trying to tell Eve that she understood, that it was okay. Each one of them had their little ceremonies they had to go through in order to cope.

And still, Eve said nothing. She didn’t know how to say goodbye, maybe forever, to the person that she loved.

“I wish you’d just say it, then,” Brunie blurted. She needed to go, but now she needed at least a few more words. Maybe to savor Eve’s voice, maybe to know that Eve understood that this was most likely the end of something.

“Say what?” Eve knew, but she couldn’t, so she pretended.

“Bye, just in case,” Brunie repeated. She thought she could actually feel her heart tightening.

Eve looked her straight in the eye. The truth was that she wasn’t sure what she came there to say. She thought that she just needed to see Brunie one last time. _You clearly want to say something. You made sure to get noticed this time._ She knew Brunie was right, and she did want to say something. She realized that just like she knew certain things without Brunie having to say them, Brunie knew things about her as well. She took a deep breath. “Bye, B. Just in case,” she fulfilled Brunie’s request with a heavy heart.

Brunie stepped towards the door to leave. She was ready, and she needed to know she was going forward focused on the mission. _Except maybe this one last thing_. She turned to look at Eve over her shoulder.

“I know that I’m yours,” she admitted quietly. “I know that my heart is yours. Even if things are hard, even if we’re not actually together, even if we’ll never get to be. Just know that… I don’t want anyone else either.” 

They shared an intense look, letting the words linger, their eyes spoke of raw emotions. Brunie did her best to make sure Eve understood, and then she finally turned again and left.

Eve did understand. She heard Brunie loud and clear.


	36. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to part 3. We're now 2/3 in, gearing towards our final shenanigans.

** Part 3 **

It wasn’t a long flight, but it was long enough for Brunie to get lost in her own world. She thought about Eve. Eve’s lips, and touch and scent. She thought about how good and kind Eve was, haunted in her own way, which didn’t stop her from being funny, and sometimes clueless, yet smart, and curious, with a tendency to ramble. _And to think she hardly said a word the day we met. She was right back then. She does talk a lot_. The thought made her smile. _I love all of this about her. I love her._ All Brunie wanted was to go back and lose herself in all of that, emotionally, physically, forever.

 _Snap out of it,_ she chided herself. It wasn’t just about her anymore. She had people who relied on her. Eve was home. Eve was safe. Eve was in a place Brunie might never get to see again. Brunie’s reality was here and now and in what was about to unfold.

“You okay, boss?” Oz asked, hesitant. He was sitting next to her on a bench.

They used to talk. Not like she talked to Malik, but still. There was no doubt something shifted since he became her second, and he was still walking on eggshells around her sometimes.

“Stop it, Ozy Oz.” she ordered, offering him a knowing grin. His words awakened her from her day dream, and that may have been a blessing. “Stop being so cautious around me. It doesn’t suit you.”

He nodded, still not sure where they were headed, as a team, as friends. “I know you didn’t want this,” his voice was quiet, humble, “but I’m all you got, and…”

She put her hand on his arm and squeezed it, stopping him.

“Any commander would be lucky to have you as a second,” she stated. “All I got? You are everything I need. Smart, intuitive, devoted, caring, brave. Don’t forget, you come with extra features,” she winked. “And… you saved my life,” she looked him straight in the eye. She never thanked him for all he did for her the day Malik died.

“You saved mine numerous times,” he scoffed.

“Yes, but your save is more recent, and it’s not a competition,” she smirked.

“I’m no Malik,” he blurted, genuinely concerned that he didn’t have what it takes, and he was about to lead people into the battle of their lives.

“No. No one is Malik,” she agreed and his face fell, “but no one is Oz, either,” she elbowed him playfully, making him listen closely. “Look,” she continued, “I should’ve told you a long time ago how happy I am to have you by my side. I was so preoccupied and lost, and I’m truly sorry for that,” she admitted. “You are an amazing friend, a talented soldier, I trust you with my life, and I’m honored to lead these people by your side.”

“Oh, B, don’t get all soft on me now,” he mocked, but she could’ve sworn she saw a mild blush spreading on his face.

“Shut up.” She commanded and they fell into a comfortable silence. They knew it was a much needed breakthrough. “I mean it though, Oz. And I need to know that you know that. This is a partnership. Yes, we all have each other’s backs, but beyond that, you and I? All we have is each other out there. I need you to believe me when I tell you all of these things. I need you to be honest with your opinions, even if you think I’m wrong. You’re here, among other reasons, to balance me. It’s your duty to speak up. Okay?”

“Okay,” he confirmed, his tone indicating that he words truly landed. 

“And you believe and accept everything I just told you?” she had to make sure. She couldn’t have a second who was full of self doubts.

“With all my heart, Captain,” he promised.

“That’s a good boy,” she patted his shoulder. “Now, I’m gonna take a nap. Didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Oh, sure. I’m sure you were very excited… about the battle,” he offered her a lopsided grin, and when she stared at him in shock, he turned away and leaned on the wall to attempt his own nap.

 _What have I done? I’ve created a monster_ , she thought. _Malik would’ve been so proud._

She took a deep breath, leaned on the wall, and closed her eyes.

* * *

A few hours later, the exhausted Captain got off a second plane in L.A., hardly believing that she started her day in bed with a gorgeous woman. She scolded herself for letting her mind drift again.

But a moment later she looked up and released a cry of joy, as she ran into the open arms of the older woman who was waiting just for her.

“Samiah,” Brunie sighed in content, holding the woman tightly and letting herself be held in return. It was a rarity for her to let someone else take care of her. The people who had that privilege were very few, and with Malik gone, and Carmela, Corbin, Cecily and now Eve being far away, there were even fewer.

“I missed you so much,” Brunie squeezed harder, not letting go of the other woman who was smiling fully, enjoying the moment herself.

“I missed you too, dear. Now let me look at you,” Samiah pulled away from the embrace to give Brunie the once over. It made Brunie feel like she was a child again. “Are you eating enough?” the older woman inquired in a stern voice, “you look too skinny.”

“Leave the girl alone, Sammy,” a man showed up by Samiah’s side. “She just got here and she must be exhausted.”

Brunie’s smile grew bigger. “Alerio!” she squealed and jumped into his arms.

“Hey, kid,” Alerio grinned and enveloped her.

“Wow, I guess now we know who’s your favorite,” Samiah teased.

“Oh, stop it, Sammy,” he chuckled, not letting go of Brunie. “This little one practically sprinted through this hangar to get to you.”

Brunie beamed at the two bickering people who were her second set of parents, and then it hit her. “Oh no.”

“What is it, kid?” Alerio had a guess, but he wasn’t sure he was ready for her to bring it up. He didn’t know how his wife would react, either. But now Brunie was there, and whenever they saw her she was usually accompanied by…

“Oz! I totally forgot about Oz!” Brunie groaned, guilt-ridden. She just gave the man a lecture about how important he was to her, and a few hours later she storms off to the company of Malik’s parents, leaving him orderless and behind.

 _And then there’s the Malik issue. Shit_. She turned around to find Oz. he was standing by the plane, helping to unload equipment in total ease. _He’s already balancing me_.

“Hey, guys,” she turned back to the older couple, “I have so much to tell you and, um… we have things to discuss.” They nodded at her in silence, knowing they couldn’t avoid the subject forever. Their son was dead, they couldn’t even attend his funeral, and Brunie was the last person to talk to him. “Plus, Carm gave me some stuff to give you.” _At least that’s something to look forward to._

“How is my grandson?” Samiah inquired, a sparkle in her eyes.

“He is so, so great,” Brunie grinned. “Looks more and more like Mal every day. He’s totally addicted to cream puffs.”

They all chuckled.

“Maybe when you head back I can send them some homemade goodies?” Samiah offered, hopeful.

“Yeah, maybe,” Brunie forced a smile, but her tone wasn’t as cheerful, and they knew her well enough to notice and to know what it meant.

“Hey, kid, think you can ditch these guys and come over for dinner tonight?” Alerio proposed.

“I’ll try my best, Ali,” Brunie leaned into his side. “The rest of the guys will be here in about a week, but we have so much prep to do. I’ll do the best I can to see you as much as possible before I leave. Promise.”

“Good,” Alerio seemed content. “I think we can all do with some family time.”

“Absolutely,” Brunie agreed.

“Go be a hero, dear.” Samiah took Brunie’s face in her hands and pulled her in to kiss her forehead. Brunie leaned into the maternal touch. She missed it more than she cared to admit. 

“I’m really glad we came to meet you,” Samiah added, “your smile was worth it!”

“You are the best,” Brunie hugged the older woman again. “You’ll have to tell me all about work at dinner!”

“Boring old people stuff,” Alerio waved her off.

“Yeah, but you are _my_ old people,” she pointed out, voice loving and tender.

“Don’t get cute with me. You and your brother, I swear,” he scolded before he realized what he just said. Yet he kept smiling, as if he was seeing a fifteen years old Brunie getting in trouble with Malik, long ago.

“I love you two, so much,” she was getting choked up.

“Go,” he ordered, and Samiah gently pushed her forward.

She gave them one final glance, a huge grin, and went back to the plane.

 _Step one, apologize to Oz, again_ , she thought. “Step two, homemade lasagna a la Mama Sammy!” She was excited, absolutely certain that her adoptive mother made her favorite dish.

She was right.

* * *

Eve was sitting on the bed in Brunie’s quarters. Brunie never returned to the room after she left earlier that morning, and Eve, who was the one to lock and now had the key, came back there after saying one final goodbye.

She wasn’t ready to leave and it’s already been a few hours. She wanted to explore, see what Brunie left behind and get to know more about her, but she didn’t feel like it was fair. When Brunie said Eve could stay, she meant that morning. It wasn’t an invitation to snoop around.

Still, Eve also found that she couldn’t leave the place that smelled like the woman she loved, the place that captured the contrasting elements of Brunie’s personality so well. Eve wondered if she should stop by for some light maintenances every now and then. _Maybe just dust, put on some clean sheets? Just in case._ She wanted things to be waiting for Brunie when she got back.

She stared at the VCR she built for Brunie with Jordan’s help, debating if she was being crazy with all these domestic thoughts and if Brunie would even approve of her doing all these things.

She didn’t have time to ponder long before someone knocked on the door.

 _Who could it possibly be?_ She assumed people who’d normally look for Brunie would know that she was gone. _Could someone actually be looking for me?_ She was thrilled by the prospect of people knowing she could be found at Brunie’s. She gave the hatch a quick glance and made sure the rope was hidden before she opened the door.

In front of her stood a woman that she has never seen before, but based on the uniform Eve knew right away that she was a Colonel. _Brunie’s superior_ , Eve assumed.

The woman was pretty, older. _Maybe ten, fifteen years older than us? Late thirties? Early forties?_ Eve guessed.

“Well, Eve, if you’re done with your examination, are you going invite me in?” the woman questioned with a teasing smile.

“I’m not sure it’s my place to invite you in, pun intended,” Eve point out in a cheerful tone. “But clearly, you know who I am, and you knew where to find me, so I think I’m going to let you call the shots, Colonel.”

The unnamed Colonel snorted and stepped in. She sat herself on the chair and scanned the room while Eve went back to sit on the bed.

“High ceiling, nice” the woman commented, but all Eve could muster in return was “yeah.” She hoped this was where the ceiling discussion ended.

“I’m actually glad I was right about you being here,” the woman told, still looking around the room.

“You’re acting like you’ve never been here before,” Eve noted in puzzlement.

The woman stopped studying the space and turned to look straight at Eve.

“I haven’t,” she confirmed. “Brunie is very selective about who she lets in here. Which was mostly her and Malik. She loves me, but who invites their parents into their sacred space, where they keep all their secrets?” the Colonel winked.

“Wait, a parent? I’m confused. Sorry, but, um… who are you?” Eve inquired sheepishly.

“Oh, don’t worry. She’s not keeping some secret set of parents from you,” the Colonel clarified, voice kind. “I’m one of her mentors. And she’s never been to my room, either. I should’ve introduced myself right away. My name is Cecily.”

“Eve.”

“Yes, Eve, I know who you are, I think we’ve already established that,” Cecily chuckled.

“ _How_ do you know who I am?” A part of her was hoping Brunie talked about her.

“Do you think I became a Colonel by missing the obvious, Eve?” Cecily quirked an eyebrow.

“Oh,” was all Eve managed.

Cecily was looking at her straight in the eye, an expression of intense concentration on her face.

“What?” Eve was feeling uncomfortable under the intrusive stare.

“I’m sorry,” Cecily offered. “I’m being awfully rude. You may have noticed that Brunie isn’t the biggest of talkers when it comes to certain subjects. It’s gotten even worse after Malik died. But you… you got to her. You found your way in. I’m impressed. And very happy.”

“Happy?”

“Of course. Listen, Eve, this girl? She might be my subordinate, but I love her, very much,” Cecily confessed. “We haven’t seen her this invested in a very long time. I want the best for her. Which means that I asked around about you.”

“You did?” _Is this a trap?_

“Yes, Eve. Again, a Colonel, strategist, mentor and a mother figure. Do you really think we wouldn’t want to know who Brunie is bringing home for dinner?” Cecily challenged.

Eve gulped.

“Oh, relax,” Cecily shook her head, amused. “God, you are lucky I’m the one who’s here and not Corbin. Everything we heard about you is great.”

“Yeah?” Eve pepped, hopeful, forgetting to inquire who this Corbin person was.

“Yeah. Your supervisor is a family friend. She seemed quite happy herself, I think. She mumbled something along the lines of ‘horny soldier fools.’”

Eve couldn’t help but blush. “So… I passed the test?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but yes,” Cecily winked.

“So, you’re not here to interrogate me?” she was beginning to realize she didn’t do well with authority figures. _Thanks, dad._

“Why? Do you want me to? Because believe me when I say I can easily ask some very embarrassing questions, but I won’t hear the end of it when Brunie comes back.”

“No, no, there’s no need of asking embarrassing questions!” Eve’s laughter was strained. She was, however, encouraged by the fact that Brunie’s superior believed Brunie could return. _Or at least she’s trying to sound optimistic for my sake,_ which Eve appreciated. “But then, why _are_ you here? Sorry if that came off as rude. I’m just confused.”

“I’m here to tell you that Brunie asked we assign you these quarters,” Cecily stated without blinking. When Brunie shared the decision with the Colonels earlier that day, they initially objected, saying that she needed her place when she came back. They knew that a step like this was Brunie’s way of saying that she didn’t count on coming back. But she told them that if and when she did, they’ll figure it out. She also mentioned that it was highly unlikely that Eve would get rid of any of her things. Looking at the woman now, sitting in Brunie’s bed, immersing herself in all things Brunie, Cecily thought it was probably true. Either way, she had to respect Brunie’s wishes. _After all, it could be her final one._

“I’m sorry, what?” Eve’s shock brought Cecily back to the present.

“She wanted you to have her quarters,” Cecily repeated.

“But… it’s _her_ quarters,” Eve noted flatly.

“Yes, but she’s not here right now, we don’t know when she’ll be here next and these are probably the best single quarters in the compound. You _want_ to take them. For… safe keeping,” she offered Eve an encouraging smile.

Brunie’s quarters were pretty amazing. Bigger than most, very well located within the compound. _It’s closer to the infirmary,_ Eve realized, _and to Main Street and to the way up to the Upperground._ And even though they haven’t had the chance to use it together, Eve also noticed that Brunie had a bath. _An Actual bath._ She wasn’t opposed to having a bath. _Then there’s the other thing_. The thing Eve knew was the reason why Brunie made sure Eve would be the one to get the room. _Safe keeping_ , she repeated in her head. Eve involuntarily looked up. Cecily pretend not to notice. “But, isn’t it her way of saying she’s not coming back?” She couldn’t stop herself from voicing her greatest fear, needing some reassuring words.

“I’m not going to pretend I can tell you what the future holds because I can’t,” it almost sounded like an apology, “but I think she gave it to you because she thought you’d want it, and _she_ wanted to give you something awesome. Something that would make you feel closer to her.”

“And when she comes back?” Eve liked Cecily’s reasoning, and she _did_ want to envelope herself in Brunie in whatever way she could.

“Then you’ll have some stuff to talk about, I suppose,” Cecily smirked.

“You’re not acting very Colonely,” Eve observed.

“Imagine that. One might think I also have an actual personality aside from being a soldier.”

“I’m sorry!” Eve felt terrible. “Of course I don’t think that. I mean, I _am_ in love with a soldier after all, and…”

“Hey, relax, I’m just messing with you, and… wait, did you say you are in love with her?”

Eve couldn’t quite read Cecily’s expression.

“Um… yes.” It became such an obvious, natural notion for her that she didn’t even realize when she was saying it out loud anymore.

“Did you mean it?” Cecily demanded, still adorning the same expression.

“Yes. I did,” Eve’s voice was strong and certain, mirroring her feelings.

“Well, that’s just… fantastic!” Cecily announced to Eve’s relief. Cecily already knew this was a different relationship for Brunie, but she was glad to get some more input regarding where both women stood. “Well, Eve, it was really nice to meet you, but you have some packing to do, and I have a war to deal with, so…” she got up.

“I know you can’t tell me things, but can you just tell me if she made it to the West Coast safely?” Eve hoped she didn’t come across as begging. 

“Yes, she did,” Cecily confirmed, not missing a beat and not remotely fazed by Eve’s knowledge of Brunie’s general whereabouts. As far as Cecily was concerned, Eve was pretty much Brunie’s girlfriend. Partners were privy to certain information. They deserved as much. “We talked to her a little earlier. She’s in L.A. She was planning on having dinner with Malik’s parents later tonight.”

“Oh.” _I wonder if they’re the only parents she’ll run into while she’s there._ She had a feeling that would not be the case. But for now she was happy Brunie was among family.

“What is it?” Cecily asked in concern. That didn’t go unnoticed by Eve.

“It’s nothing,” Eve brushed off. “I’m glad she got there okay.” The Colonel may have seemed genuinely interested in her and her well being, but Eve wasn’t about to divulge her entire life story to a woman she just met.

“Alright then, Eve. It was a pleasure. You’re really easy to mess with,” Cecily observed. “I’ll have to send Corbin next time,” she concluded. Being familiar with the family’s history, Cecily knew exactly what was on Eve’s mind, but she wasn’t going to bring it up unless Eve chose to.

“Who is this Corbin person?” 

“She is my forever partner in crime,” Cecily provided vaguely and reached the door.

“I’ll get you back for this one day,” Eve promised in feigned innocence.

“No, you won’t, and that’s an order,” Cecily crossed her arms.

“We’ll see.”

“And there we have it, the cheekiness,” Cecily shook her head. She nodded at Eve and left her, still in Brunie’s bed, to consider everything that just went down and was still about to.


	37. Chapter 35

Brunie was grateful to sit down for dinner with Samiah and Alerio. She knew it was probably a rare opportunity and that the days to follow would be hectic.

Shortly after her peoples’ arrival, they unloaded all the equipment they brought with them, got a general tour of the compound and received an estimated schedule. Then, Brunie gave the soldiers who arrived with them the night off, to rest and just do whatever they wanted before the madness started. She and Oz were set to be at Command first thing the next day.

For the moment, she tried to not think about all of that and just enjoy her family time.

“So how have things been around here?” she asked the older couple. She spent most of her days fighting, but it’s been a while since her Local was in the center of the fight.

“Things have been tense for a while,” Alerio admitted. “They didn’t really let us ask about it. But I assume that before you guys left for Kentucky, they figured that we might bear the consequences for whatever the outcome was over there.”

“Not to mention,” Samiah added, “that everyone has been suspecting for a while now that something will happen here. It seems like the natural way for our side to make progress… if we ever want this war to end.”

“Did it actually effect your day-to-day?” She was curious. While no Local was entirely free of danger, mostly via airstrikes, being bombed while walking down Main Street mid-day wasn’t a constant fear anymore.

“Well, we do have a curfew,” Samiah noted.

“You’re kidding! Why didn’t you guys tell us?”

“Because it’s really silly, most of us objected to it and we didn’t want you to worry,” Alerio shrugged.

“Oh, come on,” Brunie rolled her eyes, “it’s your job to worry about us and our job to worry about you. That’s our thing,” she reminded.

“Sadly, it is,” Samiah agreed. “Anyway, as Ali said, it’s silly. It’s not like it’ll be helpful if something _really_ destructive was dropped on us. It’s just that they think that if we’re all in our quarters, it’s easier to make sure that everyone is accounted for, in case of an emergency.”

“I won’t be surprised if it was HR’s idea rather than Command’s,” Alerio scoffed and they all laughed.

“And they won’t really bomb here,” Samiah stated with certainty. “Too close to the water. I doubt they’d want to damage the oil reserves and the industrial areas.” If The Leadership was ever to get a hold of L.A. again, ruining functional facilities seemed counter-effective.

“Plus, Sammy and I work the night shift very often, and we’re not the only ones. Many people don’t spend their nights in their quarters, so yeah, it’s pretty ridiculous.”

“Oh! Tell me about work!” Brunie demanded in excitement. “Did you guys invent anything really cool lately?”

“We said no work talk at the dinner table!” Samiah warned.

“And you’ll see it all in your briefings in the next few days,” Alerio pointed out.

“Fine,” Brunie pouted as the older couple chuckled.

“Now tell me, how is my daughter in law and my grandson?” Samiah perked up.

“And our granddaughter to be,” Alerio added.

Brunie grinned and got up to grab her backpack.

“Photos from Carm!” she announced and put a thick pile on the table.

“I can’t believe how technophobic she still is,” Alerio shook his head. “She married the son of two scientists _and_ engineers, but she can’t attach a file to save her life.”

Brunie snorted, causing Alerio to appear quite pleased with his commentary. Samiah immersed herself in the pile already.

“Hey hard copies are old school,” Brunie noted, “it’s nice. And you do realize that now that Mal’s gone, unless you teach her how to do it, you’ll never get any photos?” She realized what she had just said too late, when two pairs of eyes darted up to look at her.

“Sorry. I’m sorry,” she shook her head before covering her face with her hands.

“Don’t be, darling,” Samiah soothed. “It is what it is. We can’t ignore it forever.”

“I kinda want to ignore it forever,” Brunie mentioned in a flat voice.

Alerio got quiet. Malik was their only son. They loved Brunie like she was their own, but they lost their own flesh and blood, and though it’s been a couple of months, it was still a fresh wound, for all three of them.

“I’m really sorry you guys didn’t get to be there,” Brunie offered in regret.

“How are you dealing with his… passing, dear?” Samiah’s voice was kind.

“How am _I_ dealing? Really, Sammy?”

“It seems that you tend to… um… lose people,” Alerio noted. He seemed uncomfortable, as if he wasn’t sure how he could make his comment subtle.

“Yeah, well, I can argue that I’m used to it by now and that how _you_ are dealing with it is way more… interesting.” She tried not to sound cynical. She failed.

“We just throw ourselves into work,” Samiah gave her a sad smile.

“We started going to grief counseling,” Alerio confessed.

“You did?” Brunie asked, surprised.

“Yes, just recently. We’ve noticed we weren’t talking about it. We didn’t know _how_ to talk about it, so Sammy asked that we go. We figured it couldn’t be healthy to keep it bottled in, but we just didn’t know how to act,” Alerio explained in sorrow.

“Is it helping?” She was a little envious of people who could just go and talk to someone without the PR repercussions. She knew the jealousy was unfair and irrational, but she couldn’t help it.

“I think so,” Sammy nodded. “We just started four weeks ago. The therapist seems nice. We addressed a few things.”

“It’s going take a while,” Alerio acknowledged.

“It’s going to take a life time,” Samiah corrected.

“But I think it was the right decision,” Alerio concluded. “Maybe you should try it, too.”

 _If only,_ she thought. Then, she thought of Eve, of how now she could probably talk to Eve about anything. How she _wanted_ to talk to Eve. Eve, who already knew all of her innermost secrets, all the things she kept from everyone else. It made Brunie smile on instinct, which wasn’t lost on the other two.

“Oh my god, you _are_ talking to someone! I mean… you are _seeing_ someone!” Samiah realized in excitement. She was thrilled to change the subject, and thrilled by the entire concept of Brunie finding someone. After Marcela’s death they were worried that Brunie would never recover. It’s been years and Brunie never showed the slightest real interest in anyone.

“Is that true, kiddo?” Alerio inquired, sharing his wife’s glee.

“How did you…?

“You had a smile on your face just now,” Samiah explained, pointing at her.

“I did?” Brunie shook her head in annoyance. “God, I’m supposed to focus. I said goodbye to her!” She argued, mostly with herself.

“Oh my god! Then it’s true! I can’t believe it!” Samiah jumped off her chair and clapped her hands like a happy child, rushing to hug Brunie.

“It doesn’t matter,” Brunie repeated harshly, “I said goodbye to her.”

“And why would you do that?” Alerio demanded, glaring at her in discontent.

“Because I don’t think I’m coming back!” she spat, shocked by the outburst a moment later. But with everyone asking her to make promises she didn’t think she could keep, the frustration reached its boiling point.

“You have to come back,” Alerio ordered, “because I already lost a son, and I’m not losing a daughter, too,” he spoke as if his words were a done deal.

“And this girl is waiting for you!” Samiah protested. “What’s her name? Is she pretty? What does she do? Have you guys been together long?” she fired at Brunie.

“Goodness, Sammy, you’re being a cliché,” it was a scold, but his voice was loving. “I’m going to put the kettle on.” He got up.

“You’re not avoiding the subject, Brunie!” Samiah warned, brushing off her husband’s comment.

Brunie groaned. There was no denying Mama Sammy. “Her name is Eve,” she was hoping she could stick to short replies.

“That’s a beautiful name!”

“She’s exceptionally beautiful,” Brunie continued, as if checking items off a list.

“Yay!” Samiah cheered.

“She’s a nurse.”

“Oh, wow! She helps people for a living!”

“Yeah, she even got field certified, which sadly, I practically found out _on_ the battlefield, and I swear, I nearly killed her. Right after I stopped someone else from killing her,” Brunie huffed, remembering that day with no small amount of bitterness.

“Oh, Brunie,” Samiah squeezed her hand, “that couldn’t have been easy.”

Brunie nodded but kept silent.

Alerio was listening along while making everybody’s usual. He came back to the table with three steaming mugs.

“How did you two meet?” he asked, putting each mug in front of its respective drinker.

“Me and the guys came back early one night when she was working the night shift, and she relocated my shoulder,” Brunie bit her lip to hide her smile, reminiscing.

“Awwww!” Samiah absolutely loved every single detail so far.

“And then she was upset with me and wouldn’t talk to me, and I didn’t understand why,” Brunie continued, shaking her head as she recalled Eve’s antics.

“It’s because she liked you!” Sammy announced, “and you got hurt!”

“Yes, Mama, I know that now,” Brunie rolled her eyes.

“So how long ago was this?” Alerio inquired.

“Almost four months, I think.”

“Months! And you didn’t say anything!” Sammy scolded. “And _Malik_ didn’t say anything? Traitor.”

“Well we haven’t actually… we weren’t officially together at any point,” Brunie defended.

“Why not?” Samiah was confused. When Brunie didn’t say anything, she narrowed her eyes and added “oh, are you being stupid with your stupid logic again?”

“It’s not stupid!” Brunie argued.

“It’s so very stupid,” Alerio voice was calm as he sipped from his mug.

“You guys are annoying. Can’t we just look at pictures of Aus? I also have an ultrasound photo and some of Aus’ arts and crafts. He drew a picture of you!” Brunie’s attempts at diversion were pathetic at best.

“I know you think that you’re distracting us with the cuteness that is our grandson, but we’re not done talking about this,” Sammy declared. Alerio chuckled and took another sip. “Now, give me those damn photos.”

* * *

The following day found Eve standing in Brunie’s quarters, hands on her hips, examining the terrain.

The door was open and Jordan walked right in. “Wow. This is nice.”

“It’s really weird that you’re here,” Eve mentioned in slight dismay. It already felt like a sort of a sanctuary for her. She also knew Brunie didn’t let many people in. She felt like she was violating something by letting Jordan see it. _This is stupid_ , _she gave me this place to do with it as I please._

Jordan noticed her furrowed eyebrows and knew what she was thinking.

“If you want me to go, I can go, Evester. It’s okay.”

“And then who’s gonna do all the heavy lifting?” she shrugged.

They smiled at each other for a moment before they both turned to study the room again.

“Am I doing the right thing? Moving in here?”

“Well, I think there’s no point in you keeping your old place. Save the rent money. She gave this place to you,” he reminded.

“But what will I do when she comes back?” Eve shook her head. The situation was more overwhelming than she expected. “Will she want this place back? I’ll be homeless if she does! What if she wants us to live together? Are we even ready for that? We haven’t actually been _together_ together! But what if _I_ want us to live together? ”

“Eve! Eve! Relax! She won’t be back for months,” he reminded, respecting their unspoken agreement to not mention the other possible scenario. _Never “if_.” _Only “when,”_ he cited in his head. “Just find a new place when she comes back. With the money you’d save you could probably afford a little bit of an upgrade,” he approached the situation logically. “Also, our society doesn’t really do homelessness, you know. And even if we did, she’d never let you be without a roof over your head. At any rate, I think you have enough time to figure out how you feel about all of this.”

If he was honest with himself, Brunie’s gesture surprised him. _Then again, it seems like she always manages to surprise me, and we haven’t even met._ He thought it was sweet, and considerate and also practical. _The fact that it’s spacious doesn’t suck either,_ he thought. _Maybe down the line Eve will ask me to come hang out. Maybe I can ask her to take an actual bath._

“What are you planning to do with the place?” he asked, cautious “furnishing wise.”

“Not much,” she admitted. “It still feels like her place, and I want it to still be her place when she comes back. She took some stuff, not a lot. I think I want to bring my dresser. Um… I already saw that she has a huge storage room if you go through the kitchen. I think I’ll put some of my furniture there.”

“So you’re mostly keeping it the same?”

“Yeah, but… you know, maybe my beddings, my table cloth, small touches of things that are me.”

“Right. _Your_ stuff. Like _your_ poster of Brunie?” he elbowed her.

“It goes right up there,” she pointed at a blank spot on the wall, completely unapologetic.

“Oh boy,” Jordan chuckled. “So basically, we’re moving all of your furniture, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Should I get some more guy friends?”

“No. I don’t want any more people in here.”

“Okay,” he agreed. “It’ll take us hours, though.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing I took this whole week off.” Rita practically made her do so, and now Eve understood why.

“Yeah, but I didn’t,” Jordan pointed out, reminding her that his lunch break was almost over.

She sighed and wrapped her arms around herself.

“Hey, don’t worry,” he squeezed her shoulder. “Start with the small things and I promise I’ll come straight after work. It’s not like you don’t have a bed,” he reminded suggestively. Eve didn’t go into too many details, but she did give him the general breakdown of how she spent her night with Brunie. “You’re gonna be happy here. Okay?”

“Okay. So I’ll see you later today?” she asked, hopeful.

“Count on it. We’ll do lots and lots of lifting,” he promised, kissed her cheek and left.

“Lifting,” Eve repeated in disgust.

 _Sure, I’ll do the damn lifting. But then I get to soak in a bath, lie down in a bed that smells like the woman I love, hog the covers and look at the stars._ She was hoping that on the other side of the country Brunie would get the chance to do at least sort of the same. 

***

Brunie’s day at Command started on a high note following time well spent with Samiah and Alerio.

She and Oz weren’t the only ones there. There were eleven more Captains from all over the country. They were about to hear the general breakdown of what was about to unfold, and then they were supposed to be assigned to regions of attack and to local informants relevant to those regions.

The L.A. Command was to serve as the main operations room during operation _Due North_. A certain force was tasked with staying by the Oregon border and north Nevada border, to make sure nothing disturbs the forces in south Nevada. The idea was to take chunks of Nevada (at least at the early stages of the operation) by coming in from Arizona and California and also aim east into New Mexico. Central Command wanted to create a direct air-path from east of the country to the west, and having South Nevada, New Mexico and even just the northern tip of Texas, would guarantee that.

Once these goals were achieved, Oregon would possibly follow and then Washington. But they weren’t there yet. They all knew that at some point they’ll have to stop, regroup and rotate forces, maybe even take a few months break. The operation was very ambitious and long-term. Everyone involved wanted to work step by step.

The goal of the operation wasn’t to end the war entirely. That was unrealistic on many levels, and it wasn’t what they were planning towards. Taking over a new state meant so much more than just come through it and move on. It meant preparing the relevant Locals to take over those states’ Uppergrounds and turn those areas into restricted military zones. It meant clearing the state, making sure no enemy soldiers were left, and it meant dealing with the refugees –Upper civilians, too. It was a humanitarian effort, but it was also to make sure no Upper civilians made contact with Unders, revealing the Underground’s best kept secret prematurely.

Sometimes they had to build refugee camps, but for the most part, people escaped into other Leadership states, creating overly crowded living conditions in those states. That, however, wasn’t Central Command’s problem. If anything, it made things harder for The Leadership and helped Command maintain control of the secrecy.

Every new piece of land meant that The Resistance had to leave people behind to deal with all that entailed. It also meant The Resistance pushed on to the next state with smaller forces. This aspect of staying behind wasn’t the Specials’ work, so Brunie never experienced it firsthand, but from what little she saw, it was always chaotic. 

Everyone knew that, which is why everyone was in agreement that goals and limits had to be set. If they managed to clear a direct cross-country airway, they’d enable much easier domestic transportation. An outcome such as that would positively affect all walks of life, from food and medical supplies distribution, to human migration.

Brunie and her people were assigned to deal with parts of south-west Nevada. As far as she was concerned, that was good news. Their region was a more complex one, and she was told that if all went well, they’d finish with south Nevada and head back towards the Oregon border, while other units dealt with north Nevada. Brunie wanted to be headed as far up north as possible.

In her mind, the map looked like a board game and she needed to stick little flags in it. The players had to get to a certain point without being stopped on the way, and once they made it, they could color the entire area leading up to that spot in the color of their team. She saw it all coloring up in her head, and she wanted to be the one doing the coloring. The thought made her giddy. It’s not that the actual fighting was like a game to her, it was just the way her soldier mind needed to visualize the progress.

Now she was waiting to meet her HUMINT officer. Each of the Captains was assigned one. Their ages varied, as did their specific expertise, but they all knew the Western states’ Uppergrounds extremely well. They also all had a relationship with the enemy, the kind that was supposed to help The Resistance in case of an emergency. Those relationships could potentially help with shelter, food and escape routes. The officers used different aliases on the Upperground, and even though some of them have been serving for years and made it high up the ranks, the public didn’t know them. Neither did most soldiers under a certain rank. Brunie might have been Special Forces, but she never had to go undercover, not like this. Which was part of why she, like most of the young promising commanders, achieved celebrity status. She could actually show her face, and Central Command always encouraged it for morale, telling the young officers it was another way of serving.

The HUMINT officers, however, were their own commanders, their own units of one. They weren’t going to interfere with the Captains’ decisions, but they weren’t their direct subordinates, either. They were assigned to advise, help and navigate. They could always split from the groups if they needed to, and go perform their informants’ duties before rejoining the rest.

Each Captain got a private room to meet their HUMINT officers in order to make sure that the conversations still remained secretive. These conferences were meant to strengthen the connection between the officers, and to make sure no single person had too much information in their hands.

That’s how Brunie found herself standing in an empty room, waiting for someone to come in. _It can be anyone. A man, a woman, someone old, someone young._ Brunie found the whole thing intriguing and exciting. She couldn’t wait to start working. She dealt with HUMINT officers before, but never in such a capacity and for such an extended period of time.

The door opened and a middle aged man walked into the room. He had a stern look, the kind that made it very clear that he took his job extremely seriously.

“Hi,” Brunie greeted politely. “I’m Captain Brunie Kaya” she offered her hand.

“Yes, I know who you are,” the man said and shook her hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Major General…?”

“Salus. Major General Mark Salus,” he provided with confidence. “It’s a pleasure to work with you.”

Brunie froze, just for a split second, which wasn’t enough for the man to notice. If he did, he didn’t give any indication.

“Then I know who you are, too,” she stated, and suddenly he was the one to freeze. He masked it quickly as well. Brunie couldn’t help but being pleased that she managed to get that reaction out of him. Not only was she a young Captain holding her own in front of a Major General, but the encounter became very personal to her.

Eve never told her what her father did for a living, so she never asked. Not because she didn’t care, but because she didn’t want to push Eve to talk about a complicated topic before Eve was ready. A topic that so clearly pained her. _She probably didn’t know much, anyway_ , Brunie figured.

As the man recovered and started talking and giving her some general facts about their soon to be battlefield, she wondered if the world was constantly testing her. She was also wondering how she was supposed to work alongside, and show respect to the man who caused Eve so much pain.


	38. Chapter 36

“Finally,” Cecily sighed in content as she walked into her quarters and put her bag down by the door. It was two days later, but it may as well been years.

“Finally indeed,” Corbin looked up and beamed. She was making dinner.

Ever since their soldiers left, and as the West Coast was gearing up for battle, their schedules have gone insane. They had to rotate shifts in Command to make sure it was manned 24/7. Usually, they worked a nine to five day (which turned into a seven to six day most of the time,) and a lower ranking officer was on duty in Command for the remaining hours. One of them was on call in case of an emergency. Considering both of them were always in Command during a “night out,” they worked long hours, but at least their schedules synced for the most part. This week, however, they kept missing each other. Until tonight.

“Wine?” Corbin offered in a loving voice.

“Please.”

The way the two Colonels carried themselves around Command wasn’t too far from who they actually were. Still, while they were at home, something was softer, less guarded.

People who said that being a commander was a lonely job were right. One had to maintain a certain facade, a check list of characteristics and a certain vibe while commanding. It wasn’t absolute pretense, but it wasn’t being exactly who you really were, either. It was like an acting exercise. Go to work in the morning, put your Command cap on, go back home at night, take it off and be whomever you actually were.

Yes, it was a lonely job, but the two Colonels were lucky as they found the rare perfect partner in one another.

Relatively and generally speaking, The Resistance was a pretty casual-in-nature army. Even so, some order had to be maintained to avert chaos. The unique, laid-back relationship between the Colonels and Brunie was a result of years of working together. Corbin was her mentor since Brunie’s days at The Academy. In many ways, they felt like they raised her. But she was still a direct subordinate, and boundaries had to be put in place. When others were in the room with them, all sides involved were under an unspoken agreement to behave.

But the longer the relationship lasted, the less they worried about keeping certain aspects of their lives from her. Mostly, they realized that if they wanted to butt in her business (and they sure did), they had to give something in return.

“What am I smelling? So exotic.” Cecily teased and went to the bedroom to change. She left the door open so she could hear Corbin’s response.

“A salad,” Corbin snorted.

“An exotic salad?” Cecily challenged.

“There’s nothing exotic about it, but if you want, I can serve it to you on a palm tree leaf,” Corbin’s voice was playful. "Just let me hop Upperground real quick.”

Cecily giggled as she joined Corbin by the counter, giving her a quick peck on the lips in the process. “So, what have you been up to these last two days?”

“War,” Corbin replied flatly, “you?”

“Same,” Cecily provided, feigning boredom. They both chuckled. “Except,” Cecily added, “that I went to see Brunie’s girl to give her B’s room.”

“Right! Goodness! It totally slipped my mind! Was I supposed to do that?” Corbin was almost expecting a scold.

“Nope. I very intentionally volunteered. And it’s a good thing, too. You would’ve terrified her. She’s very… na–Eve.”

“Oh, ha ha,” Corbin rolled her eyes.

“Seriously though, I was messing with her a bit. Had quite the few laughs.”

“Next time, _I’m_ going,” Corbin announced.

“That’s exactly what I told her,” Cecily shrugged and Corbin seemed satisfied.

“Well?! Tell me about her!”

“She’s perfect, Cor,” Cecily grinned. “Perfect for B, that is.”

“Yeah?” Corbin’s was full of hope. She really wanted something good for Brunie. She wanted something incredible for Brunie. She was there to witness the aftermath of Marcela’s death, she saw Brunie grieve, and shut down and become completely altered. She wanted Brunie to blossom in more ways than just with her career.

“She’s beautiful. Like, ridiculously beautiful,” Cecily resumed. “She looks so much like her mother. And clearly she’s kind and good at her job, we already knew that. But she’s also funny, Cor. She has that edge that compliments Brunie’s. Once she got over her initial shock she was a bit of a wise-ass. And get this, guess what’s the best part?”

“What is it? What is it?” Corbin’s tone was that of a kid opening her Christmas present.

“She said she was in love with Brunie,” Cecily smirked.

“Whoa!”

“I know!”

“Do you think Brunie is in love with her, too?” Corbin bit her lip.

“I think Brunie gave her her room,” Cecily pointed out.

“Brunie’s material way of saying that she loves her too?”

“I think so,” Cecily confirmed with a nod.

“So? Did she move in?”

“I think she will, and I think Brunie was right to assume that she’s not gonna change much,” Cecily observed.

“B better be back,” Corbin stated.

“She has to,” Cecily agreed.

“I really want her to have all of this,” Crobin got chocked up.

“I know. Me too.”

“Why did you let me get so attached to her and then sent her to war?” Corbin whined.

“Funny how I recall you meeting her first,” Cecily reminded. “Which means _you_ let me get attached to her and then sent her to war.”

“Semantics,” Corbin protested and downed her wine glass. Cecily snorted and crossed to the other side of the counter to pour her wife another one.

Corbin started putting food in their plates. “She’ll come back, and be with Eve and they’ll move in together.”

“Within a week of her return,” Cecily agreed.

“Oh, no, the very same day,” Corbin countered.

“Really?” Cecily asked in intrigue.

“Trust me.”

“Care to make this interesting?”

“You bet. Get it?” This time Cecily was the one to roll her eyes.

They took turns in being ridiculous. That’s just how they rolled.

* * *

Brunie was hovering over a map of south Nevada. For the past couple of days most of what she and Oz did was to attend lectures about their designated region, while their fellow soldiers were training.

Major General Salus taught them every possible little thing about south Nevada. Climate, topography, review of the more urban areas, how the local flora and fauna could be providing food and many other details great and small. Brunie was overwhelmed. While she had a great attention for details, the amount of information the man threw at them was insane. She tried hard not to be impressed with him, but it wasn’t easy. _These HUMINT officers are something else_ , she thought. And Mark Salus, while quiet and opinionated, was also a good, attentive teacher. _He also happens to have Eve’s eyes._

Still, Brunie remained aloof towards him. She preferred having somewhat of an attitude, over the poison she thought she might unleash upon him if she didn’t keep a certain socially acceptable, “business only” approach. Her patience was wearing thin by the minute, because the more she was impressed with him, the more upset she got over the fact that a man who was clearly brilliant, did something as stupid as to give his daughter up. _A daughter who just happens to be the most amazing person in the world._

She was getting snappy, and he noticed. He didn’t mind her distant behavior, but when the young Captain originally introduced herself he thought her kind and cheerful. From that, she went almost immediately to being reserved, and now, he realized, she seemed to keep certain anger at bay at all times. He was an intelligence officer. Of course he noticed a change that became less and less subtle by the minute.

He watched her as she scanned the map, closing her eyes momentarily, clearly seeing something in her mind’s eye that helped the pieces fall into place. He liked her almost instantly. Or more accurately, he liked her brain. He had seen her on TV, he was good at reading people. She had a certain reputation, but he could tell when someone was only feeding into an idea to serve a purpose. He was a spy, after all. Brunie always managed to seem coherent, articulate, and while he didn’t like the media circus that followed the promising young talents wherever they went, he had to admit, a talent she was. _A quick study, remarkable memory, good instincts, asking all the right questions_ , he observed.

HUMINT officers were at their best when they were operating alone, but they didn’t get to be officers without learning how to be team players. The upcoming battle required combined efforts, and he thought they could make a great team. He knew he better clear the air before they left for battle where their lives would depend on one another. He wasn’t entirely sure what was weighing on Brunie, but he had a suspicion, and he wanted a confirmation before Oz came back from the bathroom.

He took a few silent steps and stood in front of her, on the other side of the table on which the map was laid. Brunie opened her eyes almost immediately. She could feel that she was being watched.

“You’re good at sneaking,” she commented. “You didn’t make a sound.”

“Apparently not good enough.”

“You are. I just have a freaky sixth sense when I’m in the zone,” she shrugged.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’d be surprised how skittish I am when I’m not working. It has been proved on more than one occasion,” her voice was rough as her mind drifted to Eve and to all the times when she managed to startle Brunie.

“I get the feeling that you don’t like me very much,” he stated, welcoming the hostility, as it gave him the opening he needed.

Brunie scanned his face, trying to figure out his state of mind. _He might be an incredible HUMINT officer, but I have killer instincts, literally. And two can play this game._ She thought back to something he told her on the first day and stuck with her. “You said it was a pleasure to work with me,” she reminded.

“Yeah, and?”

“Did you mean it?” she challenged.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Oh, you know, because of all my oozing gayness,” she provided casually. He knew who she was, which meant he also knew she was the very thing he was so disapproving of.

“You’re a friend of Eve’s,” he stated, his suspicions now confirmed.

“Sir, respectfully, she’s so much more to me than just a friend. No matter how much I tried not to feel this way,” she confessed, daring him to say something, anything that wouldn’t sit well with her.

He figured Brunie might know Eve. She did come from the same Main Local after all. She was a soldier and Eve was a nurse. It made sense their paths crossed. Then, he assumed that they were even friends, because why else would Brunie act the way she did since day one? It took him only another second to remember who Brunie was, in terms of sexual orientation, and from there the rest was easy to piece together. He didn’t know how to feel about that. Eve was still his little girl, and Brunie? Brunie had _that_ reputation.

_Is this really the kind of person my daughter chose to be with?_ he thought for a split second before he remembered, _she’s probably not that kind of person at all, actually_. When he observed her, he saw a smart young woman, the kind that chose to dedicate her life to the same cause he did. _She became an orphan, but she kept going, I lost my wife, and ran away_. In many ways, he admired her, and at that moment, he realized that what he _really_ liked about her was the fire he saw in her eyes when she talked about Eve. He outranked her, even though he was technically working for her. He knew he could seem intimidating, and yet, Brunie didn’t even flinch when she gave him a hard time about Eve. He knew what his daughter thought of him, and he saw this stranger he just met stand up for her.

_You have to admit, if you really think about it, Eve having her around is probably a good thing._

He really hoped Brunie won’t get in the way of his plans, which could make things complicated for everyone involved.

“Is this gonna be a problem?” Brunie demanded after she saw he was contemplating. She wasn’t going to back down, she wasn’t going to apologize for who she was, for the way she felt about Eve. _Not anymore, not to him_. She never thought she’d meet a person who’d have an issue with that part of who she was, but there he stood, right in front of her.

“No,” he promised, “it will not.” But he also understood that their professional relationship won’t be as amicable as it could’ve been.

“Good,” Brunie said, “then let’s talk extended training plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright my loyal few, this weekend's update was massive. Finally passed the 100,000 words in this 4 chapters, 50 pages long update.
> 
> Hope you enjoy. If you're actually here, feel free to holler :D X


	39. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, my loyal few!
> 
> Here's another 50 pages long update :D
> 
> I've been pretty consistent with bi-weekly updates since April, but as I'm heading out of town for a couple of days and have a very busy week next week, expect the next update to either be shorter, or take longer.
> 
> Either way, we're on page 484/625. So... getting there!
> 
> Hope you like!
> 
> X

A week has passed and Eve found herself getting used to a new routine. She’d still reach for the light switch in the wrong places and take wrong turns to get home, muscle memory can be a bitch that way, but in reality, at least it already felt like home.

She didn’t change much. For the most part, it was Brunie’s place with a bit of Eve in it, but she figured that might’ve been what made her feel at ease.

It wasn’t long before her fellow nurses realized that she had a new, incredibly spacious, closer to the infirmary quarters. Apparently, it was also no secret that she inherited the place as a gift from a certain Captain. Her colleagues teased her, saying that they felt betrayed she never disclosed she was dating the star Captain. She had no idea how to explain to them that they were hardly dating, yet still somewhat in love.

 _Thanks a lot, Rita._ Shefigured her superior had something to do with the fact that everyone knew. She thought it was all secretly a part of Rita’s plan. Something along the lines of “if we put it out there in the world that the two of you are together, and that you are basically living in your girlfriend’s place, then you’ll have no choice but to actually be girlfriends when she gets back.”

Eve wasn’t sure if to be upset and disturbed by the fact that everyone was in her business, or to find hope in the fact that everyone acted as if Brunie was coming back. _I’d take hope where I can._ She also had to accept that it was a byproduct of dating a celebrity. 

Mostly, she was grateful Decker Williams hadn’t stopped by yet, because she had a feeling, a very justified one, that it was only a matter of time before he did.

For the most part, things went back to normal, or as normal as her life could be. There was no inner struggle to go and knock on Brunie’s door. She was permanently placed on the other side of it. But she had to constantly remind herself that there was no chance of bumping into Brunie. Brunie was misplaced, just like the light switch. For the first few days Eve had to remind herself time and again that her love was gone, that there’s no point in going to check on Brunie before she left for the night. _Bye, just in case_. Now though, a whole week later, her head started to catch up with the reality, and she found herself expecting to bump into Brunie less and less. Still, there was expecting, and then there was wishing.

She wondered when the thought of bumping into Brunie will fade altogether, and when it’ll turn into “bumping into Brunie because she’s back.” _I have what?_ _At least two months before my mind will reprogram itself to look for her again and then freak out that she’s not back yet?_ _This feels like a fair estimation._

In the meantime, she went to work every morning, got back home in the afternoon and hung out with Jordan who was doing a good (albeit somewhat suffocating) job of getting her mind off things. A couple of days prior, she started to eye Brunie’s VCR. She wondered if she should try and watch something. _Maybe by the time she gets back I can become a little less ignorant regarding some things that are seemingly very important to her. Would that be a nice gesture?_ she debated. _Ninja Turtles, was it?_

During the evenings, after Jordan left, she’d go up for a stroll under the starlight. Sometimes she even ventured into the woods and find “their” spot. She became more and more familiar with the surroundings, and she found that her will to live above the ground intensified.

 _How do they do that?_ _Some people have known for years about this. How do you go back to live your life underground after seeing this?_

Whatever Brunie was doing on the other side of the country, Eve was really hoping it meant that someday soon people would have the chance to always experience a walk under the stars. _It’d be amazing to stay out here one night and wait for the sun to rise_. The idea excited her, but she knew she’d like to wait for Brunie’s return so they could experience it together.

She smiled as she imagined Brunie and herself going camping. _Actual camping. Who would’ve thought?_ She kept imagining the small ways in which their bond could become stronger once Brunie was back, but there were certain things she knew she could already do. She wanted to meet Carmela. _Jordan likes her, and she’s a very important person in Brunie’s life._

A knock on the door brought her back to the present. _Thinking of the devil._ The knock was obnoxiously loud. Jordan was punishing her for not conceding to giving him a key. “It’d make things easier,” he said a few days prior. _Yes, easier for you to find me in the compromising act of watching the stars, or, you know, naked_.

Just as she was done contemplating that, Jordan knocked again. “It’s open!” she called, irritated. Since he always stopped by after work these days, she just left the door unlocked for him. He came in and flopped himself on the bed next to her.

“What’s cookin’, good lookin’?” he inquired, always aiming to keep her spirits high. She knew, of course, what he was doing.

“Am I supposed to give you the real, boring answer? Or are you looking for something all made up and exciting? And before you answer that, please know that my boring answer doesn’t mean that I’m depressed.”

“You’re not?” he perked up.

“Well, okay, I might be,” she admitted, “but me reading, or listening to music, or sketching, or even cooking is not due to me trying to distract myself! I’m just trying…”

“…to act normal?” he offered sympathetically. She nodded, happy that he understood.

“To act like things are normal until they’ll start feeling normal again,” she specified.

“Whatever. Normal is overrated. We live in the sewers,” he argued.

“That’s actually a very good point,” she agreed. They sat in comfortable silence for a bit. Her eyes traveled to the VCR again.

“You know, it’s weird. We weren’t together for long, that’s if you can even call what we were ‘together.’”

“I think you can. I mean, for those few hours that you two shared, you were together. I think that if she’s not ‘together’ with you, she’ll never be ‘together’ with anyone.”

“Oh, I know that much for a fact.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, she told me,” Eve shrugged.

“Oh,” Jordan grinned.

“What?”

“Well, it’s just… first of all, wow. Her saying something like that is a big deal,” he pointed out.

“It is.”

“And second of all, I think this is the first time you volunteer information out of your own free will, without me cross examining you about what happened between you two,” he explained. It made her smile.

“Yeah well…”

“Act like things are normal?” he offered.

“Act like things are normal,” she confirmed. “But then… what does that make her? My ex? Is she still my girlfriend? Can I even say that she _was_ my girlfriend? God, it’s giving me such a headache,” she groaned, opting to massage her temples.

“Well, that’s good though. You’re starting to ask these questions. That’s the next step,” he noted knowingly.

“Next step?” she seemed puzzled, “what was the previous one?”

“Oh, easy. Numbness, denial and brooding.”

“Yeah, well, I’m trying to grow as a person and evolve,” she huffed.

“Evester, it’s been a week. Only a week,” he reminded her in an effort to comfort. “I know you guys haven’t been together long, but you’ve danced around each other for months and it all escalated into that one night. So, yeah. I understand what you are asking and why. You’re wondering if you shouldn’t feel better by now, considering you didn’t have enough time to get used to being with her in the first place.”

“Well? Shouldn’t I?”

“No! I mean, eventually, yes. God, this is so confusing, it’s totally counterproductive,” Jordan noted in frustration. “Look, you are in love with her, you wanted to be with her. She went to war. I mean, if she was here this would’ve been your honey moon phase. When you take all of that into consideration, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve officially been kind of together. It feels like a huge loss. The way you feel is completely valid,” he promised. “Even when you weren’t together you saw her all the time. So… I know you want things to go back to normal, but this _is_ a new normal. It’s okay for you to take some time. I’d say that us actually having this conversation is already a sign of progress.”

“You want details about our night together, don’t you?” she asked, letting everything he said sink in, but also proving that she knew him pretty well.

“I so want details,” he admitted, “but, not right now. I’ve waited a week, I think I can wait a bit longer. Especially considering that you seem to be in the stage of sharing.”

Eve grinned. He was her best friend, he knew how to make her feel better, and talking about Brunie did that, too. It was both a chance for her to share how good she felt, but also process how she was feeling about Brunie’s absence

“I wanna meet Carmela,” she declared.

“I hope you don’t feel like you need to approve of her for me, because I already told you, it’s not like that,” he reminded in a serious tone. The last thing he wanted was for people to assume he was making a move on a newly widowed pregnant woman, a widow of a soldier no less, especially when all he wanted was to be a friend to her. Still, he knew how rumors tended to circulate, how word of mouth could get out of proportion. He could deal with that, if he had to, but not when it came from his best friend.

“No, Jordan. It’s nothing like that. I already asked you about it, you said it wasn’t the case, I believe you one hundred percent.” She could see his body relax. “I just… look, you really like her, and clearly, she’s very important to Brunie. I just... we’re losing time. Brunie and I? We’re losing time, and by the time she gets back… under different circumstances I could’ve already met the people who matter to her the most. But it’s not gonna happen. She won’t be back for months and then what? We just continue where we left off? No. I want to catch up. I want to have another piece of her. I don’t think she’d mind. She already gave me a few significant pieces, you know?”

He nodded and gestured for her to continue.

“Her Colonel came by the other day. Knocked on the door and walked right in.”

“She did?” Jordan was surprised. He himself wasn’t sure how he would react if faced with a Colonel in uniforms, and the last time Eve saw her father he was somewhere about that rank. Just one of the many reasons Jordan found it interesting that Eve wanted to be with a soldier.

“She sure did,” Eve confirmed. “Waltzed right in, looked around, knew who I was. It should’ve been a nerve–wrecking, slash overwhelming kind of experience.”

“But?”

“But I guess it wasn’t,” Eve admitted. “I mean, it was, at first. But then… she just wanted to get to know me. I think… I think she also wanted me to get to know her. She introduced herself as Brunie’s mentor, and she also mentioned Brunie’s other mentor, and it just made me realize – I wanna know these people. I wanna know her life. And I would’ve gotten there eventually if Brunie was here, but she’s not. That doesn’t mean I need to sit around and miss on the opportunity. Because…” Eve’s voice was on the verge of cracking, “what if I wait? I wait to get to know her until… until it’s too late?” she finally acknowledged what she refused to up until that point.

Jordan understood where she was coming from. She was trying to do more than just to hold on to a memory. She was trying to get a better picture that could potentially help keep the memory alive.

“Okay then. Let me set something up with Carmela. Austin is adorable. And hey, he might be your nephew one day,” he winked at her, earning himself an elbow to the ribcage.

“Was this enough sharing for one day?” she teased. “Wanna maybe do something different?”

“What did you have in mind?” he asked, seeming slightly concerned.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, Jor!” she scoffed. “So there’s this Ninja Turtle thing and…”

“Wait, what?” he cut her off. “Did you just say Ninja Turtles?” he asked in excited shock.

“Um... yeah?”

“Do you mean to tell me, that the VCR we made was meant for the viewing of _that_?”

“Um… again, yeah?”

“And you didn’t tell me!” He accused in betrayed disbelief.

“I didn’t even know what it was until a few months ago!” she defended. “I still don’t! Hence this suggestion of mine that we watch it. I take it that you know of it?”

“Know of it? God, do you ever read about the old world?” he shook his head, all but condescending.

“Mostly astronomy stuff,” she admitted, blushing.

“Right, well, my grandpa was obsessed.” A reminiscent smile appeared on his face. “He showed me old comic books, but I never seen the animated version. I heard of it, though. Put the tape in! Press play!” he nearly squealed, pushing her off the bed.

“If you’re so excited, maybe you should do it,” she offered.

“You have no idea how to do it, do you?”

“None.”

He jumped off the bed and went to see Brunie’s collection. He whistled as he was admiring and browsing.

“So what’s the plan here?” he inquired, “I just pick one and we watch it beginning to end?”

“And get another piece of Brunie, yes,” she confirmed.

Eve had no idea that while Brunie had no choice in the matter, she was also getting a piece of Eve all the way across the country.

* * *

They watched a few episodes before Jordan left. Eve got all the confirmation she needed that the woman she loved was a nerd, or a geek, or probably both. She eyed the bookcase, remembering the day she saw Brunie at the library, reading _Harry Potter_. Eve didn’t know much about the book, but she knew the genre was fantasy.

She found that she loved the Ninja Turtles, and was starting to lean toward a favorite one, wondering who was Brunie’s. Eve herself was partial to Leo, but she suspected that it was because he was the leader and as such, reminded her of Brunie. _Is it weird that I’m comparing a huge turtle mutant to this incredibly sexy woman?_

She was just about to overanalyze the situation further, when a knock on the door interrupted that specific spiral.

“Jor, what did you forget this time?” she said as she swung the door open. It wasn’t Jordan. Instead, it was yet another Colonel.

“You must be Corbin.”

“Intuitive, good deductions. You sure you’re a nurse?” Corbin quirked an eyebrow which earned her a scoff from Eve.

“So… should I just put a sign on the door that says ‘doing well, do not worry?’” Eve proposed.

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself and think this is about you,” Corbin waved her off. “Cec told me you are fun to play with and I wanted to come and see for myself. She always gets all the fun tasks.” She invited herself in and flopped on a chair.

“Are all army people such wise-asses?” Eve inquired, shutting the door behind her. She thought of all the soldiers she knew, realizing it was quite the few.

Corbin considered it for a moment. “Um, yes. The talented ones,” a smug smile adorned her face. “So clearly, you’d be a good fit, rumor has it. Or maybe Brunie is just rubbing off on you.”

“While I do appreciate the compliment, I think I have enough military presence in my life already,” Eve pointed out.

Corbin figured Eve wasn’t referring to what she saw at the infirmary on a daily basis, nor was she talking about Brunie. For a moment, Corbin debated telling Eve that Brunie was working with her father, but she decided against it. Her reasons for telling Eve would not be army related ones, but personal ones, and what Brunie chose to tell or not tell Eve upon her return was between the two of them. Corbin may have known the man a bit, and the circumstances that led to his departure, but she knew nothing about his relationship with his daughter other than the fact that said daughter was there, and he was somewhere that was not there.

She found things like privacy and personal choices sacred, and she wasn’t going to do anything to violate Eve’s privacy, or Brunie’s right to tell Eve things herself.

“Seriously, though, how are you doing?” Her features softened.

“I thought this wasn’t about me,” Eve smirked.

“It’s not. It’s about me. I want Brunie to be happy, you make her happy. Hence, it’s my job to make sure you’re in a good condition when she gets back.”

“Good condition? What am I? A collector’s item?”

“You might as well be. It’s very rare for Brunie to be as invested in someone as she is in you.”

Eve didn’t know what to say. She didn’t need the validation anymore, because she chose to believe Brunie when the woman said Eve was special to her. But it was still different when outside observers commented on it, too. “Does she get it from you?” Eve finally asked.

“Does she get what from me?”

“The snark, for starters.”

“I’d like to think that it’s environmental, so I’ll take some of the credit, yes,” Corbin grinned.

“Cecily said you were Brunie’s mentor?”

“I’ve known her since she joined the academy, so, I guess you can say that, yeah,” Corbin confirmed. “But Cecily has known her for years, too. And if you’re asking if we shaped her into who she is today since she lost her parents, I’d say that I’m sure and hope we helped somewhat. But I think that the person you love is a combination of circumstances, consequences and spending way too much time with boys.”

“Yeah, she’s always covered in mud when I see her,” Eve agreed, “or her penguins’ pajamas,” she added as an afterthought.

“Dear lord, she came into Command wearing it the other day and I could not believe my eyes.”

“It’s because she puts on that front of being bad-ass all the time, but she’s not,” Eve noted.

“Let me tell you something, kid, we all do,” Corbin confessed, her expression changing into something more intense. She wanted Eve to understand. “That’s part of being in charge. Playing the game. It can be really exhausting at times.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Eve thought back to her dad. He never tried to maintain any façade around their family. _Until mom died…_

“Because the whole point is – go to work, play the game, go home and unwind with the person who sees through the game.” She gave Eve a meaningful look.

Eve considered her words. _Then mom was dad’s way of unwinding, and when she died he just never stopped playing the game._

“When she comes back, you two should join us for dinner,” Corbin offered. She had a feeling Eve’s thoughts may have wondered somewhere a bit dark, and she wanted to bring her back to the present.

“Wait, what?” The surprise was enough to shake Eve out of her haze. “You and Cecily?”

Corbin smirked and stood up to leave. Eve realized that’s the only confirmation she was going to get.

“So, did I pass the test?” she asked.

“Kid, the only test that ever mattered to us is that Brunie wants to be with you. I’d say you passed that one with flying colors.”

Eve wasn’t too happy that the Colonels’ standards weren’t very high. _What’s the point of winning if I can’t even get an ego boost out of it?_

“But what if I’m a horrible person who just wants her for her fame and money?” she proposed. “You want her to be happy, but what if I’m secretly scheming my rise to stardom, and plan on living in a palace, and go on trips to Europe, and…”

“Do you always ramble like that?” Corbin pointed at her for emphasis.

“I’m known for it,” Eve admitted sheepishly, her face reddening just a smudge.

“It’s cute. Also, do you have any idea how logistically difficult it is for us to get to Europe?” Corbin groaned. “It’s not impossible, but it’s a pain. You’re more likely to read about it in one of Brunie’s fantasy books than to have it as an actual possibility before this war ends.”

“I thought we were maybe getting there?” Eve proposed in hope, which made Corbin chuckle.

“When an army person says ‘getting there,’ assume they mean years and not months.”

Eve nodded, deflated. _I just want the damn stars, all the time._

“Hey, look at me.” It was an order, but Corbin’s voice was kind. “What your girl is doing over there might be a huge step in our way forward. There are a lot of things happening. Just because they are not happening tomorrow doesn’t mean you won’t get to experience them.” It almost sounded like a promise.

“I never used to have dreams like these, you know?” Eve swallowed hard. “We, the second generation who were born here, or are too young to remember what it was like… before,” she explained. “This is what we’re used to. I’ve never known anything else so I guess I wasn’t as…thirsty for anything else. I was just living my life. But then there was Brunie, and it’s not like I haven’t had people to worry about before her, but she… it’s different. I was up there, we were up there together. Now things just feel like… like I’m…”

“Settling?” Corbin’s smile spoke of something bittersweet.

“Yes,” Eve confirmed, thinking that someone like Corbin, who was probably a teenager when the war started, spent half of her life feeling the way Eve was just starting to feel.

“Trust me when I say that I understand. It’s one of the reasons we don’t have kids,” Corbin admitted. “There’s this part of us that wants to wait. I don’t know if I want my kid to grow up without knowing what the sun on his face feels like, or playing soccer on actual grass.”

“Or stargazing,” Eve hummed. “I just don’t want to live the rest of my life in the darkness, so to speak.”

“I don’t think you’d have too.”

Eve could tell Corbin’s words were sincere. “You guys have been carrying this burden for years. The soldiers, the senior nurses…”

“I never said it was easy being us,” The smile she gave Eve was tight. It didn’t come easy as the others.

“Still, I’d rather have it in a limited capacity and always yearn for it, than not have it at all,” Eve stated with certainty, and Corbin knew she was talking about more than just the Upperground.

“And that’s how you change the world,” Corbin pointed out. “The yearning. You’re okay with what you have, you learn to live with it, but you never stop trying to get another piece and another piece, until you have it all.”

That choice of words resulted in a big smile on Eve’s face. The Colonel was happy to see that the young woman was opening up to her, to both of them. _Not everyone keeps it all inside like Brunie. Some people wear their hearts on their sleeve, and those people have to be valued, and appreciated_ , she thought. She knew that Brunie’s heart was huge, too, and that if Eve managed to get past Brunie’s walls, they’d be perfect for each other.

She could also tell that Eve needed that connection to Brunie. She knew then and there that Cecily and herself would try, in any way they could, to keep the woman’s heart intact until Brunie came back, and to help in case she didn’t. But no matter which route they had to take, she found that Eve was radiating strength.

“You’re a fighter, too, you know,” she announced. “A different kind of fighter than we are, maybe, but you’re still a soldier after all.”

“Thank you,” Eve nodded, grateful. “I didn’t even think I needed comfort today, but you made me feel better, so thanks for that.”

 _There it is_ , Corbin thought. _That complete honesty, the vulnerability, the heart on the sleeve._

“I’m happy to hear that. Just make sure that next time you see Cecily you tell her you like me better.”

Eve laughed. Real, genuine laugh. She couldn’t deny that the carefree playfulness reminded her of Brunie, and of how Brunie could be when she let go. _This is what a person who has done this long enough to find balance looks like_ , she realized.

 _This is how we can be, too._ Happy like Cecily and Corbin, but also completely different in their own special way.


	40. Chapter 38

Brunie, Oz and Mark stood in front of a map.

It’s been three weeks since they arrived, and Brunie was getting antsy and restless. These were qualities in herself that she was quite aware of, and for the most part, managed to keep at bay. The problem was that she really thought it was time for them to leave. She feared they might never do so otherwise.

Needless to say, she was a big advocate of thorough preparation, and she wanted to keep everyone safe. However, it’s been two weeks since the rest of her people arrived, and with additional units from other states, they formed the force that was ultimately in charge of their region of Nevada. They were to enter the state from a certain point in the western border, mid-south.

With everyone accounted for, they spent the previous couple of weeks training. She thought they still had ways to go, but she felt like it was time to start discussing their departure date. Another factor was that even considering their sea and underground travel, they could only maintain the element of surprise for so long. The longer they took to leave, the more likely it was that their plans would leak.

With the attack on the K9s serving as the overture for the battle, they all had to agree on a time frame, even if not every region was to be invaded on the same day. Staggering the attacks had its own pros.

As preparations were well underway, all commanders discussed a possible departure in the following couple of weeks. That was finally agreed upon that same morning, even though some, Mark included, objected and asked for more time. Now, Brunie’s team was trying to decide on a specific date within that designated window, one that’d fit their unit and region best.

“I say we wait to the very end of the window so we can make the most out of our training period, and see how the rest are doing,” Mark gave his two cents.

“But that’s exactly the issue,” Brunie argued. “If something goes wrong with one of the earlier units and they need us as backup, we might be rushed in there when we thought we’d have all the time in the world.”

“What are you saying? You wanna expedite preparations and set on an earlier date?” Oz’s eyes didn’t move from the map. 

“Yes. Maybe not tomorrow, okay? But maybe… I don’t know, nine days? What do you think?” she turned to look at her second.

“I think that once we start attacking in other regions they’ll realize we’re here, and more enemy forces will be sent to this area. We’d lose the element of surprise,” he pointed out. “It’ll be harder to break through the state line.”

“Or even worse,” Brunie added. “They somehow realize we’re working under a time frame, and notice that ours is the only area of South Nevada that is yet to be invaded.”

“Which means they might focus forces there,” Mike concluded, torn between wanting more time and knowing the truth of his colleagues’ words.

“I’m also afraid that if we wait, by the time we leave they might have aerial photos of the area,” Brunie added, adamant to see how they could work faster. “We might risk the entire operation by waiting. I mean, how can we go on to Oregon before we’re done with Nevada? The Leadership will understand what we’re doing, they’ll be ready. This will cause a huge chain reaction.” Other units were counting on them to work fast and move on. There was pressure on her to set the tone for the rest of the operation.

“They might think we’re aiming for Wyoming?” Oz suggested. “As part of a multiple-state Arrow Maneuver?”

“It’s possible. But I think even they might realize it’s a bit presumptions of us to go for the Capital,” Mark pointed out. “I think Brunie is right,” he sighed.

“I kinda wish we would’ve pushed for a departure in the upcoming week, but I agree that it’s smart for us to take some more time,” she noted, eyebrows furrowing.

“I think we can do nine days,” Mark conceded. “It’s the best compromise. We don’t wait too long, it’s relatively close to the middle of the designated window.”

“But not on the seventh day because we don’t do round units,” Brunie offered warmly to the older man. She learned over the past few weeks that he had a lot of superstitions, but Mark always brushed her off, claiming he was just being O.C.D. The truth was probably somewhere in the middle.

“Right,” he confirmed with a smile. They weren’t friends, but they found a way to be respectful colleagues, and he was grateful that the young woman managed to stay professional. He wasn’t sure he could’ve done the same if the roles were reversed.

“Great, then it’s agreed. Nine days,” Brunie announced with finality.

“How do we get everything covered in nine days?” Oz scratched his forehead.

“Seven,” Mark stated.

When Brunie saw the confused expression on Oz’s face she explained. “We’re gonna let them sleep four hours a night instead of six for the following seven days.”

“And then get some rest for the entirety of the eighth day,” Mark added.

“If they’re gonna hate us anyways,” Oz started, impressed by Mark and Brunie’s non-verbal understanding, “we might as well make lunch and dinner breaks half an hour shorter.”

“That’s not a bad idea, Oz, thank you,” Brunie nodded.

“Which gives us a total of additional…” Mark calculated.

“Twenty one hours,” Brunie provided. “Almost an extra day.”

“Not ideal,” Mark tsked.

“But doable,” Brunie put her hands on the table in front of her. “Okay, let’s talk a day by day breakdown.”

Maybe they were the bearers of bad news when it came to R&R, but in truth, no one slept less than they did.

* * *

It took a while to make it happen, but Eve finally found herself sitting down for dinner with Jordan, Carmela and Austin. She wasn’t sure why she was so nervous, but when Carmela was in the other room, Jordan told her that she already scored some points by bringing a box of cream puffs.

“And the fancy brand, too!” she whispered back at him.

“We don’t have a fancy brand,” he reminded.

Eve looked around to study the extremely cozy home Carmela and Malik made for themselves. _Brunie said she was the one who built everything in this living room_ , she remembered with a chuckle, earning a questioning look from Jordan. “It’s nothing,” she assured. _Furniture didn’t make this place cozy, tough,_ she thought, _a family did_.

 _Family, that’s it_. Meeting Corbin and Cecily (who stopped by multiple times since each of their initial visits,) was like meeting the parents, or as close as could be under the circumstances. Meeting Carmela, while being something Eve was really looking forward to, was kind of like meeting the sister, or the best friend. In any case, it was meeting the person who had Brunie’s back the most, and won’t shy away from mud-wrestling with Eve if the circumstance required. _I’m short. I don’t think I can take her_ , Eve observed. _Not even with my firearms training._

She found it amusing that she was more intimidated by a pregnant housewife, than by two older Colonels. She guessed it had something to do with her own father, and also with always having a guy best friend. She heard many rumors about girl best friends and their antics.

“Stop. Your thoughts are so loud you’re giving me a headache,” Jordan begged.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m just nervous.”

“I know,” he took her hand in his, “but there’s no reason to be. She already likes you just because of how happy you made her best friend.”

Austin was sitting in his high chair, eyeing the cream puffs. But his mom warned him right before she left the room, so when he looked up at the adults who were still present, Jordan glared at him as if to say – I dare you.

That was the moment Carmela chose to rejoin them, carrying something that smelled like steak.

“Shit, Carmela, let me help,” Jordan jumped off his chair to assist the 27 weeks pregnant woman.

“Jordan said a bad word!” Austin announced.

“I know baby,” Carmela rolled her eyes. “And mommy doesn’t need any help. Right, Jordan?” her stare was made of knives.

“Sorry,” he blurted quietly and sat back down just as Carmela put the dish on the table.

Eve snorted at the whole ordeal. “Wow, Carmela, it smells amazing,” she felt her mouth watering.

“Thank you, Eve. I’ve been looking for a reason to enjoy making steak again. And it’s nice to be appreciated, considering that my little partner here,” she gestured at Austin, “can’t quite value good cuisine just yet.”

Seeing the antics of the mother and son made Eve feel all fuzzy inside.

“Your son is adorable,” Eve poked her tongue out at Austin who returned the favor.

“Isn’t he?” Carmela chuckled. “And you’re pretty. Very, very pretty,” she stated.

“Um… thanks? Not sure how we got to _that_ from Austin’s adorableness, but thanks,” Eve blushed against her will.

“Oh, I’m just making an observation,” Carmela explained. “I suppose it made more sense in my head. Sort of a ‘oh, great, Brunie’s girlfriend is really pretty, I approve’ kind of thing,” Carmela gave her a wide smile.

For a second, Eve thought that maybe she should correct Carmela’s use of the G word, but she wasn’t even sure Carmela was wrong. _Who knows these days_? _I do live in her quarters after all._

“Oh my god will you two stop with the compliment fest? It’s nauseating!” Jordan protested.

“You’re only upset because you’re not a part of it, Jor,” Carmela poked him in the ribs, which earned her a glare. This was the moment when Eve knew she loved Carmela. It helped calm her down somewhat.

“So, Eve, tell me about yourself,” Carmela asked, voice sweet, ignoring Jordan’s pout.

“Uh oh,” Eve crossed her arms, “are we gonna play 20 questions?”

Carmela grinned. “I just want to get to know the girl who finally got to my best friend.”

“Well, let’s see. I’m a nurse. I’m twenty-two years old.”

“Did you always know you wanted to be a nurse?” Carmela liked that Eve was doing something that helped people. She knew that Brunie did that, too, even if her way was different and more about the long run, but Carmela understood. She saw it in Malik, as well. She thought that in that respect, Eve complemented and probably balanced Brunie.

“I did,” Eve confirmed. “My mother was a nurse. I always wanted to be like her. She was the kindest soul I’ve ever met.”

“Was?”

“Carmela,” Jordan warned.

“No, it’s okay, Jor,” Eve soothed. “Carmela’s life is an open book by default. I think it’s only fair that I share.” She turned to address Carmela. “She died when I was twelve.”

“I’m really sorry,” Carmela took Eve’s hand and squeezed it. She realized Eve also understood loss. It was another level on which Eve could relate to Brunie, and while Carmela hated thinking about that aspect when Eve just shared something intimate and painful, she couldn’t help herself. As someone who experienced loss only recently, she felt for Eve. But as someone who had her best friend’s back, she was happy to learn just how good a fit Eve was for Brunie. She thought her best friend was an incredible person, but Brunie wasn’t easy to handle. Her life hasn’t been easy, and while Carmela knew that love wasn’t always easy either, many times it was. Carmela figured it’ll take a very specific sort of bond for Brunie to experience that ease.

“And… your father?” she asked, cautious.

“He’s… he’s in L.A. He left when I was fourteen. He missed my mom and hated the fact that I was gay, and I think I reminded him of her. He knew I was going to go to nursing school, and in his mind being a nurse is what killed her, so he didn’t want me to go, even though it’s the only thing I ever wanted to do, and even though he’s a soldier so it’s completely ridiculous and hypocritical, and…”

“Whoa, slow down, Sweetheart,” Carmela’s voice was soft and grounding, letting Eve know that she wasn’t being mocked. 

“Also, I ramble on occasion,” Eve shrugged, putting a bittersweet smile on Carmela’s face.

“I’m sorry he made you feel this way,” she comforted. “Sometimes the people we love the most do stupid things.”

“Like going into the battlefield,” Eve huffed.

“Amen to that!” Carmela raised her non-alcoholic beverage and took a sip.

“Please, you love that they are in the army,” Jordan rolled his eyes.

“God, Mal looked so good in those uniforms,” Carmela reminisced.

“Yeah…” Eve sighed, a dreamy expression appeared on her face, the kind that told the other two exactly where, or rather, to whom, her thoughts drifted.

“Well, back to the subject,” Carmela ordered, cutting Eve’s day dream short. “What about hobbies?”

“Well, I love science. Like, really love science,” Eve admitted, half sheepish, half proud. “Um… I do like to read, though Brunie thinks I’m a complete ignorant when it comes to the old world.”

“You are,” Jordan confirmed. He was just about to take a sip from his wine glass when Eve punched his shoulder. “What? You are!” he protested. “Don’t know how to operate a VCR, don’t know who the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are!”

Eve gave Carmela a questioning look.

“Oh, don’t look at me, Honey. Mal and Brunie had this obsession that I had nothing to do with. I was constantly mocked for it, and frankly, I think they’re the crazy ones. Totally on your side there,” she took another sip.

“How are you the people I’m hanging out with the most?” Jordan whined.

“You just wait ‘till B gets back and you can get all weird together,” Carmela patted his shoulder.

“Platonically,” Eve clarified.

“I wouldn’t dream of anything else!” Jordan promised in a dramatically exaggerated manner.

“Liar,” Both women countered in unison and they all burst into laughter.

“What about you Carmela?” Eve finally asked. “Anything you’d like to share with the group?”

“Well, Mal and I have been together since we were seventeen. He was my first love and I was his,” Carmela smiled, clearly nostalgic. “And really… we just knew it was _it_ , so… yeah. I like to paint…”

“Oh! I sketch!” Eve interrupted, excited to find a common interest.

“Oh! You need to show me your stuff!” Carmela demanded, excited as well.

“It’s more of a hobby, but I’d love to see _your_ stuff.” She was shy all of a sudden, wondering if she crossed a line, but Carmela beamed at her.

“Anyways,” Carmela continued, “I always worked from home which was perfect. I got to spend a lot of time with Mal whenever he could, and then we had Austin.”

“And do you still paint?”

“I do,” she confirmed. “And even though it took a little bit of an abstract and dark turn in recent months, I really love it. I’ll show you next time. I have a few portraits of Brunie that I think you’d really like. She doesn’t even know about them. She constantly refused to model for me. I had Mal take pictures of her for me to copy from.”

“I’m sure it helped that her posters are everywhere,” Jordan winked at Eve. Carmela saw that and giggled.

“Yeah, but it’s not the same,” she clarified. “When she poses for these things… god, she hates it. It doesn’t capture who she really is. But, yeah. Next time. I also sculpt.”

“Do you sell any of it?” Eve inquired, suddenly giddy.

“She’s gonna get a booth on Main Street soon!” Jordan announced, evidently thrilled. It was a relatively new development.

“Wow! That’s wonderful Carmela. I’m sure Brunie would be so proud of you.” She hesitated for a moment and then added, “Malik, too.” But there was no need to worry, as she learned by the soft smile Carmela was giving her.

“I know,” Carmela agreed, “he told me.”

“What?” Jordan’s face twitched in confusion. Carmela’s booth decision was made after Malik died.

Her eyes widened in realization. She didn’t think she spoke the words out loud.

“You… you talk to him?” Eve wasn’t passing judgement, or criticizing. It was just a straight forward question.

“Yes,” Carmela admitted. The single word was hardly audible. “I think…” she cleared her throat, “I think we all do. All of us who lost someone…”

“I think so too,” Eve agreed at once when she noticed Carmela was struggling. She saw her mom sometimes. It suddenly occurred to her that Brunie must see so many faces, all the time. _That’s a lot of voices to have in one’s head._

“How do they manage?” she shook her head, referring to Brunie, but also to Malik. She didn’t say their names, but Carmela understood. She often thought the same when she was with Malik. Sometimes he seemed distant, but then he’d lock eyes with her and he was present again.

“I think having us helps,” Carmela proposed, earning a nod from Eve.

Jordan examined the two women. He had never lost anyone, not in the way that they did. He knew he should thank his lucky star for never feeling that kind of sorrow. He also knew that it was very rare in a reality of war to not personally know someone who died. He had to accept that it meant he couldn’t always understand completely, relate. Just like he never realized Eve was talking to someone who died, until she just implied it. _Her mom_ , he assumed. It seemed logical, but he didn’t understand how exactly it worked. _Does Eve turn to her for guidance? Does she talk to her every day?_ He could tell that the conversation Carmela and Eve were having possessed a different type of intimacy, the intimacy of those who have lost. And while he was grateful to never have experienced that pain, he was also just a little bit jealous of that understanding he wasn’t privy to. That said, he was glad that while Brunie was gone, Eve and Carmela had one another. They shared that specific understanding, and they shared a love for art and for Brunie. It also occurred to him that there was another level to Brunie and Eve’s relationship that he hadn’t thought of before. It helped him absorb the magnitude of their connection. Eve said she never felt like this with anyone before. He was finally beginning to see why. There was this hole in both of them that needed to be filled, and they unspokenly recognized it in one another. It was those puzzle pieces coming together. Yes, many have lost over the years, but for Eve and Brunie it happened at a very young age, and it decimated the most important relationships of their lives.

The trio was sitting in silence, as each one was letting new meaningful information sink in, when Carmela suddenly realized Austin has been quiet for a while. She turned to look at him, expecting to see a happy boy playing with a toy. Instead, she was just in time to see him happily shoving the last creampuff into his mouth.

“Oh, you gotta be kidding me! Not again!” Carmela groaned, startling the other two. “How many creampuffs were in the box, Eve?”

“I don’t know. Fifteen? Maybe seventeen?” She was not so secretly amused. Though as a nurse she was quite worried.

“You are such a neglectful mother,” Jordan shook his head in disapproval, but he knew Carmela would take it as the tease it actually was.

“God, that’s exactly what Brunie said right before she left. Do _not_ tell her about this,” Carmela begged. “I’ll never hear the end of it!”

“I make no promises,” Eve smirked, thinking that other than that not-so-little mishap, dinner definitely served its purpose. “Now let’s teach Austin how great Chamomile tea can be.”


	41. Chapter 39

It wasn’t the smooth sailing they were hoping for, not by a long shot, but they were wrong about The Leadership guessing their goals relatively early on, and that was a lucky break. Once the first group entered Nevada, The Leadership directed big numbers towards the west, thinking, in their momentary panic, that the new Capital in Wyoming was The Resistance’s end goal. Things were chaotic, and The Leadership quite literally took out the big guns. Tanks, airplanes and every weapon that was still in their disposal. It was as Central Command predicted in terms of use of force, and for the first time in years, The Resistance could afford to respond in the same manner. That, of course, was thanks to the first day of fighting which brought with it the final demise of the K9s in a surprise coordinated airstrike. It also brought with it the demise of 600 soldiers when one chopper malfunctioned and forced a ground encounter with the K9. There was no way to avoid carnage.

The massive use of heavy weaponry made the first few weeks of fighting extremely hard on both sides, and many lives were lost. Understanding that the damage was just too great, both sides unofficially agreed to pull back most tanks and all airplanes unless it was for aerial intelligence. Eventually, The Leadership finally realized what the actual plan was, and shifted its units accordingly.

Two weeks since their unit left the L.A. Local, and three weeks since the overall battle started, Brunie found herself somewhere in the north of Table Mountain. Fighting in the mountains was hardly a treat, and they lost many men in the first week of fighting (at which point everyone was still using aircrafts), but she was still intact, as were Oz and Mark. She thanked her lucky star for that, but as always, she couldn’t afford more than a second to think about her fallen brothers and sisters.

She knew the drill. You bow your head, you push through. If you’re lucky, when it’s all done and over, you can go back and… collect. In a battle like the one they were facing, going back for bodies was a nearly impossible scenario. They left the job to the Locals that just took over the new Upperground areas that The Resistance conquered.

Things were quiet for the moment. _I hate this,_ she thought. She liked quiet when it meant lying next to Eve and watching the stars. She didn’t like quiet when it was the calm before the storm.

 _There it is again, thoughts of Eve_. Thoughts that she was trying to push down, not because she didn’t cherish them, but because her daydreaming didn’t do her commanding job any favors.

 _Or maybe that’s what kept me alive until now, who knows_. The idea of having someone to come back to was something she never had before. The sensation was weird but not unpleasant. It made her ten times more determined, which is why she couldn’t figure out if it was a good thing or a bad thing. 

_I guess we’ll have to wait and find out_.

“Boo!”

Brunie jumped. But she recognized the voice of the rude intruder right away and turned to stare at her in surprise. “What are you doing here _now_ of all times?”

“Well, hello to you too, gorgeous. And hey, I tried to come earlier, but you wouldn’t see me, so be fair. I guess you’re finally ready to listen to what I have to say?” Marcela proposed, sardonic.

“ _Now?_ _Now_ I’m ready to listen to what you have to say?” Brunie couldn’t even remotely fathom what sorts of tricks her mind was up to.

“I don’t make the rules, Babe, you know I just play by yours,” Marcela flirted and Brunie knew that she was right. If Marcela was there it meant that Brunie needed her.

“Fine, what do you have to say?” Brunie has done this long enough to know that she should fear the answer.

“First of all, duck,” Marcela ordered. Brunie didn’t need to be told twice. She ducked just a nano-second before shots were fired at her direction.

“Thanks, Mar.” Brunie was trying to catch her breath, observing the girl who was lying on the ground next to her. She still looked like a seventeen years old, frozen in time, forever.

“Don’t mention it, love. Now, finish the bastards so we can talk.”

It took two additional hours, but they managed to contain the situation and keep their progress east and north. It was hard to predict what was ahead in terms of Uppers, because they were all very scattered. Sometimes they’d run into a scouting delegation and it would turn into a quick win. When it was a bigger group, a camp, it could take a couple of days. Every time a battle was over they had to do a men count, and because they were spread on such a big area, even with their coms it took a while to round up everyone.

“Took you long enough,” Marcela scoffed as Brunie loaded her rifle and wiped some sweat off her face.

“Have you been watching over me since this whole thing started?” Brunie investigated, wondering if maybe some divine intervention had her back. _Mark is rubbing off on me,_ she thought. _Maybe it can work both ways and he’ll become less of a bigot_. Except that he was nothing but polite and kind to her since day one. _The man is a riddle._

“I’ve always been watching over you, B,” Marcela declare, bringing Brunie back to the present. Brunie smiled at the words.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t talk before.” Her apology was sincere.

“Yeah, well, it is what it is. I get it,” Marcela shrugged.

“Hey, Boss, you talking to yourself?” Oz approached her from behind.

“Nope, just with my ghost of Christmas past,” she winked at him.

“Cute,” Marcela rolled her eyes.

Oz, who didn’t even reach her yet, was utterly puzzled, but he figured his Captain was in one of her loner moods. He quietly course-corrected and joined Mark who wasn’t too far.

Marcela laughed. “You scared the poor boy. He practically ditched you. Oh, Ozy, always so respectful.”

“He’s a great second,” Brunie admitted. “I wasn’t the best at expressing that to him at first, but…”

“Nothing like some good old mortal danger for bonding!” Marcela provided in fake cheer.

“Right,” Brunie confirmed, somewhat bitter.

“On that note, you need to go home, B.”

“What, like right now? A little bit preoccupied here, Mar.”

“Don’t be dumb. I’m saying you need to make sure you stay alive through this and go home, to your girlfriend”.

The comment left her shook. Hearing her dead ex, who was only an ex _because_ she was dead, calling someone else Brunie’s “girlfriend,” really threw her off. She imagined it would anyone.

“Um… she’s not my girlfriend.” While the denial was technically accurate, as they never had “the talk,” it was clear that Brunie’s heart wasn’t in it.

“Please, B. I’m your own thoughts, which means that _you_ see her as your girlfriend,” Marcela’s smile was smug.

Brunie glanced at her in guilt, knowing that she was right.

“Also, you’re in love with her,” Marcela stated. “Again, _your_ thoughts.”

“I am,” Brunie admitted, biting her lip. “I’m sorry,” she offered sincerely.

“Don’t be, love. I’ve got sun, and alcohol and an unlimited supply of Twizzlers.”

The words eased Brunie’s mind somewhat. “I haven’t been with anyone this way for so long, and…”

“I know, Babe. I know,” Marcela soothed. “But I’m dead, and you’re not cheating on me. Hell, we don’t even know if we would’ve still been together at this point if I was alive.”

Brunie nodded. She always knew that could be true, but she was mourning the fact that she never had the chance to find out, that Marcela never had the chance to maybe find someone who wasn’t Brunie, but who made her happy. Brunie knew that it would’ve hurt if Marcela broke up with her and found happiness with someone else, but Brunie would’ve wanted nothing but happiness for her first love.

“Which is how you know,” Marcela continued, commenting on Brunie’s unspoken thoughts, “that I feel exactly the same. I want you happy. You deserve happy, B. She gives you that. So know that you have my blessing.”

“Which is cheating because really, it’s _my_ blessing,” Brunie argued.

“Shut up, you big idiot,” Marcela sighed. “You have my blessing to be happy. I need you to be happy so I can get closure, too. Okay? I can’t fully enjoy my afterlife knowing every day, for eternity mind you, that you are stuck because of me. That your guilt and fear of losing someone else, of being lost to someone, is making you live like this. It’s been long enough, B. I didn’t say anything before because there was no one who was worth fighting for, adjusting for. But there, you found her. And she’s…”

“Amazing,” Brunie whispered.

“So I keep hearing,” Marcela smiled. “So do us all a favor and don’t die, okay? Go home to her.”

“Well I already knew that I needed to get home to her, Mar,” Brunie rolled her eyes. “Could’ve saved you the trip to these realms.”

“Yeah but you didn’t know that _I_ wanted you to get home to her,” Marcela clarified, her expression open and honest. “And now you do, and say what you want, but it makes a difference. So, this trip? Worth it.”

“It’s never gonna be different though,” Brunie pointed out, the worry evident in her voice. “I feel like being with me will always be a struggle for her. There will always be a chance that she could lose me. How can I subject her to that?”

“Yeah, well, we always had a chance of losing each other, too,” Marcela countered.

“I _did_ lose you, Mar.”

“And I lost you, too. But it doesn’t mean you regret we ever happened. Do you?”

Brunie observed the other girl, trying to imagine what life would’ve been like if she had never known Marcela in the first place. The thought alone made her shudder from the overwhelming feeling of sorrow.

“Well, do you?” Marcela insisted. It wasn’t aggressive, more of a quiet plea, even though she already knew the answer.

“No, of course not,” Brunie’s voice cracked. “I can’t even imagine never getting to know you. Never getting to touch you, and kiss you, it’s…”

“Too painful?” Marcela’s soft voice encouraged Brunie to nod in confirmation. “More painful than losing me?”

But Brunie wouldn’t reply, she averted her gaze instead, not wanting to admit that one specific detail, the one that made her feel like a terrible person. But it already clicked in her head.

“B, look at me,” Marcela ordered and Brunie obliged. “Is the thought of never knowing me, us, at all, more painful than losing me?” Brunie kept quiet once again, but she didn’t turn away this time. She looked straight into Marcela’s eyes. “Then you finally understand,” Marcela concluded.

“I do,” Brunie admitted, swallowing hard.

“You understand, and you have my blessing. All you need to do is go home to her,” her tone indicated that there was no room for arguments. 

“Thanks, Mar,” Brunie mustered all the love she could into these two words.

“What for?”

“For being my mirror to reflect with,” Brunie explained.

“Only prettier,” Marcela smirked.

“I knew you’d say that,” Brunie grinned.

“Obviously, you did. I thought that was cheating,” Marcela teased. She looked around, taking in the spectacular view from the mountain’s summit. She could also see smoke in the distance, lots of it. The whole state was a war zone. It was inescapable and heartbreaking. “Is this pretty much going the way you wanted it to?”

Brunie sighed. _The K9s…_ The thought has haunted her for days.

“It could’ve been worse. But it could’ve been better, too,” she admitted. “We lost way more men than we should’ve on the first week. So many, from home…” she choked on a sob. “And the K9s…”

“I know how you feel about what happened with the K9s,” her own mental reflection in the form of Marcela reminded. “It’ll be okay, B,” she promised, putting a comforting hand on Brunie’s shoulder. It went right through her, making Brunie laugh-sob.

“See, now you’re just being my wishful thinking,” Brunie accused, shaking her head.

“Just… watch your back, okay?” Marcela’s eyes bore into her. “Things aren’t always the way they seem. People can surprise you. So just stay clear headed.”

“Well that’s very ominous. What is that supposed to mean?”

“I can’t tell you more or it won’t be as interesting,” Marcela winked.

“Seriously?” Brunie protested. “This is not how this works!”

“Sorry, Babe, I really need to go. You need to finish this thing and go home. Okay?”

“Okay,” Brunie pouted, regretting not allowing herself to see Marcela sooner.

“Love you, B.”

“Love you too, Mar.” The reply was like an instinct, immediate and without hesitation. Marcela grinned and vanished.

“Hey, boss, done talking to your ghost?” Oz caught up with her.

“Yes,” she confirmed, already missing the young face that she loved so much.

“Good, ‘coz I’ve been calling you for the past five minutes and you didn’t really respond. Mark said to just let you do your thing. But we need you,” he sounded apologetic.

“What is it, Oz?” she tried to wipe her eyes subtly. He pretended he didn’t notice. He really wanted to give her more time, but they didn’t have that luxury. Not just yet.

“We found a camp not too far from here. Got some juice left in you? Because this will take a while. Unless you wanna wait until morning?”

“No. We better deal with it A.S.A.P,” Brunie decided. “You know what they say, no rest for the wicked,” she patted his shoulder, letting him know that she was back with him and ready to go. She had work to do. She had _a lot_ of work to do. And then, she had to go home to her girlfriend.

She loved the way that word made her feel. _At long last._


	42. Chapter 40

Eve was sprawled on the bed, reading a random pick from Brunie’s bookcase, when a knock on the door demanded her attention. She dragged herself off the bed lazily. It was early evening, and she planned on an Upperground stroll.

Early March was the perfect stroll weather. The massive amounts of rain headed their way were still a few months away. It never got too cold, but the rain, she was starting to learn, sucked. The first time she felt it on her skin was like a religious experience, a baptism of sorts, but since then she realized that being drenched wasn’t something she particularly liked.

Thanks to the fact that their Local, while a Main Local, wasn’t in the capital of the state (mostly due to smart strategy) she also got to enjoy the beach. It was too far for her to reach by foot considering it was still a restricted military zone, but she found a cliff from which she could see it, and she made a mental note to scold Brunie for not telling her about it.

She finally opened the door to find Derek Williams on the other side of it.

“Wow,” she said, “it took you…” she glimpsed at the calendar on the wall behind her, “two and a half months. I’m extremely impressed with your self control.”

“Wow indeed,” he smirked, “has it really been that long?”

“I’d invite you in, but…”

“But what? Why won’t you?” His smile never faltered.

“I’m not gonna let you in,” she crossed her arms, being a devoted gatekeeper.

“Why not?” he feigned innocence.

“Would Brunie let you in?”

“I can’t imagine that she would, no,” he admitted, and still, the smile remained.

“Then you have your answer right there.”

“Fine. So, what? We’re just going to have a conversation here by the door?” For a moment, Eve thought he was going to pout. 

“Well, I guess that depends. _Are_ we about to have a conversation?” Her intention was clear, she was implying that they had nothing to talk about.

“That’s what I was hoping.” She noticed a shift in his voice, but to what end, she didn’t know.

“Well, then by the door it is!” she announced.

“I just wanted to see how you were doing,” he seemed serious now, genuine.

“And it took you two and a half months to ask? I’m hurt, Decker,” she shook her in disappointment.

“Well, at least you finally call me Decker,” he beamed. “You seem to be in high spirits,” he observed, somewhat suspiciously.

“I’m just trying to live my life,” she provided an honest answer. It was all she could do.

“What, no word from the battlefield?”

“Oh, I see. That’s why you’re here.” Eve was wondering when he’d finally reveal the real reason for the surprise visit.

“Pardon?”

“You think I actually have any idea about what’s happening,” she chuckled.

“You don’t?” he was surprised. “With Brunie having you here on the night before she left, and with the Colonels coming in and out of here every few days, plus, you and Malik’s wife are spending a lot of time together, I just figured…”

“Carmela, Decker. She has a name,” Eve glared at him. “Your charm works way better when you actually make the effort.”

He didn’t speak, but his apologetic smile made her sigh.

“Look, I don’t know anything, okay?” she repeated, trying to convey to him that it was the truth.

“Really?” he pushed.

“Are you being serious?” Eve groaned. “Do you really think it’d be able to lie about something like this? I wish I knew something because I’m losing my goddamn mind! The only thing that’s keeping me sane is being surrounded by those people you mentioned, who, FYI, tell me nothing, no matter how much I harass them. So I just stopped asking, and I thank my lucky star every day that passes without them knocking on my door to tell me that she’s dead. And you actually think Carmela knows something? For god’s sake, Decker, we are civilians!” she finished, breathless.

“Do you always get like that?” he asked, cautious.

“Yes!”

“Anything else you might like to add, Ms. Salus?”

“Yes,” she confirmed with force. “I really liked your interview with that professor about the World Wars last week. It was very interesting and informative,” she concluded, her tone still accusatory.

“Oh, a history buff?” He was intrigued, realizing that the shift in conversation was inevitable.

“Trying to be, mostly failing,” she admitted with a shrug.

“Well, I’m going to have an astronaut guest next week. At least he was, before the war. He’s releasing a memoir.”

“That sounds fascinating!” she forgot her cold front for a moment, tempted by the opportunity to discuss a beloved subject.

“Is that more of your thing?” The question sounded innocent enough, which made Eve eye him in suspicion.

“Why?” she demanded.

“Well, I just thought maybe you’d like to come to the studio and talk to him after the interview.” The offer almost sounded like an afterthought.

“What’s the catch?”

“Look, I get it,” there was that change in tone again, authentic sympathy. “I switch back and forth very quickly between a nice guy who cares, and a guy doing his job. For the most part, I like to see myself as a nice guy who cares _while_ doing his job. But it’s still my job, it’s who I am. And let’s be honest, even if I wasn’t around, someone else would’ve done the exact same thing. This is the life and partner you chose. People will always ask you about things. People might also ask you for your opinions about serious matters, which sounds like a compliment but it might be worse than just posing and smiling.”

“Yes, I’m aware of all of that,” Eve noted, patience waning, “what are you trying to say?”

“I’m trying to say – get used to it. Because I think she _will_ come back,” he added with conviction. “And once she does, and it seems like you guys are finally doing... whatever it is you’re doing, this is how it’ll be for you, constantly,” he warned. “And since you might be more available than her, you might get even more harassed by people who’d want you to speak on her behalf,” he concluded.

“Do you really believe she will be back?” she let her guard down then, clinging to all the assurance she could get.

“Is that really what you got from my entire speech?” he scoffed.

“It’s the only thing that actually matters,” she stated. To her surprise, he nodded in understanding.

“She’s a survivor,” he reminded. “And she wants to come back to you, of that I’m sure.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she averted her gaze instead.

“Clearly, she’s still alive, right?” He asked, not prying for information, just speculating with the young woman. “Other families were notified, so I’m guessing…”

“Yeah,” Eve’s voice cracked. She felt guilty about being happy she wasn’t one of those families. _God, war sucks._

“She’ll come back, and be with you, and then I can finally get that interview,” Decker winked, trying to lighten the mood.

Her glare was stern. “Good night, Mr. Williams.” She knew he was teasing, but if they were playing a game, she intended on doing her part.

“Ms. Salus,” he bowed his head and didn’t even have the chance to blink before the door was shut in his face.

“Hope to see you next week at the studio!” he called from the other side of the door. Eve grinned, knowing damn well that she couldn’t miss an opportunity to talk to someone who actually walked on the soil of other planets.

* * *

They had a good month of fighting, and now, mid April, they were back in North California with eyes set on Oregon.

Sadly, California was hit when Leadership forces, trying to help in Nevada, invaded the northern part of the state. Central Command was smart to leave soldiers behind, but those units were already spread thin, and having battles in north Nevada didn’t help matters. The moment Brunie’s people finished their work in south Nevada, they crossed back into California, leaving a few hundred people behind to support the Nevada Locals that finally took over the Upperground.

The battle for north Nevada was still in its early days, being that some units were assigned to join the Oregon front, and some, who climbed from south Nevada, were to continue upstate.

For the most part, the newly united forces in California managed to push back the Uppers all the way to Oregon, but the northern border brimmed with unrest, and Brunie’s unit took a few days to regroup after nearly two months of nonstop fighting. They also wanted to make sure things in California settled, because they knew for a fact that some small enemy forces managed to break through and hide in various places.

In addition, the main situation room was in L.A., and The Resistance didn’t want to leave one of its most important Main Locals exposed. The Capital was also too close to the border for comfort. All of these factors meant that even though they were technically back on Resistance territories, things were far from quiet. The chances to rest, while scattered, were still very much appreciated.

Every few days they’d find themselves in a random battle with a number of Uppers that was hard to predict. The aerial photos didn’t provide good enough a resolution to pinpoint these less numerically significant units.

Brunie was just confirming that the guy she shot was dead, when she heard a whistling sound and whipped around in time to see a bullet passes right by Oz’s ear.

“Way too close!” she yelled to make sure he heard her over the noise.

“I’d say so,” he agreed as he dropped to the ground and looked around.

“Those bastards. It’s like a needle in a haystack,” she dropped next to him. To their right, in the distance, they saw Mark firing his riffle, and were glad to see that he wasn’t hurt. The man had proven himself, unsurprisingly, as a huge asset. He always seemed to know the enemy’s next step.

“Did you ever even see a haystack in your life?” Oz inquired right before he fired.

“Are we really gonna have this discussion now?” she fired, too.

“You started it!” He fired again.

“What are we? Four?”

“You know, sometimes I think we are. Look at us, firing rifles and crawling in the mud,” Oz pointed out.

The two of them were always relatively close and fought side by side for years, but commanding together was different, and as grim as it was, the battle was a huge bonding experience for them.

“Whatever. How many more?” They started counting, but then they noticed Mark signaling to them from his position on the ground behind a boulder. He signaled with his fingers five, and then crossed his hands to form an X, and used his fingers to signal ten, as if to say – fifty more people. Just as he finished passing the data, he was shot in the shoulder right in front of their eyes.

“Shit,” Brunie blurted, referring both to the number of people still remaining, and to the fact that her HUMINT officer was now hurt.

“Take charge and finish this,” Brunie ordered. Oz nodded and started to get up. “Ozy,” she grabbed his arm and pulled him back down, “find the Doc, send him to me.”

“You got it, B.”

And then they split. He ran towards the rest of the soldiers, still shooting all the while, and Brunie ran towards mark.

The numbers were on their side. While fifty was a lot, they originally encountered about one hundred and fifty people. Now only a third of that was left. It was just a matter of fighting a while longer and losing the least amount of people possible in the process.

Brunie slid next to Mark to avoid the fire. “You okay?”

“Fine,” he grunted, holding his arm and biting his lower lip. He was clearly in pain.

“Show me,” she demanded.

“It’s nothing, Captain. Don’t worry about it,” he brushed off. There were other things to worry about.

“Show me, and that’s an order.” He outranked her, but she was still his commander on the field.

He rolled his eyes and showed her the wound.

“It went through,” she observed. He nodded as if to say that he knew that already.

She used her hands to put pressure on both sides of the wound.

“What, are you just gonna stay here and do that?” he scolded.

“Nope,” she replied just as a third man slid next to them.

“What do we got, boss?” Dante asked.

“G.S.W, went through. Tag, you’re it,” she tapped Dante’s shoulder and let him take over. She winked at Mark and left running.

It took them a total of three hours to overcome their adversaries, which wasn’t entirely awful, but those three hours could’ve been used for a much needed rest.

As the gunpowder started to clear around them, Brunie wiped her hands clean from dirt and Mark’s blood. She was joined by doctor Dante.

“How is he?”

“He’s okay,” Dante assured, gesturing at Mark who was fighting with Oz and Angus, who were trying to carry him in a stretcher.

“Stubborn, silly man,” Brunie shook her head.

“Yes,” Dante agreed. “He’ll be fine. No infection, stitched him right up. He should rest for a few days. Like, really rest.”

“Noted,” Brunie smiled, knowing that it could’ve been much worse. “Thanks, Doc.” She started walking away, her pace hasty. There was more for her to do and they needed to get to a Local, preferably before sunset. This wasn’t a good night to park outside. They could leave a few scouts behind, but the majority of the men needed actual rest.

“Hey, Captain?” Dante stopped her before she managed to run off to her duties. She turned around but remained silent. She knew that tone.

“We lost Aiden,” he informed, not breaking eye contact.

She shook her head and exhaled. It was like a punch in the gut. He was her third in command, he jumped on her to save her life just a few months prior, on that fateful night when Malik died. _Now he’s gone, too._ She gritted her teeth.

“Okay,” she said.

He bowed his head and left her to her thoughts.

 _What a shame_ _he didn’t wait ‘till Oregon, this was just a dumb encounter_. She swallowed her tears and walked towards Oz who was leading the group to the nearest Local.

“How are you feeling?” she asked Mark who mumbled in return. Clearly, the combination of pain, adrenaline, and what she assumed was the extremely efficient painkillers doctor Dante gave him, made him a bit loopy.

“What was that, Major General?” she tried again.

He groaned, took a breath, and tried his best to sound coherent.

“Let those other bastards do the cleanup. We’re moving into Oregon tomorrow!” he announced, walking in zig zag.

“We’ll see about that,” she smiled and flicked his shoulder as gently as she could. He winced in pain, and she knew she made her point. He chose to glare at her in return.

Sometimes, she actually forgot who he was. But at that moment, with that irritated stare, she saw so much of Eve in him that her heart started beating faster. Her mind drifted far away.


	43. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies!
> 
> I hope you're actually here :D
> 
> Anyway, as I assumed, this update is half the size of our regular updates, but between being gone last weekend, and having my film at 5 festivals this past week, I hardly had any time to edit. So you got a shorter update, but on the other hand, it came earlier than usual.
> 
> It also felt like an appropriate place to stop anyway, you'll see what I mean. For anyone still with me, sorry in advance for making you wait for 2 more weeks after this :D
> 
> PS - we've crossed the 500 pages milestone! About 130 more to go! Really hoping to be done before this year is over!

Brunie has been gone for four months, a fact that was often at the forefront of Eve’s thoughts.

Jordan and Carmela have secretly agreed that it was time to cheer her up. They knew Eve valued the hours after she got off from work. She used the time to read, sketch, watch some of Brunie’s old tapes and just be. Carmela even knew about her evening strolls, a fact that Eve couldn’t share with Jordan. Sometimes, they’d even let Jordan babysit and go out for a “low key girls’ night.” Jordan always assumed they went to the spa (which consisted of four shaky massage tables), or to catch a movie, but they actually went for a walk outside. Everyone knew them by then, no one bothered them, and they took advantage of the mostly nice weather.

Even so, Carmela and Jordan thought that Eve needed a little bit more in ways of distraction. Other than the two of them, Corbin and Cecily, who checked up on her every few days and her co-workers, she didn’t socialize with any human beings. Decker Williams didn’t count, even though he seemed quite fond of her.

“We have to take her out,” Carmela announced the night before. “She’s not exactly miserable, but she’s also not exactly…”

“Aware that there’s a world out there?” Jordan proposed.

“Yep, exactly.”

“Tell me about it,” he sighed. “We used to go dancing once a week, or every other week, tops. Friday night was an actual existing concept! I’d love to go, but…” he looked at her, debating whether or not to finish the sentence.

“Spit it out,” she ordered.

“You sure you’re up for it? Considering…”

“That I’m the size of a truck and about to pop at any moment?”

“Well I wasn’t gonna say _That_.”

“Jordan, it is now or never. I deserve a last hurrah. Once this baby girl is out, it’s game over.”

So it was settled. Which is how Jordan found himself a day later, sitting on Eve’s bed, wondering how to broach the subject. She was busy reading a book about the first ever airplane. It fascinated her, because even though planes existed for years, she never saw one herself. She liked all the technical descriptions, and she liked the spirit of men overcoming the laws of nature.

Jordan noticed that she put more effort into her work as of late, and read quite a lot. When he asked her about it a few days prior, she said that she was trying to grow. Not for the sake of someone else, but because she wanted to feel like a better version of herself. “I feel like I have so much hidden creativity within me,” she said, adding that hanging out with Carmela really made her want to create something. “Not necessarily art,” she clarified, “but maybe a research?” New inventions, new ideas intrigued her. It wasn’t the thing itself, but the concept of one conjuring a new thought out of one’s own brain. It was a notion that appealed to her, and in her search for something to keep her mind occupied, she immersed herself in it.

Jordan was biting his lower lip, trying to choose his words wisely. He checked his watch. _Six thirty_. He had an hour and a half until the time he set with Carmela. He could hear her in his head, calling him a wuss. He decided to approach the matter by using a subject that Eve always liked to talk about – Brunie.

“So…” he started, testing the waters.

“Hmm?” Eve was too engrossed in the book.

“Brunie has been gone for longer than the amount of time you’ve known each other when she left,” he noted.

“So?” Now he had her attention, even if it was marked by confusion.

“So... does it make any difference to you?” He wanted to ask for a while, but was worried about bringing it up.

“None,” her reply was immediate and full of conviction. She understood why he asked. Brunie has been gone for more than half of their so called relationship, but it didn’t change the way Eve felt. Even though her memory started playing tricks on her, and their moments together started to feel like a dream, a fantasy that didn’t actually happen, the way she felt didn’t waver. She knew it’d take months, she knew she’d hear nothing about her love’s whereabouts and activities, so she was just playing her part and waiting.

 _At least I have a poster to stare at_. Brunie didn’t have that, and Eve was mad at herself for not giving her anything before she left.

Jordan realized that she was staring right through him, and knew she went to her “Brunie Place.” That’s how he and Carmela dubbed it after they’ve noticed the frequent reoccurrence of the phenomenon.

“Come out with me tonight?” He asked in a gentle voice. “It’s been ages.”

Her eyes focused again. She looked between his pouting face and her book, back and forth a few times. “Okay,” she agreed, knowing she’d catch him off guard.

“Okay?” he asked in surprise. He thought he’d have to fight her for it. “Just like that?”

“Not just like that,” she countered. “You’re right. It _has_ been ages, and I haven’t exactly been a good friend lately…”

“Eve…”

“No, it’s true. And you’ve done nothing but being there for me, and I really appreciate it.”

“It’s nothing,” he tried to brush off, not used to being on the receiving end of an emotional speech.

“It’s not nothing, Jordan. Both you and Carmela have been there for me, and she’s a mother and a widow, and about to become a mother again. God. You’ve been amazing. And since you probably told her we’ll meet her there, the least I can do is not make you go back on a promise.”

“That obvious, huh?”

“You’re my best friend and I know you. Who’s babysitting?”

“I think Carm said Corbin and Cecily were?” He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to recall.

“Oh, so now they babysit? Things are gonna be different when Brunie gets back. Girlfriend in quarters, best friend is now girlfriend’s best friend, Colonels are babysitting. She might think she ended up in a parallel universe.” The thought made her sad.

“Listen, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he was already trying to figure out how to break the news to Carmela.

“No, Jordan, I’m fine, really. Just because I talk about her, just because I’m sad that she’s not here, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hang out with you guys.” She took his hand in hers.

“Okay. So we’re going out?” he allowed himself a little bit of hope.

“We’re going out,” she confirmed, smile growing.

“And you’re not going to feel guilty for dancing with us instead of sitting here and moping about Brunie?” His concern was genuine, but Eve actually laughed out loud.

“Brunie is doing what she needs to be doing, and when she’ll come back, I’ll be waiting for her right here.”

* * *

They entered The Bomb Shelter on Main Street around eight p.m. Carmela was sitting by the bar and when she saw them walking towards her she nearly chocked.

“Oh my god, you actually made it!” she yelled and jumped off her chair to hug Eve.

“So little faith in me,” Jordan scoffed and she hugged him, too.

“As you should,” Eve pointed out. “He would have totally ditched you had I not agreed, relatively easily mind you,” she gestured at Jordan who nodded in conformation, “to come.”

“Well, I’m really glad you did. Come on!” Carmela grabbed Eve’s hand and started dragging her to the dance floor. “Order us more drinks!” she barked at Jordan who rolled his eyes.

“What am I, the chaperone?” he asked no one in particular and turned around to get the drinks.

Back on the dance floor, Eve and Carmela were trying to have a conversation. The effort was futile due to the loud music.

“Are the Colonels actually babysitting?” eve yelled.

“What?”

“I said, are the Colonels actually babysitting?”

“Oh, you look nice too!” Carmela replied, joyful and totally clueless.

When Eve shook her head as if to say “not even close to what I meant,” Carmela’s face fell. She took Eve’s hand and pulled her towards a booth that was far enough from the dance floor.

“You do look nice, though,” Eve noted the minute they were back at hearing range.

“That’s just lovely,” Carmela groaned. “A pregnant, single mother finally goes out on the town and she can’t even get a genuine compliment!”

“Oh please, you know I think you are beautiful!” Eve protested.

“Down, girl, you have a girlfriend,” Carmela warned, making Eve beam. Jordan joined them with three drinks.

“Only three?” Carmela asked in disappointment.

“What do you care? Yours in non-alcoholic anyway. Plus, the line is very long.”

When Carmela kept staring at him, he growled, said “fine!” and turned back to where he came from.

Eve was laughing out loud. “You are mean,” she accused.

“If by mean you mean trying to get you two seriously drunk so I can live vicariously through you, then you are most correct!” She downed her beverage. “Oh, Alcohol, how I miss thee!” She nuzzled her face into the empty glass.

Eve found it all very funny, right up to the point when her nurse instincts kicked in, as she realized her friend was getting way too familiar with the glass. “Eww! Gross! You have no idea how many fingers touched that glass!” she scolded.

“Please. Having a three years old who goes to kindergarten pretty much means my immune system is so much more superior than yours,” Carmela pushed a shot glass towards Eve.

“As a nurse I can tell you that’s complete and utter bullshit,” Eve countered, raised her glass, gestured with her head to Carmela, and downed the shot.

“That’s my girl!” Carmela clapped happily. “What should we do with the third one?”

“Um, it’s Jordan’s,” Eve reminded, not understanding the question.

“Yes, but he is not here. Alcohol waits for no one! Now, grant a pregnant women’s wish and let me watch you drink it. It’s like porn for me.”

Eve studied her with a quirked eyebrow, but picked up the glass and obliged, feeling guilty immediately. But Carmela’s face lit up. It made the betrayal almost worth it.

“If this is how you are now, do I even wanna know what you were like before you became a wife and a mother?” Eve inquired in amused hesitation.

“Are you kidding? Brunie, Malik, Marcela and I would go on so called double dates, which basically meant getting super drunk. They worked so hard all week, it was very physical, they really needed to blow off some steam,” Carmela explained. “Most weekends they weren’t around, so that made the need even bigger when they were. And then Marcela died, and Brunie needed it even more,” Carmela added without thinking. But a moment later she realized what she just said. “Oh, god, Eve, I’m so sorry, this night is supposed to be about fun.”

“It’s okay, Carm,” Eve shrugged. “It’s a part of who she is. I don’t mind hearing about it. We all have a past and we all have baggage.”

Carmela took her hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Anyway, we became a bit more civilized as we’ve gotten older. Brunie just turned into… you know, her quiet self. It wasn’t as easy to hang out together like this anymore. That’s how Sunday dinners became a thing. Because we had Austin, Brunie would usually come for dinner and stay after and babysit so Mal and I could go out, or they would grab a beer before she… you know…”

“Find her tasty delight of the night?”

“So to speak, yeah,” Carmela confirmed, searching Eve’s face. “It’s not who she really is, you know.”

“I know,” Eve’s smile was soft. People have different ways to deal with pain, and as long as no one was hurt, Eve wasn’t going to judge. “That’s really not the part in our relationship that currently worries me,” her face darkened.

“Good, because it really shouldn’t,” Carmela bumped their shoulders just as Jordan returned with a tray containing four shots and a glass of soda.

“Okay,” he sat down, looking like he was the one back from the battlefield, “that’s four right here. With the first two, it makes three for each of us and… wait,” he noticed the empty glasses, “where are the drinks?”

“The drinks have been drank, as intended by nature,” Carmela took the soda glass from the tray.

“I’m so sorry! I was peer pressured by a pregnant lady!” Eve explained when she saw the betrayed expression on Jordan’s face.

“I deserve to be entertained _somehow_ ,” Carmela concluded her argument with a burp.

“Classy and charming,” Jordan noted and downed one of the shots.

Eve took a third shot, weirdly saddened by the fact that she didn’t get to experience Carmela in all her drunken glory. Meanwhile, she herself wasn’t looking forward to perform her nursely duties while hung over. But it was still early, and she was promised dancing.

As if Carmela could read her mind, she got up and dragged them both to the dance floor again.

They danced for about half an hour, or in Carmela’s case, slowly swayed while letting the other two support her weight. Eve had to admit that she felt good. The drinks, the music, the company. She’s been waiting constantly for something to happen. Whether it was Brunie’s return, or some sort of an announcement that she didn’t want to admit she was afraid of. Either way, she was always guarded, feeling like news could come at any given moment. She had to find her own way to keep distracted, but the thought was always in the back of her mind, lurking, no matter what she did.

Tonight, though, with some help from her good friends, the shot glasses, and some help from Jordan and Carmela, too, she almost, _almost_ forgot entirely.

When a slower song came on, they went back to their booth, catching their breaths, content.

“I miss Malik so much,” Carmela said all of a sudden. The words didn’t sound sad, they came from a woman who’d have loved to dance with her husband to the song that was playing, but couldn’t. In truth, she spoke of so many tiny moments that were represented by that current one. It reminded Eve that tonight wasn’t just about her, shouldn’t be just about her. She made a mental note to tell them how much she loved them once she was sober, because it had to count, and she had to make sure they knew they could always talk to her, too.

Eve found Carmela to be so brave and strong. It made her feel like she had to watch and take note. Because even though she kept telling Brunie she could handle it all, she was a newbie, and she was starting to feel, a little bit more every day, the true meaning of subjecting herself to that life. She didn’t have second thoughts, but Carmela told her once that it was like a technique of being in denial whenever your significant other was gone. “Not numbness,” Carmela clarified and made sure Eve understood. “You need to live your life to its fullest even while they’re gone, or there’ll be nothing left of you but the girl who sits around and waits. So be in a bit of a denial, but don’t be numb. Always pretend she’ll be home for dinner, and if she’s gone for a while, pretend she’s on a trip. And if she doesn’t come back? Well, that’s a whole different technique.”

 _She needs to be more than the widow_ , Eve knew.

She was so lost in thought that she was a bit startled when a soft hand landed on her shoulder. She wasn’t the only one who was surprised, she realized, as she looked at her friends and saw they were staring at the newcomer in puzzlement. Only then did Eve look up to find a woman she had never seen before, a gorgeous one at that, who was standing in front of her with a dazzling smile on her face.

“Hi, I’m Chloe.”

Eve couldn’t really ignore a pretty woman, so she smiled back. “Hi,” she replied. “These are my friends, Jordan, and Carmela,” she gestured at her table mates, noticing that Carmela was glaring. _Why is Carmela… oh_.

“Hey guys.” Chloe’s tone was friendly and enthusiastic. She turned to look directly at Eve. “Do you come here often?”

Carmela snorted loud enough for everyone around the booth to hear.

“Um… hardly,” Eve said, apologetic. “Not lately, anyway.”

“Makes sense,” Chloe noted, and Carmela started coughing in response. Eve tried a polite smile, but said nothing.

_Maybe if this lady doesn’t actually utter the words, we can all avoid an awkward situation._

Chloe, however, didn’t seem bothered at all, not even with Carmela burning holes through her skull with her eyes. She seemed confident, joyous and talkative, and Eve gulped when she saw Chloe’s eyes lock on her lips.

“Would you like to dance with me?” she offered, making Eve cringe.

Eve turned to her friends in complete panic. Jordan seemed to enjoy watching his best friend squirm, while Carmela crossed her arms in disapproval of the entire exchange.

“I’m sorry,” Eve finally said after what felt like forever, “but…”

“But she has a girlfriend,” Carmela chimed in.

“Is that so?” Chloe challenged, flirting. “I don’t see her here, and I haven’t seen her all night. Yes, I’ve been watching,” she smirked. “Can’t be too smart of a girlfriend if she lets someone who looks like you walk in here alone.”

“No, no, she’s smart!” Eve protested. “Really smart, actually. And beautiful, and funny, and sexy as hell without even trying. But she’s not here because she’s fighting. Because she’s that kind of person who’s also brave and gives back to her people,” Eve explained, lost in a day dream. “And she’s out there making sure we’ll have a better future, and she’s been gone for months but it doesn’t even matter, because I live in her quarters and stuff still smell like her sometimes. Especially when I use her shampoo, and god I miss her, because I’m so ridiculously in love with her,” she concluded, finding that Chloe’s façade was finally gone, replaced with doubt. “And so, I can’t dance with you,” she added awkwardly and turned back to her friends. Carmela sported a smug smile, while Jordan was trying to hold back a laugh. They were used to her outbursts, which didn’t make those any less entertaining. Eve turned back to Chloe, fully expecting to see that she ran for the hills, but the woman was still there, a contemplating look on her face.

“Your girlfriend is Brunie Kaya, isn’t she?” Chloe asked, quite easily connecting the dots.

“Yes,” Eve confirmed, proud that she got to say things like that.

“Well, then I hope you’re not waiting for nothing. Soldiers… they get bored out there. Who knows what they do when home is so far away,” Chloe pointed out. She wasn’t trying to be malicious, Eve could tell, and she was wondering if Chloe was speaking from experience.

“Hey!” Carmela intervened. “That’s my best friend you are talking about! You know nothing about her!”

“You’re right. I only know what I hear. I never met her,” Chloe admitted and turned to Eve. “I just hope that you know what you’re in for,” she added, genuine.

“I do,” Eve smiled and the thought of Brunie sent a warm feeling all through her body. It didn’t matter to her what other people thought they knew about Brunie. She held the truth.

“Are you sure about that?” Chloe asked in what seemed like real concern.

“Oh, so, _so_ sure.”

“Well, you do live in her quarters,” Chloe offered her a soft smile. “She’s a very lucky woman,” Chloe nodded and walked away.

“Well, I for one think you handled that remarkably well, Babe,” Carmela complimented.

“Well someone had to,” Eve scoffed. “You nearly killed her just because she dared to walk over here. B is really lucky to have you, you know that?”

“Damn straight she is! Always was, always will be! And that’s never going to change!” Carmela announced and raised a glass to drink, pouting in disappointment when she remembered it was just a soda.

Jordan finally released the laughter he was holding in the whole time, dragging Eve into an uncontrolable fit. The nice buzz made her brain wonder back to Brunie a moment later. She wanted to go home, curl in her bed and imagine her girlfriend was right next to her.

“This was so nice, guys. Thank you. I think I’m ready to call it a night,” she yawned in emphasis.

“Um, hold that thought, nurse friend,” Carmela moved in her seat, looking slightly guilty and uncomfortable.

“What is it Carm,” Jordan scanned her face in concern.

“Oh, nothing too major, but, um, my water just broke.”


	44. Chapter 42

It has been a rough day.

News was coming from North Nevada about the battles still going, and the weather wasn’t kind to them, either. It was hard to know what to expect. Mid May in Oregon meant that rain could fall every other day, humidity could go from highs to lows, temperature was also anybody’s guess, and every region had its own surprising climate.

Those extreme changes made Brunie sick, literally. It was just a cold, but she spent so much time with Oz and Mark that they gotten sick, too. By the time the two of them were fine again, Brunie, who probably slept less than anyone else in the group, was still overcoming hers.

They managed. They knew how to push through, and they fought sick before, but it made everything just a little gloomier, and made them all feel a bit more miserable.

She didn’t like that north Nevada was still an issue.

When The Leadership finally caught up to the fact that The Resistance wasn’t going to Wyoming, they sent forces from Utah and north Idaho to fight for North Nevada and Oregon. They realized Central Command was going for the entire west coast, and they couldn’t afford to lose it, not when it was all they had left in terms of access to the ocean. As a result, soldiers were coming in from Washington as well, making everyone stressed and tired. After all, they’ve been away from home for four and a half months, spending four of these months in battle. They were exhausted, they lost people along the way, but were joined by people from the new states’ Locals along the way, and everyone knew it was the last push. A push to take over Oregon, which was an added bonus to begin with, to finish things in Nevada, and to wrap up this specific battle.

Brunie was wondering if they’d get called back to help in north Nevada, but she knew they were too deep into Oregon, and the coastline was the goal after all. She figured that the soldiers who fought in New Mexico could now assist in Nevada.

She was hopeful, but she was also so extremely fried that she periodically forgot that she was hopeful. She realized that Carmela must’ve given birth and she missed it. She knew it’d take them months to return, if they did at all, but missing the birth still stung. She’s also been carrying the guilt over the K9 debacle for months. The only person she really waned to talk to about all of this was Eve. Whenever she had one of these moments, she would go and find Mark. She hated that she searched for his eyes, but they were Eve’s eyes, and it made her feel better without the man ever realizing that he was being watched. Or so she thought.

 _Focus,_ she shook her head. It was raining, and for the first time since she could remember, the number of soldiers on either side was relatively similar. _Someone is freaking out_ , she thought, knowing The Leadership was throwing everything they had at them. She couldn’t help but grin. The numbers made her current predicament harder to overcome, but it informed her that they were doing something right, that there was an end to all of this, at some point, in the not-so-far future.

She was drenched, but she saw the south of Oregon filling with color in her mind’s eye, her own doing. She beamed.

She was fighting on autopilot. _Almost there. It’ll be over soon, and someone else will worry about it for a while, and I can go home_. Home, to a shower, a bed, and most importantly, to the person that she loved.

 _She waited, right? She didn’t find someone else while I’ve been here? Not after everything we’ve been through._ The fear snuck up on her every now and then. Not only has she been gone for so long, but she tried so hard to tell Eve she won’t be coming back. They said goodbye. But now it felt like she _was_ coming back, and that notion, while providing a pleasant hum which was present at the back of her head, also brought with it the sort of insecurities that anyone who’s ever been in love experienced – the fear of losing that special person.

She realized she was failing at her autopilot job when she suddenly felt a throbbing pain in her shoulder, and the hot, dripping liquid that followed, trailing down her bicep.

She knew right away that it was a bullet. She fell to the ground and rolled on her stomach to remove herself from the immediate line of fire. She spotted the shooter not that far from her, in hearing range, and protested in pain. “What is it with you guys and shooting shoulders?”

She fired and got him right between the eyes. “And it was my lucky shoulder, too,” she huffed.

“Boss, are you okay?” Oz demanded from afar, frantically shooting at no one in particular just as a cover while he was trying to reach her.

“I’m fine,” she hissed. She knew all of their medical personnel must be tied up with graver injuries. She could suck it up while the others took care of people’s spilling guts. _This is not a good day._

“It didn’t go through so I’m not losing as much blood,” she noted. She took out the gauze she always kept in her utility belt, and wrapped it around her shoulder with Oz’s help. Just for the time being.

“This is not good,” Oz observed, looking around the actual chaos to see if any medic was available.

“Maybe it’ll be one of those things when the bullet is left inside forever and it becomes a cool story. Do you think Eve will find it sexy?” she smirked in pain and shot another Upper who was running towards them.

The Leadership was so used to rely on high-tech, that a face-to-face ground battle left no doubt as to which was the superior army in terms of strategy. Brunie and Oz, being Special Forces, were certified snipers, but even the “regular” soldiers from the smaller Locals were very well trained.

“Of course she will, especially if you have a cool scar. Maybe Dante can do the stitches in the shape of her name,” Oz joked and shot another person.

“Shut up and keep fighting, soldier!” she yelled over the noise, got up, and ran, fighting through the pain, literally.

He shook his head, entirely certain that she was going to regret this later.

Mark was busy contemplating his options. He looked around, knowing the moment he was waiting for was arriving. He was running out of time, he didn’t have much of a choice.

“Need a hand?” he turned around just in time to see Brunie placing herself behind him so they were standing back to back. “Because mine is busted,” she added, “so don’t count on it.”

“Oh, no. You too?” he offered in sympathy when he noticed her wrapped shoulder.

It’s been a month since he was in a similar situation. On the first two weeks he wasn’t allowed to fight. He still had a lot on his plate, even without actively shooting people.

Dante glared at him, a lot. Especially since he tried to join the battle on the first week and tore his stitches.

“I practically worked like a plastic surgeon and this is how you thank me? This is gonna leave an ugly ass scar now!” the Doctor protested.

After three weeks and one ripping incident, he couldn’t take it anymore and he’s been back on the battlefield for the past four days. Things were extremely intense, he knew it was probably the last few days of fighting, and he had to be a part of that. Both because he wanted to be useful, and because he had a role to play.

He studied Brunie in concern. _Would Eve ever forgive me if Brunie gets hurt and she finds out that I was involved?_

Brunie smiled at him, pushing the pain down. It wasn’t smart for her to keep going like that for an extended period of time. They needed to finish the battle, so that anyone who could be saved, or needed medical attention, could be attended to.

Mark often heard her banter during a battle. He’s been on his own for so long, he forgot that a group needed morale, and that people had to find a way to detach themselves from what they were actually doing. The fighting had to be made about the home and safety that they were helping to preserve, and not about the person whose life they just took.

He felt like he understood Brunie a little bit more with each passing day, and yet she always managed to surprise him with her resourcefulness and strength of all sorts.

They went back to their respective tasks of not getting hurt, or in Brunie’s case – not getting hurt even further. He could tell she was in pain, and if the roles were reversed she’d order him to stand down. Unfortunately, she was the one giving the orders, so there she was, running, firing, and wincing at all times.

Suddenly, there was a loud explosion, followed by a few more. Brunie felt herself being pulled into the air. She landed on her back roughly, managing to twist her body so that she didn’t hurt her shoulder even more.

 _Chain reaction_ , she understood immediately. _Probably a mine,_ _connected to a few others deeper in the ground, and someone clearly triggered it._ Whomever that someone was, he was gone now, and he wasn’t the only one. While her pain has increased significantly, she could tell that nothing was broken. She was lucky to be far enough. But it was hardly a good idea to land like that when she still had a bullet in her shoulder. She knew the movement could cause more internal injuries and permanent damage to the tissue.

She had no doubt that The Leadership was behind what just transpired, and clearly, they didn’t care that some, many of whom were their own warriors, were collateral damage.

The explosion was so massive, that there was now a long, narrow crater, practically a canal, unnaturally curved in the ground, splitting the battlefield in two, going on for miles.

 _This was obviously planned_ , she knew. There were a few mines as a top layer, connected to more explosives deep enough and wide enough to make sure such a split occurred. _They must’ve realized our West Coast plans earlier than we anticipated after all._ She figured that while they were fighting in Nevada, The Leadership made sure they won’t go past a certain point in Oregon, at least not for a while, and with that they bought themselves some time.

For a few long minutes no one could do anything other than try and find cover, struggling to feel their surroundings as the smoke was still hovering, making it impossible to see.

Gun powder was ever-present in the air during a battle, making it thick and filthy, but this was something else altogether. Fifteen minutes have passed before Brunie could see the other side of the gap and spot her second. Oz was just standing there, staring back at her in shock, as were the rest of the soldiers on both sides of canal and battle.

 _This is a setback_. Even though the gap wasn’t very wide, they had to build a makeshift bridge in order to cross, and they didn’t have the time to do that, not when they were still enemy combatants to deal with. Their foes wanted to weaken them, slow their progress, but now no one knew how many warriors of each army were on either one of the newly created banks. All they could do was keep fighting on both banks, and let the overall winner of each specific encounter decide what to do next.

She exchanges looks with Oz. They understood each other. He knew he had to assume a commander’s position on his side, which was the southern one. They had no idea how long the canal was and if going around it was a viable option. 

Brunie’s eyes found Mark’s. He was on her side of the canal. They understood the meaning in each other’s stares. Or so she thought.

He had to work quickly. _How unfortunate that I didn’t know about this, but I might as well use it,_ he decided.

Based on everyone’s utter surprise, Brunie wasn’t sure even the Uppers knew this was coming. The Resistance recovered much faster, and warriors whose instincts kicked in resumed shooting.

It was messy. She could hear coughing from all around her. It didn’t help that many of them were on the verge of dehydration. She looked around, seeing many body parts hanging by the edges of the canal. Another look away from the canal found many others who were wounded by the impact. There was no way for her to know how many they’ve lost, and which side had the numbers advantage on each bank. It was now about immediate survival.

She was praying that the medical personnel was still alive. She didn’t see Dante and she knew she couldn’t keep staring at the other bank without risking getting shot again. Especially since shots were fired from every direction. She heard screams, some as a result of being shot, and some that were still screaming because of burns and injuries caused by the explosion.

A whole hour went by and the smoke, while still present, cleared somewhat. Brunie found Oz again and could tell that they’ve won, at least on the southern bank.

Her bank was a completely different story.

It seemed like the Uppers had the numbers advantage. Even though it wasn’t significant, it made enough of a difference. The Resistance fought bravely, but at the moment she could see about five of them, herself and Mark included, and about sixteen Uppers.

The same realization dawned on Mark who knew he needed to act fast.

“Follow me!” he yelled and started running. Brunie didn’t know what he had in mind, but she didn’t question his judgement. They were out of time, and if he found a strategic spot that might help them even the scales, she intended to do as he said and thank him later.

Then she noticed he was getting them further from the rest of their people.

“Mark, where are you going? What about Angus and the rest of guys?” she demanded in urgent concern.

He didn’t reply, instead he kept running. She could see Oz from the other side of the canal, following them with his eyes.

She knew he was worried, and rightfully so. The odds weren’t great, but she was still determined not to die.

“Mark!” she tried again, “we can’t leave them there! We have to go back!” She was their Captain, she didn’t leave behind people who still had a chance. But just as she was about to say so, she looked back and saw Angus falling down. She knew the three turned to two.

 _Is this what he’s doing?_ _Trying to save the Captain?_ _Did he make a judgment call to sacrifice the others to save me?_ _Did he get orders to do this_? She started to get angry, and fast. As far as she was concerned, this was not his call to make.

She was too distracted by the growing anger to realize that he stopped abruptly. By the time she _did_ realize, her weapon went airborne after he swivel-kicked it out of her hands. An additional kick just above her knee brought her down to the ground, now prompted on both knees. She looked up, surprised and in absolute disbelief to see a gun aimed right between her eyes.

“What are you doing, Mark?” She asked, but it sounded more like a threat. He didn’t respond right away. He seemed to be considering something.

“You have a gun strapped to your back and a knife strapped to your ankle. Give them to me,” he ordered.

She huffed and handed him the objects, which he then threw away.

“Mark, what are you doing?” she demanded again, not bothering hiding her anger.

He grinned as if he had just won a complicated game of chess and figured out how to solve the world’s greatest puzzle.

“No.” Brunie stated sharply. “She will _never_ forgive you.”

There was no need to explain who “she” was, and it seemed like some of the color left his face.

Brunie couldn’t remember the last time she felt like she had so much to lose. She really didn’t want to leave, not when she was so close to go home to Eve. _Not like this. Not by his hands._

She wasn’t one to beg, but she was damned if she was going to go out without giving him a piece of her mind, which is exactly why she said the words she said. And it hurt her as well, because she grew to like the man, and thought that maybe he and Eve could resolve things one day. She wanted that for the woman that she loved. The father who taught Eve about the stars, who in return shared that knowledge with Brunie. _It was all an act. For months now, he played us._ She wasn’t going to show him the hurt. She stared at him without flinching, knowing that she said what she had to say.

She thought back on her night with Eve, happy that it happened, because she knew that at least she had no regrets. It was another one of those moments when it hit her. _I’d really prefer losing something I actually had, than have nothing to begin with_ , the voice in her head that sounded like Eve said. She knew Eve would be sad, but not mad. So she smiled, having the woman she loved by her side, and in her heart on her very last moments.

She stared straight into his eyes. They seemed so focused on the goal, yet a million miles away. _Maybe he’s with Eve, too._

“Both sides must think that you’re fighting for their side,” he stated, sounding almost apologetic.

Brunie remained silent, refusing to look away.

“It’s okay…” he said, more to himself than to her, “It’s over now.”

Oz stood on the other side of the canal, watching helplessly from afar, as someone who he worked with side by side for months fired a gun directed at his Captain’s head. And then he saw Brunie’s lifeless body fall to the ground.

“No,” he whispered, as what felt like the entire world came crushing down on him.


	45. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loyal few. We're so so close to the end. 2 more updates after this. Who knows, maybe they'll take less than 2 weeks each.
> 
> Hope you like!

Oz exhaled as he got off the plane. He was accompanied by a few more soldiers and Malik’s parents. They were all exhausted.

Central Command decided that their unit has been through enough, considering what was now referred to as “The Oregon Explosion.” Once they wrapped up that battle, Central Command sent them home on a direct flight, something they couldn’t do before. After five months of being absent from home, primarily dedicated to fighting, they achieved most of their goals.

Having the northern tip of Texas and the whole of New Mexico cleared the direct airway they desired. The Resistance even threw a bone to their friends in Mexico, who were tremendous help on the southern front and as a path to L.A. before the fighting begun. In return, The Resistance helped conquering the very northern part of East Mexico, starting to create a momentum on the Mexican front as well.

Oz fought for twelve more days after watching Brunie die. It made him feel disoriented, like a limb was missing, but he realized it was a test for his abilities as a leader. He knew that if he won’t get himself together, everything around them will fall apart, and it’d be like he let her down, like she died for nothing.

Central Command was shocked by the loss and the Major General’s betrayal, but it wasn’t something they could have dealt with yet. Instead, they made Oz lead his people, cross the canal, and by the time those twelve days were behind him, they managed to take over Oregon, and other units finally managed to finish the job in North Nevada.

On the day after Brunie died they didn’t even fight. They had to regroup. They had to figure out if they wanted to cross the canal or go around it. They ended up waiting three additional days for the makeshift bridges to be built in a few key locations. After they finally crossed, they discovered that most Uppers in the area already heard about the explosion. The Uppers felt like their lives didn’t matter to The Leadership, so many chose to flee instead of fighting.

When The Resistance was finally done with Oregon and Nevada, Central Command knew it was time to send many of them home. Even though they didn’t win the entire coastline, their accomplishments were significant, and they didn’t want to send their exhausted soldiers any further when they had so many other things to deal with. A lot of new territories have been conquered, and those needed to be maintained. Oz started sending people back to their home states. Different journeys took different amounts of time. He knew he could catch a plane, so he stayed behind a while longer, spending time doing a lot of paper work, a final head count and managing additional logistics. Going home also meant dealing with the emotional aftermath. He wasn’t running away from it, but he wasn’t looking forward to it, either.

He asked to be the one to tell Malik’s parents about Brunie. He didn’t know them personally, but he thought that after they already lost a son, Brunie would’ve preferred that a close friend of hers would deliver the news. They were devastated, and with the curfew and the non-traveling policy now lifted, they asked to join Oz. They already missed their son’s funeral, Brunie’s body wasn’t even retrieved. All they wanted was to go and be with whatever family they had left and meet their new granddaughter. If they were forced to mourn again, they wanted to do so with those they loved.

Oz informed Cecily and Corbin of what happened, but didn’t elaborate. He didn’t want to. As long as they were still fighting, he only had to report to Central Command an event in the magnitude of the explosion, losing a Captain, and the act of betrayal that lead to it. It wasn’t until he had to deal with the paper work that he finally laid out a more detailed version.

He also knew they wouldn’t tell Eve, not until they had the full picture. So when they landed he didn’t opt for a rest, nor did he go see his own family, but rather, he went straight Command. Samiah and Alerio went with him. They were asked to do a security intake. Central Command instructed all Locals to question any traveling or unannounced visitors. Not everyone knew that Mark’s actions were the reason behind the new guidelines.

Samiah and Alerio didn’t even tell Carmela they were coming. They knew that would mean telling her about Brunie, and because the results of the battle weren’t public knowledge, many things were left in the dark.

They walked in silence, and when they arrived at Command they had to split.

“Good luck,” Oz offered, failing to sound encouraging. They nodded, looking much older to him than they did when Brunie ran into their arms five months prior.

He walked into Command, finding Cecily pacing back and forth, while Corbin just stood with her arms crossed and stared at the floor. They were clearly waiting for him, anxiously.

He cleared his throat to get their attention and saluted. “Colonels.”

They turned towards him. What he noticed first was the dark circles under both their eyes. The he saw pain. It was impossible to ignore. They always knew this day might come, but all the knowing in the world couldn’t prepare them for the way they felt when that day actually came.

“We want to let you out of here as soon as possible, Oz,” Corbin started, voice nearly void of emotions as she dropped all pleasantries. “We’ll deal with everything else starting tomorrow, and we read everything you sent from L.A., but you have to tell us what you saw. We need to hear it.”

Cecily nodded in agreement, now leaning on one of the consuls, looking down, as if she was bracing herself.

“Um… so there was the explosion…”

“Yeah, we know all about that,” Cecily snapped. It startled him. “Sorry.” _Ironic,_ she thought _. He just survived five months in hell, and I’m the one who made him jump._ “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “We just need to know about… him. What exactly did you see?”

“There were just the five of them on the other bank of the canal,” he resumed, getting lost in the memory, “and sixteen Uppers. I saw him run. Brunie followed him. He probably told her to, and she probably assumed he had a plan, because she would have never left people behind otherwise,” he paused and exhaled, trying to get his breathing under control. He was on the verge of falling apart, too. _I_ _left_ _her_ _behind_ , he thought.

“Don’t” Corbin ordered. “Don’t do it to yourself. We read the reports. There was no way you could’ve gotten to her. And when you finally crossed, you had your orders. You guys did incredibly well. She’d be very proud of you.”

He nodded and took a breath before he continued. “Then… I guess when he figured they were too far for anyone else to help her, he turned towards her, and I think she was distracted, because I saw him kick her weapon out of her hands. I think he also kicked her in the knee, because she fell to her knees right after,” he explained. ”He pointed a gun to her head,” he shaped his fingers like a gun and stretched his arm forward, “and after a few moments I saw that she passed something to him. I’m guessing it was the extra weapons she was always carrying. And he knew, of course he knew,” his voice broke. “I don’t know if anything was said between them. I was too far to see their faces. But then he… he shot her.”

“And you saw her drop dead?” Cecily inquired, still avoiding eye contact.

“Yes,” he confirmed weakly.

“You actually saw her fall?” Corbin pressed.

“I did,” he said in a shaky voice, making the tortured women realize that they were torturing him, too.

No one said anything for a few moments.

“Go home to your family, Oz. Thank you for stopping by,” Cecily finally looked at him. She seemed like all of her usual spunk was sucked right out of her. Corbin was extremely pale.

“Actually,” he started, hesitant, “I was wondering if I could go tell Eve.”

“You don’t need to worry about it,” Corbin offered him a very tight smile. “You’ve been through enough.”

“And she can _never_ know who shot Brunie,” Cecily added right away. “Make sure everyone who actually knows about this is informed, ASAP,” she ordered. “We’ll have everyone sign secrecy forms tomorrow.”

“I understand,” Oz agreed. “We all signed partial forms back in L.A., so I think everyone assumes they can’t talk. And I appreciate you dismissing me, but… I have to be the one to tell Eve… how brave and incredible Brunie was through all of it. How she kept talking about her. Even on that last day. I just… I need…”

He couldn’t put in words what it was that he needed, but it didn’t matter.

“Okay,” Corbin allowed. “We’re headed to Carmela’s place now. Eve is there with her, having dinner. We can get Samiah and Alerio on the way, too.”

“I can’t believe they made us question them,” Cecily hissed.

“It’s because of the bastard,” Corbin gritted her teeth. The words were so bitter, hateful. Oz has never seen them like this, as if they didn’t care the at least that they were in the presence of a subordinate.

They stood there awkwardly, frozen in time. “Let’s go,” Cecily finally instructed. “Us staying here isn’t going to make this any easier. Oz, are you absolutely sure you want to do this? The first time is always the hardest, and this one is especially hard.” She tried to give him one last out, but his mind was made.

“I’m sure I _need_ to do this,” he clarified. “She was my Captain,” he added, feeling very very tired. They understood. There was nothing more that needed to be said.

* * *

Eve, Jordan and Carmela were sitting in Carmela’s living room. Austin was already in bed, as was Mallory, in her cradle in Carmela’s bedroom.

Rumors started circulating. They heard cheering from outside, and it made Eve anxious. Instead of going to Main Street, or open the TV and play a guessing game, or wait alone in her quarters, she decided to be with her friends. She remembered the last time Brunie came back, when all the rumors were about Malik, and she felt sad that she didn’t know Carmela back then so she could be by her side. That didn’t stop the other woman from being by Eve’s side now, holding her hand.

The fact that there has been a victory was clear. As was the fact that peopled have returned, but no one told her anything. It had her worried. She was so sure that no matter what duties Brunie had upon her return, she’d find a way to let Eve know that she was fine, and that she’d see her as soon as she could.

The radio silence made a bad feeling spread in the pit of Eve’s stomach. _Something is not right_.

She felt selfish, but she just wanted her girlfriend to herself. Now that the battle was over, everyone was going to want a piece of her. _Command, P.R., the media, Decker, of course_. Eve just wanted to touch the woman’s face and know that she didn’t imagine her existence this whole time. If it wasn’t for Carmela, or the fact that Brunie was famous enough to be on posters all around the compound, Eve could’ve actually believed that she was going insane.

Then knock on the door made her jump. _Maybe she tried home first, but when I wasn’t there she came looking for Carmela._

Jordan and Carmela exchanged worried looks. Carmela knew Brunie won’t knock like this. She may have left her key with Carmela before she left, but she wouldn’t knock like this. It was a formal kind of knock, and Carmela heard it before.

Eve yanked the door open, a huge smile plastered on her face, but it vanished the moment she saw Oz, Corbin, Cecily and an elderly couple she didn’t recognize.

It clicked in her head who the couple were, and when she saw their faces she couldn’t lie to herself anymore.

“No,” she shook her head, refusing to accept the truth. “No, no, no,” she repeated and turned inside, Corbin following right after her and grabbing her into a hug. She fell into the older woman’s arms and broke down in tears.

“Mama?” Carmela should’ve been happy to see her parents-in-law, but she already knew their family has gotten even smaller.

Samiah tilted her head, face full of heartbreak. “Oh, Carm.” She walked towards the other woman. They held each other tightly and cried, glancing at Eve who was still bawling in Corbin’s arms. Cecily approached them and hugged Eve from the other side, while Alerio joined his wife and daughter-in-law.

Oz was standing at the door, helpless, feeling guilty. He’d never delivered this kind of news before. It was something Brunie and Malik always did. Now it came with the territory. Standing there, not knowing what to say, made him admire his deceased Captain even more.

They were so many aspects of her work that never occurred to the rest of them. They saw her happy and energized after a successful night out, saying encouraging words, or keeping morale on the battlefield. She made sure to be there for them and lead them fiercely and bravely. It never crossed his mind how much she actually had to carry on her shoulders. _I should have realized, we all should have_. But he knew right away that he wasn’t going to reveal this part of the job to his subordinates, either. _One of those infamous burdens of being a leader_ , which he now was. Even thought he was ambitious, he didn’t want to be a leader. Not if he got his promotion because Brunie and Malik were dead. _But that’s how so many of us get promoted._

“I can’t stay here,” Eve blurted, voice breaking. She fought her way out of the Colonels’ grip, grabbed her jacket and headed to the door.

“Eve…” Oz tried. He wanted to tell her everything, but she ignored him and rushed down the hall.

“You’ll have to tell her later, Oz,” Cecily ordered.

“Should we go after her?” Corbin addressed Jordan and Carmela.

“No,” Jordan took a breath. “No. She needs some time to herself. If we’ll try to talk to her now she won’t hear a word of what we’re saying.” He was there when her mom died. It’s been years, and Eve was older now, but he knew how she dealt with grief. She needed to be alone in order to accept the truth. He wasn’t being selfish, nor was he trying to avoid being there for something painful, he just knew Eve wasn’t ready to be comforted just yet.

Carmela’s painful choke next to him brought him back to the present.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” her voice mirrored her broken heart. “What am I gonna tell Aus? I can’t believe I need to have this conversation with him again.”

“Shhh… child,” Samiah tried to sooth. “We’ll tell him she went to watch over his daddy and make sure he’s staying out of trouble.”

“She was supposed to come back and be with Eve,” Carmela argued. “They were supposed to be happy! She was supposed to _finally_ be happy,” she protested, still sobbing.

They were all startled by a loud shattering sound. When they turned around they found a crack in the wall. Cecily was standing next to it, knuckles bleeding. Mallory started crying from the other room and Carmela ran over there and shut the door behind her.

“Shit,” Cecily shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, looking down in shame.

“Cecily!” Corbin rushed to examine her wife’s hand.

“I think it’s broken,” Cecily stated, completely detached, as if she wasn’t experiencing excruciating pain.

“Oh, Cec,” Corbin stared into her eyes. “I’m sorry this hurts so bad,” she offered, on the verge of tears herself.

“I’ll get you some paper towels,” Alerio decided and went to the kitchen just as Carmela came back out, Mallory in her arms. “Not how I wanted you to meet, but…” she handed Mallory over to Samiah who melted and started swaying the newborn who was still fussy.

“She’s beautiful, Carm,” Samiah noted, finally smiling, and receiving a smile from the young mother in return.

Carmela scanned the wreckage besides the Colonels.

“We’ll pay for the damage,” Corbin stated right away, painfully apologetic.

“Yeah,” Cecily agreed, “absolutely.”

“Don’t worry about it, dear,” Samiah soothed. To her, they were all kids. “Ali can fix it, right, Ali?” she turned to the man who reappeared with paper towels, encouraging him with her eyes to say something that’d make the bleeding women feel better.

“Um… yeah, it’s a two hours job, tops,” he promised. “Maybe I can even turn it into something neat like a nook. We can put flowers in it or something,” he suggested with a tiny smile, handing Corbin the paper towels. She started to clean the blood as gently as possible, Cecily wincing in pain all the while.

“Thank you,” Cecily addressed him, realizing what he was trying to do. “Oz,” she turned to the man who was still standing quietly by the door. He looked completely lost. He felt like he was prying on a mourning family’s privacy. “You should go home to your family. It’s not fair to them that we’ve kept you this long.”

“You didn’t keep me,” he argued, “I wanted to be here.”

“And now you should go home,” Corbin insisted. It sounded suspiciously like an order, but everyone was emotionally drained. She could tell that they all needed to be with the people they called family. Oz had to go to his, Brunie’s needed some space, and she herself had to take care of her hardly-communicative wife.

He nodded, knowing that he would leave, but that he won’t be going home just yet. He studied everyone in the room, not knowing what to say. “I… I’m…” he wanted to offer his condolences, but hated how empty it sounded in his head.

“You don’t have to say it, Ozy,” Carmela shrugged. “It’s the only thing _to_ say, but it’s stupid. I know how you feel. It’s formal, and it’s a part of an etiquette, completely impersonal and redundant,” she continued. “You don’t have to say it. I can see it in your eyes anyways.”

He nodded again. “Then I’ll say that I’m sorry that it happened to you. And I’m sorry I couldn’t do more for her,” he offered, not surprised when he felt his cheeks dampening.

“And I’m sorry it happened to _you_ ,” Carmela knew the man lost a leader and a friend, and he couldn’t even bring her body home to them. His life would never be the same. It was the guilt all soldiers carried, but his was just magnified by the fact that he was in charge now. Whatever happened moving forward was on him. It didn’t matter that the feeling wasn’t justified. It was there, existing within him, and in Malik and Brunie. “You feel this way because you’re a good person.”

He didn’t know if he believed her, but he blurted a “thank you,” wiped the tears and left without looking back.

Everyone stared at the empty doorway, finding it hard to move.

“We better go, too,” Corbin sighed. “I should take this one to the infirmary. It does look broken.” She wrapped a protective arm around Cecily’s shoulders, trying, subconsciously, to shield her from any more pain. Cecily was holding the paper towel to her hand now, trying to make the bleeding stop. No one noticed when Alerio snuck to the kitchen again, but he was back now, handing Cecily some ice wrapped in a towel. She smiled at him in gratitude, then her eyes travelled to Mallory, still in Samiah hands. She kept staring at the baby, as if she needed an anchor made of something pure.

“Okay,” Carmela acknowledged, “but just know that you don’t _have_ to go.” She realized what Corbin must be thinking. “And neither do you,” she turned to Jordan, knowing the man well enough to know he was about to leave as well. “I know you want to respect the family or whatever, but you know damn well that you’re all a part of this family.”

Jordan smiled tightly while Cecily just blurted a quiet “thank you,” returning her gaze to the floor. Corbin watched the reaction in growing concern. She guided Cecily towards the door.

“We’ll come soon, tomorrow. I promise.” She walked Cecily through the door. They were all the way down the hallway when Cecily finally looked up.

“Funny, isn’t it? All it takes for you to be the composed one and for me to lose my shit completely is one dead Captain. It’s like those jokes about how many people it takes to change a light bulb,” she started to giggle, sounding almost unhinged. “How many dead Captains do you need in order to uproot everything?” Corbin observed her with a scrutinizing stare, not sure what to do. But when the hysterical laughter turned into a heartbreaking cry, she took the woman in her arms, kissed her temple, and started to draw soothing circles on her back.

They stood there like that for fifteen minutes. Two Colonels, hugging in a quiet hallway, one of them crying, while cheers of victory celebrations came from distant streets. Corbin knew that people would learn about the price they had to pay by the following day, and then they won’t feel as festive.

“I’ll probably lose my shit completely later,” Corbin whispered in Cecily’s ear. She could feel on her neck the exact moment when her wife’s lips curved into a smile. Cecily was still crying, Corbin felt the tears on her skin, but it was a quiet cry. “Will you hold me then?” Corbin asked.

“Yes, always,” Cecily promised, clinging to her wife tighter. They kept standing there for a while longer.

Back in Carmela’s quarters everyone sat in silence. They were waiting, hoping Eve would come back, and doing the only thing they could.

“Tea, anyone?” Alerio got up to turn the kettle on.

“I have cake,” Carmela remembered and joined Alerio.

“I’ll make lasagna,” Samiah decided and got up as well.

“Ingredients are in that cabinet,” Carmela pointed.

Jordan remained seated, staring at the door.

 _How do these people do this?_ He wondered. _They keep losing and losing, and they push through._

He admired them, but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t feel like he was a part of what they were experiencing. He didn’t think he was entitled to feel sad, or sit down with them when they were grieving. He felt that he was overstepping, like he was a fraud. He never even met Brunie. _What am I doing here? I have to get out of here_.

“Hey,” Carmela saw the expression on his face. “You’ll figure it out. It’ll be okay,” she promised, voice reassuring.

He believed her, but he hated the fact that she had to comfort him. Loss is funny that way.

* * *

Eve was standing on her cliff, the very same one that she was half-upset with Brunie for not telling her about. She walked for an hour but decided to stop there. It was raining, she was drenched, but she couldn’t tell the rain apart from her tears anyway, so it didn’t matter.

Her clothes were clinging to her body, she was hurting everywhere, her soul ached.

She could almost feel Brunie coming up from behind her, wrapping her arms around Eve’s wet waist, telling her “what are you doing out here, silly? You’ll catch a cold. Let’s go inside.” But that wasn’t the current scenario. That could never be the scenario again. She was left with only fragments of what-ifs and would-bes. _Would her calling me silly even feel organic? I guess we’ll never know_. All the things they could’ve turned into were now wrapped in one, big, forever question mark.

She didn’t know what to do with herself. She tried to remember how she did it the last time, when her mother died, but she couldn’t remember. She went to nursing school back then. That kept her distracted enough.

 _God, you and I have… had… so many parallels. And now I’m also the girl who lost her girlfriend to this war_.

She wanted to tell Brunie that she finally understood how Brunie felt. Eve knew what it was like to lose a loved one, but now, she knew what it was like to lose someone she was in love with. _You were right. This is the opposite of a perfect love story. But it doesn’t change the way I felt about you. I loved you, and not even this will make me regret that._

She realized that no one even knew yet. The soldiers that stayed at the Local during the operation greeted her happily as she passed them by, oblivious to the fact that their leader was gone. She could tell they didn’t know, because one look at her and they realized, and she bore witness as their faces twisted in misery.

 _At least they made sure I knew first_ , she thought, growing aware for the first time to the fact that she didn’t even know what happened. _They tried to tell me_ , she remembered vaguely, but she couldn’t hear it. Hearing the details meant admitting that it was true, and she wasn’t ready to do that just yet.

She visualized the pain like a wound, with the skin still exposed. New skin hasn’t even grown yet. It was all too much, and she knew that before she could even begin to deal with it, she needed the details that were sure to make the wound even deeper.

_I lost her. I just finally got her and now I lost her. It’s not fair. It’s not fair._

She started to cry harder and didn’t hold back. No one was there to hear her and she didn’t want them to. She just wanted Brunie.

She found the stars above. _How am I supposed to enjoy this ever again?_

She wanted to go home. That was the one place that gave her comfort when Brunie was gone, because everywhere she looked she could still see her. Now, Brunie was actually gone, and Eve wasn’t sure she could handle going back there to be alone. Not just for another night, but for good.

She couldn’t ignore the knowledge that unless she went back in she’d get sick. She wasn’t sure she cared, but her body’s survival instincts kicked in and made her feet start moving, and eventually she was back at the compound. She knew she could go to Carmela’s or Jordan’s, but she didn’t want to talk yet, so she went home.

When she got there, she found Oz sitting on the floor, leaning on her door, looking completely devastated.

“Hi,” the sound barely made it out of her mouth.

“Hi,” he stood up.

“How long have you been sitting here?”

“It’s not important. I… I wanted to see how you were.”

“And tell me what happened?” she asked. He thought she sounded completely numb.

“Yeah, if you want me to.”

She wasn’t sure that she did, but she felt like she should.

“Come on in.” She unlocked the door, but he was hesitant. “Don’t worry,” she assured, “she wouldn’t have minded.”

He nodded and followed her in, trying to respect the space and not look around too much.

“Do you want water, or…?”

“No, I’m good, thank you.”

“Okay. You can sit down,” she pointed at a chair, and he did as he was told.

They stared at each other for a few moments before he looked away.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said in remorse. Eve chose to examine the patterns on the floor.

“Were you…” she swallowed hard. “Were you the last one to see her?”

“Um… I was with her. I mean, it was a huge battle. I… I don’t know how much information they’ll release, but we were in Oregon and…”

“You guys made it all the way up to Oregon?” she was in awe. She knew they were in L.A. but this was news.

“Yeah,” he smiled. It was his first real smile in days. “Your girl was incredible. She didn’t stop helping people and taking care of all of us, making sure we kept fighting even when it seemed like we’ll never go back home,” he stopped abruptly, realizing his unfortunate choice of words. Eve nodded to urge him to continue, so he did.

“Um… God, I’m never this incoherent,” he admitted sheepishly, earning a soft genuine smile from her. “So we were in Oregon, and there was this crazy explosion. It was so big that it created a canal and basically split the battlefield in two,” he explained and her eyes grew wide.

“So that’s what happened? She died in the explosions?” Eve was mortified, thinking that not only was her love dead, but also blown into pieces. _I’d much prefer something more… elegant, like a G.S.W. God, ‘prefer?’ Am I just going to be this morbid person now?_

“Oh! No, no!” He realized his terrible mistake. “She… we were on two different banks, but I could see her from afar. Our guys were trying to win over the other side, but there were too many Uppers and… we had this intelligence officer,” he took a breath. “He… I think he led her to believe he had a plan but… well, he ended up being a traitor. No one knew, Eve. We worked with him for months.”

Eve was immediately enraged. Someone, from their side, someone that they trusted, took Brunie from her.

“What did he do?” she demanded.

“He… Eve…” Oz didn’t want to go down this road. He didn’t plan on giving her a play by play, didn’t think anything good could come out of it.

“I need to know, Oz. Please, tell me,” she begged.

“He shot her,” Oz stated, averting his eyes.

“Was it quick and painless?”

“Yes,” he confirmed, looking at her again, needing her to know that he was telling the truth.

She remained quiet. The new information, the heartbreak, it was all too overwhelming.

“She thought about you, a lot,” he noted. “And she even talked about you, more and more the longer we stayed over there. She never shared these kind of things with us before, but she couldn’t help herself,” he remembered with a smile and noticed that Eve was staring at him. “That last battle I told you about? She got shot in the shoulder before the explosion. The bullet was still inside. And what does that girl do? She wraps it up, getting ready to start shooting at the Uppers again, and asks me if I think you’ll find the fact that she still has a bullet stuck inside sexy,” he concluded, a real grin on his face.

Eve laughed out loud, she couldn’t stop herself. She could see it in her head. Brunie, smirking, sucking it up, saying that sentence, and then probably shooting the bastard who did it in the first place.

“She loved you,” Oz stated, knowing it to be true, even though Brunie never said it.

“She did,” Eve confirmed and glanced at him, grateful.

“And you’d be very proud of her,” he added.

“I always am,” she could feel the tears coming up again. She pushed them down.

They sat there in silence. Oz could tell the she was processing all the new information.

“When did this all happen?” she asked all of a sudden. _It must’ve been at least a few days ago, and if so, why did no one tell me?_

“I know what you’re thinking, but please don’t,” he pleaded. “No one tried to hide anything from you. But it _has_ been about two weeks,” he admitted.

“Two weeks!” She spent those two weeks assuming her love was alive without knowing any better, while Brunie was long gone. Somehow it made it all worse.

“Yes, but Eve, the explosion threw everyone off, literally. It was such a chaos over there, and by the time we crossed the canal there was no sign of the traitor. We lost so many, we had to do a head count, the battle was about to be over, everything was a mess. I don’t even think the Colonels believed my report until I got back and confirmed it all face to face, which was just a few hours ago. I doubt they wanted to tell you anything before they heard it firsthand,” he explained, all but apologetic. 

Eve didn’t like it, nor the way it made her feel, but she understood. She herself didn’t believe it, wanted to be in denial about it. She couldn’t blame the Colonels for being human just because they were older. Age meant nothing when it came to grief, and she knew they loved Brunie deeply.

And while losing Brunie shattered her own world, she knew many others were lost, and things couldn’t be put on hold just because she wanted to be informed right away. She couldn’t even imagine how messy things must’ve been on the other coast. _Is daddy okay_? _Would they even tell me if he wasn’t?_ _He used to be Special Forces, but who knows what his role is these days._

“Those were Malik’s parents, right?” she forced herself back to the present.

“Yes.”

She was glad Carmela could have someone with her. _She practically lost a sister, her best friend, only a few months after losing her husband. Her daughter’s godmother died before ever even meeting Mal._

But as much as she was happy that Carmela had warm, parental figures around her, she was envious, too. _I could’ve really used a hug from you right now, but you don’t want me, so you’re in L.A., and as always, I’m here, alone._ But she wasn’t alone, and she hated herself for thinking that. Especially when another human being was with her in the room at that very moment, a person who came specifically to check up on her.

 _Am I being selfish_? _Should I go be with Carmela? She’s hurting, too_.

But Eve couldn’t bring herself to see anyone else that night.

“I should go,” Oz saw the expression on Eve’s face. He could tell that she wanted to be alone, and he really had to go see his own family at long last. She nodded, and he got up and walked to the door. “Eve, if you need anything at all, I’ll do anything for the person Brunie loved,” he promised. Her face twisted in pain, but she forced a tight smile.

“Just… can I have his name? The man who killed her? What was the bastard’s name?” Her voice was harsh. She wanted to paint a fuller picture of the villain who took everything from her.

Jordan stared at her, evidently torn, knowing that his answer was going to disappoint her, but not as much as the truth. “I’m really sorry, Eve, but I’m afraid that’s classified.”

“Okay.”

He didn’t know what else to do. He saluted, hoping she’d see it for what he intended it to be – an act of honor, a tribute. Then, he left.

She was tired, she wanted to sleep above all else, but she couldn’t. She sat on the bed, wrapped in the duvet, knees folded to her chest. She stared at Brunie’s poster for the rest of the night.


	46. Chapter 44

** From the diary of an Under **

Brunie Kaya is dead. She has been for a few weeks now, but I wanted to take the time to really examine how this, everything that happened before, and everything that came after, truly affected me. And the truth is – I still don’t know. I’ve never exchanged a single word with her, and if I’m being honest, maybe there was a part of me that was cynical about the idolization of her. But then I also have to be honest and say that she was a true beacon, and that beacon is now gone. Something’s missing, something’s off. So many died during this operation, so many from our Local, but this death feels different, and there’s no denying it.

I’m sorry I haven’t written in so long. I call it the war funk. It intensifies during these big operations because for so many years we weren’t told anything, which resulted in people being antsy, anxious, without knowing what we’re anxious about, which in turn fed the anxiety. Ah, yes, the unbroken cycle, now, perhaps, broken.

You see, a lot has changed in the three weeks since they first told us about her. Things are shifting on a nationwide scale. And soldiers are still making their way home from the West Coast. Yeah, we know where they fought. Apparently we get to know things now.

But for a whole week all we knew was that she died a hero in some massive battle, was brave to the very end, and played a key role in an epic victory. But even though they kept insisting that we won, I don’t think I’ve ever seen the people of our Local so hopeless. You’d look at any given person and you’d see a bottomless pit.

They must have realized it, too, and the importance of morale amidst all the loss, because then the news started to come. Central Command revealed information, and a lot of it, too. Surely, P.R. pushed for these releases. Because now we know what it was all for, what made this victory so meaningful, and we even know some of what’s to come.

We always fiddled with rumors, but this is the first time in a decade that we officially learned that The Resistance has control over some Uppergrond. Fuck, we have _so much_ Uppeground. The moment people found out, the festivities started. I spoke to friends in other Locals, it’s the same everywhere.

We’ve been walking around with our heads high. Do you have any idea how much of a big deal that is? Knowing that the end might actually be near? The elderly have been especially nostalgic, gathering at the square, sharing stories, surrounded by young people with intrigued, dreamy expressions. I spent many evenings there, too. Three generations, huddled together, talking about the past and the future. It’s a beautiful thing.

But then I wonder – is it fair to Brunie? To all of them? She was our beacon of hope when we needed one, yet because of all the news we probably spent less time mourning her than we did any other casualty in recent years. Instead she’s celebrated. No longer as the fighter in the front lines of the unknown, but now as a liberator. They say she was the first one to cross into Oregon. Maybe they’re embeleshing for dramatic effect, but whatever actually happened, she was there, and she lost her life for it.

But Oregon! I know it might be hard to understand if you’re an outsider, or reading this years in the future, but it’s all the way on the other side of the country. To us, it’s unfathomable.

Still, this celebration, while she’s lost, while so many are, doesn’t sit entirely well with me. Not when she left loved ones behind, too, and surely they can’t join the celebrations. Not yet. Apparently she also had a girlfriend. I’ve seen her once or twice on the street, surrounded by many curious faces. She responds to all of them politely and kindly. I don’t know where she finds the strength to do that. Grief is so intimate. What do you do when others demand that you let them be a part of yours?

I can only hope that the people who cared about Brunie the most, find solace in the fact that all throughout the country people are naming their new-borns after her. People drink in her honor, and many are motivated to enlist, not just as a tribute, but because it’s so much easier to believe now that bigger numbers will end the war sooner, and people want to play an active role in that. If I had to summarize the global state of mind, I’d say that people are happy, yet with so many lives lost, they’re inspired and humbled, too.

Meanwhile I heard some stories from the Upperground. Apparently, The Leadership promoted her death in their media, using her to set an example, a proof, a sort of a “we got to her, we’ll get to the rest of them, too.” But we know better now. We’ve seen promotional videos, photos of our soldiers posing in a forest, under the sun. A forest! The sun!

And then they told us about the colony! People were dumbfounded. It’s been a decade, but every kid knows the story of the colony, knows that’s how Brunie lost her parents. So to hear that she died fighting for the chance to do that again? It’s all a little too much. I can promise you that trying to balance between the bottomless pit mode, and the sheer optimism, led me to drink a whole lot more lately. And I’m not the only one, if the shouts I’m hearing from outside, right now, at one A.M. are any indication.

I’m glad I wrote. It’s been a while, hypothetical friend. And I’m glad some of those rumors were founded on truth. I’m beyond thrilled that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and that this tunnel is leading upwards. Maybe next time I write it’ll be to tell you that I applied for a spot in the new Upperground colony. Maybe I’ll already be there. Or maybe, I don’t even want to think about the complicated feelings I have towards life outside. But that’s a whole other discussion, friend, and I’m way too sober to have it right now. I’ll try to change that, though. Cheers, to Brunie, to the sun!

* * *

Three weeks without her love. She still couldn’t form words most of the time, stuck in a constant loop of being extremely grateful for the attention from everyone around her, and resenting them for it.

And it wasn’t just her newly found family, it was _everyone._ They wanted a piece of Brunie, of her memory, of her victory, but they couldn’t have her, so they opted for a substitute, for pieces of Eve, instead. There was warmth in it, there was a chill, too.

The biggest surprise was Decker Williams who really stepped up, showing a genuine side of himself that somehow didn’t surprise Cecily and Corbin, but was news to everyone else. It was clear that Brunie meant a lot to him. Whatever weird game they were playing, their weird little dance, he has now lost his partner, and he wasn’t the same.

He dedicated an entire episode of his show to her life, talking about her upbringing and achievements. The breakthrough in Kentucky and the invasion of Oregon were a big part of that, now that it wasn’t classified, but the episode also focused on her daily job of keeping them all safe. It was a moving tribute and people from all over the country tuned in.

Carmela, Malik’s parents, Jordan and Eve sat down to watch it together. Eve got up in the middle and left. It has been too much.

Decker was kind enough to not mention her on the show, but people started to realize who she was, and stopped her on the streets to offer their condolences.

She felt unmoored, but between the celebrations and the sorrow, she acknowledged that it was a very confusing time for everyone in their Local. The fact that it was Brunie’s home Local made things even harder.

She knew that with so many people approaching her, or reaching out with letters, she shouldn’t have felt alone, but she did.

With everything changing so drastically in only three weeks, it was as if the changes passed her by. She didn’t feel the shift, she didn’t feel hopeful. She felt stuck.

Then, a few days after Central Command’s big reveal, came another. They learned that an Upperground colony was to be established in North Carolina in a few months time. Eve was sitting in the same living room, surrounded by the same people.

 _What would Brunie say about this?_ she wondered, completely broken. _It’s all finally happening, everything Brunie was fighting for, and she’s not here to see._

She wiped a tear and got up to leave. She’s mastered the act by now.

Jordan was about to follow her, but Carmela stopped him. “I’ll go. She probably went out,” Carmela explained, apologetic. At least now Jordan knew what “out” meant. Most people were still not allowed Upperground, so he nodded in frustration. He didn’t want to be upset, but Eve chose to go to a place where she knew he couldn’t follow, and that hurt him.

“Things might be different soon, you know,” Carmela pointed out, referring to more than just their current dilemma. He squeezed her hand in gratitude.

She knew where Eve would go. She always went to the same place, the cliff.

Eve told her a week earlier that she didn’t have it in her to go to her and Brunie’s spot in the woods yet.

“Hey, Babe,” she greeted in a soft voice, as she approached the other woman.

Eve didn’t respond, nor expressed any anger for been followed. Her arms were wrapped around her abdomen. She sat herself down on the grass, and when Carmela sat next to her, she leaned her head on Carmela’s shoulder.

“You know I know exactly how you feel, right?” Carmela leaned her head on Eve’s. It wasn’t an accusation, it was said in a very gentle manner.

“I do, Carm. Of course I do.”

“Then you need to let us in. If I didn’t have Brunie to talk to when Mal died…” she noticed the way Eve winced at the mention of her deceased lover and sighed. “We’re not gonna not mention her name, Eve. She deserves to be talked about.”

“I know,” Eve agreed, face pained. “She deserves to be talked about all day, every day, and for the most part, that’s what everyone around me is doing. There’s no escaping it, there’s no escaping _her,_ no matter how much I want to. And then when it’s just me, alone, all I want is her. I can’t win, can I?”

“No, you can’t, hun, I’m sorry,” Carmela admitted, “not this round, anyway.”

“Promise it gets easier?” Eve nearly begged.

“It does, slowly. _Really_ slowly,” Carmela released a breath, as if the words themselves caused physical pain. “But it does. So yes, I promise.”

“I really miss her,” Eve shared. “Not like before. Not like when I thought she’d eventually come back to me. I miss her in a different way.”

“I know,” Carmela kissed Eve’s temple. “I miss her in a different way, too.” She took out a flask from a hidden pocket in her jacket.

“She tried to warn me, to prepare me for this. I don’t think I quite believed her,” Eve took the offered flask and took a swig, handing it back to its owner.

“Yeah, well, she’s the girl who lost her parents, her lover, her best friend. I’m beginning to think that I’m subconsciously gunning for her record.”

“Bad choice of words.”

“The only choice of words. Fucking cheers,” she took a swig and handed the flask to Eve again. Eve stared at the item, contemplative.

“I’m sorry I’ve been acting this way.” The apology was sincere.

“Don’t,” Carmela warned.

“I feel like I’m being selfish. All of you lost her, too, and only a few months after Malik…” she stopped abruptly, feeling as if she crossed a line, did something forbidden.

“We’re not gonna not mention _his_ name, either,” Carmela stated. Eve nodded to signal that Carmela was heard, loud and clear.

“I feel like I need to be more present,” Eve released a shaky breath. She knew what she needed to do, but finding the emotional capacity to do so was a different matter altogether.

“You’re present here, with me, and that’s enough for now.”

“Thank you,” Eve didn’t know how, but Carmela seemed to have an unlimited supply of strength. Eve was both impressed and envious. Mostly, she felt very fortunate to have Carmela in her life.

“When you’re actually ready to talk, be it one big conversation, or a few smaller ones, you know where to find us,” Carmela smiled at her.

 _I don’t deserve this_ , Eve thought. “What about you guys?” she inquired. “Samiah and Alerio? Austin? You?”

“Austin knows things are different. I don’t know if we’re lucky that he won’t remember much, or if the whole thing is simply devastating.”

“Probably the later,” Eve noted, bitter.

“Probably,” Carmela agreed. “The in-laws, well, Alerio doesn’t say much, Samiah just cooks, as you know. No one is ever starving, that’s for sure.”

Eve nodded. She couldn’t help it when a small smile snuck to her face. Her own fridge was packed with food, including the lasagna that Samiah claimed was Brunie’s favorite dish. The first time Eve had it, her reaction was “wow, I can’t wait to tell Brunie I tried this.” Then everyone in the room got quiet, waiting for her brain to catch up with reality. They were still adjusting to talk in past tense.

“I’m tired, Carm. I think I’ll just go home.”

“Okay.” Carmela stood first and helped Eve up.

Work added to Eve’s general exhaustion. She was back at work a week after the news broke, arguing that she had to do something with her life. She was quiet all the time, and Rita kept eyeing her with suspicion, but it was still better than sitting at home.

Rita told her she could take as much time off as she needed, but Eve knew she’d just slowly drive herself crazy in Brunie’s empty quarters, now officially her quarters, considering the previous owner wasn’t returning to claim them.

She knew that being back at work would mean being monitored, that Rita would exchange information with Corbin and Cecily, but she didn’t blame them. Everyone felt helpless, everyone wanted to help, partially, in order to heal their own wounds. But there was nothing they could do for her. She needed time. They all did.

* * *

A week later Eve was called into Rita’s office.

“You’re not gonna be scared of me today, are you?” Rita teased.

“No, because I’m the girl with the dead girlfriend, and the girl with the dead girlfriend doesn’t get in trouble,” Eve stated bluntly. Rita stared at her with mouth agape. _That’s a first_. “Sorry, sorry,” she retracted. “That was uncalled for.”

“Well, I was thinking more along the lines of you’re an exemplary employee who’s also exceptionally talented, thus, doesn’t need to be afraid whenever you walk in here. But hey, if you need to vent?” Rita actually seemed unimpressed. It was a refreshing change after the month she had.

 _That’s more like it,_ Eve thought and started laughing. Rita was worried about her, but she didn’t walk on eggshells around her and Eve appreciated it. _The only way I’m ever going to feel normal again is if people treated me normally._

Rita had an ulterior motive. This was also her way of telling Eve that if she needed to talk, Rita was there for her.

Eve knew that angle existed, but she chose to ignore it. Everyone wanted her to talk, but she wasn’t there yet, and when she had the moments when she _was_ there, she went to Carmela and Jordan. “Fair enough,” she finally provided. “So why am I here? What did I _not_ do this time?”

“Well, you know about the North Carolina colony, right?”

“Of course. It’s impossible not to,” Eve noted. “It’s actually happening, huh? I didn’t think I’d live to see the day.” _Brunie didn’t._

“It is,” Rita confirmed, showing a rare display of giddiness. She was thrilled that she actually managed to engage Eve. “It’s happening. In about five months from now.”

“Really?” Eve was surprised that things were moving so fast. _Without Brunie._

“Yes. I’m told they started constructions. An actual city hall, a school, Command, of course, and the infirmary which will eventually be turned into an actual hospital. But that’s not for a few more years. There’s no need for one, not right away.”

“That’s all very exciting,” Eve had to admit.

“It is. And…they emailed all of us, saying they needed a new Head of Infirmary for the new colony.”

“Oh, no. You’re leaving, aren’t you? I mean, it’s an amazing opportunity, obviously, and I can’t think of anyone more worthy, but I…I’ll miss you,” she admitted, genuine. “This whole place will miss you. I don’t think anyone can fill your shoes. They will be very lucky to have you up there, and you’ll do so much good, and actually live outside. You deserve it. I’m really happy for you,” Eve smiled in acceptance.

Rita started laughing.

“What?” Eve asked, confused and slightly irritated. She felt like she was being mocked.

“I made you ramble,” Rita’s words had Eve blushing.

“I always ramble,” she reminded.

“Not lately, you haven’t. So that’s a win in my book,” Rita declared, smiling at Eve who actually returned the smile.

“So when are you leaving?” The question was hard to articulate. The whole thing was bittersweet. She really did love her boss, and this would be another loss, even if not a tragic one.

“Oh, I didn’t say I was leaving. _You_ decided I was leaving,” Rita shrugged.

“You’re not? And you let me ramble like this?”

“Please, as if I could’ve stopped you,” Rita scoffed.

“You have a point,” Eve had to agree. “Okay, so you’re not leaving. Is any of the other girls leaving and you need me to work the extra hours? Because I’ll gladly take that on.”

“Eve, shut up. They wanted recommendations for the job, and I recommended you,” Rita shook her head. The subtext was painfully clear. She was telling Eve to stop being dumb.

“You…you what?”

“They asked us to provide names of our most valued, qualified people,” Rita explained with a casual air. “They want someone young who can fill the position for years to come. I think you can be amazing. I think you’d love it, and love being there, and honestly, a change of scenery might be a good thing, too. A fresh start.”

“I’m not even twenty-three yet, Rita. What were you thinking! I can’t run a hospital!”

“It’s not a hospital, and it won’t be for quite some time. I told you, in this case your young age works for your benefit. You’ve been a nurse for years, everyone loves you, and by the time you’ll have to leave for the colony, you’d have more than a year as a morning shift nurse _and_ a field NP under your belt, which is most definitely the sort of experience you need when you live up there. You’ll sort of on the field every single day. Shadow me for the next few months, get a sense of what it’s like to be in charge, deal with the logistics. It’s not as glamorous as you might think,” Rita soothed with an easy smile.

 _I never thought it was glamorous_ , Eve huffed. _Yeah, but would you like to lead?_ The voice in her head, that last thought, it wasn’t hers. It was the girl she loved. Eve shook it away. As if life changing decisions weren’t complex enough, debating them with her non-living significant other sure didn’t help.

“It’s just a recommendation, right? It doesn’t mean I’ll actually get it,” Eve probed. _I can’t leave! I won’t. That’s insane._ She didn’t go when her father left, she most certainly wasn’t going to go now.

Living in Brunie’s quarters wasn’t always the easiest, that much was true, but she could always redecorate, eventually, when the time felt right. She wasn’t going to up and leave, to run away from her feelings. _Sure, it sounds like a great challenge, it sounds wonderful even, but the timing isn’t right._

Rita saw the inner turmoil playing on Eve’s face.

“Yes, Eve. It’s just a recommendation. But they received about fifty names and made a short list of ten people. And you are among them.”

Eve stood up and shook her head. “No, no,” she said, distraught. “Look, I’m honored, I really am. It’s very humbling, and it means the world that you think so highly of me. But I can’t. I’m sorry if I’m letting you down. It’s not the right time for me. Please, _please_ , withdraw my name.” The request was full of conviction, and at the same time pain.

“Now, Eve, just think about it for a day or two, please. If you get picked you can always say no, but better have options,” Rita argued. Skipping this opportunity was, in her eyes, madness.

“I don’t want to have options,” Eve’s face was stern. “This is my home and I don’t want to leave, so please, just take my name off that list, sorry.” She gave Rita a last pleading look and left the room in a hurry.

“I will do no such thing,” Rita scoffed. She went back to work.

* * *

Eve was sitting on the bed, trying to read a book Decker gave her. Ever since Brunie died he wasn’t the same man. He kept up the same TV persona, but whenever they saw each other, he was more fatherly towards her than anything else. Between him, and the role Alerio was starting to take in her life, she almost forgotten that her own father failed her once again by being absent. _And why would he care if I lost my lady lover?_ But she knew she was projecting, and that the likelihood of her father knowing that the fallen celebrity Captain was involved with his daughter was nonexistent. That made it ever worse. _I was in love and he never even knew._

Someone knocked on the door. She groaned and got off the bed, wondering who was on Eve watch duty.

The answer was Cecily. The Colonel’s hand was still in a cast. Carmela constantly offered to draw something nice on it, and even Eve shyly pitched a sketch, but Cecily kept arguing that she can’t be on a video conference with Central Command with a canvas for an arm.

“Hey, kid,” she greeted.

“Did Rita talk to you?” she cleared the doorway, knowing that Cecily would follow.

“She did,” Cecily confirmed as she sat down. Eve poured a glass of water and handed it to the Colonel who thanked her with a soft smile.

“And?” Eve rolled her eyes. “You think she’s right?”

“I think…that you should have options.” 

Eve snorted. _There’s that word again. They should at least coordinate verbiage._

“I also think that you’re fascinated by new concepts and discoveries, and that this is a opportunity to create something new,” Cecily added thoughtfully.

Eve knew there was truth in the words, but it didn’t change the way she felt. “It’s not the right time for me, Cecily,”’ she determined.

“I absolutely understand. Whatever you choose to do, we’ll support you,” the Colonel promised.

“I choose to stay,” Eve stated. “I already told her to take my name off the list.”

Cecily nodded. She was disappointed, but she didn’t let it show. When she and Corbin envisioned the new colony, their dream team consisted of Eve as the head of the infirmary, and Brunie as the head of Command. But she knew this could never be. There was still a part of her that thought Eve could use the new beginning, but she also understood why Eve would want to stay close to where it was easier for her to remember. _At least for the time being._

“It’s been a month,” Cecily noted. She also needed to talk from time to time, and for the most part she spoke to Corbin, but her wife has gotten a lot quieter.

“I know,” Eve swallowed hard. “Well, technically a month and two weeks,” she pointed out, glaring at Cecily who peeked at her, apology written all over her face.

Eve wasn’t really upset anymore, she understood why they couldn’t let her know in real time. Her comment was a weak attempt at teasing.

“Do you still think it was worth it?” Cecily asked, cautious, hoping she wasn’t overstepping. “Being with her?” she added to clarify.

“Every messy moment of it, yes,” Eve replied without hesitation. _I’ll never regret being with you, not ever_.

Cecily gave her a bittersweet smile. She was relieved that even though Brunie’s greatest fear came to be, Brunie was wrong about how it’d make Eve feel.

“I’m glad you stayed here,” Cecily gestured around them. “She wanted you to have this place.”

“Yeah. It holds so many memories, pieces of who she was. It used to be a good thing, but now…”

“But now?”

“But now I don’t know,” Eve admitted.

“Are you thinking about moving?” Cecily was hoping that wasn’t the case.

“No. I can’t let anyone else have this place. It’s hers. It’s ours. Maybe I’ll just move some stuff around. I don’t know,” she bit her lip.

“Maybe that’s not a bad idea. I mean, not right now, but…if you ever want to bring anyone back here…”

“I’m so not there. I’m so far from being there.”

Cecily nodded. The selfish part of her found comfort in knowing that Eve wasn’t getting over Brunie anytime soon. “Rita says you don’t say much.”

“Okay?”

“Which, I guess, makes sense. It’s work. But you have us. You know that, right? Do you at least talk to Jordan and Carmela?”

“Sometimes,” Eve shrugged. It was the truth, sometimes she did.

Cecily offered her a tight smile and stood up. She didn’t want to push any further. Between facing the day-to-day following Brunie’s demise, the potential unwanted promotion, and the actual mourning of Brunie, she had no doubt Eve was exhausted.

“Don’t get all quiet, Eve,” she requested, voice tender. “Don’t end up like her. She never spoke about the past.”

“Can I be quiet for _now_?” Eve pleaded. Talking was so hard.

“Yes, you can. You can be quiet for now, and for a while to come.”


	47. Chapter 45

A couple more weeks went by, and Eve wanted to believe that she wasn’t in her previous state of endless despair.

Two days prior, Rita notified her that she was offered the job in N.C., and while Eve yelled at her, with actual screams, for disrespecting her choices and wishes, Rita remained calm and said “you have a week to decide.”

“What’s to decide? I didn’t want to be considered in the first place!” she reminded in anger.

“You’re dismissed.”

Eve left the room with her shoulders slumped. She was mad and disappointed, but what baffled her the most was the fact that she wasn’t entirely sure by whom or what. _Except for Rita, obviously._

Now, two days later, less emotional and slightly wiser, she was sitting with Carmela and Jordan at their booth at the Bomb Shelter, telling them about the recent career development and her complex feelings towards it.

“Maybe you’re disappointed because there’s a part of you that would like to go, but not right now,” Jordan suggested, thoughtful. “So you’re upset because you’d rather not be offered the opportunity at all.”

“Duh. This is exactly what I’m saying!” Eve was irritated by the whole ordeal. “It’s an _amazing_ opportunity, but there’s no way in hell I’m leaving now.”

“Why not?” Carmela shrugged, as if it was the simplest concept in the world.

“Why not? I can’t! You guys are here, and really, you’re my family, my only family as fate would have it, and my entire life is here. I have an amazing place, this Local is where I lived my whole life. This is where my mom died,” she argued.

“Yes, but as you just mentioned, she’s dead now,” Carmela pointed out flatly.

“And Brunie…” Eve started.

“Also dead now, Eve,” Carmela added, not entirely pain-free. “I’m sorry, Babe, but nothing is keeping you here.”

“That’s not true, Carmela, and you know it. I know that you love to simplify things, I’m jealous of your ability to do that, but would you just up and leave all the memories if you had the chance now?” Eve challenged.

“Well, no, but…”

“And it’s been more than eight months since Malik died, Carmela. So I think two months is still a good enough of an excuse to stay!”

“Eve, that’s enough,” Jordan warned, leaving no room for argument.

She looked at him, and then at Carmela. “I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry!” Eve put a hand on her mouth. She was horrified by her own words. “I’m the worst friend ever.”

“No, you’re not,” Carmela sighed. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“No. You guys are the only ones who lay it on me, and I need that,” she admitted in remorse. “I’m sorry, Carmela, I shouldn’t have brought Malik into this. But I’m just…I’m not ready to leave yet, okay?”

“Okay. But the thing is…the more time goes by, the less reasons _I_ actually have to stay here,” Carmela noted, almost in shame, but Eve nodded in understanding.

“Fine, I guess we’re all stuck here together, then,” Jordan joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Jor, I know you’re joking, when you’re actually terrified of me leaving. But don’t worry, the last thing either of us needs is to be far away from those who care about us the most,” Eve pointed out.

“Amen to that!” Carmela agreed and downed a shot.

“Is it gonna be that kind of a night, Carm?” Jordan inquired, cautious. “No judgement.”

Eve chuckled. Between months of no alcohol consumption, two recent deaths in the family, and two kids at home, Carmela couldn’t wait to start drinking again. But she was also breastfeeding so she had to time it and pace herself, which led to many pouts.

“No, no,” Carmela reassured. “Ever since the in-laws got here I’ve been on my best behavior. Not that they’d mind. They know what it’s like to raise a teenage Malik and Brunie. I think they can handle a twenty-five years old single mom.” That sentiment earned her a laugh from Jordan and Eve.

As Eve turned her head to the side, she noticed Chloe, staring at her from the bar. It wasn’t the first time.

“Is she always here?” Eve shook her head. Jordan and Carmela followed her line of sight to see who she was referring to.

“I think she is,” Jordan shrugged. “I think she’s always here hoping you’ll be here, too.”

Carmela nodded in agreement. “I think you should sleep with her.”

“Carmela!” Jordan and Eve exclaimed in unison.

“You always try to melt her with your eyes and now you want me to sleep with her?” Eve was baffled.

“Look, maybe it’ll just be something physical, and maybe it’ll be more. Who knows? But might as well, go for it. It’s better than moping,” Carmela argued. “Before? Well, before Brunie was alive, but now…she’s not,” her voice cracked. “There’s a hot girl who wants you, and you should go and have some fun, and maybe eventually meet someone. Otherwise, you’re doing exactly what we’ve been telling Brunie not to do all these years.”

“You are one to talk Carmela,” Eve scoffed, not liking the direction of the conversation.

“I have two children, it makes things different,” Carmela countered, completely unrattled.

“But you’re telling me to have sex with her in order to deal with my pain. Isn’t _that_ going down the Brunie route?” Eve challenged, arms crossed.

“Look, I know this is still fresh, but is it really?” Jordan wondered. “You said your goodbyes nearly seven month ago.” Now that he heard Carmela’s reasoning, he was on board.

“But I felt like we were together this whole time. Even when she wasn’t here, I just fell more in love with her. It doesn’t feel like seven months, Jor. It feels like it just happened.”

“Okay, answer me this,” Jordan tried another approach. “Can you, eventually, imagine yourself with someone new?”

“Just the thought of answering this question makes me nauseous right now,” she stated truthfully.

“Then don’t do it,” Carmela retracted, “then it _is_ too soon.”

“Can _you_ imagine yourself with someone new eventually?” Eve was genuinely curious.

“No,” Carmela admitted. “But maybe one day I will. Maybe. I think he would’ve wanted that.”

“I think she would have wanted that, too. But I guess we both still have ways to go,” Eve provided and Carmela grimaced in sad acceptance.

“Evester, I can’t understand how you feel, not really,” Jordan acknowledged, “and at the end of the day, it’s your decision, all of it, the new job, that Chloe person. Maybe you need time, or maybe it’s like you said, if you act normal eventually you’ll start feeling normal again. I don’t know. But whatever you decide, it’s okay, and we’re not gonna judge you for it,” he promised.

“Thanks, Jordan.” She squeezed his hand and turned to Carmela. “Would you really be okay with me sleeping with someone else?”

“Brunie is gone, Hun. It sucks, so much, but she is. Whatever you do or not do with other people won’t matter or hurt her anymore. So the only thing I care about is that you’re happy, and that you’re not wasting years building these walls around your heart like she did. I think we all learned that time is precious. If you want something Eve, then I want you to have it,” Carmela concluded, completely sincere.

“You guys,” Eve sniffed, she was on the verge of tears, in awe by her friends’ support.

“Oh, no. None of that. We must be the most depressing group of people to hang out with,” Carmela groaned.

“Sounds just about right. Got a room for one more?”

“Ozy!” they all called in unison. They didn’t see him very often, but at least once a week. He wanted to know how they were doing, they wanted to know how life as a commander was treating him. It could’ve been a win-win situation, except that everyone was miserable.

“Did I miss the fun part?” he inquired as he sat down.

“If by fun part you mean the mandatory talk about the dead and how life is shit, then yes,” Jordan noted. “But, lucky for you, we always have more from where that came from.” That earned him a giggle from Carmela and a shake of the head from Eve.

“Great. Then I didn’t miss anything,” Oz snorted.

“How is life on the field, Oz?” Carmela questioned.

“I’ll tell you how shit it still is without Brunie, but first, another round of drinks?” he proposed.

“Yep,” “You bet,” “Hell yes,” Eve, Jordan, and Carmela replied respectively.

* * *

Eve was leaning on the bar, waiting for the bartender to notice her. The gang was quite intoxicated, but evidently, they weren’t done, and Eve, always a more modest drinker on a work night, volunteered to get up and provide. She needed to get away from all the commotion for a few minutes. _So you go to the bar? Smart move, dummy,_ she thought, remembering that the bar just happened to be the most commotion-filled corner of the club.

“Hey,” someone greeted from behind her.

Eve released a deep breath. “Please, Chloe. Not tonight,” she pleaded without turning around.

“I just…I wanted to offer my apologies, and condolences, and also…services,” Chloe added. She sounded hesitant, but not at all embarrassed.

Eve turned to her with a disturbed expression on her face. “Did you actually just say that?”

“Yes, I did,” Chloe confirmed, refusing to feel any shame.

“Why?” Eve asked, dumbfounded.

“Because I like you, and I can tell that you’re in pain. I want to help, if I can,” the woman answered, genuine.

“Help me do what? Forget?” Eve demanded. She was angry.

“No, honestly,” Chloe raised her hands in surrender. “Just…to keep distracted.”

“You know, that’s what _she_ used to do. All these girls she always been with? That’s why she did it. To keep distracted. Look where it got her. She was alone for years.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Chloe shrugged. “Or maybe…she just did it to not think while she was waiting for you to come into her life.”

Eve didn’t hide her surprise.

“Look,” Chloe huffed, “I had no right to say the things I said the first time we met. I don’t know you, I don’t know your relationship. And above all, it was none of my business. I’m really, truly sorry.”

“We were in love,” Eve stated simply. “And it was messy, and beautiful. And it was just starting to get more beautiful than messy.”

“I’m sorry. I realize now how much she probably kept hidden from the pubic eye. The things she was most protective of. The things that were the most precious to her.”

The acknowledgment stirred something within Eve. She was tipsy, and Chloe was undeniably attractive. Maybe before Brunie came into her life she would’ve pursued this. _But now? Am I supposed to act like it’s before I met Brunie?_

Chloe was staring at her, not backing down.

 _I’m so tired, and she smells really nice._ Eve just wanted to not think for a while. She wanted the voices in her head to stop, the hole in her heart to fill, even if just for a moment. She realized this must’ve been how Brunie felt all these years. _Maybe I can indulge? Just this once?_

“Okay,” she agreed. It was a very quiet agreement.

“Yeah?” Chloe quirked an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Eve confirmed, forcing a smile. “Let’s get out of here.”

She spotted her friends. They were blissfully oblivious, and they were used to her always disappearing. _Not that it’s a good thing, but tonight it’ll be useful._ She took Chloe’s hand and dragged her out to Main Street.

“This is just sex, I need you to know that,” Eve stated, face stern.

Chloe nodded. “I know that. I promise.”

 _Oh, how the tables have turned,_ she released a bitter laugh. Her dead ex-girlfriend, who was known to be a player, didn’t sleep with anyone else since the day they met. Eve, who never really did the casual thing, was now trying to find comfort in it.

Chloe stopped in her tracks, and Eve, who didn’t notice, kept walking until she was pulled back by Chloe’s hand.

“What is it?” she asked in confusion.

“How about we go to your place?” Chloe suggested. Everyone knew where Eve resided these days, and she couldn’t help but being a little curious. Brunie, especially in death, was an enigma.

“No,” Eve denied right away. She kept walking, pulling Chloe with her.

“That’s totally okay, Eve,” Chloe realized that the other woman needed the night to unfold according to her own rules, or nothing at all was going to happen. “But if we’re going to my place, maybe I should lead the way?”

“Right,” Eve stopped walking and turned towards Chloe, blushing.

Chloe giggled. “You’re adorable, you know that?” she removed a strand of hair from Eve’s face. When Eve remained silent, Chloe started in the opposite direction. “Come on, doofus.”

* * *

“Do you want anything to drink?” Chloe’s voice was soft.

They were at her quarters. It wasn’t big, but it felt cozy. There were scented candles everywhere, and almost everything was dark red. They took their shoes off when they entered, and walked barefoot on the fuzzy carpet. Eve liked the way if felt under her feet.

“Um, no, thanks,” she said, looking around.

Chloe put some slow music on. “How about some appropriate atmosphere,” she winked at Eve who smiled in return.

 _How do I even do this_? _What am I suppose to do? Just jump her?_ But Chloe helped with her predicament by coming closer.

She leaned in and started to kiss Eve’s neck softly. Eve could feel goosebumps form on her arms. Chloe noticed and smiled. Eve could feel that smile on her neck.

Chloe pulled back. “I think you might be happy to be here after all?”

“Just sex, yes?” Eve reminded. She wasn’t sure what Chloe was thinking, but she knew the woman noticed her months ago, and she didn’t want to lead her on.

“Yes,” Chloe giggled, “I heard you loud and clear. Just sex. Awesome sex,” she added, putting her hand on her own heart as if to say “I swear.” She leaned in for a kiss.

“Actually,” Eve stopped her, “can we not do the whole kissing thing?”

“Oh, okay,” Chloe said, swallowing her disappointment.

“You can keep doing the neck thing, if you want. It was nice,” Eve proposed sheepishly, feeling the need to say something, to encourage.

Chloe obliged right away, and Eve couldn’t deny that she was aroused. _She definitely knows how to use her tongue._ The thought caught Eve off guard, but she didn’t have much time to process it.

Chloe took a step back and got rid of her own shirt, her pants following suit. She stood there, in sexy black lace underwear, and Eve felt her body react. She was about to take her own clothes off when Chloe put a hand on hers.

“Can I do that?” she requested, voice gentle and soothing.

Eve observed her. _This is all so awkward. It wasn’t like this with Brunie._ By the time they slept together, feelings were already involved. Hands knew exactly where to go, permissions were given with one look. They communicated wordlessly. _This isn’t like that at all._ _It feels so transactional._

“Okay,” Eve allowed after a long pause. Not entirely sure that’s what she wanted.

Chloe took Eve’s clothes off, slowly, enjoying the process. “Wow, you really are beautiful,” she complimented, putting her hand on Eve’s flat stomach.

Eve shivered at the touch, and she could tell Chloe was pleased with the reaction.

Chloe wrapped her arms around Eve’s waist, bringing their nearly naked bodies together. She started nipping at Eve’s neck again. She bit hard enough for Eve to whimper. It was so subtle, but it urged Chloe to put her leg between Eve’s. Eve moaned at the touch, and the second she heard herself moan, she was overcome by an immense amount of guilt. She pulled away immediately.

“No. No, no, no,” she blurted, pacing back and forth.

“What’s wrong?” Chloe asked in real concern. “I thought you were enjoying this?” The last thing she wanted was to force herself on Eve.

“I did. I am…” Eve looked back at Chloe, biting her lip. She shook her head and walked to the pile of her discarded clothes.

“I can’t, I’m sorry. It’s too much.” Her voice was laced with pain. She started putting her pants back on.

Chloe glanced at her, visibly sad. She grabbed her own shirt, feeling overly exposed under the circumstances.

“I’m so, _so_ sorry,” Eve repeated as she put her shirt on. She started crying. “I shouldn’t have done this. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.” She picked her shoes and purse from their place by the door and ran out, wiping tears, rushing barefoot back to her quarters.

“What was I thinking,” she berated herself. No matter how hard she tried to catch her breath, she couldn’t calm down. Her heart was racing. “Never again,” she vowed between sobs. “God, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she kept saying, this time it was directed at someone else altogether. She knew Brunie couldn’t hear her apology, never will, and it made her cry even harder. She tried to stop the tears. She didn’t want to be the crazy girl with the dead girlfriend, who cried hysterically in public and walked barefoot across the Local. But she also couldn’t bring herself to care. _I tried too much, too fast, and this is my punishment._ The guilt was overwhelming.

 _If I can’t go on like this, but I also can’t find comfort in others, what am I supposed to do?_ She reached her door, feeling completely shattered. She was ready to crawl into bed and cry herself to sleep. She stopped for a moment, leaning her forehead against the cool door. She took a few deep breaths and counted to ten multiple times, until she managed to calm her body down. Her eyes were still puffy, and her cheeks were still soaked, but she was breathing regularly again.

She pushed the thoughts of what just transpired to the back of her head, not wanting to deal with them anymore for the night.

She unlocked the door and pushed it open, and there, standing by the bed and holding the infamous penguins’ pajamas in her hands, was Brunie.


	48. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay folks, as promised, this update came a little faster than the rest, but we have only one more so that might take 2 weeks again. Either way - home stretch! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Brunie studied the room, noticing that Eve hadn’t changed much. She hummed in content. _She was waiting this whole time_.

Her penguins’ pajamas were on the bed, folded, clearly used by Eve. Brunie couldn’t help but laugh in pure joy. She couldn’t believe any of it was real. _I’m actually home_. And being home meant something different now.

She heard the scratches on the storage room door and rolled her eyes. “Shut up, Brian! Go to sleep!”

She went to the bathroom, considering taking a shower, but she didn’t want to overstep. It was bad enough that she had to pick the lock. She worried that Eve might come in while she was in the shower and freak out, so she settled for washing her hands and face to appear somewhat presentable. She also brushed her teeth after realizing, to her great delight, that her toothbrush was still in its place by the sink.

She came out of the bathroom and took a deep breath. She felt like her heart was about to burst. _The Colonels probably know that I’m back by now_. She asked the guard who saw her come in to inform Oz. _They are going to kill me._ But she didn’t care _. I’m dead anyway_. All she wanted to do, all she could think about was seeing Eve. She also had to figure out what to do about her friend in the other room, and let someone look at her shoulder. _It waited two months, it can wait until after I see…my girlfriend_.

Everything was clean and smelled nice. Brunie stared at her things, not finding a single item that was moved. But some of her tapes were on the table. She beamed, assuming Eve must have started watching them. Then she noticed the same old poster of hers that she saw in Eve’s old quarters. “This will have to go,” she decided.

She finally approached the bed again. The last time she was there Eve was with her, and it was after experiencing one of the best nights of her life.

Brunie saw a flash of Eve’s writhing under her touch. The memory sent a shiver down her spine. She thought she had lost it all, but she could have it again.

She scanned the bed, tempted, the exhaustion weighing heavy on her. But she didn’t want to climb in in her current filthy state, following a long journey. She picked up the pajama shirt, unable to resist the temptation of bringing it to her nose, inhaling deeply. There was no mistaking Eve’s scent, and the sensation hit Brunie right in the gut, washing her with an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude. She was on the verge of tears, but then she heard the lock and looked up, pajama shirt still in hand, as a clearly distraught, and barefoot Eve came into view.

Eve entered the room and Brunie realized that her girlfriend didn’t seem all too surprised to find her standing there.

Eve, on the other hand, noticed that Brunie seemed entirely banged up and filthy.

 _Of course this is how she’ll appear to me. Great, really helps with the guilt_ , Eve groaned, but Brunie offered her a radiant smile.

“Eve…” her voice trembled on the single syllable. She could tell Eve has been crying not too long ago. The red cheeks and puffy eyes gave her away.

“I’m not ready to talk to you,” Eve stated with finality. She shut the door, put her shoes down and placed her purse on the small table by the entrance. She walked by Brunie, headed for the bathroom, choosing to ignore the other woman’s presence.

“Eve…” Brunie tried again.

“I mean it,” Eve warned, peeking out of the bathroom with a cloth in her hands. “I knew you’d come at some point, but I’m not ready yet.”

“Eve, stop…”

“And I’m sorry about what happened tonight with Chloe, but…”

“Wait, what happened tonight, and who the hell is Chloe?” Brunie demanded, now irritated.

“You know, Chloe, from the whole, ‘I almost slept with her’ and all that. And then I got so guilty over you, even though you’re dead, that I ditched her, came here and found you. Because of course,” Eve shook her head, annoyed.

“Wait, wait. _Almost_ slept with her?”

“Um, yeah.” Eve found it weird that she had to inform her own subconscious of things it should already know.

“Nothing happened?” Brunie insisted, she had to make sure.

“No. I bailed, duh. You know that,” Eve provided, still confused.

“Oh, thank god,” Brunie breathed in relief. Years of conversations with the dead helped her understand exactly what was happening. But she worked so hard to come back, she couldn’t stand the thought of Eve being with someone else, of herself being too late.

“Aren’t you supposed to tell me you want me to move on and be happy, and that you won’t be mad, and blah blah blah?” Eve pointed out in a flat voice. This was not at all how she thought her first conversation with imaginary Brunie would go.

“No, I’m not.” Brunie looked straight into Eve’s eyes, grabbing her by the waist so they were now standing in front of each other, lower bodies touching.

Realization hit and Eve stared at Brunie in shock, frozen in place. Brunie nodded at her, eyes soft, as if to say “I’m here.”

“Dead people can’t touch you, can they?” Eve swallowed hard, too afraid to believe.

“No,” Brunie brought her hand up to cup Eve’s cheek. “They can’t.”

Eve released a choked cry and jumped up, wrapping her legs around Brunie’s hips. Her mouth was on Brunie’s in seconds, hungry, insatiable. Brunie turned around, smashing them both into the wall. Eve moaned and pulled back, breathless, sandwiched between Brunie and the wall. She brought their foreheads together, tightening her grip around Brunie’s back. “Is this real?”

“It’s real,” Brunie confirmed. The words barely came out.

“I thought you were dead,” Eve’s eyes were glistening.

“ _I_ kinda thought I was dead, too.” It sounded like an apology, but it was followed by a chuckle.

For a few moments all they managed to do was look at each other worldlessly, searching for affirmation.

“Eve…” Brunie titled her head, and Eve’s lips where on hers again. This time the kiss was slow, lips brushing against each other to start. They didn’t need the full extent of the touch yet, they just needed to make sure they would remember how the moment felt, forever.

Eve tasted salt in her mouth. She knew it was tears, but whether hers or Brunie’s, she couldn’t say. She knew for a fact that she was crying, but Brunie’s cheek under her thumb was damp. A tongue found its way into her mouth and she moaned. Her mind was racing with conflicting thoughts. She was happy she didn’t have to verbalize any of them right away. She let her body do the talking, sending her hands under Brunie’s shirt, letting her fingernails drag gently on the skin around Brunie’s waist. She was telling Brunie that she missed her, that she loved her. She was saying welcome home.

Brunie let her tears flow. She hardly ever cried, and when she did she made a point of doing so in private. But with Eve’s hands on her skin and Eve’s teeth biting on her bottom lip, she didn’t feel the need to keep anything inside anymore. She wanted to feel Eve, give Eve everything she wanted. 

They slowed their movements, the temptation to look at each other too great. Brunie kissed Eve’s forehead, then moved to her nose and along her jaw line. Eventually she nuzzled her face in Eve’s neck, sighing in content.

Eve was still crying in silence, but she took comfort in knowing those were happy tears. She was overcome with emotions, and when Brunie started kissing her neck, she didn’t want her to ever stop. An insolent part of her brain remained afraid of waking up and finding that it was all just a dream. She was praying that her mind wasn’t playing an exceptionally layered, exceptionally cruel trick on her.

“You smell…” Brunie pulled back to look at Eve, “like Chloe, I’m guessing,” she huffed, but there was a cheeky twinkle in her eye.

Eve had to acknowledge that their current situation was so imperfect that it had to be real. _In no dream scenario of mine would I come home to you after obviously almost sleeping with someone else._ “You smell…like blood and dirt,” she finally countered with a snort.

“And a two months journey from Oregon to here, if to be specific,” Brunie explained with a smile. “The Colonels are going to end me. I came straight here. I had to see you. I didn’t even take a shower because I thought you might come in. But I did wash my hands and face and brushed my teeth for you. See?” She leaned in for a quick peck.

“Mmm, minty,” Eve noted and got a dazzling smile in response. She leaned in to return the favor with a feather-light brush of their lips.

“Okay, but I can’t keep holding you like this because I have a bullet in my shoulder,” Brunie grimaced in discomfort, Eve’s weight and their current position starting to take their toll.

“Oh, shit! The bullet! It’s still in there? Let me look at you,” Eve pushed herself away from the wall, and Brunie helped her back to her feet. Eve laced their fingers and led Brunie to a chair. Once Brunie was seated, Eve helped her take her shirt off, trying to not be distracted by the the exposed skin and the obvious weight loss. She started to carefully unwrap the bandage.

“Why, Eve, if you wanted to take my clothes off all you had to do is ask.”

“Shut up.”

They stared at each other in challenge, but they both thought the same thing – _later. There will be time._

“I managed to change it a few times,” Brunie provided. “They wanted to take scans at the Local I stopped at. They thought I might need surgery. But I told them I had a date with a hot girl,” she grinned and looked up, searching for Eve’s eyes again. Eve smiled and leaned down, bringing their lips together once more. They both moaned into the kiss.

“God, I missed this,” Brunie refused to look away, boring into Eve’s eyes with intensity.

“I know the feeling,” Eve kissed Brunie’s nose, then gently turned Brunie’s head forward so she could examine her shoulder. “Sexy,” she stated once she saw the healing scar. The wound had closed, but she knew Brunie may still need surgery.

“Oz told you, didn’t he?” Brunie shook her head, unable to stop the grin that followed.

“He did,” Eve confirmed. “We should go to the infirmary and take those scans. They might need to reopen this and take the bullet out,” Eve observed with concern. It may have survived a two months journey, but it is still potentially dangerous.

“Later.”

“Brunie…” Eve warned, worry evident on her face.

“Later,” Brunie repeated, not backing down. “Shower with me first,” she added suggestively. “And don’t pretend like you’re ready to share me with the rest of the world,” she concluded with another challenge.

“Sold.” _What can I say? When she’s right, she’s right._

* * *

They didn’t make it to the shower.

“I can’t believe you are here,” Eve hummed. She was massaging Brunie’s back, making sure to be gentle. Most signs of battle were long gone. The bruises healed, the scar was months old. If it wasn’t for the dirt everywhere, none would’ve guessed that Brunie came from the battlefield, and from a long journey that followed. Still, the weight loss alone was enough to worry Eve, and she had every intention of taking Brunie in for a general exam.

“But I am,” Brunie turned to speak over her shoulder, sending Eve a smile and receiving one in return. Their faces started to ache.

 _If this is a dream, it’s quite the long, elaborated one_ , Eve thought, forced to accept that a miracle had happened. _But if this is real, then I’m gonna do everything in my power to make sure that she is intact, and will remain so._

“Stop thinking so loudly,” Brunie turned in Eve’s arms. “I promise, we can go to the infirmary tomorrow.” She was shamelessly checking Eve out, top to bottom, enjoying their mutual state of undress. They didn’t even do anything. They simply took off their clothes and lay down in the comfort of one another.

“Tomorrow!” Eve protested.

“Yes,” Brunie confirmed. She leaned in for a quick kiss, but Eve chose to glare at her. “It’s really late,” Brunie defended. “Tonight is ours. I managed like this for two months, I don’t think an extra night would kill me. So you can poke and probe at my arms, or do whatever it is you want to do, tomorrow. Tonight is about a different kind of poking,” Brunie smirked.

Eve slapped her healthy shoulder. “Brunie Kaya!” she scolded.

“Is what you will be screaming later on.”

“Unbelievable,” Eve shook her head, trying, unsuccessfully, to stop the smile from crawling onto her lips for the umpteenth time.

“Lighten up, Eve. You know how long it’s been since I’ve been this happy? Just let me tease and be silly.” Brunie’s eyes sparkled. It made Eve’s heart beat a little faster. 

“I can do that,” she wrapped her arm around Brunie’s waist and brought her in for another kiss. “I also need to feed you, and please, no pervy comments. I mean actual food. You lost a lot of weight.”

“Okay, well, how about once we’re done here we’ll order some pizza?” Brunie seemed even more excited than before. She couldn’t deny that she was starving. The concept of actual food made her giddy.

“Or…” Eve’s smile made it very clear that she was hiding something.

“Or what?” Brunie looked at her with intrigue.

“What if I was to tell you that I have some of Mama Samiah’s famous lasagna in the fridge?” Eve’s offered in a casual tone.

“What! How? When?” Brunie shook her head. “Wait…you know Mama Sammy?”

“Samiah and Alerio came back here with Oz after you, um…disappeared, I suppose is the appropriate term now.”

“Oh my god. Are you serious? They’re here! That’s amazing!”

“Maybe we should let everyone know that you’re not dead? And Here with me?” Eve suggested, sheepish.

“Ha. They know,” Brunie snorted. “I guarantee Corbin and Cecily went there to tell them. The only reason they’re not banging on our door is because Carmela knew this is where I’ll be and stopped them,” Brunie deducted.

 _Our door,_ Eve tried to stifle her excitement. “Yeah, it does sound like something Carm would do…” Eve agreed, distracted.

“Carm?” Brunie quirked an eyebrow.

“A lot has changed since you left, B. In a good way!” Eve added once she saw the concern on the other woman’s face. “Crap, that came out wrong. What I mean to say is that I missed you, _so_ much, so I made it a point to get to know the people who matter to you. And with Cecily and Corbin checking on me every other day, and Jordan being good friends with Carmela…and then you died, or, disappeared, or whatever, and Samiah and Alerio came, and they make awesome fake parents, so, I get it, and it just felt great to have a family that shared my love for you, and…”

“Eve, Eve, relax, Babe. It’s okay,” Brunie assured with a chuckle. She put her hand on Eve’s hip. “Tell me about everything that happened? Later?” she requested in a soft voice.

“Will _you_?” Eve inquired. She wanted to know how all of it was even possible.

“Of course I will, if you want me to.”

“I do,” Eve confirmed. Not only was the woman she loved presumed dead, but she also endured a journey from the other side of the country. Eve needed to know every tiny detail.

“Then I will,” Brunie promised. They smiled at each other, enjoying their bubble of peace and ease. Then came the scratches on the storage room door.

“What is that?” Eve sat up in alert.

“Shit, Brian,” Brunie jumped off the bed and disappeared down the hallway.

“Who the fuck is Brian? Is there someone in here?” Eve wondered what sort of unsavory situation Brunie got herself into. She heard the storage room door open, and held the covers tighter, hiding her body in embarrassment.

“What are you doing, you little shit?” But Brunie’s voice didn’t sound irritated at all. It sounded amused, delighted even.

“Brunie, what…”

But before Eve had a chance to finish the question, she heard a sound she only ever heard on TV before, and something jumped on the bed and ambushed her.

_Was that…a bark? Is it…is it licking my face?_

Eve’s eyes widened in surprise as she finally understood.

“Brunie, is that…?”

“A dog? Yes. A very annoying one,” Brunie huffed and leaned on the wall.

“Holy shit!” Eve started laughing, which only encouraged Brian to lick her face with more gusto. “It tickles!” She found his fur with her hands, caressing, hugging almost. “An actual fucking dog!”

“I know,” Brunie rolled her eyes, but they betrayed her. She enjoyed seeing Eve so elated. “He has crashed my travels and has been a pain in my ass ever since.” The dog turned towards her and growled, as if he understood what she just said. “Whatever, Brian. I just introduced you to the cutest girl in the world, so you better behave and be grateful.”

“You called him Brian?” Eve’s brows furrowed.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. He kinda looked like a Brian to me.”

Eve cupped the dog’s face in both her hands and gave him a closer look. “Yeah, I can see that. Oh my god, you have a dog! _No one_ has a dog!”

“Uppers have dogs,” Brunie shrugged.

“He’s adorable!”

“You hear that, Brian? The cute girl thinks you’re adorable. You’re lucky she never met a dog before.” That earned her another unhappy growl.

“Wait, Brunie, did you leave your dog locked in the storage room?”

“Hey, don’t look at me like that!” Brunie protested, pushing herself away from the wall. “I left him with food and water. It’s night time! He was supposed to sleep! He usually does!” She got back in bed, as if to emphasize her point.

Brian licked her face and placed himself comfortably by the feet of the bed.

“See Brian? I promised you an upgrade. Not bad, right?”

“Awww, look at him! Can you imagine Austin’s face when he meets him for the first tie?” Eve’s eyes lit up. She could see the scenario unfolding in her head.

“You knowing everyone is going to take some getting used to,” Brunie noted, but there was no irritation in her voice, no blame, just a soft, sleepy smile.

They looked at each other in quiet understanding. Eve reached to the locket Brunie was wearing. It was the only item Brunie didn’t take off, always too worried to lose it. It wasn’t hers, it was given to her for safekeeping in the most unsafe environment there was. Eve started playing with it between her fingers, her expression changed to something more somber.

“What’s wrong?” Brunie asked in concern, putting a hand on Eve’s cheek, forcing her to look up.

“I didn’t give you anything before you left,” Eve bit her lip. Carmela told her about the locket, unknowingly planting the seeds of the guilt Eve has been feeling for months. Brunie didn’t even have the key to her own quarters, and it’s been bothering Eve almost every day since her lover left.

“Are you kidding? You gave me one of the best memories I’ll ever make,” Brunie caressed Eve’s cheek with her thumb. “It was most definitely something to hold on to.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Brunie leaned in to kiss Eve’s forehead. Eve looked at her with so much intensity, it made her feel dizzy.

“I need you to know that even though you died, I never, not for a minute, regretted us.”

Brunie tried to push down the tears. Eve said exactly what she needed to hear, and Brunie suspected that Eve knew that. “I’m still gonna feel that I’m being selfish by being with you every now and then,” she admitted. “But I can't not say it to you when you look at me like that.”

“Then stop fighting me. This is one battle that you can’t win. Accept it gracefully,” Eve smirked, knowing full well what was coming, what Brunie wanted to say.

“Accepting defeat isn’t my strongest suit,” Brunie reminded with a smirk of her own.

“I gathered as much,” Eve shrugged, leaning into the touch of Brunie’s hand on her cheek. She covered it with her own hand, closing her eyes and enjoying the blissful moment. Now that she knew she had time, she didn’t mind waiting to hear it, but she knew she wouldn’t have to wait long.

"I'll never stop doing this thing,” Brunie reminded. Her voice was quiet and serious.

Eve opened her eyes. She wanted to make sure Brunie understood that for her it wasn’t about feeling good for a short period of time, that she knew what it meant to really be with Brunie. "I know,” she informed, rubbing Brunie’s hand with her thumb.

"You'll never stop worrying about me,” Brunie emphasized.

Eve could tell it was making her sad. "I know,” she repeated.

Brunie swallowed hard. "I love you.” Her watery eyes told Eve just how true and deep the feelings were.

Eve knew for a while that their feelings were mutual, but hearing Brunie say the words for the first time, after she thought she’d lost her forever, was still overwhelming. "Yeah, I know,” she concluded. She brought Brunie’s fingers to her mouth, kissing them tenderly.

Brunie laughter was full of joy. She brought their lips together, giving them both the chance to convey just how much they loved each other.

* * *

They came out of the shower and Brunie felt like a whole new person. _I might actually be a whole new person_. Between her love confession, which was signed with a literal kiss, and an actual bath after months without, it felt like a rebirth. She liked that feeling. 

The moment they settled in the bath, Eve’s hands were finally on her body. At first, Eve just washed her hair, massaging her sculp expertly, but when Brunie moaned at the touch, Eve’s hands wondered elsewhere, and Brunie was never more grateful for having a bath rather than a shower. It was obvious that Eve needed to feel her body, to confirm its existence with her own. So when waves of pleasure hit Brunie for the first time, she only protested a little while Eve was quick to lower herself down Brunie’s body, until she was settled exactly where she wanted to be, ready to send Brunie over the edge again.

Once the euphoric haze of hot steam and physical bliss was behind them, she realized she was hungry. But they decided to skip the midnight snack after all. They were already going to be sleep deprived, considering Eve had to go to work in a few short hours and Brunie promised to join her. Even the dog on the bed was getting some rest. Still, Brunie couldn’t bring herself to care, she just wanted more time with Eve. _I’ll sleep in the grave, once it’s actually time._

Eve was drying her hair with a towel when her eyes fell on the entrance door. “Wait, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” she turned towards Brunie. “How did you even get in here?”

“Um…” Brunie hesitated. Eve thought she looked adorably guilty. “I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad. I kinda had to pick your lock,” she admitted, apologetic. “I knocked, but you weren’t here. I guess it means I’m technically trespassing.” She examined Eve who appeared to be confused, so she tried to clarify further. “Sorry. I just…there was nowhere else I wanted to be. I figured that if I can’t see you right away, I’d at least take a moment to myself,” she bit her lip, waiting for the verdict.

“Why would you go anywhere else? If anything, I should go. This is your place,” Eve reminded, starting to try and figure the logistics _. I’ll have to take things out of the storage_ , she thought.

“Yeah but I gave it to you,” Brunie insisted with a soft smile. “It’s yours now. _I’ll_ go.” She liked seeing Eve in the space, and she couldn’t take her gift back, nor did she want to.

Eve saw the sincerity in her eyes. _This is silly_ , she realized. “Then how ‘bout you stay?” she offered with confidence, finding the suggestion so easy to articulate.

Brunie stared at her and started laughing, but once she saw Eve wasn’t joking, the laughter died down. “Eve, are you actually crazy?”

“No, I’m not,” Eve stepped forward, grabbing Brunie by the waist. “Ever since we got together, we haven’t been together at all. Don’t you think we’ve been apart long enough?”

Brunie considered Eve’s words, and even though she remained silent, Eve could tell by the tiny curve of Brunie’s lips that her persuasion was working.

“Are you clean and organized?” Eve inquired.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Then it’s settled. If in a week we want to kill each other, we can renegotiate then,” Eve shrugged.

“Okay, but just so you know, in the old world they called what you’re suggesting uhauling,” Brunie teased and walked to the bed.

“Shut up. Is that a yes?” Eve followed her.

They got into bed, and Brunie placed herself as the big spoon, wrapping her injured hand around Eve, as the angle made it doable without excessive pain. “It’s a yes,” she confirmed and Eve squealed, turning in her arms. “You are so annoying sometimes,” Brunie huffed, poking Eve’s hip. It made Eve giggle.

“It’s okay,” she said. “We don’t always have to like each other as long as we always love each other.”

Brunie quirked her eyebrow.

“What?” Eve challenged. “Too cheesy for you?”

“Yeah, yeah. You, me and the dog. We’re orphans in love,” Brunie announced dramatically. “It’s all very angsty, and poetic, and beautiful. Well, almost, coz technically, you’re an almost-orphan.”

“Let’s not mention him,” Eve’s smile was soft. She wanted to concentrate on the good.

Brunie studied her, considering what to say. “I met him, you know,” she admitted, cautious, not sure how Eve would react. It wasn’t the right time to tell her about everything that transpired, they were both too exhausted. But she also didn’t want to lie by omission.

Eve looked at her in surprise. _I guess I should’ve seen it coming_. She gave Brunie a slight nod, to let her know that she was heard. “Don’t ruin the moment,” she scolded, but her words lacked any real edge, and she leaned in, catching Brunie’s lips in a tender kiss.

When they broke apart Brunie glanced at her. Knowing how the subject made Eve feel saddened her to no end. Eventually, she knew, she’d have to tell Eve everything, and she had no doubt it might alter the way Eve saw her father.

They settled in comfortable silence, each lost in her own world. But there was one thing left for Eve to clarify.

“You know that you’re my girlfriend, right?” she demanded.

Brunie chuckled. “Yes, Eve. I know that I’m your girlfriend. I told you I loved you, I figured the rest was a given.” She kissed Eve’s forehead. “Dumbass.”

Eve hummed in content as they drifted to sleep, carefully wrapped in each other’s arms.


	49. Chapter 47

Brunie and Eve walked hand in hand into the infirmary early the following morning.

“You could’ve stayed in bed for another hour or two you know,” Eve noted in worry, suspecting that Brunie didn’t get substantial rest in months.

“Didn’t want to stay in bed without you,” Brunie shrugged. “Besides, I promised I’ll come anyway, so this worked out well,” she offered Eve a loving smile.

What they didn’t count on, however, was that a group of relatively sane people, would unnecessarily, yet willingly, gather at the butt crack of dawn.

When the two entered the infirmary, giggling from exhaustion and from something silly one of them just pointed out, they could feel eyes on them, and then came the gasps.

When they searched for the source they found Carmela, Jordan, Samiah, Alerio and Cecily all looking at them with teary eyes. Then there was Corbin, arms crossed, glaring.

“Okay,” Brunie started, “but before you say anything, think which urge is stronger. Your need to kill me, or your happiness that I’m not actually dead!” she presented in exaggerated excitement. “I, personally, vote for the latter,” she glanced at Corbin, hopeful.

Everyone was looking at Corbin, waiting to see how she’d react. After a few tense moments, her glare shifted into a huge smile. “You are the biggest idiot I’ve ever met. Now come here and give me a hug,” she ordered. Brunie did as her ranking officer instructed. Carmela, Samiah and Eve started crying at the sight, while Cecily stared blankly at the hugging women.

Corbin squeezed Brunie a little tighter, making her laugh. Brunie turned towards her other Colonel. “Cec? Anything _you_ wanna say?”

“I broke my hand because of you!” Cecily accused, evidently upset.

“What?” Brunie asked in confusion.

“Oh, forget it,” Cecily shook her head and pulled Brunie into an embrace.

“All these hugs are really nice and all, but the girl has a bullet in her shoulder,” Eve scolded, worried that the excessively physical reunion will somehow harm her girlfriend.

“Well, that’s rich coming from you, Babe,” Carmela scoffed. “I’m sure you two…hugged, quite a lot last night.”

“Carmela!” Eve, Samiah and Alerio chided in unison.

Brunie snickered, and a second later she was laughing out loud. “Oh, Carm, I missed you so much.” She grabbed her best friend into a tight hug, and before she realized what was happening, Alerio and Samiah joined in, enveloping the two younger women in their arms. There was no dry eye in the room.

“Don’t you _ever_ do anything like this again, do you hear me?” Carmela threatened.

Brunie could head the fear in her voice. “I’ll do my best,” she promised as they pulled away. She grabbed Malik’s locket from under her collar. Carmela’s face became overcome with emotions. “It kept me safe,” Brunie noted as she took it off, handing it over to Carmela.

“Thank you,” her friend released a breath, clenching her fist around the returned locket.

“Thank _you_ ,” Brunie countered. “Where’s my nephew by the way?”

“In the office, with Rita,” Cecily gestured with her head.

Brunie nodded. “And…?”

“Mallory is there, too,” Carmela cupped Brunie’s cheek. “She can’t wait to meet you.”

Brunie turned to Eve. “I _cannot_ believe you met my goddaughter before I did,” she shook her head in displeasure. Eve gave her a very self-satisfied look. Brunie thought of all the delicious ways she could make Eve pay, but her day dream was cut short when Samiah pulled on her sleeve. She turned to find her adoptive mother’s eyes. What she saw in them filled her with regret. “I’m so sorry I gave you such a scare. I know it wasn’t fair.” Her voice was sincere, full of intention.

“Oh, no matter, you are here now,” Samiah took Brunie’s hands in hers, and brought them to her lips, kissing Brunie’s fingers.

“Welcome home, kid,” Alerio offered her a toothy grin, and for a moment, it was as if Malik was looking back at her.

“Thanks, Ali. I’m so glad you guys are here. I was afraid I won’t be able to see you for a while. And after everything that happened…”

They nodded in understanding, taking her in for another hug. When she was looking over their shoulders she finally noticed the other guy, one that she’d never met before. He was sitting quietly, patient, clearly trying to not ruin the moment.

“Hi,” she spoke in a soft voice. “I’m Brunie.” She was still half hugging Samiah who wouldn’t let go, but she managed to extend a hand to shake Jordan’s.

“Hi, I’m Jordan,” he gave her a light smile, clearly happy to meet her. “I’m these ladies’ best friend,” he gestured at Eve and Carmela. “They led me to believe it means I’m also supposed to be _your_ best friend. Apparently that’s how things work around here.”

“Is that right?” she smirked, she liked him already.

“That’s the rumor, anyways,” he shrugged.

“Well, then, I guess we’ll have to explore this thing and see what happens,” her smile was bright and genuine.

“Okay,” Eve stepped in, “this was all very beautiful and touching, really. But can I please check my girlfriend to make sure she doesn’t have any internal bleeding, or poisoning, or anything else that might kill her? Because if she dies, we’ll feel very silly for wasting so much time on telling her how happy we are that she’s alive.”

“Again with the hypocrisy!” Carmela exclaimed, rolling her eyes.

“Everybody out!” Eve demanded.

“Babe, can they stay? Please?” Brunie begged, giving Eve her best pout.

Eve huffed. “Fine, but they can’t interfere. We need to get this over with.”

“We’ll go,” Corbin chimed in. “We left Oz in Command and we promised we’ll come relieve him so he can see you as well. But B, stop by later? We need to know how you are even here.”

“Tomorrow?” Brunie pleaded. She wanted to have a chance to talk to Eve first.

“Okay,” Corbin agreed, understanding what Brunie was actually asking. “We’ll see you later.” The Colonels hugged Brunie once again and turned to leave.

“Guys?” she stopped them. There was one major thing she had to clarify.

“Yeah?” Cecily looked back at her. 

“It’s wasn’t what you think,” she provided. They nodded, knowing they’d get the rest of the story soon. She told them all they needed to know for the time being.

* * *

They’ve been there for hours. Eve made sure Brunie went through every possible exam. After a consultation with one of the doctors, they decided to take the bullet out.

“You managed this long because you didn’t do anything extreme in terms of movement,” he explained, “and that was smart. But you’re an officer on active duty. You can’t keep your movements limited forever.”

“No, I can not,” she agreed. “So when do you want to do this?”

“We can do it today,” the doctor offered. Brunie gave Eve a worried, questioning look.

“A surgery today means no sex for two weeks,” Eve provided, as if she was reading from an instruction manual. She knew full well that was what Brunie was asking.

“We are still here, child,” Samiah reminded. Both Carmela and Jordan snorted.

Eve blushed, but still leaned in and whispered flirtatiously in Brunie’s ear, “it can be two weeks of careful, informed sex.”

“Maybe we should go,” Alerio proposed.

“Agreed,” Jordan stood up.

“Agreed times two. I had enough of this. Sunday night, B?” Carmela inquired.

“Will I get to see Mallory then?”

“Absolutely. But focus on this for now.”

Brunie turned to address Samiah. “Will there be lasagna?”

“Of course!” Samiah seemed like the mere question was offensive.

“Okay, we’ll give you some space, you horny kids. But you two better behave when you are next to my children at dinner!” Carmela warned and leaned in to hug Brunie. “And you,” she pointed at Eve, “no cream puffs!”

Brunie laughed whole-heartedly when she saw the guilty expression on Eve’s face. “Oh, not you too. Don’t worry Carm, we have another surprise in mind. This one is much better.” Carmela eyed her suspiciously, but let it slide for the time being.

After another round of hugs, Brunie was left with Eve while the doctor was dealing with her paperwork elsewhere. She bit her lip and scanned her girlfriend’s face.

“What?” Eve scrunched her eye brows.

“You fit so well with everyone. It makes me really happy.”

Eve beamed at her. “Yeah?”

“Mm. Not that I’m surprised. And I really want to get to know Jordan better. If he’s so important to two of my favorite ladies, he must be an incredible person.”

“He is, “Eve confirmed. “You guys are gonna love each other. He’s already enamored with your tapes collection.”

“A man after my own heart.”

The doctor walked back in. “Ready?” he asked.

“Yes. Let’s get it over with!” she exclaimed.

Oz chose that moment to walk in, and when Brunie noticed him her smile grew.

“Local anesthesia?” the oblivious doctor inquired.

“Yes!” Brunie confirmed, slightly too excited, “because then I get to talk to _this_ boy!” she announced, pointing at Oz, directing the doctor’s attention to the grinning newcomer.

“Actually, he’s not allowed in the O.R.,” the doctor objected.

“Doc, please.” She made a show of batting her eyes in an exaggerated manner. “This man is my second. He thought I was dead for months!” Eve rolled her eyes at the display. The doctor wasn’t too convinced, either. “Plus,” Bunie added, “my girlfriend works here. That has to count for something, right?” she gestured at Eve who was shaking her head.

“Fine,” the doctor conceded. “Throw in two autographs for my kids and you have a deal,” he bargained.

“Done,” Brunie agreed and shook his hand. “Now you,” she turned to Oz, “come here!”

He didn’t need to be told twice. “You are a jerk and I hate you,” he greeted.

“Oh, is this how this conversation’s gonna go? Because I already managed to distract the Colonels from the fact that they were mad at me. Do I need to do the same with you?” Her tone was casual, unconcerned.

“Speaking of everybody…where is everybody?” he looked around in confusion.

“They left because we were talking about sex,” Brunie explained calmly.

“And they didn’t want to stay and hear all the details?”

Eve slapped Oz’s shoulder while the doctor patted Brunie’s healthy one to let her know it was time. They headed to the small O.R.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened?” Oz asked as they entered the room.

“I can’t have this conversation with you just yet,” she glanced at Eve, “sorry.” He understood. “But I’m gonna give the Colonels all the details tomorrow, so it won’t be long now.”

Eve pulled her towards a bed and gently pushed her down.

“Alright, as long as you’re okay. And whenever you’re ready to come back, the job is yours.” He seemed relieved. He liked the job, but he wanted to earn it, and if Brunie was around he’d rather be her subordinate.

The doctor held a syringe to Brunie’s shoulder, injecting the local anesthesia shortly after.

“What?” Brunie teased, “are you okay with being demoted?”

“For you, I am, Major,” he winked.

“Oh, shit. They post-humosed me?” she turned to Eve who confirmed it with a bittersweet glance.

“Uh huh. Not that they wouldn’t have done it anyway,” Oz added.

Brunie could feel the anesthesia’s effect crippling in around her shoulder. Eve was quiet, diligently following the doctor’s work, making sure everything went smoothly. She wanted to see how things looked on the inside after a bullet has been there for two months.

“We’ll see what happens, Ozy,” Brunie spoke. “I’m hearing a lot is changing.”

“Yes,” he confirmed. “We did really good back west. North Carolina is happening in four months.”

“Yeah, I heard. It’s really amazing,” Brunie seemed genuinely excited, and Eve observed her lover’s face at the mention of the subject. Brunie could feel Eve’s eyes on her and turned, offering her a soft smile. “Still sexy?” she inquired, gesturing at the injury.

“Always,” Eve promised and diverted her attention back to the procedure.

“I’m really, _really_ glad you’re home,” Oz squeezed Brunie’s healthy hand.

“Me too,” she agreed. “It’s very good to be home,” she found Eve’s gaze again. They exchanged suggestive looks. 

“Yeah, I totally get why everyone else left,” Oz snorted. “Some way to make a guy feel wanted,” he chuckled.

“Whatever,” Brunie brushed off. “The guy _isn’t_ wanted. The girl is.” She wasn’t going to apologize for staring at Eve all the time, flirting with Eve all the time. She could do this forever, and she’d never apologize. She hasn’t done it enough in the past, and she almost lost the chance for good.

“Just so you know,” Eve intervened, “Oz has been amazing through all of this. He checked in with us every few days. The guys come in after a night out and always say he’s doing a great job. And…he was the one who came to tell us about you.”

That new bit of information surprised Brunie. She locked eyes with Oz. They understood each other without words, the gravity of the gesture, the toll. “Thank you,” she finally said. “It means a lot to me that they heard it from you.”

“No problem, B. But clearly, I was wrong. Because I told them I saw you die,” he teased.

“What can I say, I’m like a cockroach.” She gave him a smug smile which was followed by an all-round laughter. Except for the doctor who was growing more and more aggravated by the fact that Brunie won’t stop moving.

“Hey, I’m gonna head out,” Oz checked the time on his watch. “But I’ll see you soon?”

“You can count on it,” she promised. “Say hi to everyone. I’m gonna be useless for a couple more weeks, so don’t worry about that demotion just yet,” she challenged.

“Noted.” He leaned in to give her a kiss on the head before he left. The doctor huffed in frustration when his work space was invaded.

Eve gave Brunie a meaningful stare. Brunie bit her lip.

“Ten more minutes and I’m done,” the doctor informed, reminding them he was still present. “I hope you can keep it in your pants until then.”

* * *

They entered their quarters, greeted by a very happy dog.

“Hey, Brian, moms are home,” Eve grinned. “Now with one less bullet.”

Brunie was leaning on her for support. She didn’t really need it, but she knew it’d make Eve happy.

“Okay, Babe, straight to bed,” Eve ordered. “Let me know when you want the pain killers.” Brunie obeyed without arguing, rewarding Eve with a kiss on the cheek.

She got into bed, gently placing herself under the covers. “I have to say, I like that you’re taking care of me.”

“That’s in the job description,” Eve pointed out, “of both a nurse and a girlfriend.” She fluffed some of the pillows next to Brunie, trying to give the woman maximum comfort.

“My very own hot nurse,” Brunie seemed pleased. “Life is pretty good.”

“Okay,” Eve snorted, “I think you’re more than ready for an actual, uninterrupted sleep.”

“Not yet,” Brunie objected, a dangerous grin adorning her face. Brian jumped into her lap in anticipation, as if he knew something good was coming. “I wanna talk about this poster.” She pointed at the offending object which was right in front of her, the one that carried her image. “I ignored it the first time I saw it ages ago, but it’s in my face, no pun intended. It’s weird. What’s that all about?”

“Oh, god. I was really hoping you’d forget about that,” Eve admitted and covered her face in embarrassment.

“It’s right there, Eve,” Brunie pointed. Brian barked for emphasis.

Eve gave him the side-eye. “Traitor,” she glared. “Just be happy I didn’t take one of Carmela’s drawings of you. Well, actually, I did. It’s in the storage room,” she confessed and looked away.

Brunie quirked her eyebrow, refusing to drop the subject.

“Fine,” Eve groaned. “I totally had a huge celebrity crush on you, for a long time. Happy?” She bit her lip, scanning Brunie’s face to gather her reaction.

Brunie didn’t respond right away, but then she smirked. “How long is ‘a long time,’ Evelyn? Because this poster came out with the card trading game, back when I was 17,” Brunie noted.

“A very, _very_ long time?”

“Oh my god. This is why you were so upset with me the first time we met, isn’t it? I figured you might like me but I didn’t realize how far back it went!” Brunie was practically gloating in light of the discovery.

“So…careful, informed sex? The kind where you don’t need to do anything other then sit back and enjoy the ride? So to speak.” Eve knew it was a cheap strategy, but she was out of options.

“Are you trying to change the subject?” Brunie challenged. “Because I very much enjoy today’s revelations.”

“I’m not trying to change the subject,” Eve protested. “I’m just trying to be a good, considerate girlfriend, who answers to all your needs.”

“Whatever. It’s working.”

* * *

They’ve been sleeping for a couple of hours when Brunie woke up with a start. She was covered in sweat.

 _Another nightmare_. She swallowed hard, trying to take deep breaths. She looked around, reestablishing her connection with reality. Brian was napping by the entrance, unbothered.

When they went to bed Eve was trying to avoid hurting Brunie’s shoulder, yet she still wanted to be as close to her as possible. She let Brunie lie flat on her back, while she hugged Brunie’s stomach tightly. They were entangled enough in one another that when Bunie sat up, Eve stirred as well.

“What is it?” she asked in a groggy voice. “Are you okay?”

Brunie rubbed her eyes, groaned in frustration, and lay back down. “A nightmare,” she explained. “This happens sometimes. Is that okay?”

 _She’s scared,_ Eve realized. _Of this being too much for me to take on._ Eve knew it was one of the most vulnerable moments Brunie has ever shared with her. “Of course it’s okay,” she assured. “What was the dream about? That is, if you want to tell me?” she returned the favor with her own vulnerable moment. She prompted herself up, leaning on her elbow and looking down at her girlfriend.

“I don’t remember,” Brunie admitted. “I usually don’t. But when I do…do you want me to tell you?”

“Yes,” Eve replied without hesitation.

Brunie felt warmth wash all over her. “I can’t move my shoulder, so would you mind leaning down and kissing me?”

Eve grinned and did as she was asked, giving Brunie a tender peck. They locked eyes, both dimly lit by the little lamp on the night stand. “I can’t believe I almost lost you.”

“Almost,” Brunie reminded. “I know we said goodbye, but I want you to know that I wouldn’t give up on getting back to you without a fight.”

Brunie’s expression was so intense, Eve just had to lean in and kiss her again. “Tell me about what happened?” It was almost a plea. The need to know was eating at her.

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Brunie agreed. She wasn’t going to deny Eve anything, ever again.


	50. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, final update. Hope you like!

“No.”

He stood there, pointing the gun between her eyes. _There’s no escape_ , she realized. She had to accept what was about to happen, but she was still going throw the truth at his face.

“She will never forgive you.” Brunie stared straight into his eyes. They seemed so focused on the goal, yet a million miles away. _Maybe he’s with Eve, too._

“Both sides must think that you’re fighting for them,” he stated, sounding almost apologetic.

Brunie didn’t reward him with a response. She kept drilling him with her eyes instead.

“Shhh…” he said, more to himself than to her. “It’s over now,” he added. “You don’t have to fight anymore.”

She glared at him, feeling her blood boiling in anger. She didn’t want her last moments to be filled with loathing, but there she was.

“I trust you know how the impact of a shot from this angle and distance would look like?” he asked.

She realized he was referring to the way she would fall back. She studied him with evident confusion, but still said, “yes.”

“Good. Because they’re watching, which was the point, but we need to hurry,” he urged and shifted the gun sideways, ever so slightly, so it was still pointed at Brunie’s general direction, but didn’t have her in range. “Here’s how this is going to work.”

Brunie, seeing that she wasn’t in the line of fire anymore, exhaled in relief. She begun to understand what was happening.

“They need to see me kill you,” he explained. “I’m gonna fire, it’s gonna make an unpleasant…woosh, next to your ear, and then you’re gonna drop dead on the ground, so to speak. There are a bunch of trees behind you, to the left. Wait on the ground for about thirty minutes, then get yourself over there. I’ll be back tonight and explain everything. But we have to do this. Okay?”

“Okay,” Brunie chose to trust him. _What other choice do I have?_ The rest of her men were on the other side of the canal, or dead. 

“Do you have more bandages for your shoulder?” he asked in concern.

“One more.”

“I’ll bring some stuff tonight, but now we gotta do this, or it’ll appear like we’ve been talking for way too long,” he rationalized and she nodded in agreement. “Ready?” he asked, his voice was incredibly gentle.

“Yes,” she confirmed, concentrating on the part she had to play.

“okay, in three…two…one…”

Mark fired the gun, providing the promised, unpleasant “woosh” next to her ear. She did her best impression of being shot at close range and fell backwards.

He hovered above her, trying to convey with his eyes that it was all going to be okay.

“Go,” she said. No one could see her do so now that she was flat on the ground.

Mark started running away, back towards the Uppers.

She had to wait for thirty minutes, and she couldn’t risk moving to check her watch. She started counting down from eighteen hundred.

* * *

Brunie was leaning on a tree, waiting for nightfall. She was confused, exhausted, worried about her men, and she was in pain, a lot of it.

She unwrapped the gauze slowly, seeing that it was soaked with blood, and due to her movements, not really serving its purpose. She tried to check the wound, but the angle made it impossible for her to examine. Blood was still spilling anyways. She took the last bandage and wrapped the wound again. Once she was done, she used the palm of her healthy hand to put pressure against the wound. She was trying to sit still, let the wound eventually close. She had hours left to wait, and she had a feeling it’d be a while before someone qualified would have a chance to look at her shoulder.

She used her free hand to grab one of the water bottles she had attached to her armor. Considering the loss of blood and the humidity, it was clear that unless she kept hydrated, she might lose consciousness. She couldn’t risk losing track of time, or being exposed in such a vulnerable situation. So she drank, made sure she had enough left for the hours to come, and finally, let her body relax.

But her respite was very short-lived, as she heard rustling sound from behind the bushes. _Too early for Mark_. She swallowed hard, knowing there was no escape. She sat as still as she could, trying to keep her breaths as quiet as possible, hoping the intruder will move on.

But he didn’t. Instead, he came out from behind the bushes, wiggling his tail, letting his presence be known.

“Oh, shit,” she blurted. But he barked in excitement and inched closer. “Stay right where you are,” she warned. There were incidents where the Uppers surgically planted bombs in small animals, sending them towards the unsuspecting enemy. It was a soft spot for many Resistance soldiers as the Underground was no place for pets.

The dog ignored Brunie’s demand and trotted towards her. “No, no, no,” she protested, but he reached her and licked her face. She was too weak to move. She let go of the wound so she could push him away, but she felt the blood spilling rigt away, and quickly revised that unfortunate idea.

“Now you listen to me. I didn’t go through this day from hell just to die by way of exploding dog. I have someone waiting for me and I’m gonna go home to her. Are we clear?”

He tilted his head as if he was intrigued by her words.

“You have to go away!” she raised her voice. She was hoping to scare him off, but she also had to be mindful not to be heard by anyone else.

He placed himself next to her injured hand, stretching and then curling into her side.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” She tried to push him away with her free hand, but he wouldn’t budge, and every shove sent a sharp pain through her entire body. She knew that if she’ll keep trying this, she might black out from the pain. She considered trying to reach under his belly and feel if he had a scar, but she knew her current position wouldn’t allow it.

“Fine,” she huffed. She looked at him and realized he was trying to take a nap, enjoying the warmth of her body. “You’re kinds cute,” she admitted, “just please, _please_ , don’t detonate.” She put her hand on his back, the fur was comforting under her fingers. She sighed and leaned her head back on the tree, knowing full well there was nothing she could do. _Hope for the best and plan the next steps_ , she decided.

She realized everyone would think she’s dead. _Everyone._ _Sammy and Ali, Carm and Austin, Oz and the guys, Corbin and Cecily…Eve._ She’d prove them wrong, eventually. _But when? And until then?_ _They’d think I’m dead. They’ll mourn me._ The idea made her heart ache, brought bile to her mouth. She knew what it felt like, and knowing that the news would devastate so many people made her feel extremely guilty.

She understood it had to happen. She wasn’t sure why just yet, but she knew she’d find out in the very near future. And whatever reason Mark had to fake her death, she doubted he’ll be able to report to their people otherwise anytime soon.

_How long before I’ll manage to let them know I’m not dead?_

She exhaled heavily, admitting temporary defeat. All she could do was to actually stay alive until night time, lean against the tree, pray that the slumbering dog next to her will remain intact, and feel guilty for the pain she knew she was about to cause to people who were all the way back on the other side of the country.

* * *

She could hear the humvee getting closer, then came the cautious footsteps and the flashlight.

“Hey,” he greeted as he approached her. He found her patting a cheerful looking dog.

“Hey. Now it’s officially a party,” she tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a croak.

“You shouldn’t let a dog anywhere near you,” Mark scolded. “He may as well be…”

“I know,” Brunie cut him off. “I tried to push him away, but the little asshole placed himself by my side, and I nearly fainted trying to shoo him.”

Mark kneeled next to the dog and opened his arms. It was a gesture the dog couldn’t resist, so he stood up and went into the hug. Mark used this opportunity to feel the dog’s abdomen, searching for any sharp or unnatural objects through the skin.

“I think we’re okay. No scarring, nothing feels weird,” he provided, allowing himself to pat the pleased looking dog on the head. “It appears that you are, after all, a good boy.”

Brunie snorted, then cried in pain.

Mark placed himself in front of her and handed her an open water bottle.

“Thank you, I was all out.” She took the bottle with her free hand, struggling to raise it to her mouth.

“How are you feeling,” he inquired in growing concern.

“Not dead, which is good, under the circumstances.” That earned half a smile.

They sat together for a few moments, Mark let her drink in peace. She finished most of it and gave the rest to the dog.

“I have some food in the humvee for now and for later, but we need to move,” he urged.

_Thank god._ She was famished, and weak. “Where are we going?” she investigated.

“I can get you to Idaho. I’ll drop you at the border, somewhere south-west. It’ll take us about eight hours. You need to get to a Main Local.”

“Yeah but Idaho’s is still all the way up in the north, _and_ it’s under Leadership control,” she pointed out. The nearest south was theirs, and it was also the right general direction. Idaho was riskier, but she could tell that Mark couldn’t afford to get further than that.

“Right,” he confirmed. “Which is why I recommend you get Underground in Wyoming. I know there’s no Main Local there, but continue in the Underground tunnels into Colorado. Get to Denver.”

Brunie was considering the idea as he helped her up and they walked toward the humvee. The dog was quick to follow.

“So I’m gonna have to stay Upperground all the way from here to basically a random point in Wyoming?” she wasn’t too keen on the idea.

“Right,” he climbed into the humvee.

“And then use the tunnels for cover…” she continued.

“And get out every now and then if you need to hunt or something. I assume you _can_ hunt?” he teased.

“First in my class always, Major General,” she provided, appreciating that he was trying to lighten the mood, even though she still didn’t have all the details. “Though this shoulder sure won’t help.”

“I have a medical glue gun. Just for the time being,” Marc informed.

When Brunie opened the door, the dog was quick to slide in first.

“No, Brian. You stay here,” she ordered, but the dog ignored her, making himself comfortable on the back seat.

“You named him Brian?”

“He kinda looks like a Brian,” Brunie defended.

“Yeah, I can see that.” Mark smiled. He started the car and with it, their eight hours journey to Idaho. “I think things will get much easier once you get to Denver,” he noted. “Get a car, drive Underground to Arkansas. Things are tense in Oklahoma because of Texas, so I’d definitely take an Underground road.”

“And maybe once I’m in Arkansas I’ll convince them to put me on a plane,” she contemplated, hopeful.

“The whole thing will take six to eight weeks, give or take, based on your pace,” he estimated.

“God, I need to get to Denver and let people know that I’m alive,” she said, mostly to herself.

“No, Brunie, you can’t. I need the time,” he wore a very grave expression all of a sudden. She stared at him, dumbfounded.

“What are you saying? You don’t want anyone at home to know that I’m alive until I’m actually home?” she demanded in anger.

“In general, I want as few people as possible to know.”

“Are you out of your mind? Do you realize what this would do to people? What it would do to _Eve_?” she accused.

“Yes, I do. I lost someone, too.” He knew that if Brunie was as close to Eve as she claimed, she’d know what he was talking about. Brunie huffed, but let him continue.

“A lot is at stake here, Brunie. I can’t be in touch with The Resistance for a while. When you get home, let them know. It’s not ideal,” he agreed, “but we won’t be able to keep it a secret otherwise. If The Leadership finds out, this was all for nothing and it puts me at risk. As in –endangering my life.”

He glanced at her and she nodded, letting him know that she was listening.

“Everybody knows your face, okay? So this is reason number two. I don’t want Eve to have any expectations until you’re safe, and sound, and home,” his voice was stern. “Same goes for all the people who care for you. You have a long journey. If, god forbid, something happens, The Leadership finds out that you’re alive, and for some reason you have to go back to the Upperground…” he sighed, “you’re on your own. You don’t have an army. Be smart about this, please. I don’t want you to announce that you’re alive, then die somewhere.”

“Okay,” she finally agreed. It was painful, it was torturous, and she knew it would be so for others, too, but she saw his logic, she knew he was right, and she wouldn’t endanger his life by exposing her own. Not when it appeared that he had just saved her life, not when he seemed to care how Eve felt.

“Okay. Now, about what happened today,” he chanced a glance at her, “I’m a double agent.”

“You don’t say,” Brunie commented in a flat tone.

“I have been for years,” he added. “Central Command knows, obviously, but with Kentucky, and then this current operation...I didn’t warn The Leadership about Nevada, yet I was there, fighting by your side. Needless to say The Leadership wasn’t too happy with me. They started to question my loyalties. Clearly, they think I’m _their_ double agent.”

“You needed to do something big?” she was beginning to understand.

“I needed to do something big,” he confirmed. “I fed them information every now and then, but nothing too major, nothing that actually helped them, and clearly, it didn’t really do the trick.”

“The explosion earlier,” she searched his face, her own jaw tight. Many lives were lost due to the explosion and its aftermath. “Were you responsible for that?”

“It took me by surprise just like the rest of you. And it was another red flag. They knew I’d be there and they didn’t warn me. Clearly, they already thought of me as someone who was dispensable,” Mark gritted his teeth. “The battle will be over in a few days, I had to do something soon. It just so happened that this explosion, while tragic, gave me the opportunity I needed.”

“To kill the famous Captain, one of the symbols of The Resistance, then run away with the Uppers?” she guessed, not knowing if to admire the man, be upset, or feel that under the circumstances, things turned out relatively okay. _Except…_

“What about the three guys we left behind?” she challenged. “They died because of us. We just left them there.”

“They would’ve died either way and you know it. And we would be dead, too. At least this way you’re alive, and I’m alive, and reestablished as someone The Leadership can trust,” he defended. “This war is coming to an end, which means they’ll throw everything they have left at us. We need a man on the inside more than ever, Brunie. It’s about the bigger picture,” he stated, not bothering to hide his remorse.

She knew it was the truth. The truth was heartbreaking, but it was the truth nonetheless. She always felt guilty for staying alive when others died, but this time, it wasn’t her choice, it was his, and he was doing his job.

“I don’t mean to psychoanalyze you,” he hesitated, “but something tells me this isn’t just about the guys.”

“What else then?” she scoffed. She knew what else. She managed to push it down while she had a mission, but now that mission was over.

“The K9 in Texas,” he guessed. But it was a very calculated guess.

“Texas was only meant to be a decoy and 600 people died,” she hissed.

“Yes, and it’s devastating, but it isn’t your fault.”

“The airstrikes were my idea,” she reminded. “Maybe it was the wrong one.”

“It was a great idea,” he countered. “You didn’t cause that chopper to malfunction. If anything, any other approach would’ve led to significantly more casualties. Texas proves that, not the other way around.”

She knew he was right, but she couldn’t stop the nauseating feeling of guilt, and on his end, he knew only time would help her, and even that wasn’t a guarantee.

“Thank you for saving my life,” she said finally. Her words were quiet, she was looking forward through the window shield rather than at him.

“It’s the least I could do.” He didn’t elaborate, but Brunie had a feeling he was thinking about Eve.

“I doubt The Leadership would publish your death before the battle is over,” he shared. “They lost so much, they’re going to try and put a spin on it. Hopefully it means that people at home will find out way before it becomes a media fiasco up here. Even if it’s just a day or so before. Because once The Leadership chooses to publish this, your face will be everywhere on the Upperground, too,” he warned.

“The perks of being a celebrity,” she narrowed her eyes, bitter. He offered her a sympathetic smile.

There were always rumors circulating about The Resistance having control over Upperground states. Still, with media from the Upperground very rarely finding its way to the Underground, the people who spread those rumors were often looked at as conspiracy theorists, which worked well for Central Command. However, notable members of The Resistance were famous on the Upperground, too, basically compiling the Upperground’s most wanted list.

“When you get home, will you let Central Command know that I didn’t actually kill you?” The request sounded cautious. “They’ll figure out all the rest.”

“Okay.”

He observed her, trying to gauge her general state of mind, but he couldn’t.

“What was your excuse to come out tonight, anyway?” she asked all of a sudden.

“I told them I was going to do a thorough sweep for miles on each end of the canal, to make sure there were no explosives left,” he provided, satisfied. “Needless to say, it didn’t seem like there would be any other volunteers. They’re too afraid to move, which worked well for me.”

Brunie chuckled. “So, what? You’re gonna lay low for a while? Stay away from The Resistance and hang out with the enemy?”

“And gather information, yeah, that’s the plan,” he confirmed and they fell into silence.

“Well,” Brunie eventually spoke, “I’ve got some planning to do.”

“There’s a map and a flashlight in the glove compartment,” he instructed. “Also, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

“Fancy!” Brunie declared. He turned and gave her a genuine smile.

“We’ll have something of more substance later,” he promised. “But for now I want to put some distance between us and them, and you need to eat.”

“Thank you.” She looked at the backseat, knowing they’ll have to find something for Brian as well. _One worry at a time._ She took the items out of the glove compartment and started planning her journey back east.

They were driving towards the Oregon-Idaho border in silence, hoping they won’t come across any more Uppers, or even worse, mines.

* * *

The humvee came to a stop, making Brunie stir. She opened her eyes slowly. _Daylight._ “Are we here?” she asked in surprise.

“Yes, we are.”

“Why did you let me sleep the entire time? Weren’t you bored?” They spoke for a couple of hours, maybe three, but everything after the beginning of hour four was a blur.

“You’re still weak,” he shrugged. “After the day you had you really needed the rest, especially with what’s ahead of you,” he offered her a soft smile.

_Is he…looking at me in a fatherly way?_ Brunie didn’t know what to make of it.

“Speaking of,” he continued, “I want to examine your shoulder now that we have light. I’ll add the flashlight. It might give me a slightly better look.”

They unwrapped the bandage, and Mark examined the wound.

“Do you see the bullet?” Brunie inquired.

“No, and the bleeding slowed down. It looks very red and irritated. Not infected though, which is good. You got really lucky. I’m going to glue you, but you’ll have to be extra careful, even if it means a slower journey. Especially with the hunting,” he warned.

“This might need surgery,” she noted.

“Yes, it might,” he agreed. “Hence, avoid using it as much as possible. It’s a shit situation, but at least hang on until Denver and let them look at it when you’re there. But remember…”

“The fewer people who know that I’m alive, the better,” she repeated and got a nod of approval.

They got out of the humvee and Mark grabbed a backpack from the backseat. Brian hopped out, solidifying who he was choosing to continue the journey with.

“Brian, no,” Brunie refused. “You stay here.”

“I don’t think he’s going to listen,” Mark chuckled. “He clearly took a liking to you, and maybe it’s not the worst idea for you to have company.”

Brunie sighed and looked at the dog. “Fine. You’re not even the weirdest thing I’ll have to explain to people once we’re home.” Brian wiggled his tail in delight.

“There’s food for maybe a week. Don’t try to save it,” Mark ordered. “You have to eat, you’re weak. Eat, then hunt. There’s a gun in there. Also more bandages. I couldn’t get much more. I have some iodine, too. I thought the sting would’ve been too bad last night, but I’ll apply some now, under and over the glue, just in case.”

She nodded and he handed her a cloth. She put it in her mouth as he spilled some iodine on the fresh wound. She screamed in pain, the cloth doing little to stifle it. He was quick to apply a layer of glue with the medical glue gun, and another layer of iodine on top. She screamed again, eyes tearing up.

“Sorry,” he offered, looking guilty.

She turned her head to the side and threw up what little she ate during the ride. “It’s okay, it’s good. It’ll be good,” she blurted, wiping her mouth with the cloth, trying to catch her breath.

Mark started wrapping the wound again. “Okay, I suggest you get going. The sooner you get to Colorado, the better,” he advised and handed her the bag. “Put it on one shoulder. It’ll suck for a while but I think that in about a week you’ll be able to carry it normally.”

Brunie took the bag, offering Mark a weak, yet grateful smile. “Two months?”

“Give or take,” he reminded. “I think you’ll stop more often than you realize.”

“Will it give you enough time?”

“It should. It’ll be okay,” he assured. “I trust you know how to navigate by the stars?”

_Stars._ She examined him, not sure what to say, so she simply nodded. She couldn’t fit the man who abandoned his daughter, with the man who’s been nice to her for months, who went to great lengths to save her. A goodbye felt too awkward, so she settled on “thank you, for everything.” When he, too, nodded, she turned around and started walking.

She owed him a great deal, but that didn’t stop her from wanting to give him a piece of her mind. _Would this be taking the higher ground, or the exact opposite?_ _He’s helping his daughter’s lover. This has to be some sort of a peace offering, right?_ She tried to figure out what to do before they were too far apart, but he beat her to it, probably deducting that something was coming, based on her distancing physique.

“I never wanted to leave her,” he stated, making Brunie turn around. “It was never about her being gay,” he clarified, now having her full attention. “I know that’s what she thinks, but, I just…I needed a new start, I needed to leave. And she…she needed to stay,” he swallowed hard. “She needed to be where she felt the closest to her mother, and I…she just looked so much like her,” he explained, face stricken with heartbreak. “And then she decided to pick up where her mother left off. I couldn’t…I…I just made up an excuse to leave her where we both wanted her to be,” he concluded, shame and grief washing all over him.

“Like a coward,” Brunie commented and the man nodded. “It’s okay, I’ve been a coward, too,” she admitted. They studied each other, both thinking the same thing – The irony of two people who were supposed to be brave and fearless, whose strength has been tested more than once, were also victims of cowardly behavior. “We’re so messed up that we push away the best things in our lives,” she shook her head, pushing down the tears. “And what’s worse is that for both of us that thing is the same peson.”

He stared at her, stoic, not used to such an emotionally candid conversation.

“The thing is, we’re the ones who put them through hell on the daily, so we’re being hypocrites,” she added.

“I know,” he agreed, and Brunie could tell that uttering the words was torturous for him.

“I used to have nothing to come home to,” she couldn’t help but smile. “I know it’s a selfish thing to say. I have many people who depend on me, who care if I live or die, but the thing is, _I_ didn’t care, not really. I didn’t feel like I had a good enough reason to care. Now your daughter is a damn good reason. God, she’s _all_ the reasons,” she concluded, and Mark knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that the woman in front of him was in love with his daughter. He fought by her side for months, he knew she was _good_ for his daughter. He had respect and admiration for her. He hoped beyond hope that Brunie would make it back home in one piece, for both women’s sake.

“If you see her again, will you tell her that I’m sorry?” It sounded like a casual request, but Brunie could hear the need in his voice. He was ready for Eve to know the truth, to know she had his blessing, and that he sent her lover back to her.

“ _When_ I see her again, I will,” Brunie promised, choosing to adopt Eve’s positive attitude. “But you should tell her, too.” She started walking but stopped again. “You know, she still remembers everything you taught her about the stars.” And with that, she turned around, starting her journey east, leaving behind a man with a nostalgic smile on his face.

* * *

“So Idaho was probably the worst part because I was above the ground the whole time. And let me tell you, it’s hard to remain stealthy with a dog,” Brunie rolled her eyes.

Eve snuggled closer. She didn’t comment, she was absorbing all the new, overwhelming information.

“And I didn’t sleep a lot, though I was trying to listen to your dad and take it easy. I had to hunt, and I admit, Brian did help in that department. Occasionally we had to hide. It was kinda like camping, but less fun,” Brunie chuckled.

“You camp?” Eve asked in surprise.

“Of course. I spent years on the Upperground, remember? Why? Are you jealous? Do you wanna go?” Brunie flirted shamelessly. It was so freeing to not hold back and simply love Eve with no reservations.

“I’ll go anywhere with you,” Eve stated without hesitation. She leaned in to give Brunie a quick kiss. “And then what happened?”

“So Idaho and Wyoming together took about a month…”

“Oh, wow,” Eve said in awe.

“Yeah. When I got to Wyoming I actually had access to the Underground. But it was all tunnels, so I was just trying to get to some sort of a check point, hoping I can borrow a car or something. But I mostly tried to avoid people because of what your father said, and I knew I’ll have some explaining to do in Denver, so, you know…”

“So you drove and walked in the dark for days?”

“On and off. Sometimes we went up, when I saw an entrance. Just for some food and stuff. It was easier once we were already in Colorado,” she looked at Brian. “I can’t believe you stayed with me this whole time, you dumb dumb.”

“So that’s why you’re so skinny,” Eve poked her rib cage.

“If you say so,” Brunie rolled her eyes.

“And then Colorado?”

“Yeah,” Brunie confirmed. “I got to Denver. I saw the guard who knew who I was…”

“Of course he did,” Eve snorted.

“Shut up. Do you want to hear the rest or not?” Brunie glared, but couldn’t keep a straight face for more than a second.

“Go on,” Eve allowed with an over dramatic sigh. It was cute, and all Brunie could do in response was to tighten her arm around Eve.

“So needless to say I asked him to get his Colonel and tell him that I was there, and that no one can know. That poor guy. His Colonel thought someone was pranking him, but luckily he came nonetheless,” Brunie shook her head in amused guilt. “I told him everything, and he understood he couldn’t report to Central Command yet, not until I got home. They did check Brian though, to confirm that he was bomb-free, and he wanted to have someone look at my shoulder. But at this point the wound was mostly healed, and exams just meant more people to talk to and more waste of time, and I just wanted to get home to you.”

“Sweet talker,” Eve smirked.

“It’s the truth and you know it,” Brunie dared Eve to say otherwise, but when the other woman smiled in silence, Brunie kept going. “Anyways, I figured that if that wound waited a month, it could wait a little longer. The Colonel wasn’t too happy, but he realized it wasn’t his call and he was kind enough to give me a car. I couldn’t take it all the way, and I had to stop, a lot, park it in the tunnel and go out. He gave me a nice amount of food, but these roads are pretty dark, it started giving me headaches. If this so called road-trip didn’t make me claustrophobic, I don’t think anything ever will.”

Eve giggled. “So wait,” she started calculating. “If it took you another month to get here from Denver, and you flew in from Arkansas, then the middle portion from Denver to Arkansas took you, what? Another… month?” Eve stared at Brunie in disbelief.

Brunie blushed. “I’m a very careful driver,” she protested.

“A month Brunie!”

“Twenty five days!” Brunie corrected.

“You’re a super slow driver. Aren’t you? Admit it. You, badass you, are a slow driver.”

“Fine!” Brunie gave in. “I used to be the opposite, it got me into _tons_ of trouble, and now I drive like a grandma. Happy?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Eve grinned, victorious.

“Seriously, I had to stop so many times every day, for hours at a time. And then once I got to Arkansas I ditched the car and did the last third of the way by foot. I went up again, less chances of bumping into anyone unless I wanted to. So it took time, you see?” Brunie nearly pouted.

“Hmmm…” Eve pretended to be unconvinced, enjoying teasing Brunie to no end. Her girlfriend seemed so perfect all the time, so capable, it was nice to mess with her, especially when her reaction was so adorable.

“Anyway, pretty much the same thing happened in Arkansas. Poor guard, disbelieving Colonel, a plane, and thank god _that_ only took two hours, because then I got here, and one of the guys saw me at the entrance and nearly fainted,” Brunie bit her lip.

“He thought he saw a ghost?” Eve smiled and shook her head.

“Like someone else I know,” Brunie reminded and kissed the top of Eve’s head. “A ghost with a dog, no less. I pretty much told him I had no time to talk, and ordered him to let Corbin, Cecily and Oz know A.S.A.P. I knew they’d take care of the rest. Plus, I gave him the names of the Colonels in Colorado and Arkansas, so Cec and Cor could confirm I stopped by those Locals, while I was running here and waiting for you. I knew it’d give your dad an extra day.”

“And then I came in,” Eve concluded in a content voice. She pulled herself up and leaned on her elbow, looking down at Brunie.

“And then you came in,” Brunie confirmed, mirroring Eve’s tone. “I love you,” she brought a hand up to cup Eve’s cheek.

“I love you, too.” Eve leaned down, catching Brunie’s mouth for a passionate kiss.

But Brunie wouldn’t let it go far. She pressed her hands to Eve’s shoulders, indicating that she wanted Eve the pull back. Eve did just that, looking at Brunie in confusion.

“I’m really enjoying… _this_ ,” Brunie clarified, “but are we ever gonna talk about your dad?”

Eve released a breath, the tears came within seconds. “He doesn’t care I’m gay.”

“He doesn’t care you’re gay,” Brunie confirmed.

“He saved your life and sent you back to me,” Eve whimpered.

“He did.”

“He’s being a hero?”

“He’s being a hero,” Brunie smiled at her, on the verge of tears as well.

“Maybe once he’s settled in a Local again I can write to him?” Eve suggested, hopeful, searching for approval.

“I think he’d love that very much.” Brunie used her thumb the wipe a tear from Eve’s cheek, but she knew, these weren’t tears of pain, it was catharsis.


	51. Chapter 49

** From the diary of an Under **

Umm, so, Brunie Kaya is _not_ , in fact, dead. I repeat, Brunie Kaya is alive and well. Yep. I know how this sounds. But she’s been spotted around the Local these past couple of weeks, walking around with her girlfriend and with, and I can not believe I’m saying that, a dog, an actual freaking dog. So not only is she miraculously resurrected, but she’s also accompanied by a specimen that none of us have ever seen in real life before. What sort of witchcraft is at play here?

And I do mean witchcraft, because people are, dare I say… happy? Look, we’re not all depressed all the time, but there’s always something just a little bit grim, like a weight, always there, in our peripheral vision. And suddenly, collectively, people aren’t just playing pretend, aren’t in denial, they’re genuinely hopeful. And of course, it started once all the news came in about the victories and the colony, but Brunie’s reappearance just took it to a whole new level.

If the victories were painted with this great loss (which they still are, very much so,) Brunie tipped the scales, even if just a little. But a little goes a long way, and having your own symbol of the future, the one you thought you’d lost, claim a victory over death? That’s some metaphorical, and some not so metaphorical shit right there. That’s a more layered victory.

And, did I mention the dog? The kids are ecstatic, and this dog, Brian I heard her call him, I don’t know what sort of a life he had before, if he was cared for, or wondering an endless battlefield, but here he’s a star, one of a kind. She brings him to the square every day, lets him play with the kids who at this point expect him, and it’s such a pure joy that all the adults are jealous, as if we need to stay reserved, as if this juvenile fun isn’t meant for us.

But why the hell not? I’ve never played with a dog before either. Maybe I should just go for it tomorrow and ask her politely if I can pat him. She seems nice and approachable enough. I mean, she always has, but it’s clear something has shifted. I’ve seen her smile at people on the street before. She smiles differently now. It might sound like a weird thing to notice, but when you see someone’s face everywhere, you end up studying it thoroughly whether you want to or not.

And that’s not all. Apparently, all the recent conquests brought with them a new surge of supplies, including foods some of us never tasted before. My friend has been sneaking some stuff to us. I got to try halva, not bad. They’re still doing inventory to make sure they can distribute in mass before they send over to the markets, but some products have been released to the public already, and all this experimentation sure put everyone in a celebratory mood.

And don’t even get me started about the colony. There are so many rumors flying around, but you know what? Rumors proved themselves in the past, so maybe there’s a seed of truth there. The word on the street is that they’re looking for young professionals, young families. Not just, but mostly. People who can really be a long-lasting foundation, who’ll populate the place for years to come. So of course there are theories, and jealousy. Obviously, life outside is hot commodity. Simply put – some fear it, but most people want it.

It’s safe to assume that if successful (unlike the unfortunate, deadly previous attempt) more colonies will follow. But how far down the line? It’s been over a decade since the last time we tried something like that. Surely, we can’t do this at a rate of one colony a decade, right? I mean otherwise what’s the point of all these victories and recent death and sacrifice?

I think the powers that be understand that, because the most recent bit of information is that they’ll let people go on vacation up there, from all across the country. You might think that sitting in some house somewhere isn’t the most exotic idea of a good time, not many attractions, etc. But consider this – we’ve never been above the ground. The sun is a mysterious exotic creature, so is a lake, so is a freaking dune of sand. These are all _major_ attractions. Animals? Trees? Fuck. I need to find a way to go there. That is, if my application gets denied (yes, I did apply, but so did millions of other people, so what are the odds?)

If all of this is true, then maybe this next part is true as well – that they will raffle these vacations. I’m sure they’re still figuring out the logistics of it all, there isn’t even a colony yet. But it’s a nice sentiment, for equality’s sake, to think that aside from the people who get chosen to live there, everyone has the exact same chance to get to visit this Eden (even if it’s a dump! It’s an outside dump.) (But I don’t think it’ll be a dump.) No matter which department you work for, how old are you, where you’re from originally, you probability of getting that golden ticket is just the same as everyone else’s. And you now what? Maybe that’s not the worst way ever to launch a new society.


	52. Chapter 50

“I have a question for you,” Brunie sounded hesitant.

They enjoyed the quickly fading sensation of the post-coital bliss, one that marked the end of a first incredible month together. The first week was hectic, with everyone demanding a piece of Brunie. But in the weeks that followed, with Brunie still not back on active duty due to her surgery, they spent almost every afternoon together. Eve got back from work, and Brunie was home, waiting. And what was more incredible was that neither hated the constant presence of the other. Somehow, the opposite was proven to be the truth.

“You’re not going to propose are you?” Eve inquired, very clearly fearful.

“No, but I’m so glad the idea makes you so enthusiastic,” Brunie huffed, slightly hurt.

“I’m sorry! I love you. And one day, of course. I just don’t want us to make any rash, dramatic decisions because we thought you were dead,” Eve explained in a soft voice, caressing Brunie’s cheek.

“Please. Rash, dramatic decisions are so last month,” Brunie scoffed. “Though said decisions were yours, if I recall. Sure, let’s move in together the moment I come back because, how did you put it? ‘We lost so much time.’” Brunie teased.

“Shut up,” Eve slapped Brunie’s arm. “What did you want to ask me then?”

“Well, I just wanted to know…will you move to North Carolina with me?” Her smile was sheepish, yet full of hope, of opportunity.

For a moment, Eve didn’t say a word. She knew she had her chance to head to the colony and she passed on it because the timing wasn’t right. But now Brunie was back. _They_ were back, and so was her hunger to live above the ground. They’ve been taking numerous walks since Brunie has returned, always hand in hand. _It has been so nice_ , she thought. They went to the cliff together, they even camped out for a night and Brunie showed her how to toast marshmallows. _It’s been more than just nice, actually, it’s been wonderful_. She wanted it, all the time. But she told herself that she shouldn’t be thinking about it, that Brunie just got back, and that with the way Brunie’s parents died, it didn’t even occur to Eve that her girlfriend would see the colony as a viable option. The question caught her completely off guard.

Brunie misread her silence and started to panic. “Hey, listen, if you don’t want to, that’s totally fine. I’m gonna stay right here. I’m not gonna leave without, okay?”

She needed Eve to know that no matter what the answer was, it wasn’t going to be the end of them. Nor would she subject Eve to another long-distance relationship.

“No, B, it’s not that. I’d love to live outside,” Eve was quick to reassure. “It’s just…I didn’t think you’d want that. Because of…you know, stuff,” she added meaningfully.

Brunie beamed at her. _She kind of said yes_. “Well, I know, but…I’m from North Carolina. Did I ever tell you that?” There was excitement in her words. It was as clear as day.

“No!” Eve was surprised. _It’s her chance to go home_ , she realized.

“Well, I am. And I mean, Oz took over when I was dead. I figured…if we move, he gets to keep his promotion, and I kinda get the same job over there…”

“Kinda?”

“Well, for the first few years, yes,” Brunie explained. “I want to see this thing through, you know? That was my demand. But then I’ll be the head of Command over there.”

“An office job?” Eve liked the sound of that.

“Yes,” Brunie hissed. She realized that climbing the ranks meant that eventually she’ll be behind the scenes, where policy was made, and even though she loved her job, she knew that with the war coming to an end, a different kind of leadership would be required.

Eve chuckled. She knew her girlfriend loathed the thought, but she herself liked the idea of Brunie not being in mortal danger on a daily basis. Being the head of a Command was a huge promotion, especially at her young age, especially at an Upperground colony. Eve knew her lover was destined for greatness, but she wanted a shot at it, too.

“And they’re building an infirmary which they’ll eventually turn into a hospital,” Brunie continued. “I mean, Babe, it’s crazy. If we go you might work at the first Upperground hospital we build!”

Eve’s face fell, she looked away.

“Hey, hey what is it? What’s wrong?” Brunie was trying to catch Eve’s eyes.

“Nothing,” Eve brushed off. “I mean…okay, something. But can we maybe talk about it tomorrow?” She wanted to have a chance to talk to Rita and see what her options were.

“Okay. We don’t have to decide right now,” Brunie started moving the tips of her fingers up and down Eve’s spine.

“Oh, we decided. We’re going,” Eve declared. “I’m going with you, and we can get a house, and all the other million things I only ever saw in books.” She gave Brunie a dazzling smile.

“Anything you want,” Brunie promised, mirroring Eve’s wide grin.

“What about our friends, though? Your family?” Eve suddenly realized, as she started thinking about all the people they loved and might have to leave behind.

“Well, obviously not all of them can come,” Brunie sounded almost apologetic.” But if Sammy and Ali want to, they definitely can. We’ll need scientists. And they have some experience with Upperground colonies, clearly…”

“Right.”

“And they want young families and people,” Brunie noted. “That’s part of the whole thing. Starting something that will evolve. Having an actual community, and a dating scene!” Brunie released a laugh. Eve bit her lip at the image. “They won’t come right away,” Brunie added, “but maybe a couple of months later? People need to apply and it’s not that easy to get in. Apparently everyone wants to live in the real world.”

“Imagine that,” Eve snorted.

“Yeah, but with a good word from us? Piece a cake,” Brunie gave her a smug smile.

“Yum.” Eve hummed. “I love cake.

“Man, now I’m hungry,” Brunie whined.

“Me too.”

“Wanna get all fancy and go out?” Brunie started to push herself up.

“Nope,” Eve shoved her back down. “Not even a little bit.” She leaned in for a kiss.

* * *

The following day found Eve knocking on Rita’s door.

“Come in,” the older woman allowed and looked up from her paperwork. “Are my eyes deceiving me?” she asked in feigned shock. “Eve Salus, coming to my office on her own free will?”

Eve rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any chance that job in North Carolina is still available?” she cut to the chase and sat herself down, surprising Rita with both demeanor and direct approach. “I know, I know. I blew it. And now it’s too late. Right? I mean, it must be. It’s been two months. And I know you said I should have options, but really, when Brunie wasn’t here it wasn’t relevant. There was no way I was gonna leave so soon after she died, so I’m not regretting what I said. But now she’s here, and she was offered a job, and we’re gonna go. I _wanna_ go, with her. I wanna go with her, you know?” Eve didn’t give Rita a chance to reply. “And I mean, it would’ve been amazing to have that job, but I can’t turn back time and be like ‘oh, Brunie will be back soon, and she’ll be one hundred percent alive, so say yes to the job, Eve!’ But I’m hoping that with your recommendation I can at least do _something_ over there.”

Rita observed her patiently, and when she saw that Eve has been quite for a few moments straight she said, “oh, are you done? I wasn’t sure.”

Eve glared at her, but Rita went back to her paperwork.

“I never told them you declined the offer,” she sounded almost bored. Eve’s eyes widened in shock. “I waited a few days to figure out what to do, and when Brunie came back I told them you’ll take it,” she concluded and finally made eye contact with Eve who stared at her, dumbfounded. “Congrats,” she added and went back to deal with her paperwork yet again.

Eve still didn’t move, unable to tear her eyes away from the unbothered woman in front of her. Finally, she managed to shake herself out of her daze. “Rita! You...I love you! Thanks for not listening to me! Wait, I can’t believe I just said that. How dare you! I mean…thanks? Oh my god!” she exclaimed, completely perplexed. 

Rita looked up, smirking.

Eve jumped off the chair and came around the desk to hug her supervisor. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she squealed.

“Don’t thank me yet. Starting Monday, and for the next two and a half months, you will be shadowing me. Monday through Friday, nine a.m. to six or seven p.m. Every other weekend, too.”

“When were you gonna tell me?” Eve inquired in puzzlement. Phase one of inhabiting the colony wasn’t that far ahead.

“I was waiting for you to come and ask me about it,” Rita didn’t even try to hide her smug smile.

“But what about the shadowing period? I could’ve come in a month!” Eve protested.

“I had faith. Worst case? I would’ve made you stay longer hours,” Rita shrugged, missing Eve’s glare as she went back to her paperwork for the umpteenth time. Eve huffed at the display, but said nothing.

When a few quiet moments passed, Rita looked up. “You’re still here? Don’t you have a girlfriend to talk to?”

Eve got up and walked out the door. A moment later she peeked back in. “You’re either the worst, or the best. I can’t decide.”

She walked away, leaving her smiling supervisor with the paperwork, the kind that Eve would soon enough have to deal with herself.

* * *

Another month went by, and Brunie was spending the early evening going through the storage space. Eve was working late again, shadowing Rita, so Brunie dragged Corbin to help with the sorting.

Ever since she came back, and especially since it became clear that she won’t be their subordinate for much longer, Cecily and Corbin lost any minimal formality they still occasionally employed with the young Captain, turned Major. They’ve also became very close to Eve during Brunie’s absence, and they knew they were on burrowed time with the nearing departure. Going back to how things were before Brunie left for the West Coast seemed like an unnecessary waste.

“God, can you actually picture me as this office person?” Brunie huffed. She picked up an unrecognizable item and put it in the Eve pile. They had to decide what they were taking with them and what they were giving or throwing away.

“That’s the natural order of things. We talked about this,” Corbin noted, slightly irritated. They _did_ talk about this. Possibly more than ten times. “You’re gonna be a major strategist, no pun intended, just like you always wanted. And a few years down the road, probably a leader. I would consider politics eventually, if I were you.”

“Do _you_ consider politics?” Brunie was genuinely curious. _We can use someone like her in charge._ Brunie followed Corbin’s command for nearly a decade. She would gladly do so again when the time came. _Even if I have to wear a suit_. The thought made her shudder.

“I do,” Corbin admitted. “You play the game well, Brunie. You can’t be on the field until you’re eighty.”

“But I can for now!” Brunie declared with a victorious smile.

“Yes, you can. And I can’t believe you actually convinced them to still let you fight,” Corbin shook her head. But she knew that Central Command was going to say yes to Brunie, no matter what her demands were.

“Just for the first three years,” Brunie reminded. “Not ready to be in Command just yet, Cor,” she added playfully.

“And then you retire from the field and give your girlfriend some babies,” Corbin teased while Brunie opened a dusty box.

“Look who’s talking,” she countered, rummaging through the box which housed her old comic book collection. _Definitely to the ‘keep’ pile. I’m gonna have to show these to Aus one day. And possibly to Jordan in the very near future_.

“We’re actually working on it,” Corbin confessed.

Brunie snapped her head up to study commander. “Seriously? And I’m gonna miss…this?” she whined.

“We’ll visit, and so will you. Any excuse to get out and to the beach,” Corbin smiled as the vision appeared in her mind’s eyes. Specifically one of Cecily in a bikini. “And when the time comes, I’m sure you’ll make a wonderful godmother.”

Brunie grinned. “My godmother plate is getting kinda full,” she pointed out, making Corbin chuckle. “Hey, you want this? So you can remember my face. Put it up in Command?” Brunie pointed at the painting Carmela gave Eve.

“I don’t think Eve will ever agree to part with it,” Corbin observed. “I was there when Carmela gave it to her. There was actual squealing involved.”

“Yeah, she’s a squealer,” Brunie agreed. She caught a glimpse of Corbin’s quirked eyebrow. “Wow, that came out incredibly wrong.”

“I’m sure it did,” Corbin teased.

“I’m so not ready to have this kind of conversation with you,” Brunie warned, thinking about all the things that transpired between her and Eve in their quarters. Something occurred to her then. “Hey, Cor, who’s gonna get our quarters?”

“Probably Oz,” Corbin guessed.

“Oh, thank god.”

Corbin gave her a questioning look.

“It can’t just be anyone, you know. These are very special quarters,” Brunie insisted.

“Right. Because there’s a hatch in the ceiling.”

Brunie gawked at her with her mouth agape. “What? How?” she finally managed.

“You do remember that both Cecily and I are talented, accomplished Colonels, right?”

“So how come I was never punished?” Brunie scrunched her nose.

“Teacher’s pet,” Corbin snorted. “Always have been, always will be.”

Brunie kept staring at her, dumbfounded.

“It’s not the worst thing you could’ve done,” Corbin shrugged.

“Not. It’s not.” Brunie agreed. “I could’ve died.”

* * *

Brunie was walking down Main Street, waving to people every now and then, but mostly trying to get ingredients to make her girlfriend a romantic dinner. Since the weather was nice, she even bribed Carmela to set them a table on the cliff. They were a month away from leaving, Eve was working crazy hours, but Rita promised her a night off, and Brunie really wanted to do something nice for her.

“You’re back,” a man behind her announced.

She turned around, amused. “I am. And I appreciate you keeping away this long.” She offered him a genuine smile.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Decker denied, seeming oblivious.

“I have to say I’m hurt you didn’t even come to say hello. Three months? You don’t write, you don’t call, you don’t harass me when I hang out with my family and friends...”

“I’ve been busy, Brunie. There’s a war going on, you know.”

“Not for very much longer,” she reminded. “Eve told me you were a perfect gentleman when I was gone. I was incredibly surprised. I’m not sure I believe her.”

“You should trust her. She has great instincts about people,” Decker noted. “And since I’m such a gentleman, how about an interview?” he suggested casually.

“I’ll give her three months,” Brunie started, mimicking him in an exaggerated manner. “She’ll be so grateful I was so respectful, she’ll give me that exclusive interview everybody wants,” she concluded. “Something like that?”

“Again, don’t know what you are talking about,” he put his hands up in surrender.

“I’ll ask the girlfriend,” Brunie provided. “She likes you, so you might get lucky. Platonically,” she clarified and started walking away. She paused and turned around, her face open and sincere. “You know, you’re the only one who ever managed to find out about Marcela. I’ll always be grateful that you didn’t publish anything, no matter how many times I called you a dick.”

“Even I have my moments,” he shrugged, trying to mask the fact that he was touched by her words.

“You might have to come to North Carolina for that interview, Dex,” she teased.

“That’s okay. I’ve been dying to take a vacation forever.”

* * *

“You ready for this, Babe?” Eve stepped behind Brunie and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s stomach.

“I’m not sure,” Brunie admitted. “This has been home for so long. And we spent our first night together here. We spent _all_ of our nights together here,” she pointed out, evidently sad.

“Yes, but have you actually seen the pictures of our new place?” Eve put her chin on Brunie’s shoulder.

“You’re just excited because there’s a fireplace,” Brunie huffed.

“An actual freaking fireplace! You can put firewood in it, and pictures on the mantel! And socks on Christmas! You love Christmas!” Eve reminded, feeling the vibrations of her girlfriend’s laughter.

“That I do,” Brunie agreed. “And I’m sure I’d love it even more when we actually celebrate it together.”

“Well, you only have a few weeks before you get to find out for sure.” Eve kissed Brunie’s neck, making her girlfriend hum in content. But Brunie remained silent. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just…” she turned around in Eve’s arms. “I can’t believe I’m going home,” she provided, not entirely sure how she felt. She was excited, intrigued, but also worried. _It’s such a big change_ , she thought.

“Do you remember it at all?” Eve inquired, swaying slowly with Brunie in her embrace.

“Not exactly. I remember certain things, feelings. I remember I was happy,” Brunie mentioned, reminiscing with a small smile.

“Well, I think you’ll be happy again,” Eve kissed her forehead.

“I know I will,” Brunie clarified, “it’s just…”

“Weird?” Eve smiled at her.

“Yeah.”

“And to think people used to live like that all the time,” Eve joked.

“Inconceivable!” Brunie added dramatically. They burst into laughter.

“We better go,” Eve urged. “If we leave Austin with Brian any longer he will never let us go.”

“Cry baby. He’ll see him in six weeks.”

“Yeah, but in the meantime he’s losing his pet today _and_ his grandparents in two weeks,” Eve reminded.

“Will you manage without Jordan?” Brunie teased.

“I’m sure you’ll find ways to distract me for the next six weeks,” Eve shrugged. “Christening every corner of our new house for example.”

“Yes, I like the sound of that. You know, just to pass the time. Until the whole gang will be back together. Minus the Colonels,” Brunie huffed. The whole situation was bittersweet.

“Speaking of the Colonels, I left Cecily a letter saying that we’re giving her that antique radio she’s always obsessing about.”

“Um, Eve, it’s already half way to North Carolina, why would you do that?”

“Because the first time we met she kept messing with me, and I told her I’ll get her back one day. I’m just delivering on a promise,” Eve’s face was so intense and serious that Brunie couldn’t help but cackle.

“The poor woman will burst in here all excited…” she noted, sympathetic.

“And will find that note on the table,” Eve pointed at a piece of paper. It said ‘gotcha.’

“Awww…that’s how she’ll know you truly love her.”

“Exactly.”

“So we definitely said goodbye to everyone?” Brunie asked, starting a mental checklist.

“Yes, Love, even Decker,” Eve smirked. “Don’t forget this,” she pointed.

Brunie turned around to see what Eve was referring to. She grinned. “Never. I just wanted it with us. Too precious to be packed and shipped.”

Eve beamed at her. “Okay, then I’m gonna head out to talk to Jordan and give you a minute. But whenever you’re ready for our _actual_ road-trip, I’ll be waiting.” Eve leaned in to give Brunie a tender kiss. “I love you,” she added once she broke away.

“I love you, too.” Brunie watched Eve walk out of their quarters for the last time. She took a deep breath and looked around. She tilted her head up, finding the sky through the hatch, thinking that she’ll never have to hide something like that, ever again. _This will always be available to us. We can lay down on a comfy sofa in the yard. We can fall asleep under the stars if that’s what we choose to do._

Her quarters were always her sanctuary, the place she escaped to. But she didn’t need to escape anymore. Sometimes, when she didn’t want to be found, she would run to the safety of her room. Now, without even asking for it, she was completely found, in more ways than one, and she never wanted to be lost again.

She watched the clouds pass by, closed her eyes and let the breeze blow on her face.

She smiled. She was ready.

She opened her eyes, grabbed her VCR, the last item still in the room, gave the place one last glance, and walked out forever.


	53. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final notes at the end. Enojy!

One of the reasons people often fight with those they love the most, is because those they love the most allow them to be exactly who they are, to the point that they know they can be themselves without risking losing their loved ones.

It took years, but little by little, Brunie stopped feeling so guilty about being with Eve. She was always happy to be with her, but she felt selfish for a very long time. Until one day, she didn’t anymore. It didn’t even take until she finally took over Command. It happened way before.

She owed it to Eve, too. The woman kept reminding her, patiently, that it was okay, until one day it actually was.

A year after Eve and Brunie moved to North Carolina, there was one more Uppergrond colony, and a third one on the way. This new one was to be in D.C. Central Command wanted to set an Upperground capital there, and while they were at it, increase the Unders’ presence back in “the real world.” They knew it would help them with the final push as The Resistance was closing in on Wyoming.

No one was better fitted to take over Command in the new capital than Corbin and Cecily. Brunie figured that one day one of them was bound to become President, or something along those lines. She visualized them co-Presidenting. Just like they co-did everything else. The thought amused her, and filled her with hope.

Even though the day was yet to arrive, and even though there was still much work to be done on the international front, no one could deny that the best was yet to come.

* * *

“Don’t forget it’s a Saturday night, B.” I helped her put the gear on. It’s our little routine and we both love it. I find these moments to be quite sexy, which is inconvenient, because they occur right before she heads out for hours, sometimes days.

“Yes, Dinner at Carm’s tomorrow. I know, I won’t forget,” Brunie rolled her eyes, semi-irritated. She saw my expression and knew I was mocking her. She didn’t need me to say it.

We aren’t perfect. We fight, and we have doubts, but we always manage to come back from these moments, together. That’s how I know that we’re gonna last.

“Is Jor gonna be there?” Brunie asked. Our best friend has been, admittedly, a bit preoccupied as of late. 

“I don’t know. He said he might hang out with…the girl,” I shook my head.

“We need to teach that boy that family always comes first,” Brunie noted. The truth is that we both miss him. “Maybe it’s time that he brings her to dinner,” she added.

“And subject her to Carmela’s interrogations? I doubt he’ll ever be okay with that,” I argued. We both started laughing, the scene unfolding in my head, probably in Brunie’s too.

“Hey, Babe, did you see the letter I left on the table? From your dad?” she asked, ever so softly. We managed to exchange a few letters and emails over the last year. He is still moving around. He can’t pretend to be a double agent anymore, but he is still a HUMINT officer, coming and going, in and out of Resistance territories, sending me postcards when he can. Slowly but surely, we are trying to rebuild our relationship, starting with written words.

“Um… yeah. He’s thinking about coming to visit,” I confessed. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the idea.

“Well, I think that’s great,” my favorite person smiled at me. She knows this isn’t easy for me, after years of hurt, but she really believes we have a chance. As someone who lost her parents, she doesn’t want me to spend my whole life estranged from my father. Not when she is so sure how hard dad is willing to work on us. I know that, I love her even more for feeling that way.

“You could do some actual stargazing together,” she mentioned softly. And I have to admit, that does sound appealing. If I try, and it doesn’t work out, and I fall, she’ll be there to pick me up. We make each other braver all the time.

“Ready, Boss?” Oz asked, peeking into our living room, where our antique radio is standing on a wooden table.

Oz is on a vacation. Which really means he is visiting us and using the opportunity to work by Brunie’s side again. Just for a few days.

“Let me show you how we do it Upperground style, Ozy,” Brunie winked.

“Snob,” Oz and I both commented quietly, but loud enough for her to hear.

“Whatever,” she brushed off, her smile smug. Oz nodded and disappeared to wait for her outside. “I gotta go, Babe,” she gave me a kiss. “Hey, when I get back, can we talk about getting another dog? Brian can really use a sibling, and it can be a small one this time. Can you imagine them snuggling in the dog house and running around the yard together?” She got lost in her little fantasy before I had the chance to say no. Not that I intend to.

“I think it is potentially a very good idea,” I smiled at her.

“But?” She said, eying me suspiciously.

“But…we’ll see.” I have the tendency to always give her what she wants. At least it’s a mutual habit, but we have to at least pretend to consider things when it comes to big decisions.

“You want it too and you know it,” she challenged.

“Maybe,” I shrugged uncommitingly.

She gave me her dazzling smile. She already knew she won.

“Two more years of this?” I asked, knowing that I’m responsible for changing the mood.

“Two more,” she promised. “If this war isn’t over even sooner.”

“Every war has its last casualty,” I reminded her. “Please don’t be that. Not when this dumb war is almost over.”

“Yes ma’am,” she agreed. She gave me a quick peck and turned to leave.

“Hey,” I grabbed her wrist, making her turn around. “Bye, just in case.”

“Bye, just in case,” she replied with a smile and headed out to do her job.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So at last, we part ways.
> 
> When I started this process back in April, which is now 7 months ago, it was after I haven't touched this manuscript in over 2 years.
> 
> This process, sharing it with you, coming back to it older and wiser, improved it a lot, I think. And I'm so grateful for those who joined. I know how hard it is to get invested in OCs on a fanfic site. Why would you bet on "fandomless characters" of a fanafic writer when you can choose from the numerous published authors out there. So if you followed along, I thank you kindly, and I hope this bought you some joy (and heartache.)
> 
> What's next?
> 
> Well, it's time to put this aside again for a few months and finish a feature comedy script I'm working on. I wrote so many notes while editing SUB, that I know that in a few months, when I come back to it, my brain will be well rested from it and ready to take another crack and to implement the new notes.
> 
> But until then, I truly want to finish my script before the end of the year so I can start reaching out and see if there's interest in making it happen for real. Anyone here is an investor? Hit me up ;)
> 
> Meanwhile, my first film, The Book of Ruth, is in the festival circuit, screening both in the US and abroad. It's starring Tony and Emmy award nominee, Tovah Feldshuh (The Walking Dead, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend), and I'm really proud of it. You can learn more about it at www.thebookofruthfilm.com.
> 
> I, myself, am at www.chendrachman.com and also @shokoshik on Tumblr/Instagram/Twitter.
> 
> Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate. Be well and safe and thank you for joining the journey of these two messy lovebirds.
> 
> X
> 
> Chen


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